Thanks kepelrs.

It's a difficult choice. It is further complicated by my cultural background not being caucasion and living in the west, so difficult to find good women for LTR without any issues. Easy to find women who just want to fuck!

I'm working on myself to be a better person but i like to be natural and not fake shit, work on my inner game. I think the main issue in my relationship was that when i found out about her ex and all the lies she was telling me i should have got rid of her straight away. But i didn't, just to test myself to see if it would make me a better person. But this might have sent the message she could getaway with shit and i'm just a nice guy who will tolerate anything.

Thats when the PUA stuff was exercised and it has worked so far. It's not sustainable to play these games in a LTR but thats when leadership, initiative and being a challenge comes into play.

I'm 50/50 on what i will do from here on in. I should be more decisive but these decisions change your life so i'm giving myself some time.

Fact #1. If you were happy in the first place and not stressed, you wouldn't have come into this forum asking for advice. As it is, your relationship situation is affecting you a lot and most likely, your career is also taking a hit with this unfortunate event.

Fact #2. While NLP is largely discredited by scientific researchers and academic communities at large due to lack of empirical evidence supporting its assertions, the bad boy theory that fertile, married women are likely to cheat with the bad boy has a huge body of researches with solid empirical evidences supporting it. With you being seen as a nice guy and the current situation you're in where your psychological confidence is taking a hit, you might want to look at this and think hard about that private investigator: http://rsbl.royalsocietypublishing.org/ ... 3/256.full

As you said yourself in different wordings, it will take time before you can develop your inner game which will give you some attractive traits of the bad boy as shown in the link above.

If you're interested in knowing, I come from the opposite side of the shit you're in that's why I joined this forum. I get involved with married women and women with boyfriends. A few are honest about their relationships, but most lie that they're married or have boyfriends. The last blow, and this has affected me a lot to finally take charge of my life and try to reverse the trend, was when a woman I had sex with told me many times she didn't have a boyfriend until we had sex for the first time.

Her boyfriend kept on calling on the phone. When I told her to answer her phone, she did while my penis was inside her vagina. That was her first sleepover at my place and this was not the first time it happened to me. But I'm sick and tired of all the lies and manipulation from several women who have been cheating on their husbands or boyfriends that I've finally decided to find out why and how to sarge the harder to sarge shy girls who will not lie straight to my face just so they can sleepover with me and have the fun of their lives.

Let's be factual about these things. Even if you don't have kids, you might still be paying her alimony for the rest of your life even after you retire from work without a regular stream of job income. Oh, women initiate divorce more and win more divorces than men. I'll link the studies later when I have the time.

You're not happy now. I assure you the odds are not in your favor to say for sure that you'll be happy for later for trying to fix things up. Men try to fix things up because that's our nature as men. On the other hand, women file the divorce and take your money. Empirical evidence suggests that's their nature so you'll have to be better prepared for it.

_________________
Approach. Open. Escalate. Isolate

Here are my two essential rules on texting that will save you tons of time and money:

general-questions/topic137931.html

Hellbound Fact 1 is spot on, my work and social life has definately started to go downhill. That's not to say i don't have one but rather unproductive SPAM.

She is going away for 4 weeks and i'm not sure how i should play it before she leaves or when she is abroad. She is a frequent texter / caller when she is away from me so i expect that.

It does give me some space and much needed thinking time.

The reason why you and many people find difficult finding good women in LTR in the west is not because there are not any, but it is YOU that is the fault not them. Why is it everybody here seemed to blame women for their own problems and not accept their own manly faults?!? It seemed that in here, people LIKE BLAMING women for their failures in the LTR, when in fact, women are the reflections of their man dating in a LTR relationship. Life is about living a reflection, and what they are reflecting in you is basically an unstable Alpha male relationship vehicle. An Alpha male who is incapable of self-loving himself. An Alpha who NEEDS someone else like a woman to love them and provide sex for them. That's why most of you and myself failed in a LTR, until I changed thanks to a former friend PUA who married a beautiful wife and still is.

The reason why some men succeed in LTRs is because he loves himself first before he loves his girlfriend or wife. He really doesn't give a crap whether she morphs into a dragonfly or a butterfly to woe him in for a fuck session. He has no self-doubt, no fear, high integrity, high level of acceptance (fail so what, just move on) and high level of self-control (not easily fall for the sex after asking to seal the deal). All he cares about is this; does her actions make me happier than I am now? If not, he walks. But most of the time, women know how to control men because women can get men. They have pussies, but we don't. Why do you think they morph to let you think you have supreme control huh? In a 4yr LTR; big deal because she's using you for her own benefits and yet makes you feel you're in control. Nope, in the end of the relationship and breakup, she'll make sure you are begging on your knees to her highness.

I dated a girl once who had complete control of her ex for 20 yrs (married for 10 and then controlling him for 10 more yrs) while dating guys on a rebound. She's so sweet like a country girl that most men thought she's clean and wholesome. Yeah, underneath that sheath of lying beauty lies a nasty dragon who's STI infected (phew luckily I tested negative) and went on to fuck other guys to revenge her ex. His ex then fucks other girls to revenge her. It's a sick game. Neither of these beings love themselves.

You can not have a LTR is you do not love yourself. Which is why when a man loves himself, he becomes a power house that women WANT ALL THE TIME. He's untamed, he's wild and he's unattainable because he does not need a pussy to make him happy cause he's already is!

Mikemight your views are refreshing.

Maybe us men getting into LTR should love ourselves before we get into the relationship.

My question to you would be how do you do that?

Here's the link to the study that shows women file more divorces and win more divorces than men: http://digitalcommons.law.umaryland.edu/fac_pubs/477/

Basically, as a man, your choices in solving this problem are:

1. Fix yourself.
2. Fix the woman.
3. Fix the relationship.
4. Fix all of the above.

#4 is a tall order when you're just learning the ropes in understanding women. #3 is impossible with your present state of mind. #2 is the hardest. You just can't cure 4 years of bad boy addiction overnight. #1 is the most possible action but you'll need to drop 2 and 3 until you have built enough skills. Maybe you can better manage a new relationship in the future when you're already skillful enough.

It's perfectly clear that you want to fix things up and take charge of your life. That's normal for most men. We want to fix things up. You're just not sure yet what to fix first. The reality though is that you cannot fix everything all at once.

And I'll say it again, it's not your fault. Based on the specifics of your situation, saying that it's your fault is like saying Adam Lanza did not murder anyone. That premise is just not logical; nor real.

_________________
Approach. Open. Escalate. Isolate

Here are my two essential rules on texting that will save you tons of time and money:

general-questions/topic137931.html

Good advice again Hellhound.

The only thing that has been misssing from the advice given is what to actually do?

My confidence has obviously taken a knock but i'm keeping my frame to some degree.

I'm caught between ending it and trying to make it work. Things just keep reminding me of all the lies, deception and manipulation.

STEP 1. At this stage and time, accept that you cannot fix the girl and relationship.

STEP 2. Prepare to cut clean. Protect your finances from highly probable alimony payments. Alimony is different from child support.

STEP 3. Fix yourself.

• 3.1 Learn the Eyefuck Routine here: how-to-make-a-woman-fall-in-love-with-y ... 89-15.html
  
  3.2 Since around 80% of women fake their orgasms, learn how to fuck bad boy style. Check out my Orgasmic Rhythm Technique, here: how-to-make-a-woman-fall-in-love-with-y ... 89-30.html
  
  3.3 Work on the Newbie Mission to experience success, get used to success, and lessen your stress levels from your relationship dilemma. Here, the-newbie-mission-vt41556.html
  
  3.4 Aim small. Learn things one at a time. It's pretty useless reading PUA concepts and theories for 2 or 3 days without testing those out on field. Test on field every day.

_________________
Approach. Open. Escalate. Isolate

Here are my two essential rules on texting that will save you tons of time and money:

general-questions/topic137931.html

It's easy. Just be happy and accept what reality throws at you. The more you resist and trying to fix things, the more suffering you get. Nothing is a fail really when a relationship does not work. It is a gift to you because it shows you who you really are and what you need to fix. Do not waste your time trying to hook up girls using special techniques and special ways. You will not get better girls if you don't fix yourself first as you will be attracting the SAME KIND of GIRLS period forever. Trust me! It's not them that need fixing; it's you. You would naturally be attracted to girls who are your equals, NOT your supplement. What I have found in the past is that, I chased what I want and that was wasting my time except the sex was good. So unless somehow you know how to stop your own biological clock, you keep playing this game, you'll get older and older and by the time you learned your mistakes, it'll be harder to attract girls when you are 40 or 50 yrs old compared to when you are 20 or 30.
Many of the young guys here don't believe it. That's fine. I used to be in their shoes too and trust me, the universe has ways of playing games with you until you accept reality. You can not win against reality. No one would, otherwise all relationship experts people who sell books and audiotapes would have loving wives and kids and happy life etc... The reality is something else.

So to start with, always benchmark what makes you happy and if you introduce someone into a relationship with you, does she make you happier aside from sex. I mean, there's 8 hrs in a day and sex is just a fraction of that hour, so you need to figure out what makes her happy with you. Naturally if you are happy together, living together under the roof is a bliss. It's easy. There's no need to NC someone 5 days a week and then come see her only 2 days for sex either. That's only for someone who's simply unhappy with himself and manipulate women for their own sexual gratification.

It's like this.

Do you love me honey? No you don't, so you NC her
Do you love me honey? No you don't, so you NC her
Do you love me honey? Yes you do, then you fuck her brains out teaching her a lesson (punish reward system)

This can only work so far, but shows eventually that the man itself is guilty of using and manipulating women and will continue to attract the same kind of women until he's in his 40s or 50s. Then when they're old, you'll see them in Pat Pong, Thailand or Angeles City in the Philippines playing the same games with younger hookers. It's sad, but it's reality..

Hope this helps.

nice

- If you are not happy with your relationship anymore, you have to make a move. Don’t wait that your situation will become worst, and you have nothing to do with it. As early as possible, as long as you are ready enough to face that challenges

So she is gong abroad this morning and last night I told her that we shouldn't talk over the phone for the 3 weeks she is away. She was upset and was confused and I told her it is best for her to spend some time away from me with no contact and really think about our relationship and what has happended in the last 6 months.

Of course this gives me the space and time as well and I didn't do this to play any game, I genuinely think it would be good for both us.

I'm not trying to fix the relationship here . . . . maybe I am but I think it would be good.

Love myself? I still don't understand this and what am I doing wrong within myself. I'm not going to change in 3 weeks but I can definately make a start.

What should be a good action plan? Hellhound has already given me some tips.

You should have added that in this 3 weeks, write down a list of things she wants from an ideal husband. When she comes back from the trip, let her show you the list. You will see things from her perspective how you would start to change yourself to work in the relationship. You have to be humble. When you are asking her this, don't get angry or agitated; just tell her that you need some direction to go from. You can always negotiate on the list on what you can work on. Why guess when you can let the woman show you what she wants from you?

A successful long term relationship is a 50-50 preposition; not 90-20 not 60-40 etc and it's not going to be smooth sailing for the first few years either. It's really a 50-50 and that involves both you and your wife to find a middle ground, like she should spend sometime with you doing what you like and you should be spending sometime with her doing what she likes. Most likelihood, both of you may not share a lot of common interest, but that's the way I say to jumpstart the relationship back.

To love yourself, you need to become more spiritual and also with her. Only through spiritual growth is when both of you understand how to love your own selves. Loving yourself means that you need to take responsibility in why you are treating your wife like this and the tell-tale signs of your weakness are shown from your wife. WIthout spirituality, you wouldn't have a clue what signs you see and how to go about fixing it. Whatever you see that are repulsive in your wife you will also have too! That's why you guys are attracted to each other!

Jesus. This is bad advice. What a woman says she wants is an altogether different thing from what she actually wants. With women, actions speak louder than words. Carefully observe her actions and you'll know the real deal.

To illustrate this great disconnect in what a woman says versus what she does, look at this video which is a compendium of studies of respected scientific researchers in this particular field:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nIQqCDbgiAM[/youtube]

Hint: You'll see in the video that when a woman lusts for you, she'll do nice things for you and the people around you. If she's doing nice things for you because of the threat of losing the relationship for whatever reason (financial support and stability and so on), then that's being manipulative. It isn't real nor true.

You'll get a better grip on the things that she wants through observation. With enough training in eye signals, you can be 100% sure on the things that she wants by observing how the pupils of her eyes dilate every time you do something that she really wants.

Sharpen your body language reading skills and you'll be better equipped to manage your long term relationships in the future.

_________________
Approach. Open. Escalate. Isolate

Here are my two essential rules on texting that will save you tons of time and money:

general-questions/topic137931.html

Jesus, what a conversation this thread is.

Cloaked.

1. GET A LAWYER. Ask some trusted friends who their family lawyer is. Get your ass in there ASAP. Get someone that is older and well known. It's hella expensive, but that's not important in something like this. Talk in detail about everything. Keep talking until you are 100% clear about what the law says.

2. RELAX. Marriage has it's ups and downs. Girls are going to test guys to see if they can trust them.

3. GET A THERAPIST. It's nice and all to listen to a bunch of anonymous posters on a PUA forum, but seriously man, talk to a professional. Try to find someone that follows John Gottman's approach (or buy his book, well worth it).

4. Try to break your problems into smaller pieces so you can deal with things without getting overwhelmed. Just reading these posts is overwhelming. A lot of experience here, but fairly sweeping. You know what they say about how to eat an elephant.