Does anyone feel totally alienated from everyone, that they just can't really click with anyone without faking? This has been me for the last few years, and after six months of not leaving the house more than once a fortnight and not feeling lonely, I started to wonder whether I actually want friends, or even a girlfriend.

I went and lost my virginity to a prostitute, just to see whether being social could actually offer me anything, and the horrible truth was that it could... It made me feel alive, lifted the numbness, and I was greeted with lots of pain days after because of.

I just don't think I'm capable of actually having a girlfriend; bars are just so intimidating, I have to hide so much of myself or else I'll be demonstrating so much negative value, since in reality I'm a complete loser, and I can't connect with anyone anyway, I'm just too alien. I was invited to a party the other month, and it was full of science students; I always thought that I'd be able to connect with more intelligent people, but it didn't happen, and the destruction of that last bit of social hope just destroyed me. I've realised that to achieve social success, that I need to do a lot of work, involving integrating myself into the collective consciousness, conform to it's ways and try to appreciate movies and other important cultural bullshit, but it's hard. I'm also thinking of going to bars and take drugs in the hopefully non-vain hope of helping me connect with some girl, but opening girls is just so nerve-wrecking.

Anyone else been in a similar boat?

You're not alone, I can assure you of that. But you are clearly depressed and down on yourself. I realize it's a daunting proposition to become a pua and socialize when it's not something that comes natural, but it's a skillset that you can learn as long as you are willing to put forth effort and apply yourself.

I'm going to ask you one question. If you had to work twice as hard in order to get half as much of what everyone else has, would you be wiling to do it?

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“Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible'!” ~Audrey Hepburn

Life isn't easy man, and we all feel lonely at some point or the other. Just can't have the good without the bad.

Regarding going out, there are so many things you can do besides going to bars/clubs/parties.
Try to organize yourself. Write down things you like and enjoy. This is what I did at one of the lowest points in my life, which helped me out a lot. After you do this, you just gotta go out and do it. Mind you, this was a time when life formed itself into a big black dildo and fucked me in the ass. So I was super depressed and it was tough picking up myself to actually go out and do things. Life is really about just improving yourself. People will come to you naturally when you are on your feet:

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A morning of awkwardness is far better than a night of loneliness.

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