Things ended with my gf around christmas eve and been strict no contact since the 28th, not long I know. However, I just now went out and got my first lay since her, whoop de doo! You might expect this to be my reaction since the one proven formula for forgetting someone is another girl. But in this instance I feel as though I have relapsed.

I didn't perform very well, and ended up wishing I was with my ex throughout the act. Then after I finished I wasn't interested in cuddling, and I became cold and lost in thought, until I walked out of her place just a little while ago. So now I have a near unbearable urge to break contact with my ex and tell her just how much I miss her.

Basically I need to be talked out of doing this, I need affirmations that no contact is the best medicine. Because I am in AFC overdrive just after fucking another girl, bizarrely. So now I feel miserable and this other girl feels used, upset and confused.

I guess I am not in the right frame of mind to be out there gaming again. Need to game myself.

DONT TALK TO HER

I've gotten my ex back 3 separate times. How? By not talking to them for at least 30 days and having fun with my friends. Gaming other girls and getting high value. If you talk to her you will blow it. I can guarantee that. No contact isn't the best way. It's the only way

The guy above me is right, ive had similar experiences

DONT TALK, and DONT TELL about the other girl, theres nothing more AFC than breaking down and conffessing that you feel bad about being with other girl to your ex.

I've been in the same position as you and the above homies are right.

But I found that the whole idea of having sex with a bunch of women" after you break up didn't work for me. Right after we broke up I went out of my way to follow this, thinking it'd be the panacea to not thinking about my ex. I had sex with eight women in a little over a month after we broke up and it was still shitty, at some points even being worse. Only when I occupied myself with things that were completely not related to women or hooking up with them, that's when I was able to get better. For me this was work and trying new things I've never done. Then I took a month long vacation. During vacation I started hooking up with girls again and that's when it got better. So I'd suggest to take a little break before hooking up with a bunch of girls to get over your ex. There is no reason for you contact her whether you want to get back with her or not. She'll come back around, trust me.

_________________
A morning of awkwardness is far better than a night of loneliness.

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Thanks guys

I didn't crumble! I stood firm on the NC. Each time I get through one of those "OH GOD I MUST TALK TO HER!" episodes it feels like a real personal victory and that I am leaving my AFC self further behind.

Just gotta keep fighting the urge whenever it returns. I'm actually taking up Yoga classes as of tomorrow to fill my admittedly rather empty life with some activities.

Oh, and on the subject of no contact I have completely disappeared from her life. We weren't together long but I managed to really fall hard for this girl which in turn stopped me being the fun, alpha guy I was before and I probably pushed her away. It was the usual "I don't know what I want, like you, but don't think it will work" bullshit and I managed to scrape up some self respect and said "I'm not interested in being friends with you, if you can't see yourself with me then I'm gone" and she cried at the thought of me cutting her off, so who knows? I want to believe she will come back to me at some point, but I hope I reach a point where I can look at it objectively and say "This probably isn't healthy for me."

But I've deactivated my Facebook to avoid seeing anything for a while, even though she was blocked I have a ton of random mutual friends so there will be a photo coming up somewhere and I am determined to not speak to her. I don't really know if I want her to come back :/ If I am doing NC in the hope of getting her back is that really conducive to actually moving on?

I can help you out here because I was in the same situation about 2 months ago. My gf of 4 years (3 years we lived together) and I broke up, it was more her idea then mine because she was not "100% sure" and I was was saving for a ring lol needless to say I didn't take it too well. I moved out, moved back in with my parents 2 hours away, and re started my life...not easy!

My first thought was "the best way to get over someone is to get under one" but I was devastated! couldn't eat, sleep, felt like shit! I didn't even want sex to be honest. All my friends kept telling me "just fuck other women, your a good looking guy you should be out fucking" lol

Then I talked to one of my really good budies who went through the same thing as me, he is heavy into RSD, meditation, bettering his life ect. His told me "For the next month your goal should be to do nothing but better your self as a person, fix the mistakes from your past, and rebuild your self". Those simple words opened my eyes! and I realized he was 100% right! banging randoms is just a bandage do the real problems! You need to deal with the real issues in your life in order to move on from your ex, become better and grow as a person! I have grown more in the past two month then in the past 5 years!

So what did I do? for the first 3 weeks of my breakup I didn't go out trying to game women at all! I focused on me, I went to the gym, perfected my diet, started meditating, started yoga, started reading a lot!! re watched rsd videos, re studied pick up material, started making a plan for my life (on paper), set goals for my self for 2013.

What did this do for me?

- I was able to look back on my relationship and realize what I did wrong and worked on fixing it so it doesnt happen in my next relationship. I also looked at how my ex treated me, and what she did wrong, and it made me realize that she was not the kind of person I want to spend my life with...as much as I loved her she brought the worst out in me at times.

- I was able to re create who I am. I literally have a whole different outlook on life, different goals, what I want in a women has changed dramatically!! and I am more at peace with life now.

- Until I took my ex off a pedestal I was not able to see how shitty she really was to me. My emotions clouded my judgement! I cut contact with her for a month, which was not easy but i helped me heal! My ex was never really that great of a gf, in fact she was horrible! lol she was a beautiful girl (hb 9.5) who was fun, and we had great chemistry but I realized that she was a shitty gf!! and very selfish!

My advice to you is to spend the next month working on your self!

Read the books erroneous by wayne dyer, and awaken the giant within by tony robbins

watch RSD: the blue print

Go to the gym 4 times a week and start eating healthy

Meditate!!!! this really helped me! its not easy to do but it really helps you center your self, and start to live in the moment! once you are able to become "present" your are able to ignore the negative emotions and enjoy the "now". I cant really explain it but its an amazing thing! rsd is big on this for a reason

After 3 weeks I started to go out and game again, I started meeting women, trying shit out, and getting numbers, things got easier and easier, and In the last couple weeks I started dating again...I met one girl who I really like! personality wise she is opposite of my ex, and just as beautiful, and although I'm not looking to jump back into a relationship it makes me realize that there are other women out there who I have chemistry with. Now when I look at my ex I don't get that sinking feeling, I don't feel pain, I look at her beauty as something superficial and common, a trait that can be found in thousands of other women...my ex is dating another guy and I actually told her I am happy for her, it doesn't bother me in the slightest! and in fact I know I am the better man which makes me feel good.

P.s I promise you will get over your ex, its hard to believe it possible now but I promise it gets easier! The key is to better your self, create value in your life, and create abundance. When you have a phone full of attractive women, an active social life, a job you are passionate about, and hobbies you love life is awesome!! Right now I'm guessing your life is a bit of a mess and your have zero abundance which is why your ex is so appealing.

Hold strong. It's like any addiction, there are steps to recovery. You need something bigger than yourself to help you recover. For you, it's us, and you came to the right place.

Listen to us. Don't call her. She wants you to, that way she can continue manipulating you and hurting you. The longer you avoid calling her, the less power she has over you and the better your life will get. Take this sound advice from all of us guys here who have been in your shoes.

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“Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible'!” ~Audrey Hepburn

Thanks guys, it was a short term very intense relationship so the hurt is more "What might have been..." so to speak.

She kept texting me about my stuff, and I relapsed today a little. I stood firm after telling her I don't want or need those things back. She was trying to get me to say that we could be friends, I explained to her my reasons and that I do not wish to be in contact with her and then re-deleted her number before I could risk memorising it

I have still been beating myself up for even replying. But back to no contact before I could damage myself further, though nevertheless I did needlessly pick at the wound. But hey, I am a human and we make mistakes from time to time. I should not have replied but in the words of Aldous Huxley: "Rolling around in the dirt is no way to get clean."

Dont worry about it it wasnt a relapse she contacted you just dont analyse--just shows ignoring is working---that thing about picking up your stuff was earily familiar i had the exact same thing i told her i didnt need it either.....then there was nothing...for a week....then came texts asking about my dog and could she see him as she did genuinely like him and my dog used play with hers....they get desperate when the control is slipping away

I feel better, since I now realise that this is no contact to move on, I seriously do not think she will be coming back. No woman is worth how this situation has made me feel.

isnt it strange how when we take a step back and are able to look at a situation objectively with detatchment those great times werent all that good at all...have a great sarging year in 2013 bro