THE FINAL STRAW: AT MY WITS END, AND LEFT WITH NO OTHER CHOICE BUT TO CHANGE MY LIFE.

After 21 years of sexual frustration, shackled by approach anxiety, tormented by waiting in vain for even the slightest touch, and disgusted by the failure to realize my potential, I am changing my life

I ask for just one thing - your support.

You have spent two minutes reading this. I want you to do something else, - subscribe to this thread, save it to your book marks, follow it and post. You must do this for me. Why? Because you could change a guys life. Personal message me your e-mail, and I will add it to a list of e-mails which I will alert whenever I update this journal. This way, you will be involved in my transformation and truly see my life change.

My back story is as follows.

-I am 21.
I am 6 ft 4, with a atheletic, toned and muscular build
-I live in England
-I am studying at a UK top 15 (and world top 50) University. I'm studying political science and am going to -law school when I graduate.
-I am very, very motivated, get up at half 6 everyday to follow the business news, always grinding for work experience opportunities, involved in extra-currics (am getting into even more next term), work hard for my degree and get the results. I am holding it down in my academic and career life. Want to be a lawyer.
-I have a decent group of friends, get invited out to parties, go out clubbing or to bars once a week
-I know style. Really. I really know how to put things together and visit all sorts of little vintage stores and stuff, have a tailor etc so I truly pull off great fits and what have you. Get complimented on my style often.
-I am decent looking. Have been told I'm good looking a few times. I am of South Asian descent (British-Indian) so I do look kinda exotic, when I walk around or go into somewhere I always get people looking at me - the way I dress helps, but I also overhear compliments like 'he's hot' etc.
-I am very well groomed. I have a hair stylist that has won awards, have a daily skin and hair regime.

Introduction thread for full details here: post729309.html
*I will answer any personal questions about myself. You may post them to this thread, or you may have a conversation with me by PM.

The levels of frustration I have are....the metaphorical Everest. It winds me up, guys. You read it in my introduction thread, and now I'm spelling it out to you now. The peak of sexual frustration resides here in England. I am the real deal. I get pretty fucking angry about it at times, but alas, I find no cure.

Sketched out the outline to my problems, my life, where I'm going career wise etc...Now for my strategy. I'm a practical, analytically thinker - I solve problems by breaking things down into constituent parts, and then piecing it together like a jigsaw.

My commitment, and my proposed solution to the black hole of fulfillment in my life:
[*]HAVE MORE WOMEN IN MY LIFE: 0 is not enough! I have friends and acquaintances, but these relations are quite superficial...leading me to my next point.
[*]HAVE MORE MEANINGFUL CONTACT WITH WOMEN: Friendships, relationships (casual or otherwise), basically, throw myself into more experiences wherein I can build long-term comfort and ability.
[*]BECOME MORE SEXUALLY OR ROMANTICALLY DEVELOPED: I am sinfully, absolutely, and unequivocally a text-book virgin. I have never intimately hugged or held hands. I have altogether never kissed. I have altogether never done anything sexual. I have never told a girl I like them, and never had anything even resembling something close to a girlfriend. I have never had a female friend, only acquaintances, i.e groups of girls you go out partying with, or talk to in class.

The plan of action
[*]LEARN GAME: Dedication to learning social dynamics.
[*]DRINK LESS: Alcohol makes me do worse. We don't need you drunk.
[*]BE CONSISTENT: I do not, I repeat, NOT want to slip into my old bad habits. I am doing this, and that's that. I am keeping this in my life. I will not forget to update my field reports. I will not forget to read Mystery Method or The Rules of the Game. I will not forget to listen to the Pickup Podcast. It's not the way I am - I'm not sloppy on that.

GOALS FOR 2013
(I will be 22 in July)
[*]BEGIN TO APPROACH 10 GIRLS A NIGHT
[*]GET A GIRLS NUMBER
[*]KISS A GIRL
[*].....LOSE MY VIRGINITY
[*]...GET CLOSE TO SOMEONE (MOST SIGNIFICANT OF ALL)

If I achieve these, they will be the best achievement of my life. This will be me if I achieve these goals:



From this post on you are reading actual life changing events which run so deep with me, and in time you will learn have been so, so significant to me you cannot even begin to know. I appreciate your reading and your support.

R

What city are you from bro?

FIELD REPORT #1: 04/12/12

My housemate is involved in the student paper, so went out to a newspaper Christmas party. I told him I'd meet him there. It was at a great place, a trendy, up-market pub where the paper rented out the top room of the place.

My housemate got ready, went to our friend's house to get makeup done (was an Xmas themed night out - he went as Frankenstein for whatever reason... ), and I chilled in our house talking to my other housemate and his girlfriend. They're cool as hell. She complimented me on my eye lashes, which happens a fair bit...Hah. So, I chillaxed in bed for a while, thought I'd feel fresh for the night, and called a cab at 9:45pm. Got to the pub at 10pm. Totally awesome vibe, wasn't too loud like a club so I could talk, be witty and intelligent - my fucking scene. Felt confident walking in, and basically all night through.

Met up with my friend. He gave me the brief - "'If anyone asks, you write for the Arts section...And if those people ask, you write for the Travel section" - I got the idea. I kicked the night off. Our friend was there, and I was at her house party on Saturday so talked to her for a while. We mixed into this group of people - 4 chicks. I introduced myself to all of them. One looked particularly cute, so I got talking to her. Here's a breakdown. R denotes me. All throughout, I was conscious of my body language. I stood up straight, leaned back slightly, body was not facing directly at her at any point, and nor did it all night, basically I was confident as heck. The '-' are for where she entered the conversation, she interjected curiously when I was actually trying to speak, no silences or anything like that. I felt no nerves or anything either...

R: What do you do? (Referring to the paper)
HB7: I write for Arts.
R: Oh, that's cool. I wrote for *paper* in First year, only did like four weeks though-
HB7: *Laughs and cuts me off* Yeah that totally counts
R: But then I realized what I wanted to do, so I've just been focused on that-
HB7: What do you want to do?
R Well I don't like to go on about it.
HB7: *Smiling* You can't tell me that and not say what you want to do!
R: *Begins story telling* --> I told her the story of how I got into Uni, and how I figured out what I wanted to do. It's a crazy, interesting story and she was hooked. This is the only refined thing I have in my arsenal, because it's about me and it's totally true and crazy lol.
HB7: Wow that's awesome. But you still didn't tell me what you want to do!
R: ...Well, I want to be a lawyer.
HB7: Oh wow, that's great.

Talked about some other shit. Walked around and left her periodically throughout the night. Spoke to some other chicks, and some other cool guys, but I liked this one girl to be honest. We were in the same group all night, dancing away, and even when everyone else left I danced with her all night. Not directly, because all throughout I kept my body away from facing her directly. I had thread theory in mind here. She spilled her drink on her dress (she was dressed as an angel), and I made a joke about her being wet. She smiled. She lost her halo for a while later on and I made a joke about that which got a laugh. At one point, when the other members of the group had left, and it was just us two on the dance floor, I remember thinking: damn, how do I escalate this? She liked me, but I didn't know what to do apart from talk to her and make her laugh. We had a great time talking. There were times when we were in other groups, and other guys were talking to her. I didn't even look or pay attention when this happened, most times I moved my body away or walked off to talk to others. My friend (chick) was pretty drunk and was pulling me around and grabbing me, so I thought that would have the indirect effect of negging her. I didn't necessarily see any over IOI's from the girl I liked though, apart from the fact that she was very comfortable with me and was asking me things and talking to moi.

I was getting a lot of attention all night. Lot of chicks looking. When one group walked in, I heard one of the girls say 'Is that R?' - they knew my name and who I was, but I don't know them. I think they may be from one of my classes. This chick was looking at me a lot lol. Also, I heard down the grape vine that some chicks told my friend B that a girl & I were kissing at this house party. No such thing happened, but I found it pretty funny that some girls made that up haha. I did not deny it to B, though, just said I was drunk and it was hazy - she wanted full details but I just laughed it off. At the end of the night, when the place was about to shut, I went to get a class of water. As I was drinking it, a mature lady walked right in front of me, right in front of my face, stood and just gawked at me like I'm a piece of meat hahaha. Damn.

So...Fast forward to the end of the night. The music went off, when people were trying to work out where to go to next. There was this one pudgy, short little dweeb who was buzzing around all night. I paid no attention to him. Obviously, given that he writes for the paper, he knew all the people I was mixing with, so when I was with HB7 he did come over one time and grab her to try and dance with her. I moved my body right away, and paid no attention lol. This happened twice, but it did not have any effect, and what I am kinda pleased with in retrospect is that when I did turn around the dude was no where to be seen and the chick was still dancing right by me. I showed no obvious interest in her all night - thread theory.. Anyways...As the night rolled to an end, the groups were discussing where to go. My housemate proposed people come back to ours, and they agreed. I was having a piss at this point lol. Some dude came up to me in the bathroom and got talking to me, said he's noticed me around etc. Met him and he is a cool guy, turns out he's in some of my classes so I will certainly give a shout to the guy when I see him. When I came back from having a piss, the dance floor (now with lights up and music off) was beginning to empty. HB7 was being talked to by desperate, pudgy, annoying dude (I believe you gentlemen in the US call these frat boys), but she didn't appear into it. He straight up propositioned her, with something like 'How about we go to (x club) and I shag you after?', I overheard a bit and sorta looked at that direction over my shoulder, and I saw she had a quite blank look on her face and actually was looking at me to see if I heard lol. This put me off her a bit. If she was a real woman, she would go for high quality men, and she would tell losers like that to fuck off. She didn't. Weak. I mixed back into the group properly:

HB7: So, have you heard about the plan? We're going back to your house for a house party.
R: ...Yeah *shrugs shoulders* Thats not a problem.

+ some other bs.

As I said, I was actually losing a bit of interest now. So, I nudged my friend and said "Come on dude, lets start moving out", which got HB7's attention even though weird ass frat boy was talking at her. I signaled to my friend I was going downstairs, and I noticed HB7 looked a bit concerned lol. I went downstairs, drank some water, chilled out - fucking love pubs, they're so relaxed. When I was done, everyone congregated outside. I got straight into the group, built a bit of rapport with some of the guys, and then given my housemate organised an impromptu house party 3 girls and the annoying fat boy dude (my housemate is friends with him - my housemate is cool, but he is a bit of a fool) got into the cab. In the cab, HB7 was looking at me a lot. Because I'm tall, and she was kinda short, she didn't have a great look at me. Now we were sitting directly on, she was gazing at my face. I was facing forward, but looking just away, and could see in the corner of my eye. I was not talking in the cab, I lost interest and couldn't be arsed. Interestingly, this is when the plan for the house party began to erode. When the cab stopped at our road, the girls and the guys went to get food and some more booze. I went home, because I was sober and given the impromptu gathering I wanted to make sure my shit wasnt lying about. It was clear I lost interest, I didn't bother to say bye or make any effort to talk to the girls - I truly couldn't be bothered, and as such my housemates plans fell through haha. In my mind, the girls went home because the low value males weren't worth the fuss. When they gathered I went home and went to bed, the tune changed very much. Part of me says I should have hung out with them after the cab and got HB7 back to mine - I would only have tried to kiss her, as I am not ready for sex yet. But then, a bigger part of me says you know what, she blew it. If she wanted me, she should have made this a lot clearer. I could tell there was attraction, at one point I stood her still, took the halo off her head and rearranged it. It was pretty sexy and I got a boner from doing it, I could tell from the look in her eyes and her body language that it was a moment where she was just like 'Take me'...But I wanted more concrete signs. Since reading the Mystery Method and understanding value etc, I think I might be becoming more arrogant in how I treat women. I'm not mad that I didn't capitalize, more amused that she blew her chance with a quality man. This is a stupid ass mindset as she no doubt goes out a few times a week and gets hit on a shit load....Ah I don't even know.


POSITIVES:
I approached and talked. Was witty etc.
NEGATIVES:
Interactions had no sense of direction. They were not progressive. I built comfort very well, but I did not do this after building attraction, therefore I did not know it was there. Must be more structured in my discourse.

I shot you a PM man.

I feel like you saying that she should have told 'frat boy' to fuck off and she didn't is more of an excuse for you not to go for her than anything.

Sure, he was probably running some pretty shitty drunk game but its still possible she still felt some attraction for this guy because he ACTUALLY MADE A MOVE.

You called the girl an HB7 so clearly she was attractive to you, and it seems from reading your story that she was attracted to you too and you knew it. You also said you wanted her to make the move or make it more clear to you. Girls don't like to make the first move, they give their signals and it is up to you as the PUA to interpret them and act accordingly.

You've just read The Game and it has good stuff in it but showing interest in a girl isn't a bad thing if she is showing interest in you.

In my opinion you should have escalated the situation and gone for the kiss and then subsequently gotten her number later.

At a party this is easy to do, easiest if you isolate her. Asking her to come get a drink with you, or come check something out outside or upstairs also works as a great test of if she is really in to you. Once you have her by yourself just go for the kiss.

Nothing bad has ever happened to me for going for the kiss, the times that I HAVE NOT gone for the kiss are the biggest mistakes I've made. I understand if you've never kissed a girl this is a bit more intimidating for you. My advice to you would be to get drunk and go to a dance/night club and just have a few drunk makeouts on the dancefloor (if you want to get more comfortable with kissing).

Not trying to rip you, this is just the way I felt after I read your post. Good luck dude, just go for it.

Now after reading more, I'm pretty sure she was attracted to me. When other members of the group left to go smoke or whatever, she just chilled there with me - we weren't even talking, just dancing. She was cool bless her.

Totally should have pulled her away to where I could have talked more and gone from there. I see that now. In fairness, this is the first time I've had what I can see is a genuine opportunity with a girl who was, in my opinion, really into me though I wasn't even trying that much. I think I'll take the plunge next time - I'm going out on Friday. It won't be as easy to get attention this time, as it's not a social gathering or a party, it'll be a jazz club.

I will apply the things all of you have told me in my threads. Specifically, to take more chances. I look forward to finding out what this feels like.

R

Why is this even an issue? Clearly she was into you. She could have been talking to "frat boy" simply out of politeness, or even just to see if you'd react to it.
Really, what is she supposed to do that are "more concrete signs"? You could probably have snuck in a kiss here.

Also, you may want to take Mr. Marville's advice and tune the narcissism down a bit.

Missed opportunity man. I totally see now.

Tonight will be...tough. But fuck it.

Field Report #2: Tough Beginnings. Wingman Hell. (07/12/12)

The Game can be cruel. So many factors go into a good night, but the most important is of course yourself. I was in the right frame of mid...but my house mate wasn't. In fact, he wasn't supportive at all. 11:35, he insisted we go home as he 'wasn't feeling it'. I had to oblige, as he point blank refused to go clubbing. I was not happy, but I understood - you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink.

We had some drinks in my room at around half 8. I shouldn't have drank really - in future I won't. Just had two. Got the cab at 10. From there, we hit a few bars. Went in one bar to go for a piss, cute chick was trying to get through to the other side of the bar, paused to check me for a minute...felt good. I walked on, as my friend was waiting outside. Went to bar #1, the Yardbird. It's a cool jazz joint here. Talked to a few people, all men, including the DJ. There were only 4 women in the entire place, excluding barmaids. Plus, the crowd was slightly older. People were cool though. Not target rich enough at all for us, so we left after a while.

Bar number #2 was no better. Older crowd, like late 20s, and only one group of girls there (3 in total) - the rest of the women were actually with men, and even then they were only like 2 or 3 in number. So me and my housemate talked for a while, I spoke to some dude, but again, as it just didn't have the targets and given we're beginners, we had to go somewhere else.

Here's where my housemate changed his tune.....

We were looking for other bars to go to, as he absolutely did not want to go clubbing - he was sober, he said. Bare in mind I was stone cold sober too, hah...So anyway, after scoping a few joints that looked good (We're students in Birmingham, the second biggest city in the UK after London - there is a lot on here), he flat out became un-supportive:

Housemate: Walking around to find places to talk to women in is pathetic. It's never going to work anyway, you will just look like a weirdo. All men who are with women did not meet them like this. It's better to focus on your career in the long-term, once you're earning a lot of money will just be all over you.
Me: (Slightly taken aback) Women will be attracted to you if you're earning a lot of money, of course, but that's not the only way to demonstrate higher value. *Points out dude with a belly kissing a beautiful woman* Look at him, he's fat, but he got her because he's confident and went for her. There's nothing pathetic about approaching women, because you should have the mind set that each and every one is disposable, and they should know you could leave at any second.
Housemate: (Nods) Yeah, I see, but this just isn't me. (Then bitches about wanting to go home, said he only came out to have a drink..)

I just accepted this. Couldn't change his mind. The night was over. We went to the train station as it was nearby, looked to see if we could get any trains back (our house has a station nearby), but it was 12:00 and no trains were running to where we needed to go. So, we called a cab, and waited in the station for it to come. It took like half an hour, and my friend was tending to it while I sat down about 50 feet away just reflecting on what to do with myself. I saw guys walking through the station with women on their arms, and I was just thinking, is it really so much to ask to want one? It's not pathetic to want women in your life, but what is pathetic is not making the effort. I had a lot of thoughts on strategy and where to go from here.

Men are reproductive machines, and if you're not doing this, you're genetically worthless.

My housemate is no use to me as a wing. He's...Got different beliefs about what constitutes appropriate behavior. He's from a wealthy, upper middle class background - the son of a big lawyer, from the picturesque countryside, I guess he goes about things differently. He's single, though. The only times he's been having sex since coming to Uni is with various old hook ups he has in different parts of the country - he's not done a whole lot since coming here. He admits a lot of the success he's had is due to the people he's been around. Man, I am going to fucking show this guy. This guy has never made any effort to get women in his life, and his one serious girlfriend was a friend who decided she wanted him - he wasn't perusing her.

I now need wings. I have two other housemates, one doesn't go out (competitive cyclist), and the other has a serious (and awesome) girlfriend. Yesterday was the last day of first term at University. Next term, I will join the Muay Thai society, the swimming club, and my Uni's student enterprise group. Also....

I have no choice but to start doing day game. I am a bit worried about this, but there's no alternative. None at all.

The Game is cruel to me. Nothing in my life has came easy, I've had to fight for EVERYTHING. Getting into Uni was a battle of blood and guts, getting a job was a bitch, and working there wasn't anywhere near easy - I've not been thrown any dice with women, either. I've never had that friendship group with girls in, or that girl who I talk to who makes the effort on me. Nada. I'm not the average man - I'm a deviation from the norm, and as such...women probably see me as a unsafe bet. I am not willing to give up - ever. Fuck the obstacles. I will do this. You support me, and your support means more to me than any of these people who aren't willing to grind for anything. I won't let you down. I will fight for this. I've only committed to this recently, and it's not an easy game - first approach anxiety, then learning to open, then wingman problems...Fuck it's one thing after another. But shit, I'm the man for the job.

Now to find wings. I've posted around the internet, just waiting now. I will hopefully find some at the societies I join.

When I finally kiss a girl, this bullshit will be worth it. When I finally have sex...Fuck, it'll be worth it. And when I finally get a girlfriend...I won't even look back to how hard it's been. Most importantly, I want to prove the doubters wrong. My housemate has lost my respect, man. I want to show this guy that I can do this - when I bang a chick in my house, he's in the next bed room - I want this motherfucker to hear every moan.

Another week crawls by, the tiniest bit of progress has been made, but the mountain is tall, and I'm at the bottom.

Still frustrated, still kissless, still a girlfriend less virgin, but determined,
R.

Whatsup PLAYER??

I bet you'll have really good verbal game. You really just got to add the physical side to it and make moves!

I'll come and wing with you, I've been told I'm best wingman in the world by a couple of girls in Magaluf. If you're 6ft 4 that's cool, cos that will help me get attention to. Do you go out on Friday and Saturday nights? Obviously this weekend we can't go out but next weekend could be good.

Sup boss! Thanks for checking in.

We'll do that. I'm heading back home (Coventry) Tuesday, have Xmas employment & a student house in B'Ham so getting back and forth (and being able to go out) is not any sort of problem. I'm not the type to mess people around, either. I go out Friday and Saturday nights. I'll add you on facebook if you want, so you can see I'm not massaging any details. Only just recently got back on it though but there's still plenty there.

Nice to see you're keeping it up though your wing man was pathetic. I've had this happen several times with the same guy, what I eventually did was stop going out with him and start spending more time with others instead.

And you're right - what's pathetic is not doing anything.

Thanks man. Working on getting new wings SPAM. Hopefully I line something up for this week to try again.

I'm also starting no fap from today.

Happy New Year brothers!

You didn't think I had given up did you?

The Uni term is about to begin once again -I go back on the 7th of Jan. I have been at home for 4 weeks, and in those four weeks I have worked a seasonal job and gotten on with assignments for next term. I've been fucking shackled to the eye balls in stuff to do - pick up has taken a back seat. I went out once during the 4 weeks I have not posted, and went out solely to get drunk and relax with a friend after a long day at work.

When I go back to Uni, I will pick up where I left off, only I will use new wings. I have been contacted by two different wings, who I will begin to use, and I will join societies and groups @ Uni which will have a good social calender.

I have not been lazy this Xmas break, I've been on top of most quarters of my life. Now time to get to grips with the one that is so horrifically lacking....It's 2013, guys. Do you think I could lose my virginity this year?

I'm going to be 22 in July.

I am not confident I will lose my virginity. Thinking about it, even getting a kiss feels like it will be next to impossible. I feel quite disappointed as I went to a family gathering recently and they actually complimented me a lot and made jokes about my getting married haha...Inside I felt like I was really letting my family down.

That was not the best feeling. It didn't play on my mind very much, just brushed it off, but in retrospect I am beginning to re-light that fire of annoyance. I don't want to leave myself up to cosmic blind chance and scrape the bottom of the barrel, I want to go out there and take my fucking stake.

Fuck it. Nothing to lose. As of Monday we're back on the horse after a 4 week break. If there is any justice is this pathetic excuse of a universe, yours truly will be given a break!

Thank you for your support as always,
R