I met an older woman on OKC after exchanging only 10 messages, She said she was 36 on her profile but told me on the first date shes actually 41. She was quite sexually focused from the outset.

She told me that in the past she had problems with her boyfriend not being able to satisfy her, even to the point where she asked him to see a psychologist. She quite often switches the conversation to sexual things and has told me some quite intimate details about herself already.

I managed to progress the relationship to the point where we have fucked quite a few times now, I've stayed over at her place and she has been at my flat. We have been talking every couple of days on the phone and she even mentioned that she would like to travel with me and wants to go to New York. I bought her flowers on Valentines day which seemed to work a treat (I thought this might scare her off or swing things in my favour so decided to gamble)

Problem is that I went away on holiday for 2 weeks on my own and only told her 1 week before I left, this was because my contract at work finished and I wanted to take the opportunity to go away. She got really annoyed and initially made excuses for not wanting to meet up before I left. Finally we met up the day before I left and managed to patch things up, she was very passionate and said she couldn't wait to see me when I got back. I texted her from the aiport and she replied with some nice message. I texted her a few days into my holiday and she also replied with another nice message.
I texted her again a few days before I got back but received no reply. When I returned I phoned her and she was very cold and distant towards me on the phone and made excuses for not meeting up - busy meeting a friend, having to work the next day.

The next day I texted her and suggested an alternate day to meet up but she didn't reply. The following day I called her and she didn't answer. The day after I received this message:

"Sorry, I was sleeping when you called me. Now to work and I'm working tomorrow as well, so I can't meet you today. We'll talk and can arrange another day. Hope you have a nice day"

to which i responded

"Ok, have a pleasant and relaxing day at work"

I know she has trust issues with men because her father had a 10 year affair and she doesn't talk to him. I sense that she wants to feel like she is in full control of the relationship all of the time. I know the power balance in the relationship is very important to her. I'm a very busy person and she gest frustrated knowing that I'm out training or doing something else so she said she feels like she can't call me because she doesn't want to disturb me. She gets really annoyed if I don't answer the phone or reply to her text messages straight away,.

So, I'm wondering the following:

1). Was she being dishonest with me about her feelings and just using me for sex?
2). Has she met someone else whilst I was away and lost interest (she did delete her OK profile though)?
3). Is she just punishing me for going on holiday?

Is everything lost or is there a way to remedy this situation? I don't want to look needy but its been 3 days since she texted me. How long should I leave things before trying to call her? I'm doubting if she will attempt to call me since she will see this as the power shifting in my favour

I would add that I sent her a postcard whilst away on holiday which should arrive today or tomorrow. I'm hoping this will trigger her into contacting me, if so how should I respond?

any advice?

Could be all three. But who gives a shit? It's not you. It's her. As if it's surprising. You're already starting to overthink everything. Ease off. She's upset because you didn't tell her that you're gonna leave in one week. Fuck off. If she's that sensitive, imagine what she'll do with the more personal things.
Give her space. Live your life.
Send her a text with something along the lines of: "If you figure your shit out, and you want to continue having a good time with me, you know where I am. But don't come after 10 p.m. That's when I rearrange my socks, so it's not a good time to bother me."

I'm under no illusion that this woman isn't right for me but shes the best fuck I've ever had and I'd like to keep her close.
I am meeting other women but I don't want this to fizzle out, i want to be the one gaming her!

A woman with issues that major is going to be too much at the mercy of her own emotions to intently game anyone. What happened here was.
1. she talked about traveling with you and then you go off with someone else
2. keeping her interested is all about keeping her sexually satisfied
3. her ability to sustain a lack of emotional fulfillment for 2 weeks was wishful thinking
4. 'nice' txts in the interim aren't going to cut it.

I have no idea how you'd get her back though.

bro u must know that this woman was probably banging some guy while u were gone...... it doesn't appear that u gave her any indication that you are difficult to keep around.

u must treat every woman as if you already know that they are going to wander........ don't be nice to them and always be talking to many women at once.

in my opinion u are were far too nice to her from the beginning.

you can MAYBE salvage this relationship by being a prick to her, either over her recent poor communication or something else as it comes up.

this is the point of no return and u may blow the relationship up, but continuing to be nice to her will definitely NOT WORK.

good luck

Here's an update:

After my last text I left it about a week before calling her again. To cut a long story short we chatted for over an hour and it seems that the thing that pissed her off the most was that I didn't tell her exactly which day I was going to return. Also, she felt that I was expecting her to drop everything to come and meet me. In addition to this she told me she had received some suggestive text messages from her boss at work which had caused her stress and made her depressed. So, we have patched things up and are having a relationship.

She has told me that she expects whoever she is having a relationship with to be there all the time for her, so we speak for about an hour every day and exchange text messages. This can be quite tiresome as I'm quite a busy person but I would like to keep her sweet for a while yet.

So, I am making an effort at pursuing other girls but still meeting her which feels bad but I just think there's the possibility that one day she might decide she wants to end things for some reason in which case I'm back to square one.

I estimate the odds of this happening are 98%. But hey, every fling is a learning experience.

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Before she can respect you, you need to respect yourself.

she was unhappy that "was expecting her to drop everything to come and meet me" yet "expects whoever she is having a relationship with to be there all the time for her"

that seems somewhat unreasonable...

she was pissed because i went away on holiday without her, even though she couldn't come with me anyway (because of work and she has no money).
funny thing is a couple of weeks ago she phoned me and told me she had decided to go away on holiday herself (without inviting me), but then she changed her mind (once she realised she was too broke to afford it)

so, there are some silly games because she is very insecure and i agree she is totally unreasonable

I'd call her out on her games. Say, look I know you have some issues that cause you not to trust but if you keep playing these high school games with me I'm out of here.

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KCCO