She has issues, and I didn't handle it appropriately



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PostPosted: Fri Jan 04, 2013 1:40 am 
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Even if shes immature, I just love spending time with her!

But regarding her 'panic attack', she has been professionally diagnosed and takes meds. Back in March we were only fb friends, and I tried making convo with her but it went nowhere. Same deal in the summer. Last week, she confessed she was going through really bad times and thats why she wouldnt write back those times on fb. I believe her man


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 04, 2013 3:04 am 
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She sounds crazy.

When girls are being confusing and not making any sense, try and look for the real issue and what they're really communicating.


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 04, 2013 3:18 am 
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Quote:
She sounds crazy.

When girls are being confusing and not making any sense, try and look for the real issue and what they're really communicating.
Based on our conversation tonight, I am pretty sure I know where things went wrong.

Obviously she's worried about being pregnant, and her having anxiety issues (which she takes meds for) makes it bad. She came clean to me Sunday about how bad her anxiety issues are, and I can say 99% confidently that she's telling the truth.

On the other hand, tonight she called me a "selfish piece of shit that only cares about one thing, and when it's convenient for you". I would fuck her 2, maybe 3x a night and we'd just keep going at it. Admittedly, sometimes I wasn't sure if she was actually enjoying it. She told me from the start that she takes 'stuff' that makes it hard for her to be pleasured 'down there'. I was the first guy to give her the 'peeing sensation' from fingering/sex actually...but she's only had 1 boyfriend (so she says). But then there were moments where she'd get extremely turned on and start making out while we were going at it. Actually one time we ran out of condoms and I told her we're going to the store to get more (which she seemed somewhat opposed to but came with no resistance or arguing). The fact that I dragged her to the store to get more condoms is something that I DO feel guilty about actually, and perhaps she is justified in what she said afterall....

Edit: Also, just throwing this out there...the way I didn't treat her with respect and re-assure her that everything will be okay on Sunday could be why she's pissed at me. I don't really remember exactly what i said to her, but I truly feel like I came off as an asshole to her. As a matter of fact, I know I did. I only made her feel worse about her problems,...I didn't mean to but I was trying not to be her therapist. I should have just been her therapist though (lol) and show her that I do care. This is my fault, and is a learning experience for me. I'm greatful I had the opportunity to become a better person through this, and I know that while she may be pissed at me, she had a great time while it lasted and I truly believe I left her as a better person. She honestly could not kiss when I met her...now she's a kissing pro, even knows how to give hickies now (lol)..sigh...


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 05, 2013 12:52 am 
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Wow she just texted me...

Her: "I didn't touch my ring. It doesnt mean im not still upset"...

Looks like this is salvageable, any tips on how to reply?


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 05, 2013 1:16 am 
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"Whats still upsetting you?" if she's cool she'll tell you. If she's a manipulator...

CRAZY freakout

end of relationship

/thread

It's what I would say.


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 05, 2013 1:37 am 
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Hmm, I was thinking of sending this actually:

"I understand why you feel that way. When you're free lets talk about this in person, ok?"

I want to show her that I care, but most importantly I understand her. I feel like your text may demonstrate I have no clue what I did wrong. Thoughts?


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 05, 2013 1:44 am 
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Why do you want to show you understand her? Think of a time when you were upset. Now what if I walked up and said "I understand why you feel that way" Feel any better?...no

What you're trying to do is CONVINCE her that you would be a good boyfriend, and she SHOULD want to be with you. That begging not dealing with it.

If you want to show her you can deal(like you didn't that night) start now! Not beg to "talk about this in person, ok?"

If she's a manipulator she wants you to have "no clue what you did wrong" and make you work and beg. So best off just to ask.


Last edited by Langlo on Sat Jan 05, 2013 2:13 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Sat Jan 05, 2013 2:11 am 
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I edited it ^^^^


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 05, 2013 2:42 am 
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Quote:
Why do you want to show you understand her? Think of a time when you were upset. Now what if I walked up and said "I understand why you feel that way" Feel any better?...no

What you're trying to do is CONVINCE her that you would be a good boyfriend, and she SHOULD want to be with you. That begging not dealing with it.

If you want to show her you can deal(like you didn't that night) start now! Not beg to "talk about this in person, ok?"

If she's a manipulator she wants you to have "no clue what you did wrong" and make you work and beg. So best off just to ask.
I see what you mean, so what your text accomplishes is actually getting her to talk about what's going on, whereas mine just suggests once again that I messed up, and I'm being needy by pushing her to meet me to talk about it.


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 05, 2013 3:06 am 
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Okay she replied. She's very calm about it.

In a nutshell, she hasn't slept in 2 days, she's worried about when she's gonna get her period (her periods are somewhat irregular which makes it worse..), and she's upset I didn't call to talk or see her on new years.

Yeahh....I think she's overreacting a little bit honestly.


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 05, 2013 3:50 am 
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Cool man, looks like you were right about her. Yeah she's still overreacting, but it's how she honestly feels. Not manipulation like I thought.

If she's freaking out that bad you can't just talk her out of it by pointing out she's overreacting. Keep her talking until she works through it herself. This is SHOWING you care not SAYING you care.

Don't say you understand. Show you want to understand. As questions! Keep her talking! Don't make it about YOU and YOUR relationship. Show her you're not freaking out about the might-be-pregnancy situation, and she will follow your lead


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 05, 2013 3:58 am 
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Cool man, looks like you were right about her. Yeah she's still overreacting, but it's how she honestly feels. Not manipulation like I thought.

If she's freaking out that bad you can't just talk her out of it by pointing out she's overreacting. Keep her talking until she works through it herself. This is SHOWING you care not SAYING you care.

Don't say you understand. Show you want to understand. As questions! Keep her talking! Don't make it about YOU and YOUR relationship. Show her you're not freaking out about the might-be-pregnancy situation, and she will follow your lead
You're really helping me get through this, thanks so much. What you just said will help me be a better boyfriend, and probably a better person in general. I can relate what you said to somebody describing themself as "funny, smart, outgoing,..etc" , but that's not really showing how they're funny, smart, or outgoing...and why the hell should I believe that person?

So I replied by telling her I didn't realize this caused her so much anxiety, because she didn't tell me about it, and instead just went off on me. She replied back explaining overreacting is a problem she's working on, and she felt like i didn't want her in my plans.

Okay, this is getting somewhere, and I'm pretty sure this will end up in a good place soon.


Last edited by somehandle235 on Sat Jan 05, 2013 7:56 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Sat Jan 05, 2013 4:36 am 
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I didn't realize this caused (you) so much anxiety.
This is word for word what I would have said. She's not as pissed now, so you can start to explain. Never start off explaining hahaha

Hopefully next time you'll be better prepared, and don't get that gut feeling you wont handle a very emotional situation well.


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 05, 2013 5:19 am 
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Quote:
Quote:
I didn't realize this caused (you) so much anxiety.
This is word for word what I would have said. She's not as pissed now, so you can start to explain. Never start off explaining hahaha

Hopefully next time you'll be better prepared, and don't get that gut feeling you wont handle a very emotional situation well.
I feel better prepared now for these situations.

Edit: The discussion is over, we ended it on positive terms and we will continue to see each other. Aww yeaa!


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 05, 2013 6:03 am 
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Edit!?

I saw it man...

May god have mercy on you


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