Don't be so jaded bro... a relationship should and ought to be, an equal vantage of an expansion to one's own potential...neither taking away but rather contributing and expanding your life. I mean really (and I know I fucked up this one/...hope not because of psychology). Its life serving, on its own ecology and its own terms. This board is our own man cave to figure this shit out...the women's mind. Then learn how to navigate this stuff... so we can get what we want. And that's a really crass way of saying...we all want to be happy, the alternative sucks.

--papichulo818

Christmas sent her a email note to forget about what I said about how I told her the previous Thursday to let her feelings go about being hurt. Told her that more important for me to be supportive, to understanding them and spend the time to understand it.

Hopefully I re framed her, put her at ease. No contact since Friday (feels like forever). Still maintaing a freeze out and doing my stuff hoping she will come around.

Hey i just wanted to thank you guys for sharing all that knowledge, i really wish i found this place a few months ago,
Im 18 and my girl split a couple weeks ago, she said she just didnt have feelings for me anymore(which i know is a lie) but whatever i thought i was fine with it because i love being single so i just asked her if she wanted to be single and she said yes ( i know it was lame to ask her )

but anyways flash forward a day and i realise ive made a huge mistake blah, blah, blah, I try to get to her back, tell her i still love her and that i miss her, try n stay friends with her even though it hurts me everytime we talk, she tells me that she likes me but just insn't ready to try again, pretty much every beta and incorrect thing you guys mentioned its the first time I've ever actually loved a girl so thats how it goes i guess.

we split 3 weeks ago but we still text all day everyday but from your advice i think the best thing would be to stop texting her?

Maybe go out for coffee in a couple weeks after i've regained my composure ( and collected my manhood back up lol) and be just the cocky fun guy i know i am and if she doesn't flirt or show any interest just move on completely?

Lemme know what you think, but again i owe you guys, in just the past couple hours of reading through this site i feel alot better.

I wouldn't have even gone there reminding her of that, what's the point of bringing her back to that hurtful memory? Just be positive and supportive from now on don't drudge up shit anymore. Remember, things are only as big a deal as you make them out to be; in other words, if you keep bringing shit up you're making it an issue.

i might be the latest addition to this thread..i only managed to stumble here because of my current situation too..

i'm going to be totally honest in what im going to post here..so please bear with me..

i've recently asked quits with my gf for 4 year (2 of which together, and 2 currently in a long distance relationship coz i needed to work in another country) because i was getting tired trying to make our relationship work while she constantly takes me for granted. i mean COMPLETELY taken for granted and ignored, she did not even trying to chip-in with the fixing it part. so i said that's it, and she, on the other hand let me go..just like that..

so then i realized i might have jumped the boat too early, and now thinking i still want to make the relationship work, and in addition, we've already been through alot and i wasn't ready to just throw it all away like that. but i was hurt too, knowing she just let me go that easily.

we talked and she said she was just waiting for me to get back home so we can patch things up (adding more doubt to what i just did). SHE KNOWS the majority of the fall out was her fault. and that letting me go was the lesser evil. so i asked her if there was any chance we can still try and work things out and i was willing to give her another chance but now i wanted her to prove to me she was willing and ready to go the extra miles with and for me..
she said "i dont know, i might disappoint you again, i can't promise anything"

now this is the part i don't know if i f*cked it up or gained something, i said "i do still love you but you need to show me something better than that, my doors are closing, might need you to knock harder if you want to get back in". i don't know if i was playing the guilt-trip on her or that was my pride ( im guessing - stupid move)but i do want her back, but i want her to try this time..

so how do i go about this now..? thanks

Sounds to me like she is telling you that you're good enough for her, so long as there is no one who is better.

Show some self esteem, and realize that you deserve better. You don't need to stoop and make her feel bad, or retaliate. Just cement in your head that there are other women out there, and there are plenty who do deserve your time and attention.

When all this stuff on here tells you to act confident, etc, it's instructing you to fake it until you make it. If you act like you believe you deserve better, women see this and also think you deserve better. Why would anyone, man or woman, think you deserve something if you don't believe it yourself?

im doing that right now..

so i just keep doing it til she makes a move to fix it..? or do i give it a little nudge?

she said she still loves me..but hasn't made any changes to prove me she wants to continue our relationship..

But please, be genuine while you do this. If you tell her you're in the gym, be in the gym and not on your fat ass playing COD. And be in the gym because you want to be in the gym primarily and you want her interest back as a part and parcel of the whole process.

It is very much possible, (and in fact, ideal) for a man to invest time into his goals in life and treat his girlfriend/mate as secondary (and that does not mean ignoring her). If you have a problem digesting that, understand that even your mate finds this attractive.

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Women are plenty, time is not.

Hi everyone, I would greatly appreciate some feedback on my situation. Thanks

Background: Started off with this girl as FB, then she confessed her feelings to me and we became a couple. We have dated for 9 months.

My mistakes: I became too easily available, easily emotional and dropping tears, and spending too much time with her that she felt overwhelmed.

Past few days leading to her asking for a break-up:
- 3 days ago: I said that please give me a chance to cook for you one last time if you ever wanted to break up with me. I dropped tears, and she dropped tears too.
I say, "I cherish every moment with you.", and she hugged me and cried.
I then said, "Don't leave me please.", and she hugged me even more and cried more.
- 1 day ago: She sent me a text saying I'm not the right person for her and wants to break up. I tried to negotiate, but she asked me to respect her decision.
- Today: I scheduled to cook for her 1 last time in a week's time. No other unnecessary text messages etc..., I'm planning to go No-Contact until the day I cook for her.


1) Any particular advice in my case?
2) Is No-Contact the best way for me to get her back? I know I messed up by showing too much affection. I became somebody else that she was initially attracted to.
3) If I see her again, I know I will drop tears. And she will most probably drop tears too. Should I allow myself to drop tears, or should I be indifferent like advised in the previous pages of this thread?

Thanks! =)
Appreciate it lots.

Okay so, basically, why the hell are you cooking for her? I see no point.
As a matter of fact, the ideal situation you seek is the other way round with her investing into you.

And she's right, you should respect her decision and let her move on. Start the next relationship after some insight into how to manage one properly.

Putting it bluntly: A bright future for this relationship is highly unlikely.

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Women are plenty, time is not.

Hi Junglepimp, you're right. I should get her to invest. But cooking for her was a promise made, so I wouldn't go back on my promise at this point.

Bro, what the **** are you even doing cooking for her when shes breaking up with you! All youre doing is demonstrating low value by practically saying "You can do whatever you want, treat me however you want, you will always have my love and attention. Treat me like a floormat, use me whenever you need me and i will always come crawling back to you" Wrong wrong wrong!!!!!!!!!!!!! You have alot of studying to do and homework to catch up on my friend!!!!!!!!!!!

My best advice for you is to just break up with her, study the book "How to train your girlfriend" by matt huston, and apply the things you learn to your next relationship!

The book covers everything from selecting a quality girlfriend, dealing with drama, dealing with bad behavior on her part, qualities of the attractive alpha man, and tricks in bed to make her literally addicted to you. removed

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Romaniac

Going back to the initial post: Make yourself less available.

Sometimes that's very hard to do because you still love the fuckin girl and want to be with her.

My advise, and I'm being serious. When it hits you hard, and you really want to msg call her or see her...just jerk off...maybe twice..you start caring so much less.

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Old enough to know better, young enough to not care

Great post mate! I really appreciate the knowledge.

Same here...I was about to create a thread about my crumbling situation with my GF of 3 years...but after taking a quick look around here, it looks like many of us have been in the same boat before.

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Who are YOU?!

Ohh man it took me a couple of hours but I read every post here.

just wanted to say I actually feel much better now because I see all the things that I did wrong and will implement them into my next relationship.
I want to build myself in such a way that this becomes like breathing or eating.

"Sidnne" thanks for all your great replies a lot of people have benefited greatly from them I just wish I would have stumbled across this before the breakup but I would never have been here if the breakup had not happened (catch 22)

I have a lot of reading to do, so far I have read "the Game", "the System" and currently started "The Natural".

I would be great full if you guys can direct me to other great reading material. I know that knowledge is only a small percentage but actual implementation is the key to success. which is why I am here today. I want to learn and Implement.

2 hours is all it took and now I honestly whole heartedly can say I actually don't want my ex back ( I was hurting real bad before), removed her from facebook and SPAM I won't delete her number so I know who is calling so not to pick up.

Cheers Op (and contributors)