hello all, I lost my previous account so that's why it looks like I'm a complete noob!

I'm fairly well versed (but perhaps not quite proficient!) in the basics of PU... I steer well clear of any canned material though and have just been working on building natural game and self-confidence in the last year or so.

anyway, here is my situation. apologies, i'm going to ramble on for a bit.

I met this HB9 at my old job a couple of weeks before I left. we got on really well and she's a lot of what I look for in a girl and I am very keen to close (Don't worry, I am fully aware of the dangers of the evil oneitis!!). so, as i said, i left my job soon after meeting her but we have kept in contact since (its now been about 3-4 weeks since I left). this has been mostly via text.

I need to say immediately that I have broken almost every rule in the book with these text conversations. every text is stupidly long (from both of us) and we usually leave about half a day or more to reply to eachother. in my mind, this is because of a sort of unspoken agreement between us that we want to keep the conversation going if we can. evidence for my theory includes the fact that she always asks a question or 2 in each text and will double reply with a question if i don't get back to her. IOIs i reckon but i try not to read too deeply.

the whole time since i left has been spent trying to meet up (ostensibly with one of the other girls she joined the company with but i've since made it fairly clear that it's her i'm really interested in). we've arranged to meet a few times but every time either she or I has had to pull out for some reason or another.

anyway, we finally settled on meeting up on Sunday. because it took us so long to settle on this day i said that i'd plan 'something outrageously fun for us to do' - but that it would be a surprise. this seemed to work (in that it intrigued her and she seemed excited to meet up), i bought tickets for us to go ice skating at a pop-up rink near my house (totally cliche, i know, but would've been good i reckon). So i called her on sunday and she said she was horribly hungover/really tired etc etc. i said she should just think about it and give me a call later when she decides what she wants to do. needless to say she then texted me a couple of hours later bailing out. i sent her a reply a bit later and didn't hear from her until just now when she texted me.

I'm now going to quote the last 3 texts so you guys know exactly how things went down.

HB9 sunday @ 15.47: "fuck ok i feel horrible... can you ask someone else t go?!?! i know i'm fucking shit but i cannot face doing something energetic and this sounds like it may be energetic... I'm really really really sorry. i thought that when you said wear gloves that you were referring to it being cold, not actually full-on booking something! don't hate me? xxx"

Me sunday @16.12: "Didn't even have the balls to call me eh? i only booked cos i promised we'd do something 'outrageously fun'. i definitely can't go with anyone else... it's way to gay but don't worry abut it, these things happen. Plus there's no way i want to hang out if you're gonna be boring! x"

HB9 today @ 19.09: "Hey, sorry i don't reply. was trying to figure out what to say. I'm really sorry i let you down, i thought we'd do something fun but i never thought you'd book something! you know how unreliable i am, i've been burning the candle at both ends & totally died yesterday so i'm sorry, i feel awful that i let you down xxx"

my questions:
1) WHERE THE HELL DO I STAND?
2) am i now in the FZ? (since she's so apologetic)
3) can this be salvaged?
4) how/when should i respond?
5) where have i gone wrong in this whole thing so i can learn for next time?!

many thanks, oh masters of pick-up. i eagerly await any advice you have to give!

BobbyMac

chicks like that always bail. she flaked so if she wants to do something its her move. else you just waste your energy on a chick who will flake again.

thanks for the thoughts mate. yea i do want to try and make this happen so do you think my next move is to say ssomething like: "don't worry about it. hit me up if you want to do something" or something like that (perhaps slightly less passive aggressive) ???

thanks

well its not okay because flaking is weak and opportunistic. you better put it: "should you wish to redeem yourself, hit me up wirh a suggestion to hang out."

Dont forgive her fussiness just because you want to do her badly. you will condition her to see you as her OPTION while she knows she is your PRIORITY. So be strong and rigid and firm and punish her flakiness.

I had a situation somewhat like this one time and managed to salvage it after just taking about three weeks of space, but given the amount of effort required it probably isn't worth it.

yea i kind of just want to fling her reply and leave it up to her to be honest. need to find something which communicates that her bailing had no effect on my mood but that she should get in touch if she wants to do something...

If her bailing had no effect on your mood, and you demonstrate this, then you show that you dont care. However if you dont care, why should she care about you?

Also, you will teach her that it is okay to bail and to be flaky.

ok so last night i eventually sent her:
"well you missed out big time! But I'm going to Winter Wonderland next week so i want you to come with me x"

reply received this morning:
"Is that where we were going?! If it was ice skating then I escaped lightly! When next week? I go Home on Saturday... Didn't have you down as a goer of Winter Wonderlandy things, I'm surprised xx"

hmmm....

I agree with mr.marville. Youve caught a case of oneitis, go out and see other girls. A HB9 is acustomed to getting chased around, and she obviously feels there are better ways to spend her time than hang with you. Show her what shes missing out on (implictly of course, never brag unless youre really good at making it subtle) by showing you don't care whether or not she flakes. Youre going to have an amazing time regardless and she will start to feel LUCKY that you wanted her to tag along.

Do this enough, and your value to her will raise to the point where shes making the effort to get you not to flake.

good luck