So Im staying at my gf's house when her phone alarm goes off at 6:00am...I get up to shut it off when I notice a text from a guy in her class who has asked her to hang out in the past...I open the msg (probably shouldn't have but if there is nothing to hide then who cares?) and he wrights her a msg about class and something about the two of them, I didn't really get to see everything because she woke and caught me.

Any way I told her I should go and asked if she had something to tell me, I told her what happend and left, she then texted me saying I fabricated a story and Im putting a wedge between us???? Im so confused!! lol

The msg was nothing big I don't think, nothing to serious but since this guy has a history with her I asked if there was anything she should tell me? My first thought is that she is covering something up but honestly things have been really good between us as of late! and we have been spending a lot of time together! She flirted through text and facebook with some ex's a while back! and lied about some stuff which perhaps I am not 100% over but you would think she would understand? She genuinely thinks I am lieing, and I don't see why she would cover the msg up since it really wasn't all that bad?

To me, it sounds like shes getting back to her old ways .
She is seeking validation from other guys which isnt good, doesnt matter if shes isnt acting out on it now, she will eventually.

I don't really understand why she thinks your lying but if your not 100% over what she has done to you and what she may be going to do to you again, maybe its time to reevaluate your relationship.
Have a talk with her and tell her this behaviour is unacceptable and you will leave her if she does this shit again.

Remember girls will always come and go man, dont be afraid to leave if u should.

I talked to her tonight, I did lie to her slightly, then came clean about looking at her phone....either way if she didn't have anything to hide she wouldn't get so upset...she lost it on me! said I don't trust her and her and this guy are just friends...perhaps that's true but either way the guy clearly wants her and yet she still texts with him?

so basically she tore into me about me not trusting her and how im the issue not her ect ect ect....so I broke it off and told her im sorry she feels that way.

Unforchantly I don't think she will ever admit to being part of the problem...she is the one who cheated in the first place lol tonight she treated me with such a lack of respect I was honestly discusted! I love this girl with all my heart but I can't be with a chick who doesn't realize she has an amazing bf!

First of all the fact that your gf lied to you in the past and pretty much cheated, yet now doesn't understand why you have trust issues is an example of how selfish she is! She caused the mess and now doesn't want to clean it up....very selfish of her! Yes you should trust her but SHE is the main cause of your distrust, and if she can't see that then she is being very selfish!

Second the fact that you have been together for 4 years and she can't look back and think "My bf has treated me great!" or remember all the good times or thing you have been through also shows you that she doesn't appreciate or respect you.

This girl sounds like drama! sounds like she would rather point the finger and blame you then work through her own problems...these types of women will never have normal relationships because they can't admit to being wrong, I know because I have dated a few.

As for her texting a guy who she knows likes her and then telling you your insecure for asking about???? you have every right to know! and she shouldn't be leading this dude on, or even giving him a chance! she is in a relationship. Sounds to me like she likes the attention if her talking to guys is an on going thing? you don't want a girl like this and your better off!

I am going to take a wild guess and say that she comes from a fucked up family? If thats the case she will probably end up with either an asshole who treats her poorly, or a nice guy who she walks all over, and cheats on. I have dated women like this and they do the same thing: use you, blame you for all their problems instead of looking at them selfs and taking ownership, try to convince you that your the problem, and then break things off, move onto a new guy and repeat...

Can people change? yes, but only if they want to and this girl doesn't seem like she wants to or even realizes she has a problem so I would say its for the best! you did nothing wrong other then tell a small lie...keep your head up man! you have always given me great advice and been a go to guy for these kind of things! you will be a better man for this!

You can only be blamed for not trusting your girl if she is acting in a completely trustworthy manner! Don't listen to what she says, listen to what she does...

I've said it before but your better off without this girl! I'd of got rid after she did the dissapearing act to party when you guys where having a rough patch! She's trouble and she has not learnt from mistakes which means she is never likely to change.

I'm predicting that you will maintain your strong frame of not taking her back. She will do the angry thing for a while and maybe even do the partying with other dudes shit again. Then she will come back and be all sweet and innocent and looking forgiveness. That is when you have to be strong.

I honestly think that when you find a better girl you'll kick yourself for not getting rid of this trouble maker sooner!!

You've done the right thing even though it will be really tough!

I had a chance to sit back analyse our relationship. I am realizing how much she is like her mother! and it scary! Her mom will be the nicest sweetest person if you are doing something for her but the minute you need help she will turn on you! her mom cheated on her father and took him for everything he had! she constantly blames everyone around her for her problems instead of taking ownership.

My gf basically blamed all her problems on me and bailed...she tired to make me look like I was some kind of asshole when all I really wanted for her was happiness. She will probably never admit to being in the wrong or accept any responsibility for any thing that went wrong in your relationship.

Yup, I can see it now...she will probably call up her friends, get drunk, go to the bar, and bath in attentions for a few hours from guys who aren't half of what I am and just want to fuck her and throw her away...she will get a few numbers, and feel good for a short time just like a drug.

I already have a couple really cute girls (hb 8 and 9) from work asking me to hang out, telling me that my gf is dumb for letting a guy like me go. The one girl told me "You are the complete boyfriend, you better watch out now that your single all the girls at work are going to come after you" lol really opened my eyes!

Excellent!! Don't dwell on what you have lost! Instead bask in the freedom and clarity of what you now have...a licence to go out, have fun and with out a doubt find something better!

My gf sent me a txt recently that opened my eyes! She said "once I found you I suddenly realised why my other relationships didn't work".

I feel in the near future you will have this emotion too!! Now get drunk with a few mates and start the new phase of your life!!

Its odd...I am actually accepting the fact that we might never get back together, I don't feel terrible like I thought I might. I am more disappointed then anything else! disappointed in the way she treated me near the end and the fact that she had nothing good to say, disappointed that it couldn't work because we are extremely compatible on a emotional, social, and physical level! we have a lot in common! and are best friends...its almost scary, but it takes two to make a relationship work and it takes respect and understanding which is something she has never given me. I am also disappointed that she is holding a grudge after 4 years, most of which were really good times!

It just amazes me how someone can forget everything good and focus so much on the small negative things, or look at you like you are a horrible person. The true nature of person comes out in difficult times! I have no hard feelings toward her regardless...

My last points on this.
Once a cheater, always a cheater. I have a solid 10 whos trying to set something up with me and I refuse to date her coz I know that I'm not the greatest catch and I know she will cheat again, its who she is and I refuse to be hurt again.
Im presuming your a nice guy, so bugger her off. She sounds toxic.
If i was to ever marry a girl in the future, I am defo meeting her Mum first. I think this is a theory that should be looked into , theres too many girls like this.

You also are partly to blame because relationships are two way streets so you should have trusted her despite her disloyalty ,but I would have done the same thing anyway but thats just my lil reasoning.
It sounds like shes just also trying to push you away and do it in a way she doesn't feel guilty about it.
Fuck her . Doesn't matter how great/hot/nice a girl is, theres always someone better coming along.

So I met up with my ex last night just to get some stuff and so we didn't leave things on bad terms, it went really well! I didn't go in planning on getting back with her which took the pressure off!

Any way Just talking to her really opened my eyes to things that we both did wrong, things that if we talked about earlier and would have dealt with I know we would still be together and have a strong relationship! it is what it is...I'm moving on and learning from the experience, do I love her? of course but she made it clear that she didn't want a relationship and I am ok with that, there are plenty of other women who want to be with a guy like me!

What I learned from this experience (take this as a lesson!)

1# Always give trust! this is the most important thing! For the first 3 years of our relationship I trusted my gf 100%, when I stopped trusting her things really broke down! yes we had other problems but they were minor. If I could do it all over I would have trusted her 100%, I would give her every ounce of trust I have! When you don't trust and you start looking for things (going through her phone ect) your mind starts to play tricks on you and you stop being your self....always trust! I don't care if your gf has cheated on you in the past! if you can't trust her then end things. I really wish I had a do over on our relationship but it is what it is and I can't change things, just learn from them.

2# Live in moment! At times you need to know when to just "be with" your girlfriend, we had a lot of fun! but at times I should have been more in the moment with her, put the cell phone down and just spend quality time. being in a room with someone doesn't mean you are spending time with them...my ex gf expressed how at times she felt "alone" and it was something that I really felt bad about because that whole time I was trying to make her feel good not shitty!

3# Communicate! Near the end of our relationship we let communication totally break down! we played games with each other instead of speaking our mind and this caused us to resent each other. If we would have voiced our concerns earlier we would probably have dealt with all the problems and it wouldn't have blown up like this. If you don't like something you have to put you foot down! and you have to listen to your gf's needs as well!

4# Be willing to make changes for the better. No don't change who you are as a person, but change the bad habits you have! non of us are perfect, and part of a good relationship is changing your life for the better. My ex gf and I had a lot of bad habits and resentment, we didn't work on those things and it contributed to things breaking down...a lot of the stuff was minor and could have been worked out if we were both not so stubborn. Work together on your relationship problems!

I have had an epiphany, I feel like I have changed big time in the past few days! I wish I came to this realization a few months ago and things probably would have been very different between my ex gf and my self. I can only hope that she has had the same epiphany and realized that in order for her to ever have a normal relationship she needs to work on her personal issues, as well as work with her next bf to fix the problems instead of ignoring them.

I am going into the world a better person, more understanding and I only see this a positive part of my life! I am excited about my future and excited about life in general. Like I said plenty of fish in the sea, and I'm a master fisherman (;

thanks for listening to me vent lol

Did you get back with her?

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Oh! You've gotta be kidding me!

Nope.

Went today for a hike with a budy, went to the gym, and I going for a coffee today with a girl from work. Im really enjoying life, being my self and doing what I want.

She choose to not be with me, its her loss, I don't want to be with someone who can't work through the difficult times, or appreciate a good guy when its right in front of her.

I am fine with the fact she doesn't want to be with me...it doesn't phase me, I know there are other women who do appreciate a good guy so its all good. Without boasting or sounding arrogant I do realize I am a good catch, good looking, intelligent, fun, come from a solid family, that kind of thing is rare to find!

So do I worry about my future? not in the slightest!

I´ve been in this situation:

GF Gets texts from guy, (flirts maybe), doesn´t tell you. Now, would you tell her you´re kind of ¨flirting¨ with a girl through texts? Hell no! .. Why? Because you know it would start a fight, an unnecessary fight; if she´s not acting up to those texts what bothers you so much? I´ve been through this situation.

Maybe its because you don´t like to feel like she is hitting on the other guys, and maybe they´re laughing behind your back, guys tend to do this through text messaging and facebook, we think that if a girl responds to our ¨sexy¨ messages, she wants us and is willing to cheat on her boyfriend.... WRONG!

Someone above said ¨Listen to what she does, not what she says¨ this is true, entirely. Girls have a hard time giving a direct ¨no¨ to the guys that hit on her. Why? I don´t know, but I would like to. If she didn´t told you its because it wasn´t important to her, or she thought you wouldn´t care. It doesn´t mean she is planning on cheating. Girls just do, and will alwaaaaaays seek validation from other people, guys and girls alike.

I know its hard, but my final word is... her actions speak louder than her messages, unless she directly meets with them, you have a good girlfriend.. Enjoy the fact that guys hit on her and she just follows their games through text and not in real life. Don´t pay much attention to that because she notices and will start to enjoy the attention it gets her and will get her to do it more, just give her attention, make her have fun, she will stop doing it, or decrease it, and the guys will eventually get tired of her not meeting up with them

To me this sounds like the type of girl i'd end up cheating on, at minimum i'd be withdrawing attention from her until these guys are gone

If you were texting girls like that it would be WW3

My gf has more male friends then i do, none of which bother me in the slightest, but if any of the texts turn sexual or flirty then i wont hesitate in knocking her down a peg or two, the way i see it is that if i cant get away with it then neither can she

Im going to end this thread because its a waste of my time from this point on, her and I are done! she doesn't exist to me right now...

She never respected me, appreciated me or anything I had done for her, If she doesn't see what she had, If she doesn't see that she was with an amazing guy then its her loss. I only wanted the best for her! I did everything I could to make her happy and in the end she didn't appreciated any of it!

It took me a long time to come to this realization but I know what I am worth and I am done with her. I will find a women who treats me with respect, who shows me how much they want to be with me, and knows how lucky they are.

I'm going to look back on this experience one day and be thankful! It will allow me to appreciate the next girl that comes along, and be cautious about who I pick to spend my life with!