| Okay, I gave this a serious re-read... 3 years off and on huh...
What exactly do you want from her? It's highly unlikely any "just friends" arrangement will work, since if the attraction remains you two will be fucking sooner or later. Trust me on this one... LTRs often begin as fuck buddies, and usually after a breakup you remain FWB. The fact that your relationship with her is off-and-on for 3 years shows that at least one of you is not committed to making a real relationship work, it seems YOU in this case. I'm going to go on a limb here and guess that you initiated the breakups? Also, how old are you both?
Yeah, she's integrated into your friends and family, but what did you expect? Know that with this time frame, it's nearly impossible to transition to any kind of friendship, because of the connection the two of you had for so long. Why do you think she's gone NC with you? She wants those feelings to go away. Any contact with you at all is counterproductive to that.
You want some honest advice? Let her go. Seriously, she wants more, you don't (except a casual lay/friend I suppose), so the more you interact with her, the harder you're making it for her to move on. The girl I used an as example sounds like your girl, except you are the ex that won't let her go. She wants to get married and have kids with the guy, and he just wants her around for the friendship and sex. He gets into relationships with other women, goes NC with her, then begs for forgiveness every time he gets dumped (counting thrice now - going on three years). It's almost agonizing watching her go through these cycles, just because this guy can't let her go. He just wants to "keep her in his life", all the while her other relationships fail and her life goes to shit on the hope that he takes her back.
Be the bigger man, respect her wishes, and
Just. Let. Go.
You can't stop your friends/family from hanging out with her, and she probably wants their support to get over you. You made the bed, now sleep in it. Suck it up, and stick to no contact. Try that for 6 months and then see how you feel. Get into a new relationship with another woman, and see if you still want to keep this one around. Most importantly, let her date other people too.
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