So right around the time I first started doing online game seriously (fall 2011) I met this real cute girl off OKC for minigolf. Turned out she had a boyfriend at the time, but we got on well and I didn't know anyone in my town, so we sort of stayed in touch.

A year and half later, we've hung out maybe twice up until last week. We'd have pretty long text convos every so often, but that would be the extent of it. But even then, she would and still does send pretty long responses, we'd already developed plenty of our own inside jokes, and I'm usually the one who ends up not texting her back at the end of the night for whatever reason.

Last week I met her for drinks at a local bar. She's long since dumped the boyfriend (I didn't capitalize back then b/c I had other shit going on) and at this point has what she calls a "gentleman caller." So we have a great 2 hour talk and I kiss her on the way back to her car, once more before I leave her. She's easily one of the cutest girls I've gone out with, very smart (getting a PhD in Psych), very sexually comfortable, and is super easy to talk to.

Fast forward to last night. We had made plans to watch a movie and drink, so I bring over a bottle of wine. Her roommate ends up watching it with us, so I could only kiss her towards the end of the movie after the roomie left to take a phone call. Not once does she ever break the kiss or push me away. In fact, she seems to really be getting into it.

It's late and we've both had a lot of wine (it was a big fucking bottle), so she says that if I'm not good to drive, I'm free to spend the night.

"Sure," I say, not expecting anything. Then she gives me a choice between the couch and her bed.



I play it cool, make some comment about how comfy her bed seems (I was sitting on it at the time, and it was comfy), and we hop in. Soon as the lights go out, we make out.

She starts to get very bold. Running her hands through my hair and pulling it and pulling me into the kiss. She's wearing basketball shorts, a bra, and a gym shirt. I'm in gym shorts and a shirt. She's cool with my hand on her breast. She's fine with my hand on her ass. I slip my hand under her shirt once, and she gently removes it.

"Okay, fine," I think. Not the first time a girl has done that, and it usually means nothing. Make out a little more, then she says...

"Just FYI, we're not having sex. I'm a makeout whore, but I'm not a whore."

"Okay," I say with a nonchalant smile. Even this doesn't faze me. I actually really like this girl, and when it's a girl I genuinely like I have no problem if she doesn't want to fuck right away. In fact, I prefer it. The whole process of taking her to bed makes it more enjoyable. Don't ask why I like it. I'm weird like that.

Anyways, soon she rolls over on top of me and starts grinding on my dick. Hard. Pulling my hair, kissing my neck and ears. Really working me over, so much so that I forget about escalating with her. Turns out she ends up getting off just by grinding through our clothes. I'm left with some bad blue balls, but whatever. We talk for a while and then fall asleep.

This morning I'm at my internship and we start texting. Here's where it gets weird...


HER: To get all serious and shit, as far as I'm concerned this isn't sexual. Not really looking for a fuck buddy. So we're just friends who make out occasionally lol

ME (after recovering from some serious shock): Then what do you consider your gentleman caller? I wasn't looking at it like that anyway. I was going the casual dating route, get to know each other and shit.

HER: The gentleman caller was casual dating, maybe working towards a relationship, but I think I'm getting tired of him.

ME (not wanting to make it too serious too fast, but seriously confused/concerned): He's not washing your dishes the way you like, huh? ((inside joke))

HER: Exactly! I'm in the market for a new sub (another inside joke; we'd been talking about doms/subs a lot), and you DID show some promise....



Since then the texts have gone back to their usual playfulness/plenty of flirting and sexual talk, but now I'm pretty concerned about what's going on. Her initial text made it sound like she wanted me just as a friend to make-out with/use to get off, leaving me with blue balls while she goes and fucks some other guy. I'm not fucking cool with that.

Then, after my response, she makes it sound like the door could potentially be open. I don't know why she assumed I was looking for a fuck buddy (I'm not), but I notice she didn't say anything about not wanting to date (which is what I do want with her).

The whole fucking thing has left me seriously rattled and confused... Everything about the way we interact up until that conversation has led me to believe she's interested in me as a dating and/or sexual prospect. How the fuck can you make out with and get off on someone without it being sexual? Is she just jerking me around, is she unsure of what she wants, is she testing me, is she nervous?

What the fuck? Help seriously appreciated for this one.

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D.G.A.F. isn't just a state. It's a lifestyle.

i think she was shittesting you when she said no sex. and you failed. simple as that, bro.

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"Says the wise man, success is made by your own hand." a line from my newest song.

I think she sees relationship material in me is why. I've hung out with her 2 times since that post and things have been fine. Very date-like vibe between us. Still no sex, just heavy making out and her getting off on grinding on top of me. Which, honestly, is fine, since I'm interested in dating her and not just sex.

I realized my problem is that I was bringing up sex way too much with her when she's a girl I'm interested in dating and not just fucking. I've been dealing mainly with girls I just want to bang lately, so I forgot that the rules are slightly different when you want to date a girl and not just fuck her.

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D.G.A.F. isn't just a state. It's a lifestyle.

Well, you handled it well in my own opinion. However, to have made it a 10/10 response, I'd have immediately just agreed with her just being "friends with makeout benefits." Also, don't let her get off if you won't get off. That's just using you and treating you like a little bitch. And if you make it clear that you won't let her grind your dick unless you can mutually get off, then you are both DHVing and earning her respect.

However, keep in mind that she's already displayed a high level of interest in you. Whatever she said about her not wanting to be with you is bullshit and a shit test. As long as you stand your ground and play your game well, I can assure you that you'll be able to date her.

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Before she can respect you, you need to respect yourself.

I completely agree with Fly_Swatter. I was in a similar situation, blue balls are fucking painful! But this is what I did, the second time I met with this girl, she started to do the same shit...makeout and grind heavily. I got fed up and gently threw her off me and said this isn't going to work. 5 mins later her panties were off and I was penetrating her. I thought I would bust a nut really fast but surprisingly I lasted over a half hour...not sure how that works.

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"Don't put the pussy on a pedestal"