I hear what you're saying, and you could be right. At the time I took it to mean that she really didn't want a bf now (or she just wasn't into me), and I didn't really get the vibe from her that she was into me too much after I asked her. But it was hard to tell as it was such a short conversation because I was in a rush to catch the bus. She also seemed quite religious, so I think that played into my decision to just leave it as well.

She could have stopped me when I said "I was going to ask you out...", but I said it as I was leaving and she may have felt desperate in a way for saying "no no I would go out with you!". Lol anyways, perhaps if I had more time to talk to her it would have played out differently. But yeah, thanks for your take on it, it's always good to hear someone else's opinion.

Friday

Really not much to report on today at school. It was pretty much the last day of classes for a lot of people, and Fridays are usually slow, so there wasn’t that many people around. I didn’t stick around for long after my class. I just took an early bus out of there and went to the gym.

So yeah, that kind of sucks as regular classes don’t resume now until the beginning of January. I’ll end up going there at least a few times to study for the couple of exams that I have, so hopefully I’ll be able to get in a few approaches here and there. And yeah, I'll make an effort to try to approach in other areas too, not just school. So hopefully between that, some online game, night game, and the few that I have on the go now I'll still have some interesting things to write about to keep this journal alive until January!

Friday Night – Date with HotReceptionist

Like I mentioned in my last post, I had a last minute plan set up to see HotReceptionist tonight. She was saying that she was tired and just wanted to relax or chill a bit, so after talking on the phone we decided that we’d come to my place to relax and watch a movie or two.

I picked her up at a mall near her house, and we went straight to my car and drove back to my place. Like OnlineModel yesterday, she didn’t look quite as good in person as she did in some of her pics. This was also the first time that I had met her in person. She was the type of chick, at least to me, who wears too much of that bronze tanner shit or whatever that stuff is. She is also a few pounds heavier than I typically like, as I like ‘skinny’, or slim girls best. But she was still good looking though, so I can’t complain too much.

Well we got to my place and were just watching tv at first and talking a bit. Not too long after that we put in a movie, and ended up laying down beside each other and watching it. After awhile I put my arm around her, and we got close and I was lightly rubbing her upper arm and her side, just taking things slowly at first. After a little bit of that, I moved in for the kiss, and we started kissing a bit. I was rubbing my hand along her side, and I made my way up to her breast and started rubbing them a bit, then she stopped me!

At this point I’m thinking, what the fuck is this! This chick comes over to my place, we’re both adults, and as far as I’m generally concerned, sex, or at least sexual contact is implied. And that’s especially true after the conversations that we’ve had over the phone. So I backed off and still had my arm around her, and I did a pretty standard ‘freezeout’ after that.

As an aside, what’s funny about that is that I’ve done these ‘freezeouts’ ages ago in similar situations, and about a year ago when I first read about them when I was getting into the PUA stuff I was like “haha I do that already!”. I guess it’s just a ‘natural’ way to try to get what you want by understanding how people work.

Anyways, how I’ve done them was to try not to lay it on too thick and seem totally disinterested right away. I try not to make it obvious right away that I’m all put out by the fact that she stopped me. I just sort of stopped doing what I was doing, acted a bit disinterested, stopped rubbing her or caressing her as much, and periodically started giving more of my attention to the tv instead of her. Well, like a textbook freezout, it worked. She started to rub my back a bit more, caress me in the same ways that I was doing to her previously. She’d have her arm around me and sort of pull me into her slightly, and kind of grind herself into me a little bit. Things had reversed, it was her physically coming on to me now.

Well, after a bit of that, I started to ‘come back alive’ a bit again and began to do the same to her. We started kissing again, and fooling around more. I sort of got her on her back more instead of her side, and was on top of her kissing her mouth, neck, and hear earlobes. She was really getting into it. While I was on top of her, we were grinding into each other a bit, and I’m thinking at this point that it’s pretty much on. Then, I heard four words that I really didn’t want to hear. “We can’t have sex” … I’m thinking, Jesus Christ, what now! Lol .. It was quite late at that point and I didn’t think I had another freezeout in me. Well it turned out she said she was on her period. Great.

Anyways, that’s the long and the short of it. We kissed more and cuddled etc, but that’s about as far as it went. We ended up crashing together for a few hours, and I drove her home early in the morning.

A disappointing night for sure, and she said/did a few other things that aren’t worth mentioning, but it made me bite my tongue for sure. She’s the type that I’ll do my best to not say anything to fuck it up, but I couldn’t see myself doing her more than once or twice before I was ready to move on. I say this now as it's the morning and I'm a little bitter I guess and lacking sleep. Who knows, she's not a bad girl and we've already talked about seeing each other again. Anyways, we’ll see how it goes.

Saturday

Nothing too much to report on today.

I was running on only a few hours sleep from the night before with HotReceptionist, so I was pretty beat all day today. I just stayed up because I often find that when I have a nap, it messes up my sleeping schedule.

I ended up going out to dinner with my parents, so I got to have a ‘refeed’ day. As far as my diet goes, I'm finishing up my fifth week of my cut so it was a nice change to eat! We went to an Asian buffet place, and I ate a lot.

I messaged OnlineAsian saying that I was tired and that I was probably just going to relax after I got home from dinner. We never had concrete plans set, as she was going out to dinner with some friends, and she said that she would text me if she wasn’t too late getting in and then maybe we could do something. I really didn’t like the sound of that anyways, because I wasn’t too keen on the fact that I was essentially going to be waiting around in case she found the time to see me.

Anyways, later that night we ended up texting back and forth and we got into some sexual stuff. As it turns out, she really wants me to grab the back of her hair and whisper dirty things to her as I’m giving it to her. Haha, sound’s good to me! Now we’ll just have to meet up soon and I'll see about doing that.

Unfortunately, it’s a busy time for me now. I’m going to see a movie tomorrow with OnlineModel, and I have to spend the rest of my time for nearly the next week studying. I have an exam this coming Wednesday, and my last one is the following Monday. But I’m sure I can make some time to do other things, as I realistically won’t be studying for 12hrs per day. Even if I had to, I just can’t work that way, I just tune it out after too long. I need several breaks in between!

Sunday – Movie with OnlineModel

The only time that I left the house today was to go see a movie with OnlineModel. She had to work in the morning, so it was just a simple movie and that was it. I picked her up, we saw the movie, then I dropped her off with a kiss and that was it.

For lack of a better way to put it, I just looked at tonight as ‘comfort building’ as she is very shy and seems like it’s going to take at least a few times seeing me before she’s comfortable with doing too much. She seems like a pretty nice person so far and a sweet girl.

HotReceptionist says that she wants to come back over to my place again so I’m in the process of trying to find a time where it works for the both of us. I need to study for this exam, and unfortunately having her back here means that I have to pick her up, bring her back here, and drop her off again. And that means that whichever day that I do that, it’s going to take up a good chunk of the day just because of the distance that I have to drive. The earliest day that I could see myself doing that would be Wednesday afternoon after I’m done with my exam. We’ll see what happens.

OnlineModel says that she’ll drive out and see me sometime after my exam. With her it’s different, as she only lives about a 20 minute drive from me, and she has her own place too. So I can just drive there, or she can come to me, so logistically it’s much easier to see her than it is to see HotReceptionist. Anyways, it will be somewhat of a busy week for me between studying, doing some work that I need to do, and trying to keep these two chicks happy by seeing them.

And not to mention, I also still need to meet up with OnlineAsian pretty soon or else I run the risk of that one going cold. And she’s pretty hot so it would be a shame to lose this one because I left it too long. I need to ‘strike while the iron is hot’!

Two short entries here:

Monday

Not much to say today. I worked a lot of the day, and didn’t end up getting much studying done. I went to the gym, and stopped off to get a few random items at the grocery store, but no chicks anywhere to be seen.

Tuesday

Nothing to report for today. I just spent the day studying getting ready for my exam in the morning.

Two more short entries:

Wednesday

I went into the school and wrote my exam. I came home pretty much right after that. The school is pretty dead, as most of the people who are there are either writing an exam or in the library studying, so it’s not a really great time for seeing many people out and about.

Thursday

Not much to report on for today either. I went to the gym, and then stopped off at the grocery store for a few things. No chicks around at all.

General Thoughts

I was going to see HotReceptionist on Wednesday after the exam, but that plan didn’t end up happening. I just have too much studying to do to prepare for my exam on Monday. It’s a really hard course and there is lots of material to cover. I really do need all this time that I have left to study. I just can’t seem to keep focused and concentrate for really long periods of time. After awhile I just daydream and tune out. So I need a lot of time with several short breaks in between.

Sure, I could go to a Starbucks or something to study, but I know myself too well and I would spend most of my time looking around or whatever and wouldn’t get much done. It’ll make for a boring week and not much action in the journal, but it’s looking like other than the gym and a random errand or two, I’ll be pretty much at home until Monday.

On the bright side, once Monday is over with, there is a fair bit of potential for some action. I’ll be seeing HotReceptionist and I’m almost sure that I’ll be banging her, if not the next time I see her, then it would be pretty much guaranteed the time after that.

I’ll be seeing OnlineModel as well, and I’m sure within the next few times that I see her that there should be some interesting things going on. She is very shy though, but still, I don’t think it should take too long.

And OnlineAsian is still in play, as we’ve still been texting and have a tentative date set up for next Thursday.

So, I just have to get by this last little stretch of staying in and studying, and then after that there should be some interesting things going on.

Fish oil (4-5g), caffeine (~200mg i.e. a cup of coffee), and coconut oil (1-2 tbsp - can go right in the coffee). Combine this with "Pomodoro Technique" (Google it). Watch yourself become a productivity machine.

You can thank me later.

Hey, thanks for the suggestion!

That’s sort of funny, as I’ve been doing my own loose variation of something similar. But I can see the value in doing it in a more structured form like you’re supposed to. I've never tried all of those things at once in combination like that, but I'll give it a shot. I usually am probably fairly jacked on caffeine when I study at home, as I usually have a cup of black tea going throughout the day. I have fish oil, but I've been off and on taking it lately. I used to have some unrefined virgin coconut oil, but I haven't used it in ages. The fish oil is one of the supplements that I started to take in the summer once I got into the weights again. I read about it as one of the 'core' supplements that were recommended by a bunch of people. I still take them, but sort of off an on.

For the gym, I was taking the fish oil, a multi-vitamin, 5mg of creatine, and whey protein. Just out of curiosity, are you big on supplements and pre workout drinks etc, or do you just concentrate on eating well and dialing in your diet?

But I do like the idea of the Pomodoro technique in that those 25 minute intervals seem to work well with me because of my apparent attention span with my school work. But I'll have to give it a try again and incorporate all those things together next time that I have a lot of work that I need to get done. But over the weekend I did pop a couple of fish oil pills, had a cup of tea and did a few 25 minute sessions with short breaks in between. Minus the coconut oil, I was loosely following something like that before, as most of the time I’ll only study for short periods anyways and take a lot of short breaks. But I’ve never structured it and been disciplined like that plan calls for, so it sounds like a pretty good idea that I’ll have to try out again.

Friday , Saturday and Sunday

Really not much to report for these past three days. I’ve been mainly just studying off and on trying to prepare for my exam on Monday morning. I think other than going to pick something up at the grocery store, I’m not even sure if I left the house. I missed a couple workouts at the gym last week, but I did manage to go twice so it’s not too bad. I really hate missing days, because I’m the type that once I get into a rhythm or habit of going it’s all good, but I’ve been known to get off track in the past and it usually starts with a missed workout or two. But that’s not gonna happen this time, as this is the only training that I’m currently doing, and there’s no way I’m going to let it slide. No worries.

General Thoughts

Well it seems that OnlineModel has fallen off the roster. She wanted to see me, but I ended up telling her that I just had too much work to do and that I needed these last couple of days to get ready for my exam. Who knows if that was the reason, but I texted her sometime after that and she never replied to me. So I logged back onto that dating site a few times, and sure enough I saw her online every time. Oh well, it looks like she’s found some other dude. No big deal, she was kinda messed up and had a really dry personality anyways. But it’s still a shame, because she was pretty hot and definitely worth the lay, but oh well, not much that I can do about that now.

HotReceptionist. Well she’s definitely still in play, but I’m telling you, I’ve had to bite my tongue more than just once or twice in dealing with this chick so far. I’m not sure if it’s worth going over all the little things that she’s said or done, but I can definitely see how not a lot of guys would put up with some of her shit. She texts me and says “this is bs” in response to me telling her that I have to study. She’ll take hours sometimes to reply to my text, but if I don’t reply to her within 15 minutes she’s getting bitchy a bit and texting me again. Just unreasonable shit like that.

And she’s gone out with a chick friend of hers, getting hammered and getting a hotel room and having some guy “friends” back to the hotel. And one of the guys apparently ‘got rough’ with her by coming onto her hard. And she’s telling me all this shit, and also wants a relationship!. Lol, not really girlfriend material for me, but I’m going to hang in there though anyways. Fuck it. She’s not the greatest person, as I could mention a few more things, but you get the idea. I think a lot of it is her telling me that shit just to see what sort of reaction that I’ll give, and I hate games like that.

But yeah, like I’ve said before, every single chick that I’ve ever met through online dating has been fucked up in some way or another. Even most chicks that I’ve picked up from the bars from days gone by have also been fairly fucked up in some way. Am I just too picky, or do I just sometimes attract ‘that type’? Hmm, hard to say. And that’s why I’ve also said before in this journal that I often feel that my only hope of eventually getting some level-headed normal quality girl will come from meeting her at school, rather than some drunk chick I might pick up at a bar. That’s not to say a quality girl can’t be found in a bar, but I don’t want to settle down with a ‘party girl’. Anyways, that’s another topic.

But yeah, this HotReceptionist chick seems like she could be a bit of a fuckaround in trying to lay her, and there is always the chance that my patience could run out before I bang her. So I really need to try to get some more possibilities going on. Just as another example, on the phone she’ll say stuff like “I don’t see this working out, you live too far” blah blah. But most of it is just a bullshit game just to see what I’ll say back, because five minutes later she’s talking about how she wants to get serious soon and that she wants a baby at some point in the fairly near future.lol This chick is kind of fucked!


And OnlineAsian should still be in play, but almost each time I’ve logged into that dating site I’ve seen her name online too, so who knows what she’s been up to. But last I talked to her we still had plans to meet up this Thursday so we’ll see what happens.

I’ve also talked to two more guys from this site, so I’m going to try and see about getting out with one or both of them at some point soon for some night game. It’s definitely not been my intention to fill my journal with shit from online dating, but I figure that if I can pull one or two from there in the meantime then why not. If I had any type of a quality roster on the go now then I wouldn’t even bother with the online thing, but until I do, I might as well give it a shot. And if I had any type of abundance of chicks, or a few more quality ones, then I would have told HotReceptionist to beat it awhile ago, but since she’s the only one that I have right now, and she’s pretty hot too, then for me it’s worth it to just be patient and go for the lay.

I suppose that's relative. Compared to the average guy, probably. Compared to many of the meat sticks I've trained alongside, no. Diet always comes first and I'm pretty conscious of the food that I eat and I know what works for me at this point in my training career.

Glucosamine/MSM, a multi-vitamin, lots of fish oil, and a green tea/caffeine pill are my daily supps. Plus a ton of caffeine from tea and coffee and a lot of MCTs from coconut oil and coconut milk. I will also do a "course" of probiotics for 10 days every few months. If I had more money to blow, I'd probably have those daily too.

I take whey pretty much only for convenience/speed. Its certainly a staple of mine. But I think if you told me I could never have whey again, things wouldn't change much results-wise. I'd just have to cook more chicken or eggs or what not.

The only real "speciality" supp I take is mega-dosed Leucine (3x5-10g "shots" after my workouts). There's a ton of research to back Leucine's role in upregulating mTOR, which is a crucial for muscle growth. I believe this is the supplement that has had the most noticeable effects on body composition of anything I've ever tried. I've slowly climbed the scale several pounds in the last year and stayed quite lean. I am close to being as lean as I ever have been, at perhaps 7-8lbs heavier than the previous iteration.

A couple of days behind again…

Monday

Well I went in this morning and wrote my exam. It was really hard, but I’m glad that it’s over with. Now I have a fairly free schedule, so hopefully I can get a few things going on.

I did have one opportunity early this morning as I got a tea once I got to the school. I was sitting at a table of 4, and this chick sat at the table in front of me, but before that I caught her looking at me once or twice. As soon as she sat down, she got on her phone. It didn’t really matter, because I was doing some last minute studying and was about to leave to walk to the exam within 10 minutes anyways, so even if she wasn’t on her phone, I doubt I would have approached her. It just wasn’t good timing.

After the exam, I went home, then I went to the gym.

I talked to OnlineAsian on the phone for a bit over an hour tonight, and that was the first time we had done that, and I’ll be going to see her Thursday night. She’s another one that lives quite far away from me, but we’ll see how it goes.

Tuesday and Wednesday

Not much really to report on these two days. I was at the gym Tuesday, but nothing going on. I also had some work to do Tuesday and Wednesday so that took up most of my time. Nothing really to report in the way of chicks.

Thursday to Sunday

Sort of been sick the last several days, just not myself. I'll be all back on track tomorrow (Monday). A lot of things have slid in the last several days. I haven't been to the gym, my diet has gone to shit, and in the process of all this I flaked on HotReceptionist and OnlineAsian, so at this moment both of them look like they could be done. Not a good week. But, shit happens sometimes. But no worries though, I'll bounce right back into my regular routine tomorrow, as I have a few things that I need to get done.

Well I’m back after an extended break. Like I mentioned in my last post a few weeks ago, I let a lot of things slide during my break here. I’m really disappointed in myself, but I’m not going to dwell on the past and I think it’s better to just start fresh, as it’s a new year. So I’m not going to say too much other than I’m back, and I’m going to rededicate myself to this journey that I’m on, and in the grand scheme of things these past 3 weeks or so were just a bit of a bump in the road.

I pretty much flaked on HotReceptionist and OnlineAsian, and last time I talked to her, HotReceptionist had got back with her boyfriend of several years. She texted me to say happy new years, but I kind of doubt anything will go on with that one. We’ll see. I get the impression that she could cheat on her bf, so I’ll hang in there and see what happens but I won’t be holding my breath or anything.

OnlineAsian told me that it seemed like I wasn’t interested at all as it’s been well over a month and I haven’t even seen her. Man when I let shit fall apart, I really do a good job of it. I’ve been talking to her a bit more these last couple of days and things should still be on with her, so we’ll see what happens there.

Anyways, for this journal, I’m just going to look at the past three weeks as a ‘black hole’ of sorts, and I’m going to put that behind me and start fresh. Next semester of school starts tomorrow, and I’ll be getting my diet and training back on track this week as well.

Stay tuned!

Monday – Wednesday

I didn’t end up going into school Monday, and Tuesday I only have class sometimes. The good news is that I have my diet back on track and I’ve been back to the gym as well.

After being so off track, it’s going to take a good week or so for me to get back into the groove of everything and get my routine back to how it was before the break. When my routine is good, I rarely ever have sleep issues, but I couldn’t sleep Sunday night, and that caused me to sleep in on Monday and miss my class.

There was actually a girl or two at the gym, but the situation was pretty much a write-off for approaching.

I went to the school today for the first time this semester, but I had to leave right after my class because I had to go back to the dentist for another appointment.

I have a date set up with OnlineAsian for this Saturday night, so hopefully that should go well. Unfortunately, she lives pretty far away from me (45 min drive), and she doesn’t have a car, so I’ll have to go down to her area. For the first date, I’m not expecting much more than a kiss, but we’ll see. We don’t really have anywhere to go.

So as long as things go well, perhaps the next time I see her I’ll try to get her to come to my area and we can come to my place. It’s going to be a hassle, because I’d have to go and pick her up, drive her back to my place, then drop her off again, which is quite a lot of driving. But hey, if I want to get laid, that’s what I’m going to have to do.

But other than that, there isn’t too much to report. I’ll be at the school tomorrow, so hopefully I’ll have a few chances to make an approach or two.

Thursday

My apologies if this seems a bit all over the place. It's a bit of a rant and I didn't really go over it and proof read it too much.

I didn’t have the greatest day at school today. I really need to step up my game. I just felt “off” today. I don’t know, being so off track during the break really seemed to set me back, because today I felt like I had regressed back to how I was a year ago there. I just sort of walked around while I was there for a bit and took it all in, but I can’t honestly say that I felt even somewhat close to approaching. It’s hard to describe.

My biggest problem is that I just don’t approach enough. I notice that for most people, that’s not really a sticking point with them, but for me, it’s the biggest thing for me to overcome. I have no problems after I’ve met someone, but it’s just getting that approach out of the way that I seem to have trouble with. Now I’m not saying the rest of my game is perfect, because it’s not. But for whatever reason, I still seem to “fear” the rejection, and that really stands in my way of making progress.

It’s funny, because escalation rejection doesn’t bother me at all. If I have a chick at my place or wherever, and I make a move and she stops me, that sort of ‘rejection’ doesn’t bother me at all. And I guess the way that I rationalize it is that I don’t take that as a personal rejection, or an outright rejection of me personally, it’s just that she wasn’t ready for me to make the moves on her. If we’re already at the point that we’re kissing, then obviously she’s into me, but the fact that she rejects my advances doesn’t bother me, because I know that she’s into me, but just the timing isn’t right for whatever reason.

Now on the other hand, if I approach someone and get rejected, to me, that’s completely different, as I seem to take that much more personally because I’m being rejected outright. And for whatever reason that is much harder for me to deal with. I really need to find a way to think about that so I can get over this obstacle, because it is really holding me back from taking things to the next level. I seem to be stuck and can’t get past this “fear” of being rejected, and that’s why I don’t approach half as often as I could or should. I don’t know what it is. Is it because I’m protecting my ego? Am I ‘afraid’ of what other people think? Am I ‘afraid’ of what the chick might think if I talk to her? I really need to develop the mindset of not giving a fuck about that sort of thing, but that’s easier said than done.

I go to a school with thousands of chicks running around, yet many days I’ll come home, like today, and have nothing other than frustration to write about. In my eyes, there’s no excuse for that, as there are more than enough chicks there for me to talk to. And if I come home without talking to any, then that’s a problem with me and my game, and not simply because there weren’t any chicks that were good enough around.

I really have to find a way to get over this. Is it just a question of manning the fuck up and doing it? Am I just being a pussy? I really don’t know what to say. I just felt so out of touch today. Letting all my shit slide and being away for nearly a month has definitely taken its toll on me.

Anyways, I went to the gym after school. I thought that I was going to use some of my aggression to have a good workout, but man, my energy just wasn’t there! This is my first week back on my ‘cut’ diet, and I am pretty carb depleted, so my energy levels are pretty low. So I’m still getting used to the low carbs, and it’s also my first week back at the gym. So the combination of those two factors made me burn out big time in the middle of my squats. Disappointing, but it was kind of expected I guess.

Man, I was so off track and let things slide over the break that it’s going to take at least a week or two before I get my shit back on track and back into a good routine like I had before.

I really don’t know what to say. Is it just a matter of grabbing some fuckin’ balls and approach more? Did I just have a bad day and I’m over thinking this? I don’t know, but what I do know is that I read other people’s journals and just other threads in general and most guys seem to be able to approach, but they just seem to fuck up or get stuck on other parts. But for me, I just can’t seem to push myself out of my comfort zone enough to get better and it’s getting pretty frustrating.

I just find myself doing the same old thing, thinking the same old thoughts. I’ll walk around, and what I mainly do is just walk to certain areas that have tables or benches, or just spaces where people sit and chill. And in these areas, I always look for chicks by themselves in places where I can sit beside them without someone sitting right next to me listening to every word I say. So because of that selectiveness, I find myself walking around a lot and not doing a whole lot of approaching. If I could just push myself a bit, there are literally thousands of girls that are walking to and from class or in between buildings that I could either stop, or walk up beside and talk to them while they’re walking, but I just haven’t done anything like that yet.

I need to refocus myself here and get my head on straight.