Still didnt hang out with her until friday, For about the past 2 weeks i froze her out, Replied to her texts but usually id reply after about an hour or more. She started sending me all these messages saying she missed me and stuff and usually id say something funny like " ouuu dont worry I get that alot

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Than she had a party on friday that I went to.. It started at 9 but I didnt show up till about 10 because I had another commitment.. I assumed she liked me because of the messages saying she missed me and stuff but when I get there she was already cuddled up under a different guys arms so I went and started talking to her friends and having a good time (Im friends with them too). she came over and talked to me for about 5 minutes than went and sat with the other kid again (Her ex). At the point I left the party to go to some food down the street with the guys for a little while and when I got back i figured Id just start over.
When I got back I went and sat with her and we were talking and there was a bunch of us on the couches so I playfully sat on her than got off and sat next to her with my feet on hers.
I basically lack the term "balls" I'm a chicken shit and am afraid to do more in terms of Kinoeing. I couldnt even get myself to try and hold her hand thats how bad I am ... I can make girls laugh and have a great time but its just the first part about possibly feeling rejected.. I think its because as a young teenager from about 14-16 I was kinda fat and very self concious (Im only 18 now) I always felt left out because of this, always the slowest kid and I dont want to feel like that again (I know it sounds dumb as shit but thats just a theory) So my question is... How do I get better an kinoeing, How do I get into that I dont give a shit mindframe?