| I'm wondering about how pickup/closing might be different if your goal isn't to seduce and lay every single attractive woman you happen to close with.... I mean this entirely from a logistical point of view... I have kids (oldest is only 12) and am a single parent (I take care of them most of the time) and so time would not only be limited, but I'm also somewhat looking for the type of women who would be more than just a fling.
Obviously, I'm not ruling out being sexual with any of the ladies, just that I'm going to be very selective who I'm sexual with. Specifically someone who is worth my time and has a compatible lifestyle, someone that there's a probability that we could share common goals, a similar life, etc. I'd want to know that there's some long-term prospect before dating, and I'd probably want to just hang out and eventually fuck before officially dating or being in a relationship. I'm normally the monogomous type so I'm not quite sure how the logistics of sex before dating might work when I meet someone else I'm interested in (or the girl meets another guy she's interested in). I guess it would be about fun and the emotional bonding stuff would wait for any possible relationship level, but my prior experience (ex-wife essentially cheating on me either emotionally or sexually while still under my roof) leaves me wanting to avoid complex situations. But anyway, I'd want to be highly selective who I'd escalate to sex with, and even then I just don't know - so I need a strategy to get enough experience with pickup/approach/attraction/comfort/etc under my belt before moving into the seduction phase with anybody.
I'm vegan and quite a bit hippie-like and so there's a certain ideal demographic where things would be more than just some fling. But I'd like to be able to pick out a handful of available ladies in town (this is a small liberal college town) and seduce the one(s) I like the most, and take my own pick who would become my girlfriend, etc.
I would also like to work on having the balls to approach any random attractive woman who looks like they could fit my demographic and talk to her and create rapport whether she has a boyfriend or not. No stone unturned. Even if it just means that I'm a highly sociable and charismatic guy.
Anybody have tips on what type of scenarios may be most appropriate for my circumstances - where I don't want to suggest a 1-on-1 scenario that may be perceived as too direct/intimate (that would escalate to either dating or fucking), and all I really want to convey is interest and desire to get to know the other person better, to build comfort (ie "connect") and maybe add a touch of sexual tension/play/escalation. Not fucking any of the ladies, just getting them lined up so I could take my pick who to escalate with (or consider dating) arbitrarily. It doesn't need to be too far escalated, so the venues could be more public for the time being, until I got to know her better and we seemed to have enough in common.
The scenarios I can think of so far (to suggest we do as I close during our initial acquaintance):
- Hiking in the woods (my kids might tag along, and it would likely be a fairly public trail with others passing by)
- Meet up at the farmers market - and if so - maybe have lunch together, if we happen to see each other (while keeping it low pressure enough since it's a popular public venue)
- Checking out a museum or other public cultural event/venue (that we've discovered mutual interest over, and seems 'cool' to do, whether we do it together or separately)
- Some small group activities, like parties or potlucks, etc -- where there is an opportunity for being a bit private (for comfort/escalation, getting to know each other, etc)
- Hippie shit like foraging for wild food or edible mushrooms (in small groups) or taking a freeskool (informal practical hands on) class together
- Any more obvious ones?
I'd imagine the best activities boil down to established common interests - that we discover about each other during our initial conversation. Seems to mean that a highly active social life with diverse interesting venues would be beneficial.
I'd imagine we'd at least exchange email/facebook information and maybe plan on meeting up at a shared/public activity. Maybe exchange phone information if we have enough common interests established and plans seem to make sense (that we'd do regardless of the other person). I'd imagine if we've planned to meet up in a more deliberate 1-on-1 setting then that would help to exchange phone info (ie if plans get canceled). But I don't personally want to make the effort to close on a phone number every week only for it to not really go anywhere interesting (since seduction just isn't my short-term goal or option). So timebridging will have to be creative.
I would imagine that during our acquaintance stage that it's my goal (being qualification) to discover what we could do sometime that was natural and benign enough of a scenario and didn't demand total 1-on-1 time but would definitely allow for it. Finding common interests so we can both do something we find fun and have natural interests in. Going somewhere to sit, talk and eat/drink isn't an ideal option, nor is going back to my place, not unless for the purposes of showing off a project I'm working on that we have common interest (and she shows curiosity) over. I would say it's something we definitely DO together, and not something so informal/public/casual that we could go our separate ways during the middle of the event. Ie making plans together and not just "possibly meeting up" at a specific (social) venue where there's a bunch of other people around to interact with.
I would say my goal is to probably meet a new woman each week - at least for the sake of expanding my social circle and/or leveraging hers - and then do something the same week or the next week. Going from asocial wallflower AFC to relatively respected and desirable (alpha male) person. The physical goal is to get a chance to know them to see if it's even worthwhile to pursue sexually and maybe even relationship wise. I probably wouldn't sexually escalate unless she understood my lifestyle and priority with my children, and she met them and likes them. But I would like to do it in a tasteful way that doesn't confuse my kids (especially not my 10-year old daughter). For the women I have a lot of stuff in common with, I would probably escalate comfort and sexual tension at least for practice, to see how far I can get. But I have to be careful and somehow figure out how to do it in tasteful ways since this is a small college town I plan on being settled in, and so gossip travels fast and reputations can be developed easily.
NOTE: I WOULD however like to have lots of practice on approach/pickup and closing on meeting again somehow - in a way that seems natural/casual and not staged or expectational. The typical "let's get some coffee" scenario is too direct and implies either having further energy/interest or going separate ways. I'd like to keep things open enough that we haven't crossed that point of no return so running into each other (common) isn't awkward. This is a tiny college town we're talking about, not a major metro area. My impression of a lot of pickup strategies is that they can afford to be blunt/direct enough about their intentions because they'll never see the person again if they totally screw up or it gets dramatic. Not the case in my scenario. I need more subtle "game". I also don't know if I want to be so direct as to give off the vibe that I'm looking for someone to date. Just really expanding my social circle and connecting with like-minded women that may develop into more.
Last edited by tmaly on Fri Mar 22, 2013 1:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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