I've been seeing a girl for about a month, haven't had sex but done other things. She seems into me but one thing that's annoying me is it seems like I put in most of the effort. She's really shit at texting/messaging back but seems to be with everyone; she does reply with questions etc just a while later (usually after apologising for the delay). If I want to see her I now just call her as its easier and I know she'll pick up and we'll sort something out.

What id like though is for her to initiate it occasionally! am I over thinking things and should take it as a good sign that whenever I want to see her (although I initiate it) I get to? Or should I not respond next time and wait for her to get in touch again? (Or is that petty when I know she's interested!?)

I over think things a lot...
Thanks y'all

you are probably investing way more than she is in this afc123,

i have a few questions though, how many times has she iniciated the conversation?

and also how long has the longest time with no contact between you two been?

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I think I definitely am. My problem is if my friends text me, I text back straight away so it goes against what I want to do to just leave it; especially cos unlike with my friends I have the added urge that I want to fuck her too!

I'd say she's only initiated it a couple of times, truthfully its probably around 80% me initiating. and I reckon max 4 days without conversation. been seeing her around a month, bit longer but we only really "see" each other once a week - bar, her place etc.

(where we're up to now is she's just replied to a message saying some stuff and asking me a few questions. im returning to uni tomo and she is too over next few days)

so girls in my experience give very little value to this kinds of relationships you are in right now. you need to get her to invest in you somehow. the good news are this is not over at all bro, you can definitely make this work.

on the tecnical side:

1- understand that people sometimes give 0 value to texting, she just seems to not care a lot about texting, thats fine, dont let it hunt you, or you'll get uncalibrated. give it as much importance as she does or less
2- always wait at least 1 to 2 minutes of something before replying, you need to show you have a life and are not always hanging right next to your phone waiting for her text. with friends do what you want but with your targets dont give it up so easily bro, your time and attention are valuable, let her know that (by implying it. be sutil with this or its going to come off as assholeish)
3- traing your patience. this is inner game stuff. i suffer from lack of patience since always and used to have the same problem! what i find useful is to have a FUCK IT mentality http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DVdKQ0I35qo haha its a pretty funny "spiritual way" but its really useful to reframe. breath deep and say fuck it, and carry on with your day. also read the power of now, or get the audio i have it so if you cant find it on the internet pm me. i find it useful to listen to it when i loose my cool to this things, even the way he talks calms me a bit.


if she has initiated it youre fine. i find it normal for girls to let you take the lead, 80% can be considered normal if everything else is in please. its a sign of warning though but its only as big as you make it out to be. its also normal for girls to message you only with a question or something, they use it as excuses to talk to you often (and if its not that way, let it be that way in your mind anyway it helps a lot)

hope it helps

Owen

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thanks for the advice, definitely need to somehow get her to invest more. I guess having sex with her will make her do so and feel like that it is possible so I suppose just not fucking up until that happens is key! I actually have the Power of Now but haven't finished it, will make sure I do.

I'm thinking about waiting a bit more and then in my reply keeping it brief, answering a few of her questions but saying something like "give me a call when you're back in leeds and we'll sort something out." So its me ending the convo.
I want to find the right balance between being confident that she'll call and so happy to say tell her to, but not coming across like I'll be waiting for the call/desperate. Not sure my wording is quite right.

Couple interesting things here. First, best way to get a girl to be interested is to be interesting.

Second, timing doesn't really matter. The point is to have a life that is interesting enough that when you answer a girl doesn't concern you. As an example. A girl wanted to go out with me on Saturday, we made plans, but then her mother popped up a day earlier than expected so she had to cancel the last minute. No big deal.

I spent the whole day Sunday with another girl, so I didn't even think about texting this one to reschedule. She texted me Monday morning: Hy, what's up for this evening ,)

Well, I answered immediately. I was happy to meet up with her. Working out when and where took about an hour because I suppose we both had shit to do. I'm not going to wait a few hours or a couple days. Why would I?

Third. Being fun and interesting. I'm always having fun, so every conversation is an opportunity to be stupid. Here is the translated conversation I had with that girl to reschedule (the original is in French).

Here: Hey, what's up for this evening ,)
Me: Yeah, that's a good question. I think something fun.
Her: You're thinking of what?
Me: Maybe something together.
Her: What sort of something?
Me: There's a little place downtown where I saw that you could play chess and get something to drink.
Her: Ok, it Will be cool.

Just have fun in every conversation. If you call her talk, ask some funny questions, then make fun of her answers. Be evasive by answering things in a funny/stupid way.

Another example, was having pita with a girl (a very hot thing) the other night and she spilled her food into her wine glass. I busted up and complemented her on how graceful she was, then I said, "I love sangria." and went after the tomato in her wine glass with my fingers.

Try to make every interaction fun and memorable. If you do that everything will follow naturally.

To me, this doesn't sound like too much of an 'interest/attraction' problem. It just sounds like she's a bad texter. If you ring her and she doesn't flake from the phone call then it just seems like she isn't very good at texting back. I'm sure we've all got friends who are shit at texting back for whatever reason, it's just that some people are. I don't know why - I text back immediately like you, and it pisses me off when people don't, but that's just how some people are.

I do think perhaps you're starting to feel more than she is? If you're trying to speak to her often and get annoyed when she isn't talking to you as much as you'd like then seems you're wanting more than she is.

However, if it is simply that you're getting annoyed with her not texting back very quickly, then ring her or just freeze her out for a bit.

Do you think 7000? I am curious about your experience, but for me I've never met a girl who doesn't make a big effort to text or call or whatever when she is interested. After getting to know them I realize they are bad texters or whatever, but I wouldn't have known it in the attraction phase.

The thing is, she's not texting back particularly quickly BUT you say she does always text back eventually and that if you ring her you get to see her every time you want to see her. Normally, if a girl is stringing you along, she will text back slowly but she'll ignore your phone calls or flake on the meet ups as well. You say you've not had sex but have done other stuff (I don't know if that means sexual other stuff or just dates) but as long as there was some clear element of sexual intent during that 'other stuff' and she keeps coming back for it, then it's clearly not that she isn't interested or she would be flaking far more often.

So, to me, it seems like one of two things is happening. Either she's just a bad texter, or she is playing some very mild game wherein she likes to keep you waiting for text responses. But it doesn't seem to be a full on playing you around game, otherwise there would be more flaking and less answering your phone calls.

Now I think either way, you're going to want to pull back slightly. Perhaps not a full freeze out, because she is still meeting up with you so a full freeze out is a bit counter-intuative in that you go from being able to meet up with her whenever you want to not speaking to her and not organising any meet ups (so you're losing out!). But just fight the urge to text as often, delay your responses to her texts and delay your phone calls. Do this just enough to make her worry that you're starting to lose interest but that you're not just blanking her out. Should be enough imo.

And ultimately, if you're still meeting up with her regularly, then don't sweat it too much - just keep doing that and try to get to the hook up point soon or she may well start to go down the friend zone route.

Thanks for all the responses guys.

I basically replied to her message telling her to call me when she comes back up to university (we're on easter break). I feel that a full freeze-out would be a bit strange so I was thinking that whenever she calls, whatever she suggests doing just saying I'm not free that day/night.

The intention being to have her then suggest alternative days to see me so it makes her feel like she's the one wanting me as she's putting in the effort. This along the right idea? Hopefully she'll then suggest an alternative that isn't too far away so we can hook up again!

I think that possibly the reason she isn't as invested in me is that we only have around 3 months left of university and we're both in our final year so she's probably not wanting anything much so isn't tooo bothered. Although that could be a limiting belief as I don't give a fuck and am happy to fool around for a couple months!

(In terms of not having had sex but done other stuff I meant sexual stuff ✓)

Yeah, it's a good approach.

Your belief is a limiting one. If a girl wants you, she'll do almost anything to keep it working. If you're the "man of her dreams" the end of university is nothing.