Well it's been a few days, but there isn't anything going on there now. I think I texted her once more and it was just a short conversation. She's made no effort at all to text me, and I just get the feeling that it's gone cold. Yea, I fucked that one up, no doubt, but hopefully I can learn from it.

I guess I need to have another one of those brainstorming sessions, or the dry erase marker on the white board sessions and try to get to the bottom of why I react that way sometimes, and why I let my emotions get the better of me and say or do things to screw things up.

Anyways, I don't have much to report, as I've barely been at the school it seems. I'm sick again now with the flu. I normally rarely get sick, but this is the second time I've got it this winter. Next year I'll get the flu shot for sure, because this sucks.

And school is pretty much over unfortunately. I think next week is the last week, then there's the exam period.

But that's definitely another thing that I'd like to accomplish or get to the bottom of. Because there's been many times in my past where there will be a little bump in the road when dealing with a chick, and instead of playing it off calmly or smoothly, I sometimes will get emotional and speak my mind, and more often than not the end result of that is saying a bit too much and/or coming across like a dick.

Anyways, once I shake this flu hopefully I'll be back to more regular updates.

Well I have nothing to report other than to say that I'm finally feeling better and back on my feet again. Man, did that flu ever take a long time to get over.

It's not my fault of course getting sick, but even still I feel kind of bad that I've 'wasted' this past week or so and haven't really done anything at all. And this coming week is the last week of school. Like usual, I sit back here and ask myself 'where did all the time go?'. Like any year, it seems that it just started, and now here I am writing about how it's over already.

It looks like I'll be going there for the first summer semester, but there isn't nearly a fraction of the people there as there is during the regular year, but there is still enough so that I should be able to do several approaches. And now that I'm finally feeling better, I'm hoping to be able to get out to a few bars/clubs, and I may end up even going alone if I can't find a guy to go with me. My one older buddy that's still single will go out, but he has his son every other weekend so that'll leave me with some weekends heading out by myself. I've pretty much stopped anything to do with online dating in the last few weeks, as I've taken down my pics from my profiles so there isn't anything going on there.

And I just wanted to mention my fuck up with SA Girl recently, and comment on how poorly that I played that one. I really should have known better, and I've been in situations like that many times in the past where a girl will tell you that she just wants to start as friends, or that she'll come back to your place, but no sex, or some variation like that. What I should have done is just played it off like it's nothing, because 9 times out of 10 things will happen anyways. But instead, for whatever reason, I acted emotionally and got put off by hearing that and in the process basically fucked it up by saying too much or coming across like I had attitude. I'm really disappointed in myself for that, as I really should have known better. I don't know what I was thinking at the time. Oh well, nothing else I can say now except live and learn.

I'm just really looking forward to be feeling better again, getting back to the gym, and getting back out there at school or anywhere else and getting something on the go. I really need it now, because I feel like I've been cooped up, or locked away somehow for far too long here.

Well, I'll be back on campus for tomorrow for awhile, so hopefully I'll have something to talk about then.

Well a few days have passed, and I think it's time to update the journal, even though I don't really have a whole lot to update, at least as far as progress goes.

Even though I said I was feeling better last entry, even today I still don't feel like I'm 100%. I sort of got off track a bit, and I've had trouble getting a good night sleep for the past four days. It's rare that I ever get insomnia or have sleep issues, but this week has been bad.

Social momentum is real, at least it is for me. I feel like I've regressed to how I was a few years ago, because I did have a few opportunities to approach this week, but I was basically a shivering pussy. Part of it is the fact that I'm really run down and tired, and it shows. I kind of have those circles under my eyes, and that just makes me a bit self conscious and just not feeling all that shit hot. Being older, even though I try not to think about it but it's always on my mind, looking really beat and tired doesn't help me much when it comes to motivation to approach. So in a nutshell, I've been looking kind of beat, haven't approached in a few weeks and basically lost all social momentum.

Today was essentially the last day of school too.

Motivation

I was reading a post on this bodybuilding site I check out, and it was about this fat guy who is older and out of shape. He made a post saying he was 'afraid' that he was going to fail again, and not keep up with his training and commitment to lose weight and get into shape. Well the general consensus of the posts that followed were that you have to want it bad enough to do it. And nobody but yourself can really push you to do it, because you have to want it yourself. Sometimes, when it comes to pickup, I feel like that fat old guy in that post.

Sometimes I find myself lacking that motivation to get out there and push myself to improve. I come back to this forum, and often find myself looking for some motivational post, one-liner, or story or something to get me moving again. But like I've said before, I can't be too hard on myself, because I have gotten better and improved, but I guess I get impatient sometimes and think that I should have more on the go than I do (which I should).

When I look back over the year at school, I did make dozens of approaches, and had lots of conversations with different chicks. But the part that sort of disturbs me is that I failed to bang any of them, even though I came away with a handful or two of numbers over the year. I did fuck up a few times, most notably and recently with SA girl, but even still, I guess I'm just not used to the low percentage of cold approaching. My only successes have come from online dating, and they've been my 'specialty', one night lays. I've had lots of really good conversations at school, but most of the ones that stand out to me, the girls ended up having a boyfriend already. I guess, like I've said before, I just need to approach more. If I 'only' approach a couple of girls a week, then I guess it's not hard to imagine that a few months can go by and not really get any lays. And considering the whole school year is really only 6 months or so, it's easy for a year there to pass me by.

But the other side of that argument is that it is a school, and I don't want to get a bad reputation of being 'that older guy' that mass approaches. I guess, like anything in life, the key is to find that balance. I certainly could approach more and be a bit more aggressive with my approaching and still not come close to being a creeper or whatever.

But I'm going to make an effort to approach more outside of school in my day to day activities etc. I'll still be going to the school for at least the first summer semester, and I'm going to try to hit more bars/cubs on the weekends. One of my older buddies will be pretty much a given to go out with at least once every other weekend, and I still have that young guy I talk to that I kind of have to convince to come out to a club. He's the guy that's into the shopping mall day game, and doesn't really like clubs too much.

Update on a girl from my class that I mentioned a month or two ago

Awhile ago I mentioned that I have this very cute Indian girl that's in my class, and we sit with each other and I see her around 3 times a week. Well she has a boyfriend, but she seems definitely into me. I know there is lots of sexual tension between us, and I know she likes me and there's mutual attraction going on, but the question is whether there is anything beyond that or if she's willing to take it further.

She seems definitely on the conservative side, and is quite young (just turned 19).

She's usually very shy and sometimes seems even slightly nervous around me, even though we talk a lot. What was surprising today was that even though she's shy around me, as we were leaving each other to go our own way after class, because it was the last day of school, she wanted a hug and leaned in and initiated it. She pressed her chest into me, and we held it for that extra moment or so. That sort of surprised me considering how conservative and shy she seems around me.

So I'm not sure what, if anything, I should do. If I had to put money on it, my guess is that she wouldn't cheat on her boyfriend, and she just likes me and has a bit of a 'crush' or whatever on me because I'm an older guy that she finds attractive. But, it would be a real shame to walk away from that for the summer without finding out for sure.

I have her number, but outside of class we don't really text much except the odd time to say that we're going to miss class, or something related to class. I'll likely only see her one more time, and that's next week at the exam.

What I was considering doing, may seem like sort of a 'pussy' move. I was considering sending her a text after the exam and asking her if she wanted to go out to a movie, or something like that. I was going to just put it out there as an idea, and tell her she can get back to me if she wants to go the following Friday or something. I just thought it was the easy way to do it, and wouldn't put her on the spot or make for awkwardness if/when I see her again. I don't know whether asking her in person would make much of a difference or not, because I can look at it like if she wants to go out with me or take things further, then she'll agree whether I ask her in person or ask her over text. It shouldn't matter much one way or the other. Asking over text like I mentioned just might be an easier way to do it, just to find out. Because like I said, it would be a shame to walk away without giving it a shot.

Anyways, these next two weeks will likely be fairly busy for me, as I have a couple of exams to study for and write. So I'm not too sure how regular of updates I'll be doing, as I likely won't have too much in the way of progress to report on.

I haven't approached for a while too despite the fact that I've noticed that my vibe has got better i.e. girls have looked at me more and flirted indirectly now and then. Despite the fact I've been better at approaching and negging. Despite the fact that I have the numbers of some of my (well, ok, used-to-be) targets. I just simply lack the motivation and wanna sort my inner game first. I'm not sure how you do it, but for me it's Daniel Goleman's "Social Intelligence" and doing sport, since I found myself having not trained for about 5 months and it has taken a toll on my mood, which dripped down further to my vibe (and admittedly, my sexual appetite). Until I get it back, I just see no reason to approach as it will get time wasting and exhausting since I know I'll get nothing out of it.

_________________
Stop masturbating and watching porn for the sake of your game.

I find myself in these type of situations as well. Lacking motivation and not seeing direct results. I believe it might have something to do with self-confidence. It will improve in time, the more you invest in yourself.
I'm in a similar situation. If this makes you feel like a pattern, observe your field reports. See why you did not create enough sexual tension and why you weren't forward enough (f.e. maybe you did not kino or make eye contact, maybe you waited too long on one topic and did not move the conversation to the direction you wanted it to go etc; these are just some things i've noticed in my own sarging). Point being, look what you might have missed and try to fix it. That's what writing field reports is all about.
Finally: Don't wait for the other guys. You go out for yourself. If you wait for the appropriate or perfect time you'll miss a hell of a lot other times you could've gone out yourself and improved. Secondly, I always want to ask people out in person or at least calling. Text later to just confirm or "I'll see you there" or something. Otherwise you'll end up waiting for the return text and sweating. Ask in a conversation, that way it is a straight answer. Better yet, say you are going to do something and she should join you. Don't leave room for rejection.

Hope i helped.

Well I'm not sure what to say other than you just have to keep at it and get back out there. For me anyways, it's just that I was sick with the flu, then after that I've had several days of minimal sleep, so that pretty much took me out of approaching for a few weeks and I lost social momentum as a result.

And the best thing that you'll do for 'inner game' is just keep up with the self improvement. Different people will have different areas that they need to work on of course, but that's really it, you just have to keep improving yourself and try your best to keep a positive attitude. If you don't have anything on the go now, then you'll have to approach and keep a positive and optimistic frame of mind that you'll meet a chick that you'll click with and it will work out. I think the longer that you keep yourself shut off and don't try, the harder it will be to get back into it. So for me anyways, I'm going to keep at it and get back out there asap and keep trying. I think that's good advice for anyone really.

Yea I agree, keeping up with self improvement is a great way to gain confidence. I've said before in this journal that I sometimes lack social confidence, but I'm a pretty confident guy in most other areas of my life. For me it's always been just getting over the initial approach, then after that I'm fine. But I was on a pretty good roll until I got sick. I just broke a bit of a dry spell in getting laid, and I got a few phone numbers at school and one looked promising until I fucked it up! Then a few days after that I got sick and that lasted for a good week and a half, so that really killed the momentum that I had.

And I've made a few recent mistakes with a few chicks, the most recent one was just giving a bit of attitude when I should have just played it off as nothing. That's one area that I've screwed up on in the past, so that's something I need to be mindful of going forward. I've also lost a few girls by wasting too much time and not making the effort to take time out to see them, and as a result they've gone cold.

And your last point I definitely agree with: I should just get out to a bar/club by myself if I can't find anyone to go out with me. My main problem is that most of my friends that I know are my age and most are all married or have girlfriends. Plus, I usually like to be involved with a younger crowd and the few guys I know that are single, not all of my them would be comfortable or even fit into that scene. And I'm not into going to a 'cougar bar' to pick up chicks that are in their 30s or 40s. With me it's different because I look so young and I'm used to being around the college/university age crowds, so for me it's no big deal and it seems normal. But I guess for me, the 19-29 crowd is what I usually like at bars.

But anyways, thanks for the input and following along.

Friday night

Well Friday I had a last minute date set up with this older Asian chick from online.

I just started talking to her, and we exchanged numbers and started texting a bit. So it was a last minute plan, but we decided to meet up at this restaurant/bar place that was in between where we both lived.

So I met her there and we got a booth and sat there and talked for probably close to 2 hours or a bit less. We got along fine and I could tell that she was definitely into me.

We decided to take off, and I ended up walking her to her car because she parked almost a block away in this underground parking garage. I was parked just behind the bar close by. We couldn't find her car at first, but once we found it she said she'd drive me back to my car.

We got back to my car, and it was time for me to get out. We said it was nice meeting etc and that we had a good time. I said give me a hug, so as I was in the front seat of her car we both leaned over and hugged. I moved back slowly with my arms still around her, and paused, looked in her eyes, and knew she was up for the kiss. So I went in and we started making out. I started caressing her side a bit, and was rubbing her leg just above the knee a little bit. I moved to her cheek, started kissing by her ear and her neck. She was really getting into it, and started to breathe heavier and kind of loudly as I moved my hand up her leg towards her crotch, but didn't actually rub her pussy. It was kind of awkward because I was in her front seat and we were both leaning over so after we did that for a minute or two, we said good night and that was about it.

I'm really busy now, and unfortunately I had to cancel plans to see her this Thursday because I'm just too busy with studying as this is exam week coming up. So it looks like I likely won't see her again until at least another week and a half. So, we'll see what happens with this one.

Hey man, it's been a while since you posted and I'm just curious as to what's been happening lately. I've read most of your thread and I'm in very much a similar position and can relate a lot.

Most of my game revolves around University. I don't drink because of a few years of problems with drinking and drugs. However I actually prefer day game, in a sense the challenge is more intense. There's nothing to numb any anxiety, thus I believe the growth that takes place is better and more significant than bar/club/night game.

I also work out and am considered to be above average looking and also fairly well built (went from 150lbs to 200lbs, though I do need to cut some of this extra bodyfat).

Most of your encounters with girls at Uni is what I'm experiencing at the moment. I haven't, however, visited the library recently and plan on making a stop there everyday. So far it's been easier for me to talk to girls which are in my classes, I still struggle to approach and open.

In any case looking forward to an update!

^ Hey thanks for the comments and following along.

Well it's been quite awhile since I've posted. In all likelihood I'll be back in early September to start another journal and get back into it. This journal is pretty long now, and I think that a fresh start with a new outlook is in order.

Thanks to everyone who followed along, and I must give special thanks to Daniel Balboa for all the advice as well as motivation to keep improving. See you guys in September!

My pleasure.

Get back at it!

New year at school - A fresh start


Well it’s time for an update, it’s been awhile.

I’ve kept a personal journal for quite a few years now, and I have the details of the past two weeks written in there.

I’ll do a quick rundown of what I’ve been up to for the last couple of weeks. I’ve completed two weeks of school so far, but the first week I was only there a couple of days.

Last week, before I walked into the school for a new year, I hadn’t done an approach in months. I figured I would have regressed to how I was a few years ago and that it would take me awhile to get back up to speed with regular approaching. I was wrong.

I really surprised myself, because I got right back to it like I didn’t miss a beat. For those of you who have read my journal up until now know that I’m definitely no approach machine. In fact, I’m probably the opposite of that. But I’ve talked to quite a few girls in the past two weeks, and have got a handful of numbers already. So far, I’m off to the strongest start yet since I’ve been into ‘game’ at school.

Many of the approaches that I’ve done have been simply asking where a particular building is. I find that incredibly easy to do, and I can transition into regular conversation very easily when I open that way. In some ways, I feel like I’m ‘cheating’ myself by opening that way. If I can think of a situational opener then I’ll definitely use that first, but if not, I’ll just do the directions thing. I figure that if it gets me talking and into conversations, then it can’t be all bad, although in the back of my mind I sometimes feel I’m ‘cheating’ myself of growth and/or personal development by doing it that way. But like I said, opening by asking for directions is better than not opening at all, and for whatever reason so far this year I’ve been nearly fearless in opening that way.

However, at this particular moment, I do feel quite discouraged because so far nothing has really worked out yet despite some promising leads.

I’ll do a quick point form-type rundown to save time and space. I’ll just mention the ones that stand out or ones that the conversations actually went somewhere beyond a sentence or two.

First day

I probably made 5 or 6 approaches, mostly directions, and I had one good conversation where the chick seemed into me, but her friend showed up and I just let things fizzle out and they ended up leaving.

Second day

I did another 5 or 6 approaches as well as talked to a few girls that were near me in class. Nothing really came of any of them, and I didn’t try for any numbers. Again, for me, that is a lot of approaches for one day. In my personal journal, I was commenting how I felt I had some renewed energy and that I just felt different than I have there before. I was finding that just saying fuck it and asking for directions made life so much easier rather than stressing out trying to think of something situational. I never go direct. In the past I’ve let so many opportunities pass because I couldn’t think of anything quick enough and I’d just pussy out and keep on walking. Like I said before, I’m certainly not saying asking for directions is the thing to do, but for me it seems to work and gets me into conversations.

Next day

Not much to report. I spoke briefly to one chick in the bookstore. It didn’t go beyond a comment or two.

Week 2 – Monday

Didn’t do any approaches, but I talked to this really cute young-looking Asian girl that was in one of my classes last year. I’d never spoke to her before, and she sat beside me today so we talked a bit. She’s very shy and soft-spoken.

Tuesday

Good day. I got 2 phone numbers and gave my number to a third girl.

First girl was a little reluctant to agree to meet up and exchange numbers despite us having a good conversation. But I gave her my number and I guess she changed her mind, because she texted me right away so I had hers.

Next one was a really young and cute red haired girl. We had a good conversation, but when it came time to mention exchanging numbers and meeting up sometime later she seemed to get sort of nervous and just said she’ll take mine then took off. I chalked that one up to a flake right away.

The last one was this cute blonde girl that was sitting on a bench. She’s going to go to law school. This one seemed the most promising as we had a good conversation for about 20 minutes. She gladly gave me her number and seemed interested to hang out again.

Wednesday

I saw a girl I approached not last year, but the year before. It was one of my first few approaches when I first discovered this site and got into ‘game’. She had a boyfriend at the time and we lost touch. So I saw her again just in passing in one of the buildings. I texted her after I passed her and she seemed happy to hear from me. We made plans to meet for Friday.

I did two or three more direction openers that didn’t really go anywhere.

And surprisingly, the cute blonde that I got the number from yesterday flaked on me after just one or two texts.

Thursday

I got the phone number from the cute young-looking Asian girl that I mentioned from a couple of days ago that sat beside me in class.

The girl from Tuesday that was sort of reluctant also flaked after a few texts.

Friday

I met up with the girl I mentioned on Wednesday that I initially got the number from not last year but the year before. We just went to Starbucks and walked around a bit then sat down. Long story short on that one is that she’s another Asian girl that has a fairly thick accent, so communication is a little difficult. She’s single now but says she wants to concentrate on her studies now. She also said she thinks she may have an eating disorder. So she’s kind of messed up, but she said she has a single friend that she can introduce me to.

I spoke briefly to this other chick using a situational opener about how many heavy textbooks she was carrying. It didn’t really go anywhere, as she wasn’t that great looking so I just left it.

I did a directions opener on this pretty hot blonde and we talked for about 10 minutes or so. She was quite friendly but I didn’t really get any strong vibe from her, and as she packed up her stuff to go to class she didn’t linger at all so I just said see you later.

At the end of the day I spoke very briefly to a chick by saying I’m going to share this bench with her as I sat down. She was friendly, but I was kind of mentally exhausted and beat by that point in the day, so I didn’t try to take it further.

General Thoughts

Two or three days ago after I got the two numbers and thought things were looking up I was practically walking around there swinging my dick in my hand. I was full of confidence and had a very positive outlook. I thought I had shit on the go and things were looking really good.

Well after a couple of flakes and the Asian girl told me she’s concentrating on her studies, it took the wind out my sails big time.

As I sit here on a rainy Saturday morning, I feel extremely discouraged.

I’m trying to think of what’s going on, and I have many different things that could be in play here. Here are a few of the issues:

• - It’s just the nature of cold approaching. I may need to get 10 to 15 or more numbers before I get something solid. Is that what the odds are like? I really don’t know.
  
  - A few of the girls that I got the numbers from could be seen as a bit below my standards. Am I coming across like some older player dude that’s just going to bang them? I’m not trying to sound arrogant, but maybe a few of them think I’m a bit too good looking for them and I’m just trying for an easy score?
  
  - Am I not giving myself enough credit and need to approach hotter girls? Truth is that each of the girls I’ve got numbers from this year haven’t been what most guys would call HB8+, save for the two Asian girls I mentioned. Although law school blonde was thin and hot, despite a little facial acne.
  
  - Is it just the reality that I’m playing a tough game there at school? I mean, after all, I’m an older guy, and even if I look in my mid to late 20’s that’s still quite old for many of the chicks that I’m talking to. Is this just the reality that I have to face trying to score university-aged chicks?
  
  - Am I coming across as just some friendly dude that’s chatting them up and perhaps not presenting myself as a sexual option?
  
  - Am I just being a whiny bitch and need to suck it up and keep approaching?
  
  - Again, is this just how it is with cold approaches? I mean, I’ve ‘only’ got four or five numbers already, is it too much to expect one of these to pan out already?
  
  - Do I just need to approach more and be a ‘number farmer’?
  
  - Should I just say fuck it and toss in the towel? lol

Anyways, hopefully Daniel Balboa will swing by sometime soon, as I could use a little motivation and always enjoy seeing what he has to say. Since I’ve decided to make this post, I think it’s very likely that I’ll keep up with this journal again and start back making regular updates.

I don't have anything to report other than to say scratch a lot of what I said in my 'general thoughts' part of my last post. It's not that I didn't mean what I said or didn't feel that way at the time, it's that I've had a chance to think about things and my outlook has become a little clearer.

I just got finished watching a few videos from this guy called Steve Jabba, and I linked to his site from this other guy called Krauser. If anyone is interested, their blogs/sites can be easily googled.

The main things that I took away from the videos and am going to try to focus on are:

I have to learn not to fear rejection, it's not the end of the world. Everyone gets rejected, it's just part of cold approaching. Even Hollywood movie stars would get rejected cold approaching. No one man will ever be every woman's type. Some chicks will be already taken, just not interested etc, and there is nothing you'll do about that.

I'm going to try to show a bit more intent and be a little more direct and ballsy, rather than playing it safe and only having these warm and fuzzy conversations about mostly neutral subjects. He was also talking about being genuine and real in the video, and stressed that you just have to be yourself. Admittedly these are not earth-shattering revelations or anything, but it just put things in perspective for me and made me rethink some of the things I previously said.

Being away from approaching for months, I think it was really important for me to get back in the habit of approaching and talking to girls, and I've done well so far in that regard even if a good percentage of my approaches in the past two weeks started off asking for directions.

Watching a few infield videos etc made me realize that I have a long way to go still. I still need to work on a lot of 'inner game' type of things, and I still have some issues that I need to sort out. I've come a long way from how I was just a year or two ago, but I still have a lot of work to do.

I want to see progress in this journal. If I find that this journal looks the same as it did last year then I won't even continue, because I'm not doing this to stagnate at the same level. Progress is key. For me that means that I don't want to write really long drawn out frustrated posts that I've previously referred to as 'meltdowns', as much as I get a chuckle out of going back and reading a few of them. I know what I need to do, it's just a question of dedicating myself, having a bit more balls, and losing the fear and anxiety. Easier said than done perhaps, but others have done it, and so can I.

Anyways, that's all I'll say for now, and I look forward to posting some updates that will demonstrate some progress.

I have nothing much to report as far as my own approaches go, but I’ll share the events of the day anyways. My mood took a turn south pretty much as soon as I got to school. One guy I knew from last year was on the bus, so I talked to him for a few minutes as soon as we got off the bus. The last time this guy saw me was last year when I was weighing my most, and I was at the gym regularly going strong for close to a year.

Well, my summer consisted of some recreational drug use, and basically just slacking in general. I averaged going to the gym once every three weeks, and as much as I hate to admit it, the lack of training shows in my physique. He commented saying something like it looks like I’ve slimmed down a bit or something, and that was the beginning of the end for me. Each time I went to the washroom today and looked in the mirror, it looked like I dropped another five pounds. So yeah, by the end of the day my confidence and self-image was shot to shit.

I’ve kicked all that shit to the curb hopefully for good this time, and I’ve been back at the gym consistently for two weeks now, so all is good. But it’s going to take a bit of time to get back to where I was. Maybe the dude was fishing for compliments for himself, because he’s bulked up a bit since last time I saw him and I told him that. But I was pretty jacked last time he saw me, even though my body fat was higher than it’s ever been. I’ve always been a fairly lean guy, and being that way for most of your life, the last thing you want to hear is someone say you look like you’ve slimmed down. I still have what most would call a good physique now, but it’s just that I know where I was before, and I know I’m definitely down probably 12 – 15 pounds.

But that also just shows that I still have a kind of weak inner game, because if it wasn’t, then a comment like that would just be water off a ducks back, but I let it eat at me as the day went on.

I witnessed another day game approach right in front of me

This happened at the end of the day, and it was the icing on the cake for me to cap off a shitty day. It just sort of rubbed shit in my face because I basically did nothing at all to note today other than a situational comment to a couple of chicks.

I saw a guy pull off an approach and a got a chicks number using almost exactly the type of approach that I’ve been thinking of doing. He started off asking where X library was, and she told him. And then he immediately said something like, I’ll be honest, I know where it is, I just wanted to meet you and say hi because you’re cute. He got her number after barely a minute and was on his way. Who knows if it’s a solid number, but she did seem interested, even though I couldn’t hear every word they said. But what do I know, he’ll probably call her up and fuck her tonight. But hey, he had the balls to do it, and more power to him.

Anyways, my mood and mental state was shot by that point in the day, and all I could do was watch, listen, and chuckle to myself. But I’m going to try to turn this into a positive, because I witnessed a guy successfully pull off what I’ve been thinking of doing, so I know it can be done. So when I get my head on straight and get back to the school with a better frame of mind then hopefully I’ll have a similar story to tell, only it’ll be me doing the approach instead of being a spectator like I was today.

Update:

Sorry for the novel for anyone who actually reads this shit, I just started writing and a lot of thoughts came out.

Well it's been two weeks since I've updated this journal.

It goes beyond the scope of this journal to get into details, but about two weeks ago I experienced a financial/business crisis of sorts, and it sent me for a bit of a loop. It took a lot of my time and mental energy to get things on track again.

I mentioned a few posts back that the two chicks I got numbers from flaked, but I ended up talking to both of them again after another text or two. The one chick I called Law school blonde or whatever didn't reply to a couple of texts. About two or three days later she came up to me while I was outside and apologized for not getting back to me, saying something about her phone fucking up or something like that. She was really apologetic and said sorry a few times. I took that as a good sign. We texted maybe once after that until she ignored my texts again! I'm thinking, what the fuck is going on here?

But when I think back, when she came up to me she seemed interested, but what did I do? I basically fluff talked about boring shit like what I did in my lab, and other meaningless bullshit that she probably didn't give a fuck about. I'll talk more about this later in the post.

The other chick I mentioned I just basically stopped bothering with as she showed little interest beyond a bit of useless back and forth texts. She didn't reply to one of my latest texts so I just stopped bothering with her.

A chick picked me up while I was outside

Last week I got picked up by this hot Serbian chick! Yeah, I was super pumped about that, but like many others, there is no happy ending. Long story short I was sitting outside and saw her and a friend pass, and we smiled at each other. Then her and her friend approached me asking for a light. Her friend left and I talked to her for about 15 minutes until I had to go. I asked her if she was single, and she asked me the same question back. I got her number and sent her a text later that night just saying nice talking to you today. No reply.

That really fucked with my confidence because I think I know what the problem was with that one. She was young and only initially saw me from a distance, and I think that once she got talking to me realized I was older. There's a few reasons why I think that, but it's not worth going into all the details. So yeah, that really let me down and fucked me up a bit for the rest of the week.

I've been really raking myself over the coals trying to figure out what I may be doing wrong here, other than being twice many of these chicks ages. If you've read my journal up until now, I've mentioned a few times how most of my successes have come from one night stands and situations where I'm already out on dates. I've had little to no success at school, and even though I've had many promising prospects, I seem to fuck most of them up, or I'm doing something wrong or not handling them well.

Here is a list of a few things that I think might be an issue:

I don't get to the point at school. I don't show any intent, and most of my conversations are these happy, bubbly, fluff talk type conversations about mostly neutral subjects.

I'm 'afraid' of silence. I think I also fear the silence so instead of there being any type of sexual tension, I immediately will start talking about some random bullshit subject just to keep the flow going. I guess I feel silence is awkward, and I think to myself that I don't want her to feel awkward talking to me, so I better just ramble about some useless bullshit to fill the void.

I need to find out if they're single much quicker, and let them know that I'm interested. Just watching some infield videos from that Steve Jabba guy highlight to me one of the main differences between how I do it and how he does it. He's much more up front and direct about his intentions, where I sit back and fluff talk for a half an hour.

I have a few chicks in my class now that could be options. I need to find out much sooner if they have boyfriends and either move it forward, or move on. It's ridiculous to be sitting there for weeks on end not knowing if something is going on. Sometimes I only see a chick once a week in class, so if I fuck around it's easy for a month to go by and I don't even know if this chick is single. And she's probably thinking that if this guy was interested, then why hasn't he talked about anything other than basic school shit.

It's like I'm a different person when I'm on an actual 'date', compared to how I am with a chick I'm just talking to at school. By that I mean that I escalate on a date, and I'm not afraid to push things and go for what I want. And at school when I have a conversation with a chick, it's like I'm some scared little virgin school boy who won't act on his desires. I'm not that bad, and perhaps I'm being a bit hard on myself, but I have to be to get to the bottom of what's going on. I'm an older guy, but I'm a good looking guy that's in good shape and wears nice clothes, so there's no reason at all why I can't clean up there. So that tells me that I'm fundamentally making some mistakes and really doing something wrong.

What's frustrating to me is that I don't really know exactly what the problem is. I've identified a few things in this post already, and if I can correct those things then it probably would be a good start, but I guess unless I actually recorded audio and or video then there's probably not much someone could say other than to guess what I'm doing.

Because I have to be fucking up somewhere, because there's no excuse why I haven't been getting more results, as I've had numerous conversations with chicks, and I seem to get quite a lot of initial interest, but it often seems to fade or just doesn't materialize into anything.

I really think that in the future I should just cut all the bullshit and get to the point. I should somewhat do like I see with the Steve Jabba videos. Just don't fuck around and have a half an hour conversation with a chick if I'm not even sure if she's into me. I need to be more direct, more confident, more sexual, more honest, and just not be afraid or shy away from the real reason why I'm talking to a chick. I'm always too careful, or too 'scared' of fucking up a nice friendly conversation by saying or doing anything 'risky', and that's most likely where my problem lies. Some chicks probably just give up on me or figure I'm not interested perhaps, because I don't do or say anything that would make them think I'm interested.

I don't know, maybe I have the answer right there. Be more direct, be more ballsy, and don't hide what my intentions are. If I get rejected or she's not interested, then fuck it, that's life. Anyways, it's been a really tough couple of weeks for me, and I've been really thrown for a loop or two so it's got me all messed up.

As much as it's tough for me to admit, it does boil down to confidence and 'inner game'. I can see how I could confuse some chicks too maybe. I'm totally confident having fluff conversations, and I'm not nervous really at all and can keep a good conversation going. But if I were to change gears and be direct and say something like, 'listen, I think your'e really cute and I think we should go out', then that would be tough and my heart would be in my throat. It's all about protecting my ego and not putting myself out there. When I have a normal conversation, then my ego isn't on the line, because I'm just being friendly, so to me it's no problem. But when I have to be a bit more 'risky', then that's when I clam up and get nervous. Man, things are starting to make sense to me now. But how do I fix this? I guess it's just a matter of doing it and biting the bullet. Once I do it a few times then I'll have some experience to draw from the next time and each other time going forward.

I'm going to try to regroup, and really make an effort to change the way that I handle the interactions that I'm having. I'm a great conversationalist, but I guess I'm just good at friendly fluff talk, but just lack the confidence to put my ego on the line by making my intentions clearer. I really think that's probably my biggest problem. When I'm on a date from POF or whatever, I can act different because I assume attraction and I don't have to worry about that same type of rejection, so that's why I find it so much easier to escalate and just go for what I want without even a fraction of the fear that I feel when I'm at school meeting someone for the first time and I don't know what they think of me yet. I guess I just need to grab my balls and be a fucking man.