I'm on SPAM right now talking to my gf she says she thinks she's not being a good enough gf and thinks it's best if we just be friends. She's going through a lot of shit in her life right now. Parents divorce, doing shitty in school, and major depression. Sex is great. I trust her she trusts me but she's afraid of "breaking my heart" later. WTF DO I DO?! Never been in this situation before.

She's probably in a crazy mental mess right now, so don't take what she says to heart. Just give her space. Tell her that you know she's going through a lot and if she needs anything you're there for her. She'll contact you when she's ready. Don't pester her or try to argue about the relationship because that won't help.

She is under a lot of stress she's crying and shit. We were supposed to hang out tomorrow. We still are, but instead of a nice afternoon of chilling together we're pretty much gonna decide whether our relationship is gonna continue. This is my first relationship and her fourth. All her previous relationships ended badly and she says she thinks it's smart to end things now while we're still only four or five months in instead of later when someone could get hurt.

You said let her contact me when she's ready. But I want to get this over with now. I hate being left hanging.

She's actually had suicidal thoughts for the last few days just cause of what she's going through. I told her the fact that I'm sticking with her even through all this shit and her mood swings shows that I care and am willing to be with her. But she still keeps insisting that I should re-evaluate that.

She asked me if we could be friends if we were to split, and if I would be hurt. I told her the honest answer which is I would be hurt and therefore I don't know if we could be friends.

This is so fucked up. I'm actually afraid that she'll be driven to the point of suicide if we break up and also cut off contact. I just don't understand why she's doing this when she doesn't want to lose me and wants me in her life. That could happen with nothing changing.

Well this was a mistake. There is a chance that she simply wanted to know if you'll be there for her in case you two break up.

And sometimes, in a relationship, you need to left yourself hanging. If you really care for her, there is no more just you who is important, but its you two.

I personally never was a fan of "break up and never talk again" routine so my suggestion might not seem right to you. Still...

When you next see her, dont discuss where your relationship is going. If she is depressed, she WILL end it.
1. Let her know she has all the time she needs
2. You WILL be friends after breakup -because you care for her to much, if you cant have her as a gf, friend is better than nothing
3. Be there for her. Let her know she can call you in the middle of the night.
4. And try to do something that she loves, take her somewhere she loves (shopping, favorite restaurant, whatever.) Tell her you know she is going through some shit at the moment, you are there for her and you just want to brighten up her day.

Two things that are a bad play for you at this time: "i dont know if we can be friends" and "tell me RIGHT NOW what you want to do with us"

I think this is just a phase to get more serious in a relationship. Make or break situation.
Don't break it bro.

If she doesn't want to stay together I figure I have three options.

(1) Decline her offer to be friends, and hope she comes crawling back. Because in all honesty even though she needs my support it would be very painful to chill with her as her friend. And if she chooses to drive me away, that's on her.

(2) Be her friend. Continue to chill with her. Support her. And when she gets better, bring back the physical intimacy gradually.

(3) Suggest putting the relationship on hold for a few weeks.

In all three scenarios I would be actively hitting on other girls to help ease the pain. Any suggestions?

Id say you need to decide what are your plans with this girl. I know pu conmunity is all about you are the most important thing, and i agree. Question is, do you want to be there for her and arr you willing to help her get through this. In that case i wouldnt suggest gaming other girls as this could only deepen the problems between you two. If you are seriously indifferent about it than take her offer, ar least for now- otherwise both of you might end up getting even more hurt. Ant that is bad for you and for the "leave them better than you found them" rule.

Probably the best play to put relationship on hold, spend as much time with her as possible; she will feel your support and appreciate it and you wont feel the urge to ame other women.

I think this is the time to turn off the pu guy in you and be the reliable boyfriend. Women arent logical. But at the end its your choice.

Her behavior is indicative of a bigger problem. I don't mean to belittle the crisis she's going through, but people have stayed together through a lot worse than a semester of bad grades and someone's parents divorcing. She could be leaning on you to be the silver lining in her life through all this shit. Why isn't she?

Give her some space and don't issue any ultimatums. But by breaking up with you, she should know that a) your friendship isn't guaranteed and b) her life may get even more stressful. The situation could become worse and she made it anyway.

If she breaks up with you, I advise you to be as cordial as possible, but to let her sort this out by herself. Her asking you to "be there" for her after breaking up with you makes as much sense as a former boss firing you and then asking you to "be there" as he goes through a midlife crisis. She can't have it both ways.

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"Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?"

there isn't too much detail to your situation for there to be anyway to for sure know what is going on

but under her context you could just assume she feels crowded and wants an excuse to break up with you, her not being good enough is probably not the issue, she is showing you she feels guilty and likely her not being good enough is not the problem

she probably wants to bang someone else but wants to break up with you first so that she is not the evil one in this because you have been good to her or that is at least how she feels so she wants to breakup on good terms and not hurt your feelings

that's a giant assumption here, but the emotion here is guilt and the context she is placing on it is incongruent

if we switched places

1) I would back off and agree with her
2) try to get laid within a week
3) try to minimize contact to think about her less and emotionally cut myself off from her as fast as possible and shift my focus off her, not be her friend and not offer her emotional support, instead find emotional strength in detaching from her for myself instead of being considerate for her
4) accept that the relationship is over

it's tough when you are really attatched, but if she is saying shit like, IM AFRAID IM GONNA BREAK YOUR HEART and IM A BAD GIRLFRIEND YOU'RE TOO GOOD FOR ME, that is not somone who has a lot of interest in putting effort into a relationship, it takes two to tango, and she is no longer doing the tango

this context suggests that she has other guys in her sights

there is a reason why she feels guilty even if she trys to justify it as, ''YOU'RE TOO GOOD'' that's just her bullshit way of trying to absolve herself of taking responsibility for a breakup, she wants to come out not looking bad, it's not her fault if it was just low self esteem that couldn't be fixed, if you agree with her then it's your fault, and the break was mutual, no one was hurt, everyone wins, she gets what she wanted but doesn't have to be responsible, and she can still have your emotional support along the way, no one gets hurt, the female way

basically, what she is saying translated into guy talk is, LISTEN, im not going to break up with you if you pressure me to stay, but if you do, I will eventually have to take responsibility for what I want or cheat on you, and I don't want that, I no longer want this relationship and don't have feelings for you, but I know this really matters to you and you have feelings for me, so this is too hard for me to do because it would hurt your feelings and I would rather cry and feel sorry for myself and my situation then take responsibility to fix it, because I might hurt someone in the process and making someone else feel bad, makes me feel bad, boohooohoo, booohooohooo, im a bad person

and the depression, the sucicide shit, the crying, and the victim shit, is all likely just her way of conveying what she feels without having to logically take responsibility, she just wants you to do it so she doesn't have to be the bad person, but she already feels like the bad person because she knows this, probably a lot of emotional stress for her and pressure, she wants to break up, but can't do it, and you are probably being clingy and trying to make it as hard for her as possible

but who knows, maybe I'm just looking at this selfishly in a naive, insensative way and reading this completely wrong and she is just really depressed and having a tough time

If you want to have a quiet and peaceful life, learn this one lesson:

Don't bother to argue with someone's estimation of themselves

That song "let me love you, until you learn to love yourself"? You don't want to be that guy.

If she tells you that she's likely to break your heart sooner or later, just say "okay, well that doesn't sound too fun, see you later".

It's the easiest thing in the world as a guy to think "oh poor girl, she doesn't see what a wonderful person she is, not the way I see her. If only I can convince her to see herself the way I do".

You're just setting yourself up for pain this way. If she says she thinks she's a shit girlfriend, just say "well okay, maybe we should break up, I'd rather have a good girlfriend to be honest"

A girl's self-esteem is not yours to fix, so don't even try! If a girl makes a negative statement about herself, take it at face value! Make her responsible for it, rather than thinking "oh, how can I convince her to think differently?"

She is legitimately going through tough times. One of her parents is leaving the country for good cause of the divorce. She says she's lost motivation for just about everything. School, hobbies, working out, friends. Everything. I've never asked her if this is about another guy, and although that's theoretically possible, I highly highly doubt it. I've been a gentleman to her, I don't suck in bed, and I definitely don't let her push or boss me around.

But at the same time what she's doing makes absolutely no sense. She should need me more than ever right now. Yet she's suggesting that we just become friends cause she doesn't want me to get hurt. Uh...you don't want to risk one of us getting hurt in the future based on your past relationships ending badly...so you decide to hurt both of us now? I know girls think emotionally and not logically but...wtf?!

might be the issues or it might be an excuse to break up with you, definatly heard that one before. "your too good for me" bs because they think it softens the blow. her depression and suicidal thoughts are completely out of your control but at the same time tread carefully. but also don't become a little bitch just because of that im sure she has other people to speak to.

We're both in college. And you're right I am inexperienced. First gf. I definitely fucked up too. I kept trying to convince her to try to keep it going. But she kept saying how her heart is shattered and she can't be in a relationship with anyone right now. She then asked me multiple times if we could still be friends. I said I don't know because that's how I feel. And I told her I'd be hurt and probably wouldn't contact her for a while.

I facebook chatted up a few friends. And they're all telling me to either try to fight for her back or let it go move on and hope she's the one to come back. She cried a lot and used up like half a box of tissues. I almost cried in front of her. Wtf do I do now guys?

One of 2 things is happening here, and neither is good for you. Either Pumpington hit the nail on the head, or she seriously is depressed.

In either case, your response can and should be the same. People can't be in relationships and love the other person when they don't love themselves first. Your girl isn't healthy, and she's asking you for space.

My advice is to give her space, be polite and cordial, but firm. Tell her you care about her, and will do what she needs you to do because of that, but that if she is not want to stay in a relationship with you, that you will seek someone who does want to be in a relationship with you.

You are of high value, and deserve someone who wants to be with you. Likewise, you are not a jackass, and if she needs to lean on an ex for some sort of support in a tough time, you'll do what you can.

Prepare yourself for your first relationship to come to an end, and hold your head up knowing that it possibly could be ending because she wasn't healthy enough to be in one with anyone. As long as you aren't a dick about anything, you can keep your head up and look forward to your future with or without her.

She is seriously depressed. It's not another guy. I'm not saying this to make myself feel better. She is FUCKED right now. She's getting a therapist. I'm genuinely concerned the fact that I'm not there for her to help her cope with the bullshit she's going through may push her down a dangerous path. The cliche "it's not you it's me" actually applies in this case.
Our relationship has already ended. She is no longer my girl. And I am no longer her man. Looking back, we realistically broke up over SPAM. Cause today even while walking from campus to my room she kept saying how she's sorry as if we were already officially broken up. Our "talk" today about where our relationship stands was probably more of a "goodbye" in her eyes.

I forgot to mention something. She also asked me to please not do what her ex did. Which was not get over her. This really bothers me cause she sounds like we're never getting back together again.

With that being said, there are three things I can do for now.

(1) Honor what I said about not contacting her in the near future. Find other girls, and hopefully she'll realize she did something irrational and contact me back. If this doesn't happen within say...by christmas, suck it up and contact her to try to work it out. This is because I'm afraid of looking "beta" and desperate, but I've talked to some non-puas (but not afcs) about how the "alpha mindset" can fuck over your brain. They say you only need that mindset during the early on, not months into a relationship. This option is looking less and less attractive and more and more selfish as I type this but I'll keep it here cause I want some feedback.

(2) Fuck the "alpha" and not wanting to look desperate shit. Calm down for a few days to a week. Plan out what to say to her. Then contact her and let her know that I'm there for her as a friend. But also remind her that as a man I have needs and that until she rethinks what she did (IF she does) I will be seeing other girls. Jealousy could work in my favor but I hate playing games just to manipulate people. It could also (especially in her emotionally fucked up and sensitive state) make her think I don't actually care about her and just want her back for guaranteed sex.

(3) Same as number two. Except stay loyal, and let her know that. Why? To show her I care about more than her pussy. At least stay loyal until she gets better and still doesn't want to be with me. My friends told me that this would be the hardest and most emotionally taxing option. Because it is the least selfish. They said only consider this if she is really special and I truly want her back. And I do. This girl isn't perfect. But she's sweet, she's very caring, she's morally in the right place, and she's loyal as fuck. She asks for my permission whenever she makes plans to chill with a guy. One time she even made me laugh cause she asked me if she can chill with one of her beta orbiters. I'm willing to do this for her but I'm very hesitant about it. Because I'm afraid she'll get comfortable with my friendship and will want to stay friends even after she recovers and is ready to date again. I can't stand the possibility of her jumping on someone else's dick and not mine a few months down the road if this is the option I choose.

In conclusion I am officially relationship-retarded. Educate me boys.