Written by a female friend. Would you defend men or you accept this is how it is?
Article by Helen 26 Ca
Quote:
So as you are walking down the street. This “family man” is totally staring at you… I mean staring.. like hunting.. while walking behind his wife and baby in stroller. He’s not even trying to hide it. It’s almost as if he’s inviting contact, hoping for it, and trying to make it available. You see him put his hand on her hip from behind as he continues to stare at you. Hovering around you after his wife went inside a shop with the stroller… OMG! YUCK!! What to do!?? …
Realize that there is no blame, no right or wrong. (I know – it’s hard!). Realize that this moment is the natural and inevitable outcome of 2 people letting themselves go and losing their commitment to working on themselves and their relationship. There is no bad guy. This is how guys work - his sexuality is not directly connected to his love (unlike women, who perceive sexual energy as intensely and physically emotional). Believe it or not, without a doubt, he loves his wife. He is there with her, providing for her, touching her to make her feel safe, and following her into a shop that he has no interest in to make her happy. But they have let things go with intimacy.
Don’t get upset and hate men and build a layer of disgust and resentment, and don’t get excited that you are getting attention and that somehow that makes you special. You are not a person to him (in the form of this particular interaction). The sexual reaction that he has of you walking by is perceived in the same way as a woman would see a dildo in a shop walking by a window (if they were in windows - lol). NOTE: this does not mean that he wouldn’t respect you as a person (in a different context, at another time, and if he were sexually satisfied in his relationship). But for men, these things like appreciation, love, and sex don’t necessarily go together (like they do for women). He is not seeing you as a human, or even as a woman, in this moment, because he is reacting to a void that he is experiencing in his personal sexual life. He is seeing you as a blow up sex doll.
Here is what you can do: If you have things to do, or are on your way to an appointment - Do nothing, and move on. Your time is valuable, because you are a human being with a life, and with self-respect. Understand and feel compassionate for their relationship, and send a silent prayer that they will soon wake up to both take responsibility for the fact that they can regain control. They can reinvent their passion for each other if they understood their natures, and WORKED ON THEMSELVES.
If you are involved in an errand in that area, or are for any reason naturally in a process that causes you to remain in close proximity with this guy, don’t run away. You are there to do what you are there to do, and this guy is too insignificant for you to change your plans just because he is there). Do not reveal that you are aware that he is looking at you in front of his wife. It will hurt her feelings and she will feel betrayed. As a woman, it is our job to stand up for and support one another, respecting ourselves and each other as one. If you have the courage and the confidence, try to find a way to naturally approach and build trust and rapport in a very friendly and non-judgemental way, with NO SEXUAL ENERGY - (These feelings must all be honest. If you can’t honestly be friendly and engaged with this couple, or either the man or woman on their own in this way, then don’t bother, and move on). It is very natural for anyone to adore cute little babies, so maybe honestly appreciate and complement the baby, and the mom.
Then segue into the concept of how hard it is to stay feeling fit and confident and passionate once you have kids (not necessarily about sex). And talk about how you personally were in a situation where you and your personal partner were in a rough place, and decided to start an active fit activity/hobby together, and started to incorporate cute tricks and games and weekly playful ideas to spice things up between you two. Acknowledge the obvious love they have for each other (i.e. the way he has his hand on her hip is so nice, and the fact that he takes her shopping with the family means there is lots of love J).
Naturally plant the seed that they love and value one another, and that they should totally check out some local fun active things to do, and “check out this hilarious little sex toy shop across the street – as there is this really fun game there ;p”. If you can do this honestly, naturally, playfully, with acceptance, compassion, and no sexual energy or judgement, then you may have just sent a ripple into the world that can make it a better place. If the actual act of this conversation is too difficult, unrealistic, or uncomfortable, then go on doing your thing – and just imagine this scenario. Embody how you would feel and what you would say and practice believing it. By simply embodying this understanding and this act of courage and compassion, you are creating change, beginning with yourself. Resentment and judgement are a waste of energy, and do nothing but reiterate and encourage the things that make us feel hurt and confused. Be the change you wish to see in the world, and you no longer have to decide whether to give up hope, or change your beliefs. You can make dreams come true.
And there you go. Changing the world 1 real circumstance at a time. Plant a seed. Send a ripple. Watch it grow. Be the change you wish to see. xxx
CHAT
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