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PostPosted: Mon Feb 25, 2013 5:18 pm 
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What makes you think "this time" will be different from "last time"?

*Sex is obviously not a big deal.


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 25, 2013 8:16 pm 
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Dates, lack of escalations,lack of polarization, hours on a date, broke up with your gf, no sex... Falling fast into "friendzone"... I hope i am wrong... All i read was typical nice guy behavior...
Well I mean we have history from before where we've been very very physical. And since I was the one who broke up with her last time, I thought maybe I should just take it casual on the first date.

She hasn't contacted me in 2 days now though.
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What makes you think "this time" will be different from "last time"?

*Sex is obviously not a big deal.
This is the first time since I have gotten to know her that BOTH of us are single at the same time. She has never been single before, which makes me think I actually got a realistic shot at this THIS time.

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PostPosted: Tue Feb 26, 2013 4:15 pm 
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What makes you think "this time" will be different from "last time"?

*Sex is obviously not a big deal.
This is the first time since I have gotten to know her that BOTH of us are single at the same time. She has never been single before, which makes me think I actually got a realistic shot at this THIS time.
You broke it off with her the last time because she couldn't commit. She fooled around with you while she was dating somebody else and you didn't like it. What makes you think she won't always be this way? It's one or the other. . . be fine with a girl who's a bit flighty and fools around when an opportunity presents itself or if you're not fine with that, go find somebody else.


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 26, 2013 5:10 pm 
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Quote:
Dates, lack of escalations,lack of polarization, hours on a date, broke up with your gf, no sex... Falling fast into "friendzone"... I hope i am wrong... All i read was typical nice guy behavior...
Well I mean we have history from before where we've been very very physical. And since I was the one who broke up with her last time, I thought maybe I should just take it casual on the first date.

She hasn't contacted me in 2 days now though.
Quote:
What makes you think "this time" will be different from "last time"?

*Sex is obviously not a big deal.
This is the first time since I have gotten to know her that BOTH of us are single at the same time. She has never been single before, which makes me think I actually got a realistic shot at this THIS time.


fuck the girl ASAP, and fuck her good, everything else will fall in place... She cheated on 100 dudes, does not mean she will cheat on you... Women go through life stages, a hoe yesterday may be a church girl tomorrow, a church girl yesterday may be a hoe tomorrow...

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PostPosted: Tue Feb 26, 2013 5:27 pm 
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^Yeah I thought so too.

Well, she has never cheated on anyone before because all of her relationships have either been open relationships or open long distance relationships.

So I wouldn't really call it 'cheating' on them with me.

But you're right, my mind just freezes around this woman and I can't think clearly. Need to get physical to the fullest extent, very soon.

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PostPosted: Wed Feb 27, 2013 5:46 am 
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Sex is a commodity and people do not change over an orgasm.


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 27, 2013 2:43 pm 
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Is it really that impossible for a switch to be turned in a person's mind to make them change? Or at least adapt to the partner they are with?

No I don't like it when she sees other men. But then again, I've never even gotten in a position with her where I have right to even complain about it. We've just dated very casually and it was all during times she was 'seeing' someone else.

This time she is absolutely single. I'm thinking of dating her to a certain point where I will literally try and convince her to ATTEMPT monogamy - with me. And if not, of course, it will be over and I will walk away.

Is this really THAT unreachable? . . .

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PostPosted: Wed Feb 27, 2013 3:52 pm 
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Is it really that impossible for a switch to be turned in a person's mind to make them change? Or at least adapt to the partner they are with?

No I don't like it when she sees other men. But then again, I've never even gotten in a position with her where I have right to even complain about it. We've just dated very casually and it was all during times she was 'seeing' someone else.

This time she is absolutely single. I'm thinking of dating her to a certain point where I will literally try and convince her to ATTEMPT monogamy - with me. And if not, of course, it will be over and I will walk away.

Is this really THAT unreachable? . . .


That is suicide, come on dude, wtf!
Quote:
Disney – Any thought derived from societal programming that monogamy, child rearing, or marriage is pleasant and/or permanent in the modern era. Disney is usually suffered by women, but a certain variation can be suffered by men as well (see: Guy-Disney).

Guy-Disney – The incorrect thought men have that somewhere out there is a girl who will love you forever, never cheat on you, never get bored with you, and never break up with you.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YNovswAlmio[/youtube]

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PostPosted: Wed Feb 27, 2013 7:08 pm 
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I absolutely do not believe in the whole Guy-Disney fantasy world.

I'm simply trying to experiment with the idea that you can turn a 'loose' woman into at least TRY giving monogamy a chance.

I've concluded that her non-monogamous behavior derives from early day breakups where she got hurt by several men, many times. This caused her to develop a fear of proper 'commitment' and therefore she runs around requesting open relationships with every guy she starts liking.

She tried doing this with me too (in a way) some time ago.

But just as this mindset of hers was placed in her mind for the wrong reasons - can't the right reasons to give monogamy a chance work as a reverse effect? Can't she start trusting guys eventually (me for one) and give it a shot?

And if it doesn't work out and she starts liking someone else or I start liking someone else - boohoo, shit happens.

. . . But it doesn't mean it's not worth giving it a shot, does it?

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PostPosted: Wed Feb 27, 2013 9:13 pm 
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I absolutely do not believe in the whole Guy-Disney fantasy world.

I'm simply trying to experiment with the idea that you can turn a 'loose' woman into at least TRY giving monogamy a chance.

I've concluded that her non-monogamous behavior derives from early day breakups where she got hurt by several men, many times. This caused her to develop a fear of proper 'commitment' and therefore she runs around requesting open relationships with every guy she starts liking.

She tried doing this with me too (in a way) some time ago.

But just as this mindset of hers was placed in her mind for the wrong reasons - can't the right reasons to give monogamy a chance work as a reverse effect? Can't she start trusting guys eventually (me for one) and give it a shot?

And if it doesn't work out and she starts liking someone else or I start liking someone else - boohoo, shit happens.

. . . But it doesn't mean it's not worth giving it a shot, does it?

Women do not reason with the "head" they get gut feelings/intuitions/attraction, weird shit, anyways dude, trying to change a woman is very easy once you reach the investment paradox, this girl is not that invested in you yet... You need to get the women to invest. Once they are invested either equally or more(more perfect situation). They will do whatever the fuck you want. One way to get them invested(is to fuck them fast and good).... And the second one displaying attractive behaviors, and none neediness... Dude i am telling you, you are a bit more invested and kind of needy, expecting an outcome(i want her to be my gf) that shit, is not good... Where is the panda from the "Can you get me a beer" field report... you can be like that other panda, you will get this girl...

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PostPosted: Wed Feb 27, 2013 10:18 pm 
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Well Skills, I hear everything you are saying. And the advice you give me is similar to the kind of advice I would give any other guy that asked the same questions.

But let's face it.

I am in love and it's making me very insecure.

I will do whatever it takes to make it work with this one.

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PostPosted: Thu Feb 28, 2013 2:39 pm 
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Quote:
Well Skills, I hear everything you are saying. And the advice you give me is similar to the kind of advice I would give any other guy that asked the same questions.

But let's face it.

I am in love and it's making me very insecure.

I will do whatever it takes to make it work with this one.



[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ix52LldhtfQ[/youtube]

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PostPosted: Thu Feb 28, 2013 5:17 pm 
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I've concluded that her non-monogamous behavior derives from early day breakups where she got hurt by several men, many times. This caused her to develop a fear of proper 'commitment' and therefore she runs around requesting open relationships with every guy she starts liking.
And she got herself into situations where she could get hurt many times because she was hardwired for this brand of drama since she was a kid. 20 to 1 odds are her mom is just a flighty and divorced.

360, you're a middle aged man. . . also divorced. And I understand your propensity to show off your manhood on a forum filled with confused kids but seriously. . .what is it with your "problem solving via fucking" advice? Is that why you divorced? Did you not fuck your wife enough? Is that why you couldn't 'improve' her? Has this forum gone mad? The majority of advice in this forum amounts to: #1. Tell girl you want to fuck her. #2. Fuck her. #3. Repeat 1 and 2. #4. All problems solved.

A woman is not a jigsaw puzzle or your dad's 78' Mustang. You don't 'solve' a girl nor do you 'fix' her; this is an impossibility. Perhaps a talented motivator could help her with classwork, resume, daily schedule, health habits, etc . . . but even these challenges will be difficult to manage. People simply do not change their emotional triggers as these things tend to be formed at such a young age, then continuously fortified through habits and consequences. The recent death of Mindy Mccready, as well as others in that Celebrity Detox show should offer some clues as to how difficult it is to shift habits, even through professional help. Really? Do you think those people merely didn't experience enough orgasms?

The kicker in this situation is that "fucking" is part of this girl's drama cycle. She's going to fuck, force a relationship into drama . . . just so she can go through the, "the dude really hurt me bad," drama over and over again. There is no fix.

You tell yourself that you like monogamy. . . stop here and think about this. If you like 'monogamy' so much, why are you so much in love with a girl who does not? Really? Do not believe that there are girls who are more talented and more beautiful, who also respects monogamy as much as you do? There are of course millions of girls who are just that. So why her?

Could you date a girl who eats dogs, only on Mondays when you are not with her? She's beautiful and talented, and even monogamous. . . and this eating habit of hers wouldn't even affect your relationship; she just eats dog meat on her own time. I dare say that you wouldn't fall in love with her. It's not even her 'values' but a different taste in a food product that will turn you off. Yet, you have DIFFERENT values from this girl (values that actually affect relationships) and you've fallen for her. See? . . . emotional triggers are difficult to control isn't it?

Relationships are not a big deal. If you wanted to, you could date until your 90. You will meet many people, date them, etc . . . but you won't change them; this is an impossibility. Professional sports teams recruit young kids and they can offer guidance, schedules, coaching . . . but nobody changes anybody's emotional triggers. A kid that gets off on Vegas and hookers are going to do that regardless of what their coaches try to teach them.

Accept and love who she has been because that is who she is and who she will be. Or find another. Or just go through the drama and have fun with it. Not a big deal no matter what you do. . .

*Yes. . . some people do change. . . but not through some teacher, guru, or boyfriend, and definitely not through fucking a whole lot.


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 28, 2013 5:54 pm 
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I keep telling myself ^those things over and over again, but the mystery still remains - why am I so in love with this woman?

I tried coming up with reasons that may be related to my immature age, and these were some of the conclusions:

* This is a woman I look up to in terms of work-life. She is extremely disciplined, executes everything on time, executes everything with great ambition - and moves forward in life at a great speed.

* I also look up to her character. She doesn't let anyone walk her over, she stands her ground and she is generally a strong individual. I am jealous of this woman and I want to be like her.

Maybe this is why I love her. I love her because I want to be her. I love her because her qualities exceed mine. I love her because I want to be around a person long enough to learn from those qualities and improve my life.

But this is not love though, is it? I can do these things with a friend. I don't have to be sexually attracted to someone to fulfill these wishes?

I'm thinking that if I uncover the REAL reasons for why I like this girl so much - then maybe it can help me think rationally about the whole situation and make decisions accordingly, making sure I don't get myself involved with this girl again and again like I have so far.

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PostPosted: Thu Feb 28, 2013 11:58 pm 
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@kasabi... I was married, and got divorced cause i got bored(had a prenuptial and no kids)....


The advise i gave him, is spot on(get her invested), if he does it, he will get the girl if not(he is more invested and needy which is the sense i get), he will lose the girl as simple as that.... But hey, is just advise he can do, whatever the fuck he wants! Anyways Kasabi, miss you i came here worried about the kid stuff, do not want to highjack his journal i am out!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LBoZmuqJbRU[/youtube]

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Last edited by skills360 on Fri Mar 01, 2013 2:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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