I am sick and tired of always being the Beta male of the group. Although I get a long pretty well with girls, with guys is a whole different ball game. I am always the Beta male guy in any group, I think this might have something to do with the fact that I never had a father figure in my life. And only recently I've realised this when I took a long hard look at my average day and interactions throughout college. I am 18 years old and I do not want to be a stepping stone for other guys anymore. I've literally had enough.

With english being my second language it is hard for me to speak clearly and loudly. This usually leads to other guys taking advantage. I was always the kid who got picked on and bullied in secondary school (high school minus the two years before uni for you Americans). When I left secondary school I left with absolutely no self esteem and insecure in every single fucking way. I couldn't ever look anyone in the eye and I always felt extremely nervous, I was such a reck. That was before I met my ex girlfriend. With her I managed to leave my "shell" and my confidence skyrocketed compared to what it was before. But my confidence works well with girls, I can flirt with them and I am always out dressing the other guys. I am a tall, 6 ft 2 guy who always looks nicer then any of the other guys. And I don't dress in a sort of puff way, but the opposite (if that makes any sense).

The reason why this annoys me is because I am sick and tired of getting treated badly by the other guys in the group, it looks bad on me when the girl I want to fuck sees them treating me like this. First idea that popped into my head was to beat the shit out of one of the other guys next time he gets out of line, but this might make me into a social outcast and I am sure there are better ways of handling the situation! I am capable of fighting, but I've never been the violent person and I want to avoid it in every possible way.

I am always trying to self-improve, always trying to make my speech better and to speak more confidently/loudly. But the more confidently I speak the more the other guys take the piss. I feel like its a game for the throne, where sitting on the throne would be you being the 'Alpha' male. I really don't know what to do, and I don't have anyone to talk to about this. Any advice would really be appreciated. I've gone a long way from secondary school, in these 2 years I've improved so much, but this hurdle seems to be the hardest challenge yet. Thank you for reading.

-Ridler

I felt the EXACT same way brotha... It's simple. Stop being everyones bitch. Being nice to everyone will not make everyone like you. I still am a GREAT guy at heart... But I make people earn my friendship. Start demanding more from yourself and more from your friends. If your friends are not cool with you being better and not taking their shit anymore... find new friends. You can create whatever life you want for yourself.

I've been trying to do that. And the more I try the more they put me down. The thing is individually they are all safe, but collectively (especially when females are present) they basically use me as a stepping stone to make themselves look better. If I do try and make other friends, I don't want the same thing to happen. Maybe if I take no ones shit from the start that wont happen. But at the same time the group I am in I have known for a long time, and my oldest friend since I've been in the UK is in the group. He has turned into the biggest cunt recently and I am not going to have it anymore.

Can you be more specific with the kinds of things the other guys say or do to belittle you?

Its difficult to say it on top of my head. But in our group we always do a bit of banter, and sometimes it gets focused on me. There was a time recently that really bugged me. I was with 5 of my friends and these 2 girls. I was the only guy talking to the girl and I was flirting with them for the entire time, the other guys where being pretty dull in general. Then we went outside to smoke, we all got pretty high and then this guy threw a ball and loudly told me to 'fetch', implying I was his bitch or something. Again I have never been a violent guy, but this really made me angry and this was the thing that made me start realise everything. I've always been kind of leaned back and easy going with everything but clearly people have started to take advantage of it. But this is a really extreme example, one that struck a nerve.

Other examples can be them making fun of something they know really annoys me. Now mind you I have patience and I can handle a bit of banter, but this week on Tuesday something really got to me. My friend continuously said the same joke over and over again, interrupting me whenever I was talking, constantly belittling me at every possible opportunity. If I can think of any other examples I will try my best to explain them.

You really just have to toughen up. What helped me... I started selling cars. You ever been in a car dealership and talked with a bunch of salesman? If there is ANY group of guys out there who will bust your fucking balls to no end... it's a bunch of car salesman. It broke me in. I realized that you can't be a pussy your whole life and to stop taking shit from people. It helped me alot too understanding peoples body language and making sure mine was telegraphing the correct things. Pick up is alot like sales... you have to know what you are selling and know what you are worth... and make sure you don't sell yourself short.

If a guy TELLS you "hey, go get that from my car." ... Who the fuck is he to tell you to do such a thing? are you sucking his dick? No. Tell him to fuckin go do it himself. You can be an asshole to your friends if they are being an asshole to you. YOU are number one to look out for. Emotionally and physically. If friends are going to continue beating you down and belittling you... Either let them know you aren't going to take shit or find new friends.

Starting from today I am going to man the fuck up and stop being that 'nice' guy. I am still going to keep the morals but I need to overcome this hurdle not only for now but for the rest of my life too. Thanks a lot man

Still be a nice guy. Being nice to the people that deserve it will get you far in life. But you don't have to be nice to someone to impress them and get them to like you. Do your own thing and if anyone has a problem with it... they can go fuck themselves. Real talk

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This is really easy to deal with. Whenever someone is trying to humiliate you, it is only effective if you let it affect you. One of the reasons why they pick on you is because you get mad at certain things.

The fact that they pick on you shows they either a) threatened by your superior game or b) want to try and look like the alpha male by putting you down. It actually has the opposite effect. The guys who pick on you are pure Betas. True alphas don't feel threatened by you.

My response is usually to use a counter joke against them. Trust me, you'll only need to do it once and those weak guys who try to make their buddies laugh will never do it again.

My responds to the "FETCH!" incident would have been:

"Your balls don't excite me, so please don't get me involved in your fantasies!"

Joking is much better than reacting aggressively. Remember that real alphas control their own frame and they are unaffected by anything that goes on around them.

This made me think of a guy I know, I helped him at an open mic recently and I was feeling pretty good about it and starting to feel like his partner when he described me to some random person as his "minion".

These people are insecure themselves. Fighting back won't do any good. The only thing to do is to act like it doesn't bother you. Sooner or later they may come to respect you but you can't force them. Definitely keep them away from any situation involving you and women though.

_________________
If something's not fun, it's not worth doing

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Other people's responses are probably better than mine, I let similar shit get to me recently and probably shouldn't.

Not caring is definitely the way, that's for sure.

_________________
If something's not fun, it's not worth doing

your good buddy you have a talk to, tell him why it bugs you and not to do it anymore. Then, if someone tries to belittle you again, smash their fucking teeth in and then pretend like nothing happened. I have a friend like this, he was a rapper, he used to destroy me and it would put me in such a bad mood. I said one day "i'm all for joking around, but its relentless and you ruin my time" he immediately started saying stupid shit again, so i said "dude, one more time and we are fighting" kept at it, i stood up in front of everyone and said outside man we're fighting. he bitched out, we weren't cool for a while but alls good now and he acts different towards me.

dont let someone tell you to fetch a ball unless its a great friend, its a joke and its once.

Its called self-respect. You have boundaries and they don't get crossed, thats what integrity is about.

Its easy for someone to say don't be a bitch and be assertive, but the bottom line is if you don't have a "desire" to stand up for yourself and self-confidence you never will. Imagine you are intimidated about standing up to guys, but you have to in order to get used to it. I suggest you look into confidence building techniques.

If the group won't accept you leave. Its better to be a loner and free than included and a slave.

Respect is more important than acceptance.