I fucking knew it. I've already made like 8 topics about this girl. I'll try to keep this brief, but I appreciate any input on this. Fucking lost right now.

Her and I "dated" over 6 months ago, started as LDR/FWB situation but she literally begged to be my gf. I had just come out of a really bad breakup (so had she) so I had real reservations, but decided to give it a shot. I thought I'd found "the one" - amazing cook, cleans, closer to my age (23 vs me, 28), and fucking top notch sexually. Bisexual, anal, threesomes, BDSM, you name it, this girl's a freak. But between distance me going AFC, she broke up with me. I realize that it was only infatuation, and I moved on.. or so I thought. I saw other women, I sharpened my game. 3 months of NC, then she moves to where I am, calls me to hang out, and before long we're fucking.

We've been doing this for about 10 weeks. She always got hung up on the sex, attributing this mainly to having to hide it from her ex boyfriend before me - the "love of her life". They started talking after her and I broke up, and were planning to get back together. Thinking about it now, it was only a few weeks ago that I was fucking her while she was texting him. Two weeks ago she "broke up" with him (but remained in contact), and things definitely changed with her and I. Things got more intimate, less secretive, and she started coming over a lot more. The majority of time, she initiates contact/hangouts. Sex is getting better, and more frequent. I accept that like before, this is just a rebound and I should take it for what it is - companionship and sex.

I know that in the back of my mind I should not fall for her again. I'm trying to follow all this pua advice: respect myself first, let her bring 'what are we' up, don't get needy, give great sex... I had been trying to keep my emotions in check, and I've been pretty good at it until now... the events of last night have got me really thinking.

Long story short, we had an MMF threesome last night with a casual friend of mine (and hers lately). It was very weird for me at first seeing her penetrated by another guy, but after I got into it myself it was actually really hot. But now, the prospect of her and that other guy fucking without me has got my head in a twist. Her and I are in what I'd say an "open relationship without label" - we're free to do what with who we want, but if actual fucking occurs the other party must be notified. How the fuck should I react if/when she tells me they got together?

Another thing she was talking about was this traveling friend of hers, another 3rd party we had considered for MMF. I asked her if she was planning to mess around with him, and shes like oh yeah, that's a possible relationship you know?

It made me feel physically ill. Sharing her with another guy, I admit was actually kind of fun. But aside from that, I want her all to myself. See, the biggest problem her and I had when we actually dated was the distance. I insisted to wait until it was a non-factor before actually dating, and we agreed to an "open relationship". Big fucking surprise that failed. I turned into an AFC and she found a new guy at work that she ended up dating over the summer (big AFC turns out). Obviously now that distance isn't a factor, things are going pretty well. I never thought she'd shitcan her other ex, considering their relationship, but she did.

Part of me wants to force the question, but I know better. You know.. "what are we"? On one hand, I think sometimes I am just being used. On the other, it seems she's genuinely quite fond of me, and getting very attached. The classic case of mixed signals. All I know is that at this moment, I've never wanted to be exclusive with her these last ten weeks as I do right now. I mean, it feels so much like a relationship already, right now it's like I wanna say "either fuck this shit or we get back together and see if it works" but I know I can't. She dumped me, she has to bring it up.

Guys, aside from gaming other women (believe me, I am trying) that are less complicated, what the fuck should I do? Swallow my thoughts and just keep doing what I'm doing? Actually sit her down and talk about this? I've got a pretty good thing going for now... actually got an FFM with her coming up in the near future too.

Hard one. I've been there and will probably be there again. Thing to do is to remember not to get needy and also to be alpha and fun. The minuet you get all serious and intense on them they will shy away. Show your love or affection or what ever your feelings are. Use actions don't use words. If she asks if you love her or states that she loves you you respond do I need to even say it I thought my actions would speak louder then words. Do not be the first to say it. Even if it hurts. You will be put in a position of weakness. I know its sounds like uber bs but that's what I've found out to be true. All girls want to hear it but as soon as you say it things change and not for the best. You will be puppy dogged and treated like a little pet. Bad boy don't pee on the rug shit. Good Boy, hears a treat for doing the dishes. I say let her play and you keep playing. Just be the best fucker out there and she wont stray to far. Also when she brings up other guys don't give a shit. Sure you can give a shit just don't show that you give a shit. People grow and change. Love comes and goes. Just keep it in perspective and remember there are no rules.

_________________
Why guys and girls don't mesh.

"Chicks are crazy and guys are dumb." Chinopants.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=en ... a_Nno&NR=1

Thanks Chino. Yeah, it's hard. I don't really know how to show that, maybe I've been doing it all along. Two days after her breakup (and after a night of wild sex) she asked me "Are you still in love with me?" to which I replied "No. I thought I was once, but no. I like you and care about you, but that's all." Since then I've been treating this more like a relationship, but not bringing up any kind of "what are we" conversations.

Aside from the label, it feels more and more like an actual relationship as time goes on. We cook meals together, breakfast or otherwise, almost daily. Last Friday she was sick/on the rag and we just cuddled and slept together all night with nothing happening. We had sex Monday, Tuesday, Saturday, and then last night (Sunday). She stayed overnight Tuesday, Thursday and Friday. Then Sunday night turned into the threesome mentioned above. She's telling her friends more about what we do, and one of the girls she's told everything (the one we're going to have a threesome with). I've been getting closer with her friends, they all came over last Friday and we all had a great time smoking hookah and playing rock band. I bought some sexy lingerie (nobody ever has for her) and gave it to her Tuesday, she has been wearing it almost every day since to bed. We hardly argue now, compared to 8 weeks ago. For the last 6 weeks, neither of us has slept with anyone else save for two threesome incidents. On top of that, she initiates contact/hangouts at least half of the time. She's often asking me what to wear, if she looks sexy in this or that. More than a few times strangers AND her friends have teased us about being a couple.

What are some ways to show my "love or affection" as you put it? I'm not very experienced when it comes to these kinds of things. My past relationships were much more traditional. I've been advised by a female friend to stop dating/pursuing other women, to basically show her that she's the only one I want. While this makes sense, it seems to go against any PUA teachings.

Another thing to note is she's still in contact with her main ex boyfriend. I told her early in the semester I wouldn't even consider a relationship with her if she's still in contact with him. I don't see how you can really get over an ex if you don't have that period of no contact, especially one you were so strongly attached to.

I sincerely appreciate any other advice or encouragement here.

I went and posted this on the loveshack forums as well, and a lot of responses I'm getting involve "having the talk" and "telling her how I feel". I see the merit behind this, as she may be afraid that I don't actually want more than sex/companionship from her. The PUA way makes sense as well (mainly becoming less available) and not react about other guys, but the latter is pretty impossible - she can tell it in my face when she brings sleeping with someone else up.

I'd like to think I'm showing my intentions and whatnot, but like there's this wall there that anything shy of being up front about what I want is going to get me nowhere. I could really use this forum's perspective here. If I do bring up "the talk", I don't want to do it in a way that pushes her away.

It will. It will also change the relationship. Are you looking to change it? I would wait till there is more time vested in it. Don't be the first to bring up the talk. Wait till she wants to bring it up. Then just be ready with the right answers when shes ready. If things start going bad before she wants to bring up the talk and you need to change the relationship then yes you bring up "The Talk" don't go spoiling a good thing cuz you want more. It will totally change the dynamic. Could be in a good way but most likely it will make you look needy and insecure. You cant make her love you and you cant tell her she cant see other people. This will just make her want to do the opposite. Thing is if you tell her you ok with her running around she will lose the interest in it. Or at-least tell you about it and then you can amog any boys for the inside but you got to be very tactful if you do shit on her other relationships. Also know what you want and need from her. I still say your actions will be more solid then your words.

_________________
Why guys and girls don't mesh.

"Chicks are crazy and guys are dumb." Chinopants.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=en ... a_Nno&NR=1

Thanks again, Chino. I'm glad at least someone on here is giving advice on my situation. See, it seems like things are already going bad. Her interest in me seems to have dropped significantly since the threesome. I've talked to the other guy on this, and she initiated conversation with him Monday afternoon but he didn't respond. He affirms he's not interested in much besides a random hookup or future threesomes, she's "not his kinda girl". Last night I asked her if she wanted to come over:

Me (8pm) I don't suppose you'd like to come over tonight?
Her (801) I doubt it, why
Me (803) I like the company. Plus if you stay, gives me motivation to get up early and make breakfast.
Her (806) But I wanna do is sleep n I'm going to bed soon
Me (810) That's fine by me.
Me (914) I'm done with my homework now. You coming or no?
Her (915) Nah I'm back in my room
Me (916) :/
Her (1018) It is suddenly tempting.
Me (1021) ...any particular reason?
Her (1023) Just not asleep yet but nvm.

I know I'm probably appearing pretty needy/AFCish, but I'm at the point where I don't really care. I'm not going to initiate conversation until she does. If/when she does, and suggests to come over, should I agree or just be less available?

I agree with you, Chino. She's just went through a breakup, and probably wants to explore her options. I would guess she's comparing me and the other guys she's interested in to her exboyfriend, and trying to "fill a void". The last thing I want to do is push her away by insisting "relationship or nothing", but I want to let her know that I am developing feelings for her and am looking for something exclusive. I believe that I have been doing that with my actions as of late, but as you say waiting until more time is vested is probably necessary. "Are you still in love with me?" keeps playing through my head... at the time, I thought she was making sure I didn't want more, but it's also a possibility that she's looking for someone who will love her and accept her for who she is and not just see her as a sex object. I've also given that impression several times that I only want her for sex, and at first I convinced myself that was true. It wasn't until seeing her with another guy that I realized that it's more to me than that.

I will try to wait. Try to build her interest and investment more before jumping any guns. But if she brings it up, I will be ready. I know what I want... I just don't know if I should settle for anything less anymore.

Any more thoughts? I'd like to hear from other forum members as well.

Update: she initiates contact today.

Her: (322pm) (my nameeeee)
Me: (331) Sup
Her: (336) Nvm, bored
Her (340) Grr I'm, not nvm
Her (341) Wassup
Me: (344) Just studying
Her (345) That sounds boring
Me: (347) Pretty much, yeah.
Her: (404) I'm sorry... Do you want to hang out at all tonight
Me (409) Maybe. I don't know yet.
Her (412) Okay @.@

Wednesday nights I have a regular "sleepover" with a female friend of mine (HB7) and she knows it. I don't do anything sexual with the HB7, but I easily could. She usually comes over after I get out of class around 10.

I feel like this girl keeps me going back to the basics, with games/jealousy tactics. Should I cancel my plans?

Really tempted to not send any texts, and if she asks me again I would say "Sorry, I'm busy with blahblah maybe some other time". I offered the opportunity for her to stay the last three nights... now I'm a bit offended that she wants to hang out on the night I'm always busy. Like she's testing me...

Also, WTF does @.@ mean??

Do you want to suffer?

This looks like it.

Are you both able to be alone? Do you need other people to feel good?

Do you feel like you have got addicted to her?

I see a potential for emotional disaster. You get validated when you have sex with her.
Have you seen this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G1LQs7NbTOs


The emotional attachment is happening eventually with any girl you spend a lot of time with. That is how your brain works.


If you want to feel happy with her, and her alone, suggest to her that you start practicing karezza:
http://www.reuniting.info/karezza_four_easy_steps

2 things. First your text game sucks. Check out other post on texting. Seriously I would NM you too your friggen boring. Send this text. "I've been thinking of you, my hands on your curves as my eyes lock deeply in to yours. Pulling you in close as I kiss the nape of your neck working my way to the softness of your breast. My hardness next to your wetness. As you gasp in desire when I caress you body."

Send that verbatim and you will get a positive response.


Second thing. Why do you need to tell her you have feelings for her? Its your Inner AFC trying to yell out and be validated. Tell you what you can tell me. I will then say that's nice and even give you a bromance hug over the internet. See I listen and just validated your love. How sweet and mushy.

_________________
Why guys and girls don't mesh.

"Chicks are crazy and guys are dumb." Chinopants.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=en ... a_Nno&NR=1

Duty noted on text game. Here's an example where I put text game into better use:

Her: Yea no prob. I'm gonna go hop into the shower, k?
Me: If only it was my shower
Her: lol
Her: Showa time!
Me: Pics?
Her (45m later) Putty
Her: Outtt*
Me: I was gonna say, that's what you turn into during my massages
Her: Lol
Me: My warm hands on your back, your shoulders... working into your arms, and legs... and your thighs....
Her: Stopit
Me: Working into your muscles...caressing and wandering...
Her: 0_0
Me: Stroking every inch of your body... keeping you guessing every moment where they are going next...

Found out later she was on the phone with her ex during this time, and still responding to my texts. Nothing ended up happening, she was too busy with schoolwork, but this is an example of what sort of stuff I text when I've got my emotions in check. I definitely didn't the other day... I just wanted to appear aloof and unavailable, and uninterested. I've also tried that approach by directly making sex a condition for hanging out, and learned as well that'd a poor route to take. I really should read more into the "Ultimate Guide To Phone and Text Game" when I have a chance. Painting sexual imagery is definitely something I can do more often, regardless.

As far as validating my feelings, they came up last Saturday (the 17th). Don't worry, as a former AFC I kept it simple: I'm starting to have feelings for you, and interested in something more exclusive. As I figured, I was shot down (I don't have those feelings, and really enjoy being single right now) but it also eased her worry that I was just using her for sex. In fact, if anything, the FWB attachment became stronger as she stayed the night again and we had some pretty good sex the next morning. She wanted me to rip her panties off and tie her to the bed, someone we hadn't done in weeks. Yeah, my inner AFC did need some validation, but at least now I have a good mental reason to emotionally detach while continuing to fuck her. All in all, though I didn't get the response I necessarily wanted, I believe it was honest and didn't ruin a damn thing. Back to reinforcing PUA ways: becoming less available, game other girls, and focus on myself.

I certainly understand why you tell me not to "confess my feelings" as I've done this before in my total AFC days and it always ended badly, but it always allowed me to move on afterwards. In fact, the last time I gave a girl "I like you" speech, the girl changed her behavior towards me and broke up with her boyfriend days later. Another one that thought we were platonic friends I k-closed out of nowhere - "I didn't think you were interested like that". What I'd like to argue is that if you want more from a woman and suspect she does as well, sometimes a verbal expression is needed to either advance the interaction or nip it in the butt, but I'd never do it again unless we were already in a sexual relationship. However, I will agree that for a real PUA that no such expression SHOULD be necessary, and they'd be able to completely lead the interaction through action and behavior.

Any more thoughts on this?