Poeticlyskuac sent me a link in the Chat.
http://coreselfconfidence.com/true-core ... s-program/

A program for being happier.
So, happiness if about being thankful and not what you have, blah blah blah.
Yes, yes... I get it. I've been through many ups and downs and have been extremely happy in situations where I was homeless, jobless, girlfriendless, sexless, living on the streets wandering about while in other situations I had a job, girlfriend, car, and my own place and was horribly unhappy. I was even fucking a girl on a regular basis.

Clearly having more doesn't make someone happy.

Though I factored in ideas close to thankfulness in the equation of happiness I never directly settled on it. And it seems to make enough sense. Freedom seemed, to me, to be what happiness was all about. A free state where you're free of the bounds placed on your mind and content where you are no matter what.

I kinda feel like it's the freedom that's truly the foundation of happiness.
That being thankful is merely a tool that leads you towards this freedom and enlightenment. That is, in day one they say it doesn't matter what you are thankful for and to write down 3 things you are thankful for. If it doesn't matter than you could be in the worst imaginable situations, stuck in a room dying of thirst looking at a water cooler that's labelled "salt water don't drink. -Sincerely Human Resources" knowing there are horrible people trying to torture and watch your sufferings. And even then there are three things you can be thankful for. If your mind is free it wont matter what your situation is, you can be happy. If you find three things to be thankful for in any situations you are building steps towards being free of whatever chains are bound to you and enjoying life.

I guess that's my take.
Here are three things I'm thankful for.
1. Having a machine in my house with Internet capacity that's hooked up to speakers with a great surround sound so I can listen to great music like this...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZEmpN4Q4veM
on youtube.

2. Poeticlyskuac for sending me the link to the happiness thing.

3. The books I checked out from the Library today.


wouldn't hurt to try Day 2 now, would it? So long as I press on and do all the days over and over again like it says I shouldn't matter.

Day two says to think of a moment in time when you were really happy about something and that it doesn't matter what that was or why you were happy. Any moment will do as long as you were happy and you need to hold on to those moments to keep the happiness with you.

Then relive that experience and afterwards write it down.

I feel like this too is a stepping stone used to be free. Whatever that moment was you were free in that moment. Free from all the bounds on the mind and free to be happy.


And so I'm thinking. This may time time... which I feel should be noted for the purpose of monitoring results. Say, it doesn't take as much time next time to think of a moment...
Right now it is 00:14, friday 3-1-13.

it is now 21:16 and I've thought of a moment I was very very happy and I'm not reliving it in my mind.

I had just got The legend of Zelda: the wind waker.
As I played it I loved the graphics and the colorful feel of the game. The light blue ocean was relaxing to look at. Links Blue shirt when her woke up. The artistry of the character models. Also how all the sound matched. I played and pressed on and go to the forest temple and I LOVED the music. I was very soothing and set the mood. Especially with the graphic and the sound effects. It was a different world and I liked it.

everything seemed so peaceful to me. I don't know how to describe what I feel about the art, just that the colors and shapes used made me feel pretty good. And the SPAM's created. I was very happy when I first played that. I'm happy anytime I play it actually.


Day 3. Think of your future and what you want it to be like.
imagine how to be happy, what things have gone right?
What have you accomplished?

write down your future and what it will be like as you accomplish your goals.
write a desciption of what it will be like. In order to be happy you'll have to have a bright future.


Oh.... wow.
Um what I want my future to be like. I'll write this one down. I want a girlfriend who's hot with a nice set of tits, nice ass, a fit in shape body, with a great smile who's very smart and friendly and can have long conversations with me about things I'm interested in and is very caring and enjoys sex as much as I do. Also someone who likes to go and do fun things like hula hooping, riding go-karts, playing video games and just going out to do something fun. Also a kind caring person who's nice to everyone. Very artistic in nature and likes to draw and paint. With curly red hair. Who knows how to cook as well as me and likes to cook with me.

Also I want to have a dodge viper and learn how to fly a plane. and I want my own house with a special room in it with ropes, padded walls, trampolines and various other obstacles I can jump around on and bounce to and from. A room with stuff I can run around and jump about in doing whatever... Sounds like a lot of fun to me.

I have all of the nintendo systems collected and the new zelda games. A swimming pool in my backyard and I'm running a few of the businesses I've thought of.

Also I'll be more artistically expressive in the way I dress and always have something interesting on that I enjoy.

What's gone right...
I got a job at Pizzapapalis and I filled out my financial aid forms to go back to school.I found a guy online who's going to sell me a modified wii with 250+ games on it, including two Zelda games that I want to play. I worked 45 hours last week and am scheduled for 40 this week. I found a website where I can make designs to put on clothes and my hair is dyed blue.

What it will be like to accomplish my goals.
When I find a girlfriend who's not only physically what I want but mentally as well I'll be ecstatically happy. To find such a person would be amazing. We'll go out to shows and on weird adventures all the time and have long conversations about psychology and philosophy. We'll play video games together and have wild sex. She'll tell me funny jokes and I'll tell her some too and she'll show me her art work and we'll go to fun places and check out the scene. We'll go trick or treating together. It will be wonderful.

When I get a dodge viper I'll inspect the interior and then drive around nice and slow and get a feel for how the car handles. I'll love the feel of the car and find a track where I can go for a spin. I'll go faster and faster and faster and enjoy the speed. It will be amazing. I'll make a point to go out to the track for a drive every so often.

When I learn how to fly I'll go for a flight and enjoy being up in the clouds spinning around flying a plane. It will be amazing to get a pilots license and learning to fly. Just to go up into the air and move around and around sounds great.

Crafting my own clothes and making my own designs will be amazing. I'll have wonderful winter scarfs, video game themed boots and shoes, as well as gloves and shirts. I'll enjoy fully fuctional clothing with an artistic look to it. Clothes that serve a few functions and look nice and are extra comfy.

Playing every Zelda game is a pretty sweet deal it would be great to finally collect all that're out and play them while I wait for the next one to be released. I love finished a collection.

Having a house with a room to jump around in. I'm not sure how I'd feel about that... pretty amazing once I finally had it. I'd spend the whole day bouncing off walls and doing flips and such. Climbing ropes and having fun. Hanging upside down and the like.

And owning a few of the businesses I want to create. I can see me being very happy once I have that set up. Organizing the workers and putting new idea's in it. It all sounds like so much fun.

Day 4.
think about someone special in your life. How much you care about them and how they impacted your life, how much they mean to you.

in order to understand the value they hold in your life write a short letter to them. Describe how much they mean to you, how much you care, and how they impacted your life.


Dear, Aleah
I love you. You're such an amazingly kind person and that means quite a bit to me. When you're sweet and easy going and nice it means a lot. I care about you a lot. I would do anything for you and really love your company. I'm always very happy when you're around. You've impacted me and my life in a few ways. The way you're always nice to everyone made me take a look at myself and gave me hope. I wanted to be a nicer person because of it. When you smile the most sincere smile I'd seen and you listen to what others have to say I think I should smile more often and listen to others and I do. When I think of you and your kindness I want to be a better person myself and I am.

I wish all is well for you Aleah.


Day 5.
Think back to the past 7 days and think of 3 things that went incredibly well and think of why those things went so well. Then write them down with a brief description of why they were awesome....

time seems relevant here too.... it is now 1:08

same time.
1. Finding the guy on Craigslist selling the modded Wii. I was looking to buy a Wii or a Wii-U and started fishing around CL looking and then found more than what I wanted in the first place. A wii with 250+ games on it. Only $50 tacked on the price, games average around $50. 250x$50 is a lot more than $50. Sweet deal. I love it.

1:11 same time
2. finding Kingdom come in the library and the Navy seal work out book also. I was in the library looking for books about stretching, only that. And then I came across the Navy seal work out book when I'd been meaning to do a while ago [years ago] but never got around to. Then I randomly saw Kingdom come in the comics section which I had read before but was meaning to look at again. I wasn't looking for either of these things at the moment but I had wanted to check them out and they just fell into my lap. Awesome.

1:13-same
3. Yesterday I had to work Salad and I was hungry and broke. I had just ran out of money and money for food and when you work Salad you get a free meal. But that didn't cover today as I'm off and still broke. While working I had to make chicken. And when you make chicken you get to eat it when it's down and it doesn't count as your meal. I ate and got full and then made my meal and couldn't eat all of that so I had food for tomorrow[aka today] also. Today I ate the food from yesterday and I get money tomorrow to go and buy food. So that all worked out conveniently.


I guess this ends the five days.
I'll do them again tomorrow and for 5 days in a row and see how it works out.

_________________
I feel like the point of a community is to help where/when/however u can.
-Aceospades12

My dad sent me money today.
So I bought a pack of cigs and went grocery shopping and my boss wants me to come in an hour early.
When I get home I'm cleaning the house and starting on some stretching...

The drill I did yesterday seems to be working a little. I'll do it again tonight and talk more about what I notice about it.

I have a theory that if you're happy you don't have to worry about what you say or do around girls they'll want you just cause you're happy. And even if they don't you're happy so what's it matter?

_________________
I feel like the point of a community is to help where/when/however u can.
-Aceospades12

tonight I broke down.
At the club I talked to every girl I found attractive. I ignored the fat ones and the unattractive ones.
none of this worked out. I don't even remember most of it, just that on the way home I felt such a horrible resentment towards women, especially the ones who drove me to feel so hopeless about it all.

I tried to do the happiness drills and just couldn't fucking pull my mind into it. I started thinking of the Hayleys and how much I hate all of them. The horrible ways they made me feel. How so many times I spent watching girls I like, who knew I was interested, go after everyone around me and ignoring me.

I wanted to kill myself. I wanted to destroy the world. I wanted to shut off my emotions. I don't want to feel.

I guess I should try this day two thing where I do day one and two.

Day one.
1. I'm thankful for having a warm enough coat to protect me from the freezing cold on long walks home.
2. I'm thankful for having a warm home that protects me from the elements.
3. I'm thankful for having music to listen to.

day two.
Start time 4:06
same time I thought of sometime....
I am, having trouble reliving it though....
I was 19. I was a virgin and had never kissed a girl before. I walked into a party and I had never been drunk before. The bartender got me some everclear and orange juice. I drank three of them and didn't feel anything and then I started dancing with this really hot asian girl. I fell onto the couch behind me and she fell with me and landed on my lap and we started making out. It was the first time I ever kissed a girl and I liked it a lot. While I kissed her I put my hand down her pants and started playing with her pussy and it was great, she started to moan a little bit and then I started playing with her tits. I was happy all night.


eh... I still don't feel very happy. Even thinking about Molly, the hot asian girl, makes me a little sad cause now my mind drifts to about a year later when I met her boyfriend and he told me of all the wonderful sex he had with her and how he'd fucked this other girl I liked without him knowing I liked both girls.....

fuck. I don't fucking get it. Girls just don't fucking want me. I don't want to want girls. I want to be fucking happy and it's soooooo fucking hard.

_________________
I feel like the point of a community is to help where/when/however u can.
-Aceospades12

Day 1
1. Discovering the Band "The antlers" Today
2. Having Oreo's and milk at the house.
3. Having a job and earning money.

Day 2
I had gotten Sonic Adventure 2 from Blockbuster on Dream cast and got to the end of the game. Fun game. In the game sonic wears a color variant of the "Scorchers" made by Soap shoes, a brand of shoes that have plastic grind plates near the center on the soles of the shoe [if it was actually centered it would be too far forward and would throw off your balance]. Well, since I was little I've always liked to run. Since I first played sonic on sega master system [the very last game created for that system] I always wanted sonic shoes [before then I wanted a flash costume]. I even considered painting my track and field shoes red when I was in high school [and I wore blue tights when I ran track as, unknown to most, sonic the hedgehog inspiration to run faster].

So I find out the shoes in Sonic A2 were called Scorchers and you could just go to journeys and buy them. At journeys they had them in blue and were out of stock in red. So I ordered the Red ones [which I still have to this day, over ten years later]. And when they came I was happy happy happy as a fucking clam. I put them on and there was a pvc pipe in the hose [I don't remember why] I set it up and started practicing grinding. Then I literally ran out of the house and kept running and would come across ledges and such to grind on and I'd grind them and continue on my run. I'll never forget that day and I'll never get rid of those shoes.


Day 3. Think of your future and what you want it to be like.
imagine how to be happy, what things have gone right?
What have you accomplished?

write down your future and what it will be like as you accomplish your goals.
write a desciption of what it will be like. In order to be happy you'll have to have a bright future.


I'll have a lot of videogames I love to play and custom made clothing themed after videogame characters and more. A motorcycle, my own place and a job that has a lot of creative control involved where I make something. I'll have a wonderful girlfriend who's a free spirit and very good looking.

I'll have a pilots license and an artistically decorated house. A room with all sorts of obstacles and ropes and such to run around it. Padded walls in that room various terrains, etc.. A room dedicated to art with paintings painted on the wall. A car with a paint job like my old car. My geo metro that I spray painted something new on almost daily. A back yard with tree's to climb and a swimming pool to swim in.

I'll run a building designed to help the homeless get back on their feet and inspire hope to those with little. "project happiness" will be in full bloom with many volunteers working to make the world a happier place for all. Horses and various other animals. A deep wooded area in my back yard to wander around in.

I'll have all the tools to make things like rollerblades, swords, whatever I feel like making.
I'll have a way to express my ideas and creativity and enjoy it all. I'll know C++ and whatever other languages I would need to make my own video games. I'll have my books and comic books finished and a kiln to make ceramics in. There's a lot of things here... A room designed to look like the ideal [yet impossible] room I came up with in a thought drill for introverts.

The drill is that you think of the perfect room and where everything is and so on. It doesn't have to be possible, you just think of how you'd want a room to be and imagine yourself in that room. Mind was a room made of clouds with soft blues and white everywhere. The clouds will become whatever you imagine them to be, a bed, food, whatever. The door to the room is created at any point by motioning my hand in an oval shape to create a portal into this room. And from the room you can go into any other point you with to go to just by thinking of it which is when the walls open up into an oval portal to that location. The room is however big you want it to be or small you'd like.

in my house I would have a room similar to this... just using material to make everything look as if it's made of clouds. Or, like one scientist/inventor did, actually have a cloud in the room using machines to create the climate conditions for a cloud to exist. That would be interesting.

_________________
I feel like the point of a community is to help where/when/however u can.
-Aceospades12

the keyblah blah blah dead cany paces

_________________
I feel like the point of a community is to help where/when/however u can.
-Aceospades12

the keyblah blah blah dead cany paces = the keyboard is dead, i'm using copy n paste to write.

it's still dead. i'm using a slow on screen key board till i get paid n buy aa batteries

_________________
I feel like the point of a community is to help where/when/however u can.
-Aceospades12

Okay, so this happiness thing started working... Then the batteries in my key board died and I stopped doing it and didn't finish it up. So, here we go again, cause I really started to fall back down to the depths of depression again.

Also I've been thinking about it and think it's just mental conditioning, which I do intentionally to myself anyway. But it's a different method of mental conditioning than what I use [which I don't do very diligently these days anyway].

Well fuck... that site with the link is trying to get at my pockets now. Fuck that shit.

Good thing I wrote down what it said.
Anyhow, I'm going to disasemble this program to scope out the skeleton and structure it and then replace happiness with something else. Like high self esteem, or feeling like you can do anything. Day 1 has you write down 3 things you're thankful for. Being thankful is being happy about something. Say I made it so it's designed to make someone feel they can accomplish anything. Instead of focusing on thankfulness [which is useful for happiness but has little merit for feeling like you can do anything] I would say to write down three things you're do well [better than average].

So, fuck it, I'll mix that in with the happiness thing.... This may be a clusterfuck of disorganization at first, once I organize it, try it, and it works I'll post it somewhere else on the forum [so people can use this info FOR FREE!!! the way it fucking should be].


"Day 1.
Here are three things I'm thankful for.


wouldn't hurt to try Day 2 now, would it? So long as I press on and do all the days over and over again like it says I shouldn't matter.

Day two says to think of a moment in time when you were really happy about something and that it doesn't matter what that was or why you were happy. Any moment will do as long as you were happy and you need to hold on to those moments to keep the happiness with you.

Then relive that experience and afterwards write it down.

I feel like this too is a stepping stone used to be free. Whatever that moment was you were free in that moment. Free from all the bounds on the mind and free to be happy.


Day 3. Think of your future and what you want it to be like.
imagine how to be happy, what things have gone right?
What have you accomplished?

write down your future and what it will be like as you accomplish your goals.
write a desciption of what it will be like. In order to be happy you'll have to have a bright future.


Day 4.
think about someone special in your life. How much you care about them and how they impacted your life, how much they mean to you.

in order to understand the value they hold in your life write a short letter to them. Describe how much they mean to you, how much you care, and how they impacted your life.

Day 5.
Think back to the past 7 days and think of 3 things that went incredibly well and think of why those things went so well. Then write them down with a brief description of why they were awesome...."


Day 1. {three things I'm good at and three things I'm thankful for].
1. Egyption Rat screw is a card game I'm better than most people at. I excel at it.
2. Tetris attack, a game I've NEVER lost to anyone in [even after actively seeking someone who could beat me].
3. Mario Kart DS [my win loss record was something like 2,000/5 when I sold my DS. Of the 5 losses 2 were disconnects. I worked pretty hard to be good at that game too].

1. The batteries in my keyboard enabling me to type all this in the first place.
2. Eminem and the inspiration I recently got from reading a book about his life story. Having access to such a moving story and hearing the voice of such a person in the first place. I started a new livejournal account with inspiration inspired by him [to a great extent, but not 100%] where I take all the horrible unrealistic thoughts in my head and spill them out in an artistic creative story [currently about Kayla Smith, a girl who slandered my name and said I raped her (when really we just made out at a party, I took her to the basement to try and fuck her and we're makin' out and I'm taking her shirt off and she says she doesn't want to have sex and I put her shirt back on and walk her upstairs where we made out some more. Then she tried to get me to spend the night but I had to go. And later her friends called her a slut cause she fucked some other guy earlier and they thought she fucked me too, so she lied and said I raped her so she wouldn't look like a slut). It's a story about her getting abducted. She was syringed, passed out and woke up in an all white room with a water cooler in the corner that had a sign saying "SALT WATER DON'T DRINK!!!" with cups ready for drinking. She gets hungry and screams for food and is given Salted peanuts, beef jerky, saltine crackers, a bag of potato chips, and pretzels. The story progressively gets worse. The idea is, like when eminem is using the slim shady persona, it's a rage filled angry frustrated venting that's over exaggerated and vulgar and often directed towards people I hate but will never actually do fucked up shit to.]

3. My job. I'm grateful to have a job where my boss is pretty cool and the people I work with are cool too. Those are hard to come by.


And so ends day one. Day two tomorrow

_________________
I feel like the point of a community is to help where/when/however u can.
-Aceospades12

Day 1.
1. I'm thankful for the pizza I have waiting for me at work
2. I'm thankful for my waterproof rain jacket I got from Cedar point [it's raining today]
3. I'm thankful to have the house to myself for so long, it's been pretty nice.

1. Super smash bro.s Brawl. I'm better than most people at that, it's the work I put into the game.
2. I'm better than most at making plans and organizing things.
3. Bussing tables at a job. I work much faster and more efficient than most people with this.


Day 2
Day two says to think of a moment in time when you were really happy about something and that it doesn't matter what that was or why you were happy. Any moment will do as long as you were happy and you need to hold on to those moments to keep the happiness with you.

Then relive that experience and afterwards write it down.

H: The first time I did a board slide on a skateboard. I was hanging out with a bunch of kids I skated with and they waxed up this ledge and started grinding on it. I just went for it and did a board slide and landed it. I was pretty happy about that. I kept going back and trying it over and over until it was easy and felt more natural.

V: At an anime con I joined the MvC3 tournament and was winning all my matches just picking random and playing with characters I rarely ever play with. And later I was drunk and playing Smash bros. Brawl with a few people and consistently got 8 kills on average in a 3 stock free for all [meaning there are 3 other people who have 3 lives giving you 9 total kills you can get] and some matches I didn't die the entire match and got 9 kills [meaning that I'm the only person who got any kills at all] and finished it with relatively low damage. I was dominating both games... I didn't show up soon enough to enter the Smash bros tournament but I did play against the guy who won and completely destroyed him.

_________________
I feel like the point of a community is to help where/when/however u can.
-Aceospades12

Day 1.
1. Having a PS3 in the house
2. Having a phone
3. Shoes that're in decent condition

1. Metroid Zero mission
2. Insults that have truth to them rather than fabricated ones that show you know nothing about who you're talking to e.g. When people from the internet say you never get laid, yet they don't know you and have no way of knowing this vs. When someone on the internet keeps calling you gay and you point out they mention homosexuality the most and it makes you wonder about them.
3. roundhouse kicks


Day 2

Day two says to think of a moment in time when you were really happy about something and that it doesn't matter what that was or why you were happy. Any moment will do as long as you were happy and you need to hold on to those moments to keep the happiness with you.

Then relive that experience and afterwards write it down.

The first time I won the 800m dash in highschool. We went to a college campus in MI for the track meet and there were schools from around Ohio and Michigan and even Illinois competing. I had ran my warm up laps and stretched and was at the starting line chatting with the other runners I'd be running against and I wasn't sure how well I was going to do. They all seemed to think I was going to win. I wasn't sure why.

Then the race started and we were off, I didn't initially take the lead, I trailed behind the guy in first and paced myself on the first lap, as I crossed the line my coach yelled out my time. I think it was 55 seconds, which was too slow for me. And it started to rain. I didn't feel overheated anymore and I took off on the 2nd lap and ran as hard as I could. I started to feel tired and my teammates cheered me on and I kept running harder and harder and ignored my fatigue and crossed the line in first place. Then I looked behind me and 2nd place was more than 100m's away from me after I finished the race.

I had won. I got a "gold" metal [wasn't really gold]. My time was 2'01". It was the fastest I'd run the 800m dash at the time. I was pretty happy about it.

On the bus ride home I was listening to a CD I had with videogame music on it. It had mostly Zelda Ocarina of Time songs on it. I listened to that CD every meet I went to and every soccer game and so on.

btw, this covers both things I'm good at and things that made me feel happy.


Day 3. Think of your future and what you want it to be like.
imagine how to be happy, what things have gone right?
What have you accomplished?

write down your future and what it will be like as you accomplish your goals.
write a description of what it will be like. In order to be happy you'll have to have a bright future.


I'll drive a dodge viper with a custom made paint job. I'll own my own plane and a jet and have a pilots license and fly around up in the sky having fun. A very large swimming pool with fancy obstacles in the water and underneath and a high dive and diving board. Very very attractive girls will be coming over to hang out with me and I'll have friend who will be real friends with my best interests at heart. An art room in my house with canvas on the walls that whoever feels like it can paint or draw on. The gym room with ropes and padded floors and walls I can jump around in and play and have fun.

A video game room with all sorts of fun games to play and a co-kart track in the back yard. As well as a dirt track and ATV's and dirt bikes and dune buggies. And an asphalt racing track I can drive my car around like a maniac. A skatepark too. And I'll let other people come over and have fun and do this shit too.

I'll own my own business as well.

Also have a range with guns and more guns and guns and more. And an assortment of weapons and targets to shoot at [nothing that's actually living]. Plus loads of animals. Horses to ride.


I'll also be at EVO playing in Soul Calibur V and I'll go to poker tournaments and win money.

_________________
I feel like the point of a community is to help where/when/however u can.
-Aceospades12

Day 1.
1. access to eminem's no album for free [it's a little late to say that you're sorry now. You kicked me while I was down....]
2. The cologne I got last night. Locoste.
3. The cat

1. roundhouse kicks
2. running form
3. work ethic

Day 2

Day two says to think of a moment in time when you were really happy about something and that it doesn't matter what that was or why you were happy. Any moment will do as long as you were happy and you need to hold on to those moments to keep the happiness with you.

Then relive that experience and afterwards write it down.

The first time I got into my first car and drove it around. I had the day off and I just drove and drove with no where in particular to go. I went to the mall at some point and some kids needed a ride home and I remembered all the times I needed a ride and people said things like "oh, I'm going in the opposite direction." Or "I'm about to go to the bar." It's not that big a deal. They were in the opposite direction and I was going to go to the bar, I gave'em a ride anyway and they offered me gas money. I refused it and then went back to driving around and just driving the hell of it. I went where ever I wanted and didn't have to wait to get up and go.

It was amazing driving here and there and everywhere and having my own car.


When I played marvel vs capcom at common grounds and won about 30 matches in a row and someone said I only play tournament style and they're just trying to relax and play casually when I'm not holding back at all. That guy, the one who said that, I destroyed him. I picked my best team and played my best and got a perfect and showed him that no, I wasn't playing like I was in a tournament before but I was now. He stopped complaining and talking smack when I got such a beat down and then saw me pick random next match and joke around taunting and still winning.



Day 3. Think of your future and what you want it to be like.
imagine how to be happy, what things have gone right?
What have you accomplished?

write down your future and what it will be like as you accomplish your goals.
write a desciption of what it will be like. In order to be happy you'll have to have a bright future.


I have a job and I got some cologne. I guess that's going right.
in the future I'll smell good, have lots of girls around, only hot girls. A really nice car that's fun to drive and a track in the back yard i can drive around on and have fun. I'll have real friends around. A room full of videogames, my exercise room. An airplane I can fly around in, a very large swimming pool. I'll have sex whenever I feel like having sex. And it will be with girls I want to have sex with.

I'll have a variety of fun types of foods in my house. Working a great job while running my own business.

I'll win at everything I do as a result of hard work.

Day 4.
think about someone special in your life. How much you care about them and how they impacted your life, how much they mean to you.

in order to understand the value they hold in your life write a short letter to them. Describe how much they mean to you, how much you care, and how they impacted your life.

man... why is this one so hard?
....

Dear Marshal Mathers,
Your music has inspired a decent amount of hope in my life and it's something I can relate to. I never met you in person but the life you lived and things you've been through are things I can relate to. The fact that you've made it and you did so by working hard and trying again and again and again gives me hope to keep trying. When I see you don't needlessly brag about having materialistic possessions and you still look out for the little guys when you can I have respect for you. The whole Catharsis thing, I figured I'd give it a try and see where it got me. So far I'm feeling a lot better than normal and I have a journal full of fucked up stories about a girl who screwed me over with lies spread and rumors. Friends who were just enemies with secret identities getting horribly mutalated, but hey, it's just writing. Catharsis.

You motivate me to press on in life through your actions.


"Day 5.
Think back to the past 7 days and think of 3 things that went incredibly well and think of why those things went so well. Then write them down with a brief description of why they were awesome...."
Reference purposes for tomorrow

_________________
I feel like the point of a community is to help where/when/however u can.
-Aceospades12

Day 1.
1. money in the bank
2. Having the day off today
3. Warm clothes

Day 2

Day two says to think of a moment in time when you were really happy about something and that it doesn't matter what that was or why you were happy. Any moment will do as long as you were happy and you need to hold on to those moments to keep the happiness with you.

Then relive that experience and afterwards write it down.

When I got my first skateboard in the mail. It was a Zero and it was the single skull deck. It had pink wheels... I wanted white, but the pink wheels looked night. I went out and skated all day and the board was very responsive. It was brand new. I started doing nollies that day too.

Day 3. Think of your future and what you want it to be like.
imagine how to be happy, what things have gone right?
What have you accomplished?

write down your future and what it will be like as you accomplish your goals.
write a description of what it will be like. In order to be happy you'll have to have a bright future.

I'm living in a mansion with a race track in my back yard, a skate park, a dirt track, dune buggies, atv's, dirt bikes, a dodge viper, tampolines, a giant swimming pool, a soccer filed and more. I have a room for playing video games. I have all sorts of hot chicks over all the time who want to fuck me. I've got my own businesses I own and I'm making money off that shit and don't need to work for anyone. I live a life free where I do what I want when I want and don't need to deal with anyone else to go and do that.

Day 4.
think about someone special in your life. How much you care about them and how they impacted your life, how much they mean to you.

in order to understand the value they hold in your life write a short letter to them. Describe how much they mean to you, how much you care, and how they impacted your life.

Yeah... this one is still difficult. Seriously...

um....

Dear Coach Johnson,
I remember when I joined the track and field team as a freshmen in high school. I didn't care so much about track I just wanted to be in shape for football. You always pushed me to go further than I thought I could. You always told me I could win if I tried. You were one of the first people in my life to give me positive reinforcement and tell me I can do things so I showed up to practice everyday and I respected you for your coaching. You always cared about all of us and did your best to lead the team, that's why we went to state every year and why we went there even after you left for the higher paying job. We were still doing as you coached us to do and not so much what our new coach said.

To this day when I teach other people how to do anything I try to do it like you did it. If they start giving in and giving up I tell them to get up and try again, that they can make it and they will do it, but they gotta press on. Just the way you did. When I'm doing anything from playing video games, skateboarding, to tennis or even a game of monopoly I think of it the same way. I can do this, I just gotta press on and keep trying.

I wish you well, where ever you are now. You've been a great inspiration in my life. They way you've trained me I try to train others and they thank me sometimes and I tell them, always, that I learned to teach that way from my first coach and he's deserves their thanks.

-Nick


Day 5.
Think back to the past 7 days and think of 3 things that went incredibly well and think of why those things went so well. Then write them down with a brief description of why they were awesome....

1. I met some guy on the bus rolling himself a joint and asked if I could buy $5 off him. He gave me what looked like $10 and took $5 from me. It worked out cause I'd been looking for weed and couldn't find it all week.

2. I found a new cologne that I like. I'd been wanting to get new cologne for a while. I just didn't bother looking for it.

3. I opened up a new bank account. This is good cause I don't have to pay to cash my checks and I can save money now.

_________________
I feel like the point of a community is to help where/when/however u can.
-Aceospades12

Yesterday: Thursday March 14th 2013
Lazed about watching Cartoons all day fucking around on OKCupid. It wasn't really working out on OKC and I wanted to get out of the house and go talk to girls but I was broke. Eventually my dad sent me $40 and I started walking towards the bars downtown.

Mistake no. 1.
Instead of walking all the way downtown I go down this street towards a bar I know is always crawling with antagonistic bitches who aren't even attractive. On rare occasions decent girls show up there. That was not one of those rare occasions. I played music on the jukebox and one of the girls screams "who played this shit, it's horrible." It was "no love" by lil' wayne and eminem.

Her name was Lisal or some shit. I know her from the first few times I went there. She's fat, ugly, and antagonistic. I noticed when she was talking to this guy she kept bragging about how she puts people in their place and wins in verbal combat. Everything is wrong with her, fuck that shit.

There was another girl there who's somewhat attractive that I used to be into. She told me she wasn't into me about a year ago or so. She said hi when I came in there, I said hello, but I didn't say anything else. While I'm putting music on the jukebox this other girl comes up while me and a guy are playing songs and says "Can a lady play a few songs?" and I say "A PERSON can wait their turn like any other person." and continue to play my songs and she asks "Do you have a girlfriend?" I say "You're old, you're ugly, and you try to exploit having a vagina to cut in front of line and play music. You aren't attractive in the first place and you're being a bitch, just wait your turn like everyone else." She says "Obviously you don't have a girlfriend." I say "I sure as hell wouldn't give a girl like you a snowballs chance in hell with me." and I'm done playing music and I go and sit down.

Then me and this dude decide to go to grand trunk bar. It's dead, the only attractive girl there is the bartender. Time to move on.

Off to the bronx. There were a few decent girls there. we're playing pool and I go over and talk to these people playing music ont he jukebox cause the girl over there is cute. We chat about music and I get the girls facebook and everyone elses too. But that's it. There's still a girl by the bar and I go up to her and say hello.

She says hi back and I asked what she does. She says she drinks [yeah, I get it, she's trying to brush me off]. I say "Sounds like a fun job, how'd you land that one?" She responds with something sarcastic and this conversation keeps going like this. Her giving bullshit short answers to me and me making jokes about it. Then she says "look I don't feel like talking." And I turn to go walk away when the bartender [some random asshole I never tip] says "Leave my customers alone, she doesn't want to talk to you." and I say "you ever wonder why I don't tip you? Ask the other bartenders who work here how much I tip them. Or if I help them clean up during closing time. You? You're a fucking asshole. I said hello to a girl in a bar. WOW!! what a fucking shocker: A guy talking to a girl in a bar. That never happens, right? She just NOW said she doesn't want to talk and I'm walking away and then you chime in with your bullshit. Fuck you." and I flip him off. "Speaking of customers, I'm one of your fucking customers and you treat me like trash whenever I see you. I never did shit to you. Fuck you."

Then I walk away back by the game of pool the guy from the other bar is playing. And he's finishing up and we're leaving. Still no girls with us. He wants to pick up a fucking hooker and I'm like "um... I know where they are, but seriously?" He says yeah and asks me to show him where the hookers are, so I do. He picks one up and she's in the back of the car and I'm thinking . o O (man, this is sketchy as hell, but he's still giving me a ride home). She's pretty fugly too. We get to his hotel, a few blocks away from my house.

I get out of the car and go walk home and say goodbye. Him and the hooker go into the room.

I get home and think. Never going to andrews again, it's full of bitchy cunts who're antagonistic. It's close to my house, but it's not worth it. The girls there are ugly anyway. Tomorrow I'm going to go out and meet girls. All the places near my house aren't worth going to. There's andrews, lame. Ultimate sports bar [ghetto], a few other bars [two] both really ghetto.

So then there's down town, grand trunk. I've never had that one work out but there are pretty hot girls that go in there. Then there's city club, it's got goth girls but it has lots of girls. 50% are fat 50% are hot. So far it hasn't worked out for me, but I figure it's worth a try tonight. Bronx has hot chicks too, it's also never worked out for me, and there's the old miami which also has hot chicks but also has never worked out for me. Then there's Northern lights, which is really fucking far away but has hot chicks and HAS worked for me at least once [hayley].

Or I could look up a show to go to. At work there are no girls I'm interested in, in my neighborhood I seem to run into ghetto black chicks I'm not into. Hanging out at WSU there are hot chicks but I rarely talk to them. I guess I could, but so far it hasn't work out, but the potential is still there.

I'll write down where I go and what sorta girls I see and meet and over view it to see where I need to stop going and where I should be going more often.

_________________
I feel like the point of a community is to help where/when/however u can.
-Aceospades12

Friday March 15 2013
Went to the bank and got $70 out.
$11 somethingish for a pizza I bought at work. I ate 3 of the 6 slices today, but I felt kinda full after the first two [it's a deep dish with ground beef, mushrooms, and bacon, cheddar cheese, and black olives. DEEP dish, size of a pie pretty much]. There are still 3 slices at work, I'll ration them out.

Went to City club afterwards $4 entry. Bought a drink for $8 and left a $1 tip. $24 so far.... so about $44 left. Won a bet getting me a free drink from some guys [age guessing game]. No more money spent on drinks. Spent $7 on a pack of smokes when I got home [$37ish remain].

So at the club.
I see two hot chicks and they're with guys so I walk past and don't talk. I get a drink instead and go tot he basement and walk into the back room cause the front had no chicks. There are two girls there. Both hot enough for me. One has pink hair and I ask if her hair is pink [the lighting makes this worth asking since there are colored lights]. She says yeah but it's going to be green tomorrow. I ask why and she says st. patty's day and I feel silly for asking. She turns her back to me and starts chatting witht he other chick and they walk off and it's just me and two guys there.... fuck this. I go back upstairs.

Upstairs I run into some girl I met two weeks ago... Two weeks ago I asked her name and put my arm around her waist and pulled her in closer and she was within kissing range and we chatted but never kissed. Then later I went upstairs and asked her to dance, she said no, but ended up dacing with some other guy. Today I ignored her, she no longer matters.

I keep walking and I see a girl with a hula hoop. I asked to play with it and she lets me. She's with two guys and a girl. It appears they're on a double date of sorts. While I'm playing with the hula hoop I did a trick where I spin it behind my back and she wants me to teach her how to do it. I'm showing her and she keeps fuckign it up. Then one of the guys comes over, looked like he was jealous, and they chat for a bit then she talks to me again and asks me how to do the trick again and he glares at her and she walks away from me and I figure, fuck it, I'm going to go smoke and see if any girls are downstairs again.

Down there people are trying to guess this guys age.
I ask what his favorite saturday morning cartoon show was as a kid. He says ninja turtles. I say "you were born in 1985" he says he owes me a drink. We chat for a bit and he's pretty cool. We go upstairs and he buys me a rolling rock and gets another pitcher of beer. And I'm chiling chattin' with him and his buddy. And next to us is some hot chick and some guy.

I say "hey, how're you two doing? Feel like chattin'?" and they start talking to me. Mostly just introducing themselves. I ask who they're here with. They say each other... fuck. The guy who got me the drink, who sounds like fucking Christian slater, starts talking to the girl for a few minutes and she's all giggly and laughing and I see her feet are pointed towards him, not the guy she's with. They chat for a whiel and then the guy walks off with her. hmm....

Later we go back downstairs for another smoke and there's some hot chick with her boyfriend and some fat chick. I see a pack of smokes on the ground and pick them up. The fat chick walks into the back room and says it looks like a torture chamber. I say it looks like the place hot and horny couples sneak into at the club and she giggles. They leave.

Then they come back and ask if anyone saw a pack of newports. I pull'em out my pocket and say "you mean these? I found'em on the floor." They thank me and say I'm pretty cool and give me two of the cigs. Sweet.

At this point I've given up. And I'm sitting next to the fat chick and figuring, why the hell not. I'm chatting with her and find out she's here with her friends and they're her ride home. So I ask her friend what's up and she says she'll drop her off at my place if she's down, I just gotta make sure she's down. Easy enough right... but what the fuck am I doing.... no fat chicks.

I'm making out with her later and giving her a massage and realizing I drank too much. But now I'll feel bad if I just up and walk away. That and I kinda wanna get laid... not that badly though.

Well eventually she gets tired and just wants to sleep. The hot chick suggests I trade numbers with her. So I say "hey it was fun, it would be nice to see you again." She hugs me and says "yeah I had fun too, hope to see you around." But never gives me a number. Well, plus one and minus one. Evens the fuck out. I didn't get her number, which I didn't want. But my line didn't work and she didn't suggest trading numbers and didn't want mine so much either.... needs polishing I guess.

On the way out I run into some guy who lives near me. So I get a ride home.

And when I get home on OKCupid some girl I recently messaged, who hadn't responded to my last message [after we had a long convo] responds to this.

" hey, what's going on? "

with

"wow sorry, I'm so backlogged in messages it's not even funny, but I guess better late than never hahaha

i'm just drawing at the moment, trying to fill art commissions, what are you up to? "

To which I respond

"I went out for the night.
Been working a lot and going out a lot seeing what there is to see and having fun.

216-XXX-XXXX Text me sometime. You're cute and you're kinda cool, I'd like to hang out when we're both free. "

And that was a few minutes ago, she's online right now [according to the site] and I've received no text or response back. Yet.


This was friday.

Sometime after the fat chick and the hot chick witht eh boyfriend left I went downstairs to see if any other girls were still there. Nothing. A guy and the girl from last week walk downstairs. I ask the guy for a cig, he claims he has only a few. I offer to pay for one, then he just gives me one. I stand in the same spot I was when he gave it too me and light it up without moving my feet. I look around the room and he shows the girl the door to the back room. I assume he's trying to sneak in there and fuck her. She doesn't want to go in. But both of them had their feet pointed at each other. She was playing with his hair for a bit. I wasn't paying so much attention to what they were saying... initially I was until I noticed it didn't seem to matter really. They were bullshitting and small talking.

But they kept touching each other. She'd play with his hair and then step back and point her feet at him then he'd just stand there and say something to try and sound cool and she seemed like she thought it was horse shit but she'd step in and play with his hair anyway and then step back. It got boring after a while and it wasn't teaching me much. I wasn't learning from it anyway, so I finished my cig and went upstairs and foudn the guy who gave me a ride home.

_________________
I feel like the point of a community is to help where/when/however u can.
-Aceospades12

So, last night I talked to a few guys that ended up with me getting free booze and a ride home. Noted.
But I spent a lot of time talking to a fat chick when there were still other girls and gave up too soon.

And there were a few girls I didn't talk to that I should've at least said hi too.
So.... I'm going out again tonight, same place. guess I'll talk to more girls this time and still being social with guys too.

_________________
I feel like the point of a community is to help where/when/however u can.
-Aceospades12

Saturday 3.16.13

I feel pretty shitty at the moment.... But here we go anyway.

Let's start at the club itself.
I showed up around 1pm or so and got a drink and went to the dance floor.
I introduce myself to some girl who's dancing by herself and she's asking where the fence in on this thing we're standing on. She said there used to be one. The convo is dying to I leave, not knowing what to say really. I introduce myself to some really hot chick who's standing around. We're She tells me she's from Canada. Winsor, just south of detroit.

I asked who she was here with and she motions over some random location and I joke and say "that's very descriptive. You're friends with half the dance floor apparently." She laughs and points more directly. I don't see who she's pointing at and stopped caring. She mentions she feels out of place with what she's wearing [we're in a goth club and she's dressed like she should be in a martini bar]. I say she's at least wearing black and I'm not dressed for the occasion so much either. I'm touching the small of her back and she's touching my arm and we're talking and some random guy walks over and stands next to her. He's from canada too. I assume he's there cause I'm talking to her. I don't know what to say to him or her but I keep chatting. Then I don't know what to say anymore and walk off and go dancing.

Later I'm downstairs smoking a cig and some girl is telling people about themselves based on their signs. I ignore this and she comes up to me and asks my sign. I say "Signs are bullshit, I bet you can't guess mine in less than 6 or 7 tries. There are 12, average guessing would be 6 or 7 if it's nonsense." Some girl who's personality she just read based off this garbages says "Calm down it's not that serious dude." I ignore this, I don't have time for nonsense chatter like that. I walk away and this girl follows me and guess wrong. I say "that's one guess." She guesses again and moves in closer to me and touches my stomach. I move in and kiss her and say "nope, not a scorpia." She guesses again and we're making out and I say "wrong again. That's three guesses so far." Then she guesses wrong two more times and once she's around guess 8 or so she says I'm bullshitting her adn she had to have guessed right. I say "Statistically odds are in your favor after 6 guesses. Well, kind of. Odds of you guessing right with 6 guesses is 50%, but the guesses after that have a 17% chance of being right, then 20%, 25%, 33%, 50%, and 100%, if your memory is working for you." She giggles a little bit and says "you're more into science aren't you." I kiss her and she spins around and I'm biting her neck. She says "That's further down the line." in a tone that I interpret means to stop, so I stop.

She moves away and she says "You're not so good at reading people are you." I say "no, not really. You gave the impression that was unwelcomed." She makes out with me a little more and walks off and says "Well, I can't make things too easy for you." I don't bother following her.

I see three girls and introduce myself and they're not very friendly. One claims to be tired. I says "Sure you are." in a tone of disbelief and keep it moving. I see the first girl again, the one who mentions the lack of a fence. She tells me about some club and I ask for her number and she gives it to me... I assume.

And I run out of shit to say so I move on and there's soem hot chick dancing on the dance floor. I'm dancing near her and she gets tired and stands on the sides. Later I go and introduce myself and say I liked her dancing and she says thanks and tells me her name, but nothing else really. So I keep on moving.

So now I run into Zodiac chick again and realize she's not so attractive so I don't really waste much time before I walk off where I see a girl who's got a goth lamb chop and she's just wearing electrical tape on her nipples. She has these tattoos above her tits and some guy I know from the other week is talking to her. He's asking about the tats. I touch them and ask about them and she's telling me about them. Then her boyfriend shows up and she's talking to him, but still talking to us. Fuck that, I leave and run into Fence girl again. And I have a text from Meagan, a girl I used to fuck all the time.

She wants to hang out. So I'm talking to fence girla nd then her friend says she has a boyfriend, but she never said she did. So I tell her I'm leaving and give her a hug and say she has nice eyes. She says so do I.

Then I get a ride from Meagan, we go back to my place and fuck. She's moaning and having a good time and shit and then I go to smoke a cigarette.

I'm on facebooka nd see that Hayley is now fucking engaged.
I feel like shit. I fucked that up and now she's engaged. I really liked her. I don't like meagan like I liked Hayley. I liked everything about Hayley more. I don't have anyone in my life that I actually have feelings for. I don't know how to find a girl like that. I don't know how to even talk to girls in the club and get to know them, my convo's drop and they're dead and then I walk off.

I'm frustrated and suicide was the first thing that popped in my mind when I say she was engaged. I want to take her off my friends list. I want to die. But I need to just fucking learn how to talk to girls. And shit, I sure as hell don't get it.

I don't really know how to open, or talk to groups, or what to do at all really.... I'm not sure where to start and what to work on... I just keep trying and hopefully shit will get better through practice.

_________________
I feel like the point of a community is to help where/when/however u can.
-Aceospades12