So I finally got the courage to hit up this girl ive been crushing on for about 4 months. Weve met several times and she goes to my church. Anyways we kind of know eachother but just like an acquaintance. So I thought she might be interested in me cause I noticed that she seemed to look at me a lot. Anyways I went up to her after church and I was nervous as hell. And she saw me walking towards and said hi.she gave me a hug. She immediately started the conversation by telling me she saw me last week at church and wanted to say hi but I left before she could. She asked me if I liked the church and how long I was going therr for. I answered briefly cause I just wanted to get it over with. So I said I wanted to take her to eat sometime. And she stopped and thiught and said as friends or as a date? My reply was a head movement to the side implying a date. She then said shes not dating right now. So I said ok gave her hug and left. I already know that I made mistakes in this conversation. But I would like to know what I can do from here. And also should I have said as friends? Is there still hope? I also know that she is single. Is it because shes not interested that she tells me she doesnt date. I do know that she doesnt like to date. This being fact. But if she was more interested woukdnt she accept regardless that she doesnt like to date. Again, where do I go from here

So I finally got the courage to hit up this girl ive been crushing on for about 4 months. Weve met several times and she goes to my church. Anyways we kind of know eachother but just like an acquaintance. So I thought she might be interested in me cause I noticed that she seemed to look at me a lot. Anyways I went up to her after church and I was nervous as hell. And she saw me walking towards and said hi.she gave me a hug. She immediately started the conversation by telling me she saw me last week at church and wanted to say hi but I left before she could. She asked me if I liked the church and how long I was going therr for. I answered briefly cause I just wanted to get it over with. So I said I wanted to take her to eat sometime. And she stopped and thiught and said as friends or as a date? My reply was a head movement to the side implying a date. She then said shes not dating right now. So I said ok gave her hug and left. I already know that I made mistakes in this conversation. But I would like to know what I can do from here. And also should I have said as friends? Is there still hope? I also know that she is single. Is it because shes not interested that she tells me she doesnt date. I do know that she doesnt like to date. This being fact. But if she was more interested woukdnt she accept regardless that she doesnt like to date. Again, where do I go from here

That's just a common shit test Bro, it's her way of saying "I'm at least slightly attracted, but still on the fence." I don't think your blown out yet. But she will test it again, so here is some side stepping.

Next time you "suggest" her joining you for a drink, or whatever let her pull that shit out.

Her: "As long as it's not a date"

You: “It’s not a date?, good, the last thing I need is another girl falling in love with me after the first date.” WITH HUMOR!

or: “I just thought it would be cool to have some drinks, kill some time and talk to an interesting person, I didn't know you’d be trying to complicate things so soon” WITH HUMOR!

_________________
They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

You should've just said "Yea, no, I'm not dating either. I just meant like hanging out and kicking it, you seem really cool." Downplay and dismiss whatever answer she was trying to bait you into saying so she could reject you. But hindsight is 20/20. Now it's damage control time.

Next time be like: "You know, we can still hang out sometime if you are bored and want to do something fun. It doesn't have to be all official or anything."

_________________
“Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible'!” ~Audrey Hepburn

So, you are asking us how to date a girl that told you blankly she does not want to date...

This beams with anxiety issues, paranoia issues, penis hatred, religious righteousness and what else.

This is what you should have said: ´´So, you want to stay unmarried for the rest of your life? Personally I am looking to set up something serious and it would have to start off somewhere. In any sane situation, people would understand this, and would leave some suspense and subtility rather than blatantly barring the road: Even if they feel strong about their morals they do not wish to remain single forever. It is because of women like you that men like me feel so weirded and unnatural when speaking to girls: Have a fascinating life.´´

If you go friends with her it will be completely humiliating for you because each time you do or say anything that remotely refers to romance, she will cast you down and you will back down like a whining dog out of your fear to lose her: This process will increase even more her self-righteous feeling.

This has nothing to do with that lol
Saying that she doesn't date is the same thing as a girl saying that she doesn't give her number out. It's just bs, an excuse to your lack of game.

When she asked you if you wanted to go out as friends or as a date, it was a test! Right answer is as friends. She was testing you to see your intentions, now she knows you like her so the chase is kinda gone. You can still fix this of course. You could be direct and let your intentions be known and possibly get her, but you have to be assertive and forward. However in this situation why would you even want to go out with her as a 'date', you dont even know her, she hasn't even earned it yet.

_________________
My Blog - FREE pickup advice -> http://www.beingattractive.com

Watch my pickup videos on YouTube

Best answer.
I've always used stuff like this, works every single time..

_________________
My Blog - FREE pickup advice -> http://www.beingattractive.com

Watch my pickup videos on YouTube

You've gotten some good responses.

To the initial question whether it's a date or not, I would have said "I just wanna kick it and get to know you." You're not answering her question but leaving it for her to answer it herself. If she wants it to be a date, she'll think you want to get to know her and see where it goes. If she doesn't see it as a date yet, she'll think you're just hanging out as friends.

Either way, you're just transferring the "assumptions" up to her.

_________________
A morning of awkwardness is far better than a night of loneliness.

18 Body Language Mistakes I Bet You're Making

Although he is right in saying that she had done nothing to earn a date with you, overall this guy is incorrect: Listen; sane normal people dont immediately force a choice between friendship and possibly something more because it kills most of the spontaneous richness and allure that arises through interaction.

Also; in this guys´ reasoning it is very bad to let a girl know you like her. Truth is; It doesnt mean you would have to be all over her from day one: But the alternative means you would have to lie and mask yourself and pretend to feel differently than you actually do. Sane persons allow a little balance between those two, which is the art of flirting.

You can ask questions about your ´´lack of game´´ in this case. You could have nodded a bit ambigously and have said with some intriguing intonation: ´´Who knows; hadnt really thought about that - for now I just wanted to get to know you a little better.´´

In this guys´ reasoning you should not show your true motives; but that assumes she would be offended and lose interest if a guy did not hide the fact he is interested in her...

This chick has serious penis hatred because she assumes a rigid dichtonomy between: ONE NIGHT SEX STANDS (date) and STRICTLY FRIENDS. You cannot flirt your way through that paranoid mindset and thus you cannot apply game to effect.

It was just an AFC filter, and it worked! The OP didn't know how to pass this simple shit test/shield and he was filtered out.

Especially in a church environment, I'm sure girls like that have all these boys trying to talk to them that have absolutely no idea how to game girls. Total AFCs. They ask her out thinking it's an "official" date (just like when daddy asked out mommy to the prom) and they try to awkwardly kiss her or pressure her into being a girlfriend before building any rapport or attraction, and low and behold, it doesn't work.

This reinforces my theory that women condition and train men to lie. You obviously want to date her. Both of you know that. And it's obvious that by be forthcoming about that she is baiting you into answering in a way in which you will get rejected. Therefore she is basically forcing you, or any guy, to lie to her in order to go out with her, eventhough both of you know you are lying by saying you just want to go out as "friends".

_________________
“Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible'!” ~Audrey Hepburn

So are you saying that I should have lied about my intentions by saying "as friends". Do I ever get any respect points for answering honestly. I think saying as friends is the more cowardly act.

It's just a simple shit test,It was just an AFC filter, as Ninja said, no big deal. If she is a good looking girl, she gets asked out on "dates" all the fucking time, so she has a simple filter to see if your going to be different.

Don't make it a LIE! Be Different! Do not be outcome dependent on it being a date.

The shit test basically asks. Can you stand up to me? If the man fails, he is communicating to the woman that since he cannot even stand up to her, simple test, it is probably the case he will not be up to the task of becoming the object of her desire. This is probably why some women have such a visceral reaction to very beta men.

Shit testing is like mental foreplay to them.

They want excitement! Challenge!

Women want to chase a strong man who is confident and independent, that has other options.

One that won't roll over or flee at the very 1st sign of opposition.

A hot girl already has many other options, YOU are not her only focus.

So they start the filtering operation very early, not wasting any time.

That is the art of the chase.

_________________
They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

Rarely if ever, at least not early on. Always be evasive, and mysterious, confusing.

Why the fuck would you think you have garnered any respect? She doesn't even know you.

_________________
They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

You do not appear to understand the concept.

Imagine you and I go to Burger King and you're buying my diner, cause that's what friends do as repayment for good advice. So when we arrive at our local BK, you offer me the choice between a delicious chicken sandwich, and a healthy veggie burger. Now, this poses a problem for me. See, I hate vegetarianism and everything that is associated with it. Plus, I'm not very much in the mood for chicken right now. So I'm thinking what will I choose. Will I choose the veggie burger, the mere thought of which makes my stomach convulse. Or will I choose one of those limp, sad-looking chicken sandwiches, for which I'm not in the mood at all? Such a dilemma, such a conundrum, I really can't choose! But suddenly, the solution dawns on me. "I've got it," I tell you. "Dude, look at the menu, they have a whole bunch of options. I know what I want: give me a Double Whopper with bacon and cheese!"

Your girl framed the situation as black or white, friends or dating. That you are now debating the merits of these two options means that you have accepted this frame. In doing so, you forget that the world isn't black and white, that the menu isn't just two options. The black and white frame is neither beneficial to you, nor congruent with reality. So what you do is simply not accept it, you reply to it in a way that (subtly) points out that there are other, less defined ways to be together than either 'friends' or 'dates'. Suggestions on how to execute this in practice have been given above.

_________________
One of the most useful things you will ever learn about body language.

[quote="puaninja"]It was just an AFC filter, and it worked! The OP d
This reinforces my theory that women condition and train men to lie. You obviously want to date her. Both of you know that. And it's obvious that by be forthcoming about that she is baiting you into answering in a way in which you will get rejected. Therefore she is basically forcing you, or any guy, to lie to her in order to go out with her, eventhough both of you know you are lying by saying you just want to go out as "friends"


yep and thus what i wrote before, gives her the power to knock you down whenever you become too flirty. she keeps you like a dog on the leash.

plus girls reward lying and punish for niceness and good manner. marks the era of a dying civilisation