In an attempt to keep it simple, I've been in an FWB relationship with my ex for about 2 months now. Right before that, she was fucking her "best friend" W for a couple weeks. Ages: I'm 29, she's 23, he's 19, we all go to the same college together. Apparently she was hanging out at his apartment (with his roommates) nearly every day, just smoking pot and playing video games constantly. She likes having a kitchen to cook in, and a guy to sleep next to. Well, unfortunately for this guy I give her better sex, I have my OWN apartment, and I'm just more attractive to her in general. So now she's often at MY apartment, cooking, cleaning, and sleeping in MY bed. She still hangs out there every so often for above reasons (they were friends first after all) but claims they aren't fucking anymore, nor is she sleeping there. I didn't know they had fucked at all for sure until about a month after her and I started fucking, but it was clear to me that the boy wanted her and she liked keeping him strung along so it came as no surprise. It also about this time he got exclusive with another chick as well, and they've drifted apart a bit. My ex has encouraged us to be pals (I have with her other friends) but this guy can eat a dick. Here's some things that have stood out to me:

Sunday morning, after a good session, he texts her around noon saying he wants her to come over and smoke up. She says no, but asks me if he can come over and have breakfast with us provided he brings something to contribute. He's gonna smoke her up too. I'm like sure, why not. Befriend her friends, I always say. He eventually walks his happy ass down here, and lo and behold not only forgets any food but also his weed... then has the nerve to ask me for a ride back to his apartment to go get it! I'm like "nah, maybe later" and never do, but she cooks and we feed him anyways. I let this slide, but big strike in my book. Big disrespect to me, and also to her. His roommate (who's alright by me) stops by during a run, and he tells him "hey any chance on your run you could swing by the apartment and grab my weed?". Yeah, that didn't happen. Keep in mind this apartment is about a 6 minute walk.

Last night she comes over to give me back my lighter one of her other friends pocketed from me and get something of hers. She suggests breakfast the next morning after class around 10am, and I agree, joking "Looks like these couple days of not hanging out with me are pretty tough, huh?". She says nothing and leaves. I get out of class early and text her that I'm out. Not a minute later she calls me, but SURPRISE it's W on the other line! He's asking me about this assignment that's due today. I talk about how it's going for me, he asks for my sources and I tell him I'll text them and I end the convo. No mention of why he's using HER phone, he has my number. After that I text "Why didn't he just call me from his phone? You people are strange..." 90m later no response. And yeah, I'm a bit pissed at her too, but I'm sure I'll hear about it later and deal with it accordingly.

Now, I think I've been disarming this guy pretty well, and I'm guessing he's a bit jealous that I'm getting her attention (and sex) despite him having a new (virgin) girlfriend. Early on during her "transition" he would get all cuddly with her in front of me as well. Since he and I became "friends", the only thing he has contacted me is to get a ride somewhere, or needing help with homework. I don't want to be friends with some teenage kid that's constantly trying to "out alpha" me or whatever. At least that's the vibe I get. The only reason I agreed for him to come over the other day was because he AGREED to bring supplies, then the exact opposite happened. Now, after my "Mystery call" this morning I've decided to recruit PUA to really blast this guy. Would you guys have handled the above situations any differently? Keep in mind, this chick isn't my gf or anything so what she wants to do with him on her own time is her business, but I don't tolerate any of this (suspected) disrespect in my house. I've also considered that maybe I'm not making much effort on my part to be friends with him either, but I'm not seeing any qualities I'd like in a friend either. The whole thing just seems like a constant power struggle, and TBH I'd like to push him farther away from her. I am 90% sure he's the "backup guy" if/when I ditch her, and the other day she even said "All he ever wants to do is smoke" so I think she's getting bored with him anyways.

On a side note, should I not tease girls who are interested in (or attracted to) me? I thought stuff like "You just can't kept your hands off me" or "Yeah, you missed me, admit it" in a light, playful tone was alright. It sounds like in the above scenario I pushed her away instead.

Hm. I think he could be.

Well I expected more responses to this topic, but the AMOG issue is probably just common sense, and I will treat it as such. Like I indicated, not really that concerned about this guy in general.

However, I'd like to redirect this topic to her flake. I expected her to contact me back later with some sort of explanation, but now over a day later she still never responded after I sent that last text. I mean... what the fuck? I don't care if she's my ex, fwb, , just friends, whatever, or my "hanging out" comment came off wrong... but some sort of response or explanation I would expect from anyone I consider a friend . I've been tempted to send some text like "What was the deal just blowing me off yesterday?" but I know better, I'm not going to contact her first, period. Knowing her, she's likely to contact me over the break or more likely when she comes back for some reason or another, and pretend the flake never happened, but I don't think I should pretend it didn't either. So I've weighed a couple approaches to her next contact:

0) Just flat out ignore her, until she figured out what she did was wrong and apologizes.
1) Pretend it didn't happen... not likely, because I'm not going to be a pushover.
2) Just say "What was up with breakfast the other day?" and accept whatever (likely BS) excuse.

Follow up with...
3) Follow up with "It's one thing to blow me off, but having W call me on your phone when we had plans? The fuck are you trying to prove?"
4) "What you did the other day is bullshit, nobody I consider a friend would do that. You'd better find a way to make it up to me, cause I'm about done with this behavior from you."

Fuck... trying to find the balance of keeping my emotions in check, and somehow punishing this bad behavior. The worst part is, I can't remember the last time she did something like this if ever, and we've been actually communicating and getting along quite well the last few weeks.

1) Who gives a shit about the kid. Ignore him. Don't help him. Don't befriend him. But at the same time, act indifferent.
2) Obviously you still care about her if you're taking the time to write about her. But don't lose control and don't show your emotions... Since she blew you off, you need to ignore her and let her come to you and then you can talk about it if you want.
3) All of this sounds like you need to go out and pick up to forget you're in this minor mess.

_________________
Before she can respect you, you need to respect yourself.

1) Agreed, that's what I've been doing and will continue to do so.
2) Also agreed, though I feel it's something I should definitely talk about since I would talk about it with anyone else who did it.
3) Also agreed! I think I'll do some sarging over break with my cousin, though I won't really have any expectations others than working on AA and conversation. Meet some new people or something.

Albeit, this minor mess is part a much bigger mess... and gaming other women is something I've been trying to do all long. Never stop gaming.

freeze her out for a while. only let her come over late night for sex and if that happens take her home right after sex.

Hah, so bad, but such a good idea. She's one of those "i hate to sleep alone" girls, too, there's been enough times where it's like "Can I spend the night? Not in the mood for sex, though" from her. Of course, most of those times turn into sex anyways

I think if that happens, I'll go to bed with her, and escalate for sex. Any LMR, and I'll move out to the couch. I think kicking her out is a bit harsh, but refusing to cuddle will send the message.

I can understand that, but if you have a girl and you strictly want sex than thats the way you should act.

that being said

getting up right after sex instead of laying there with her can be a subtle way to send that same message.

go smoke a cig, or grab food.

Well, she texted me last night at 1030 "How was your thanksgiving?" and I don't plan on responding. Correct way to play it? Seeing as how she flat ignored me last time, I wasn't planning to contact until I heard from her yet again. Feels a bit like childish games though, so I wonder...

Respond to the message a day late?
Keep up the ignore game till she calls/texts again?
Text something unrelated?

Didn't she blow you off AND ignore you last time? And she let that kid use her phone to call you? That's disrespect in the highest order, and you need to show that as a prized man, you will NOT let that shit stand. Ignore her until her texts become a bit more desperate.

_________________
Before she can respect you, you need to respect yourself.

Definitely. I need to stick that "nothing texts" aren't going to be enough to get my attention at this point. If she wants the benefits of my attention, she's going to have to try harder than that. Thanks for the encouragement, man!

So, pretty sure I'm just terrible when it comes to this chick. Well, could be worse, but go ahead and evaluate. Keep in mind, due to the blatant disrespect she probably forgot about already... my head was not really in this. She texted me again today, and I replied...

Her (1113) Hey
Me (1230) Sup
Her (somewhere between 1-2pm) How was your thanksgiving? (same text I ignored 2 days prior)
Me (235) Pretty good I guess, yours?
Her: Good. Whatcha up to? (figured this was going to lead to her asking to hang out, per usual)
Me: Squash and the latest episode of Dexter (shit, I gave a straight answer)
Her: Of course lol why would I have expected anything else
Me (T+20, 304) So, how about that money you owe me?
Her: Lol Blunt much? I have it
Me: Good. What did you expect me to be up to anyways? (also bad - should not have backtracked)
Her: Idfk
Me: Haha I'm sure you're doing something awesome fun and exciting right now too
Her: Yup
Me: Such as?
Her: Stuff
Me: I bet. So you gonna bring it to me today or what?
Her: Probably, but not now
Me: When, then? I've got stuff to do as well, you know.
Her: Is it really that big a deal? You know you'll get it when you see me

I haven't replied. Was starting to lose my temper.

Feel free to tear this apart. I'm fully aware my text game sucks, especially where this woman is concerned. I was expecting her to suggest coming over like she usually does, and I planned to say "You can drop the money off but I'm good on hanging out" then confront her in person about the diss. Seems now like she was just keeping tabs on me. At least I didn't ask her to come over or anything. The money thing, btw, she's never asked me before, and it happened before the disrespect incident. IMO, you can really find out someone's true colors when they owe you money. I kind of want to just get my money back and go back to ignoring her, it IS 60 bucks....

I swear, between this girl being a complete pothead and probably having a personality disorder, her magical fucking vagina is not worth an ounce of my effort.

Chill out. You're still in control... She didn't stop texting you, did she? Therefore you have the upperhand.

And why are you getting pissed? She's showing interest in you still... And not sure why you brought up the $60 she owes you... Who cares? You're just coming off as too much of an asshole.

Just act non-chalant and say something like "Yeah I've just been strapped for cash, but no big deal. Just drop it off whenever you get the chance."

_________________
Before she can respect you, you need to respect yourself.

I'm getting pissed because I keep remembering the incident outlined in my original post. You know, where she blew me off, had another guy call me from her phone, then never answered my text afterwards?

As usual, my head is my own worst enemy. Should I just pretend that incident never happened until I see her in person? Then I would text something similar to what you suggested. "It's not that big a deal, I'm just a bit strapped for cash at the moment. Really, I'm just frustrated at how long it's been since I've given you a good massage, and it seemed like a good way to get your ass over here " because that would also be the truth.

I don't know man. Fuck. I hate texting.

EDIT: Just sent "It's not really, I am kinda strapped for cash though. Maybe I have ulterior motives "

Ack. Thanks for the replies, FS. I see you've been pretty active on this board lately, glad to have another active poster here.

No. Don't show you're desperate to have her over. It's already obvious she wants to suck your dick. Just be social and friendly, and she should invite herself over. She won't invite herself over if you continue being an asshole. Although you were supposed to wait until she became a tad more desperate, but that's fine.

Also, as a rule of thumb, you should take the same time she takes to text you back... But sometimes I'll give the girl the benefit of the doubt and text back right away in case she was busy. If it's recurring, I'll pace her.

About your text game... Why is it so hard? Unlike the phone and in person, you have so much time to think about your reply... Enough time to cool down and think of something witty and smart to say in return.

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Before she can respect you, you need to respect yourself.