Hey Guys,

I have dated this amazing girl now for 3 months. The three months have been absolutely amazing. Not one fight, talking every single day by text, everything has been reciprocated, 100% trust. I even go to uni in America and her in Europe and we do long distance and it has been great.

Last week she called me up from her holiday and said "I have to tell you something, I want to be with you forever". It made me smile because I am head over heals for this girl.

Today and last night I spend the days with her, it was good, but she was a bit distant. Because she was distant I began to be a bit clingy and tell her "I love you", "You know you mean everything to me", a lot because she was silent. I even said "I never open up like this, I only have done this to you" in which she replied; "I know you have said that to me, its normal though what we have is different". Finally later on in the day, she looked at me and said, "You know what I said on the phone the other week, about wanting to be with you forever, well... I dont take it back, but it is quite serious, and who knows what could happen between us". The past 2 months she has been telling me she wants me in her life for a long future and can see herself with me in the next few years, and all of a sudden. This....

You get the point. I was quiet all day, it was on my mind all day, we spoke on the phone and I told her i was surprised, didnt expect it, didnt understand. Am i handling this right. I leave back to Uni in 3 days, tomorrow night I am suppose to spend it with her. What do you think?

I should be the one calling the shots, and I am head over heels for this girl.

Oh buddy, the way you're headed this girl will have lost all her attraction for you within a month, and she will dump you. Thats exactly what she is feeling right now, loss of attraction. Your behaving like the girl here and it needs to stop. Start being the man. Stop 'giving' yourself to her so freely. Make her work for it. Stop being so needy! You are terrified to lose this girl and that is exactly why you are going to lose her.

Read my post below about not chasing in relationships. Then implement what is in that post as much as possible to your relationship with this girl. If you do that, i promise you she will be telling you she wants to be with you forever again.

Game some other girls too just in case this doesn't work out you won't take it that hard

I agree with everything Killer said above. Also, her reaction to her saying "she wants to be with you forever" then having second thoughts, could be consider the same as marriage "cold feet".

Hey I could really use the advice,

I went to her last night with the mindset of being cool calm and relaxed, at the beginning it was good. But she was really distant again. Let me explain, before she use to call me saying how much she loves me, wants to have sex with me, wants me forever, cant imagine loosing me. Now she doesnt compliment or say anything like that, and if I ask why not she says because she has said it all before.

When I say cute things, she replies " you already said that before" or she doenst say anything at all.

I dont know what the fuck is happening. I just dont. Me and her were SO GOOD TOGETHER, like AMAZING.

We are unfortunately a long distance relationship, I leave tomorrow to go back to America, but I am home in 2 months again for good. Living near her.

We always use to talk about the future, me and her together, and now im questioning whether or not we have a future.

Last night before bed i told her she was distancing, and she said no i am not. I could see she didnt want to talk about it, i even asked if she wanted to and she said no she doesnt. But then she was like, but I do want you to be happy (it use to be "us") so we can talk about it.

I said its fine and that i dont want to mention the future again, which she said, haha i think you will.

This morning when we woke up, normally we have morning sex, but she didnt, like she teased me teased me non stop, touching me, then i would try to go down her pants and she would stop, finally after 20 minutes of trying she said haha we arent going to have sex, so i said fine and put on my pants.

I leave tomorrow, I mean, honestly. What do I do, how do i reverse this. I really love this girl, and I know she loves me, and i am her first boyfriend and everything. So waht do you think?

DO you think taking distance in long distance relationship is helpful or harmful?

I think distance will definitely test a relationship. Being that you are coming to the states again for a few months, depending on how you play it before you leave, and how you play it while yall are apart. She will either break it off with you before you get back home this time or she will actually decide and reassure herself that she wants long term with you.

I think before you leave for the states you should discuss honestly with each other your feelings, and any doubts about the relationship. This is where it will get treat for you, you will have to except any critism, you can not show anger or irration bout anything she says. Also, you will have to be prepared if she says some thing about space and a break, if this comes up, you will have to be understand it and except it, then Soft Next her during the time apart.

Dude, by telling you "she wanted to be with you forever" (yeah right), she was testing your reaction. You probably made it too easier for her and confirmed that you were way too needy.

If she becomes cold and distant with you- you need to return it. Otherwise she feels that you are being way too needy. You should NEVER invest more in the relationship than she is. Let me repeat that: NEVER invest more than she is. The attraction should be mutual or you cut her loose- simple as that.

Wow, she is being a classic disrespectful bitch here. I would tell her that although you "love her", you will not tolerate her disrespect and that ANY affection in the relationship should be MUTUAL in order for it to work for YOU.

I'll confirm what Killer said and WHAT is happening...it sounds like she's losing interest in you man...sorry, but you NEED to cut her loose- let her know that you will NOT tolerate her disrespect and lack of investment in the relationship. Trust me, after this she WILL come running back to you and BEG YOU for forgiveness (unless she has lost all feelings for you by this point).

Sometimes you have to be harsh in relationships in order to keep things in balance (especially when she is starting to invest less in it than you are). You have to be willing to walk away from the relationship in order for the girl to respect/remain attracted to you. Women are strange creatures (they are just like cats)- give them too much attention and they will withdraw- they HATE it. It is ALWAYS best to give them LESS attention than they give you, but not too much and not too little.
Your probably also not being 'the man' enough in the relationship.

Do you lead? Are you dominant? Do you TELL her what to do and not ASK? (yes this helps)- don't EVER be afraid to EXPECT favours from her (including sexual ones ).

It also helps to become the best at pleasuring her in bed that you can- women VERY RARELY dump men who give them the best orgasms they've ever experienced, no matter how needy/nice he is.

Good luck in salvaging whatever is left of this relationship, buddy! and don't be afraid to ask me for advice. Iv'e been there and been dumped and have learned how to prevent it and deal with it, but I'm not really a relationship kind of guy- they are just WAY too much work for the man.

Crappy advice for the most part.

The correct thing to do is distance yourself, just as she's doing. Let HER want you more. Don't talk to her about the relationship, don't say you love her, nothing. Give her stone cold. She'll start missing it soon enough. If things eventually die off, then it wasn't meant to be. To soften the potentially harm in the abrupt end of the relationship, start talking to other girls.

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Before she can respect you, you need to respect yourself.

breezy86's advice is spot on though.

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Before she can respect you, you need to respect yourself.

Hey,

So I took your guys advice and backed off. I didn't message her when she woke up, and she had messaged me during the night about the few things (remember cuz of time difference when Im awake she is asleep).

Anyways, when I finally spoke to her she was like "you were ignoring me huh??", i asked her to tell me about her day and she said "why dont you tell me about you first". I talked to her and messaged her a bit, and she said "youve been ignoring me today?" , then I said, "thats not true, i dont play games, how was your day?" and she said. right... good. She said very little things up to this point and answered short, until i had enough of it and i said "hey i wasnt trying to ignore you, i was really busy catching up with work this morning. but i loved reading your messages and hearing about your day, it makes me smile, i get the sense your confused about something?" she said, noo im not confused at all, no worries, and i hope your morning was good. After that she was again answering short and i was again confused.

before she went to bed, i was in my meeting just about to go in, and she messaged me saying "listen to this quietly", and she told me she loved me in an audio note.

Now she is asleep. I am wondering whether to be distant again (maybe she will get fed up)... or i tell her this


Hey, i know last week we had conversations circling the same topic of distance. I thought about everything you said to me about you being precautious in the words you choose to say to me, and I understand where you are coming from. I want us to enjoy each other like we have been for the past 5 months, all that is important for you to know now is i love you"

Should i send her anything, something along those lines, just tell her about my day, or leave it. I am so confused, it use to be so easy with this girl, maybe she isnt distancing and its just me?

Stop being so scared that she will "Give up" when you become distant. Do you see what her becoming distant has done to you? Its made you think about her non stop! Its made you "want her back". It hasnt made you give up at all! Now you need to:

-stop telling this girl how much you love her all the time she already KNOWS.
-Go get busy with work/hobbies and cut down the contact between the both of you.
-Make sure she is contacting you at least double the amount you are contacting her.
-Be the one to cut off phone conversations, tell her somethings come up and you have to go
-tell her you will call her back, then don't. You want her to be thinking "What is he doing thats more important than talking to me!?"
-avoid long conversations with her for at least the next week or two.
-Never respond directly to her "why are you ignoring me" questions. Deflect deflect deflect. If she gets pissy, hang up/ignore.
-When you do contact her keep it light and fun. "hey i just saw the funniest thing bla bla" or "this project at work is blabla". No more emotional crap.

[quote] she said, noo im not confused at all, no worries, and i hope your morning was good. After that she was again answering short and i was again confused./quote]

Brace yourself, bro. I've been through this. She's losing her attraction and just stringing you along. Follow the advice above and don't cave.

Women are like cats, they want what they can't have and don't want what they can have. Repeat this to yourself over and over. I've been down this road. Don't get burned. Anytime you feel like caving or have questions, post on this board and we'll steer you in the right direction. Don't let your emotions for her govern your decisions.

also, absolutely do not send her this: