I am reading a book called models.

The book showed me a problem I have and I wasn't noticing. I realized that I am needy. I am not creepy, but I communicate isecurities when I talk. I think women notice that I'm seeking sex and affection (that's what the book stated and I believe it). I haven't got laid for three months now, since I broke up with my girlfriend. At first it was easy because the relationship was hurting me and she have a very bad attitude towards me, so I decided to end it (wich was a hard desition).
I think part of my manhood die with her. I have it dificult to approach new women.

While I was reading I realized that I am needy. But I can not understand how can I stop being needy. The more I think the more I understand that stopping being needy is not something you can do by just saying it. "Stop being needy, the girls know" => Ok, any tip? :S

Time goes by and all the fears and insecurities are taking roots.
Will I be capable of love Again (on a healthy way)?
Will I recover my sex drive?
Will I get laid again?

this questions arise along in my mind. And these make me very insecure. This insecurities make more needy...
It affects all my interactions, even with females I have no intention other than having a nice conversation.

gracias, felicidades!!

First off, know that this is a problem everyone struggles with at some point.

Second, you now know that you are needy, so knowing is half the battle.

Now, you ask how do I stop being needy. There are lots of ways to do this. You have to recognize that you being needy is a function of the fears and insecurities you outlined in your post. So ask yourself these questions you've outlined.

Will you get laid again? The answer is no, you will not get laid again, so long as you are needy. So if you want to get laid again, you have to not be needy. So, now that you know this, what are you going to do? Be needy and not get laid, or stop being needy as soon as you recognize that you are?

Will you recover your sex drive? You are 22. Unless you have a medical condition, your lack of sex drive is just a function of your happiness within yourself. If you know and believe you are less than you can be, and you want your sex drive back, you need to figure out what it is you're not satisfied with yourself about, and bring yourself up to a level you are happy with. For instance, if by chance you're not happy with yourself because you realize you've been needy, then when you stop acting needy you will be happy that you are no longer acting this way, you'll be happy about this, and perhaps a little more ready to get it on.

Will I be capable of love again? Once again, so long as you are not happy with yourself, the answer is no. So you need to determine what it is you're unhappy about, and do your best to fix this. Keep in mind that nobody is perfect. But you should be happy with yourself if you have done all you can to improve yourself in the areas you aren't happy with.

In a nutshell, you might never be completely non-needy. But if you reduce your level of neediness to the point that you feel you've done the best you can, you should be happy with this.

I hope this helps.

thanks,

I though a lot in what you answered to me. By the way I'm 28 not 22.
I think the solution for me is trying to learn to enjoy the things I got while I work in my insecurities. I think I'm put to much attention in what's wrong or in what I lack that I forget to enjoy things. It's very dificult but I'll try.

I've figured out I can't enjoy anithing. Even the things I liked in the past. E.G I really liked to goe to de movies alone as a moment of relaxation but nowadays when I'm in the line to buy the ticket my mind takes me to an unhappy place when I see couples, pretty girls or any happy person standin right there. This pattern repeats in every aspect of my life.

I think I will start by fixing that.

thanks again

RSD has a lot of stuff on neediness. Tylers Blueprint especially. Essentially only seek validation from within yourself and your actions, express yourself without concern of outcome and develop an abundance mindset

It sounds like you already know what some of your problems are, and like I said in my original post, if you know, then all you gotta do is make up your mind that you're going to solve it. That alone should help you start feeling better.

It really is a choice to not be happy. You seem a little bit heartbroken yet too. Some odd things can help you get over that. Maybe next time you're in line for a movie yourself and you see couples and start feeling that way, strike up a conversation with someone else who looks like they are there alone, or a group that won't feel threatened by you. Even if it's an old lady or man.

Short story, I was really down one day about a month ago. Lots of emotional stuff in my head about my primary relationship. I'm sitting in a waiting room with a Packers shirt on and out of the blue this 70 year old lady comes up, asks if I'm a Packer fan, and we end up talking for 30 minutes, laughing. I left and realized she had no reason to strike up a conversation with me, but I was damn glad she did. Took my mind off everything and I enjoyed myself. Never seen her again, never even got her name. I have a hunch that she could see the stress on my face and just decided to be nice and try to perk me up, and it worked. Gave me the urge to do the same thing if I notice someone in that condition. Keep this in mind when you're down. There's lots of ways to pick yourself up. Just find some that work for you, and do them.

I found this to be true. In the last week I put effort In going out and tried not tu put to much atention in my negative thoughts. Negative thoughts raises all the time but I try to ignore them. I started to hit the gym more often and reading a lot. This is distracting me.

I also found a recommended book in this forum called "No more Mr. Nice Guy", I read it and it help me to understand a lot of things.

I understand now that it's very important for a man to learn to be alone. There are lots of things but this is what I find I need to fix ASAP. It's just wrong I need a woman to make me feel masculine.

Thank you for your support and for sharing your story.

Gracias!

No problem. Thanks for recommending the book. Maybe I'll pick it up and read it on your recommendation.

I've read other books that talk about healthy people learning to be alone and not needing anyone else. That's all well and good, but I'm not sure that's what I want out of life. I want to know someone depends on me at least a little bit, and vice versa. So while I agree a man should be able to be ok on his own, I know that isn't what I want permanently in life. To each their own though.

well, the real problem It's when you low your guard and YOU depend on the other people. I think what made my past relationship a mess is that I was dependent and she was too. The next woman I'll make my partner will be that, my partner. I will continue to build my life as if she wasn't there. I will support and take care of her, but human relationships are complicated. There's a lot of betrayal and lies. Maybe I have a bad concept of women in general, I don't think a woman will support his man during a bad time (unemployment, illness etc) as our mothers did with our fathers. I found women selfish this days, and treacherous. Maybe neediness comes from fear to be betrayed, and the fact that I live in a country where prenups are against the law doesn't give me any calm. Divorced man here are literally in the streets back living with their parents (except for the ones with high payed jobs) without seeing their children because his wife wanted to bang her personal trainer. Of course you have to trust, and make mistakes, life is about that. Just take care of you a little, have a plan b and live in peace.

I hope I made sense.

You made perfect sense bro. In fact, your plan is exactly what the books I've read to date says one should do.

I guess what I was saying is that when I look at a life with a future partner that I build with or without her there, I think, then why have her at all? Why not walk away as soon as the going gets rough? What is there to bond over if you don't build anything together? I'm not telling you not to do what you said you're gonna do, because like I said, to each their own. I think I've just concluded that when I commit next time around, I'm not planning to build my life as if they are not there, I plan to build it because they are there because I want them there and they want to be there. I just need to bear in mind that if one of those 2 pieces is missing, then they will not be there. I think the level of co depedency is and should be up to the 2 people involved. In other words, you'll likely find your next real relationship happens with someone who wants to build her life as if you were not there as well. When you find her, it should work out well for you.

All you have to do is fight for it. Don’t let your insecurities pull you down. Don’t lose your hope, as long as we are breathing, there’s hope. Always put in your mind that you can do it, go out, have some fun, and meet some new hot chic’s.