Hi guys, I've been lurking on these forums for quite a while now. Decided to finally post. Apologies for the long thread but I could really use your input.

I have a problem that I think you learned men can help me with. I've learned about PUA a while back and have since started incorporating it into my life. My success with women has significantly improved.

Except with one.

I've known Jane - a solid HB9 - for four years now. She was with her now ex-boyfriend for like a good 80% of that time. During that time I was a complete AFC but we still had a connection and sexual vibe going.

Two months ago she broke up with her boyfriend. Coincidentally, a week before I had ended things with a girl I was seeing. By then I was into PUA, atleast that's what I wish to think. I decided that it was a golden opportunity to finally get with Jane. I didn't want to look like all those other horny buggers who go running after a single girl fresh on the market again; so I took my time. Meanwhile she got into a lot of clubbing and drinking. That sexual flame she had with me was still there.

The first meet-up finally arrived. I took her for coffee, I had my game face on, I did everything I usually do to score with women. However she was unresponsive. She was quiet, sleepy, dare I say bored? Now I'm quite the quirky and charismatic guy so I don't know what happened. She was responding to my kino but not enough for me to escalate to a K-Close.

No biggy, I let 2 weeks go by and I suggested another meet-up. I rarely talked to her between meet-ups. I only did so online and then again our conversations where becoming bland and boring as opposed to the ones we had when she was with her boyfriend. (She did see me partying once though, saw my party animal side). She flaked me off on the second meet-up (for legit reasons) so I froze her out.

A few days later she meets this guy who apparently has it all. I think he might be gay though. Anyway she drools all over him and sees him everyday; not sure if he wants her though. I was like crap I must be doing something wrong if she fell for another man. So stupid me decided to ask her out for a third meet-up hoping that I can finally F-Close.

This was yesterday. I took her to mini-golf, she beat my ass (wut) after which I had some fun activities planned. Yet she was even more quiet and non-responsive than the first time. I couldn't escalate whatsoever and she couldn't keep a conversation alive. During our outing she sees a billboard of that guy she's crazy for (he's in some local band...social status I guess) and it's the first time I see her face light up during the whole date. She ends the date a little earlier than planned and I finally go home.

Now I'm all like fuck it I'm wasting my time with this girl when I could be seeing other people.

My questions are: what did I do to make this girl lose all attraction and interest in me? And is there any way I can salvage this? I'll regret it if I move on and later find out that I still had a chance.

We're both going to the same party tomorrow if I can use that to help my chances.

Thanks for your patience and input!
LoveNoob

MY analysis...she sees you as a friend and nothing more.

Move on, create opportunities with new women

The worst is being with a girl who is open about her attraction to some other guy, especially when she is not being receptive to you. I'd recommend hooking up with another girl asap, then tell Jane about it and also tell her that the guy she likes is gay and doesn't like her. Then ask what it feels like to be alone.

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“Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible'!” ~Audrey Hepburn

I have a feeling she's longingly looking back at her old relationship. If that sexual tension is indeed there like you say it is, then she is thinking about sex, which means she is thinking about her ex.

Have you ever heard of the concept of "senior goggles"? Basically, it's the idea that when something is over, no matter how crappy it was, you're going to look back at it longingly, like a senior thinking about high school during his graduation.

Now she's only been single for 2 months, and she's been dating this guy for around 3.5 years. 2 months isn't enough for her to forget him. While you're sitting there, fostering that sexual tension, you're making her think of the exciting times with her ex. That's what she craves; those snapshot moments of elation that her ex gave her.

So what I would do in your shoes is forget all of the minigolf and fun activities. Do something spontaneous and exciting. Create a new snapshot of excitement for her that, when you guys are cuddling after sex three years from now, she will recall. She won't sit there in your arms and say, "remember that time we went minigolfing?" No. She's going to remember the tango lessons, the roof picnics, that really crappy indie band that you guys heckled at a dive bar.

Memories work in snapshots. We've got little .gif loops in the back of our head of every exciting moment we've ever had in our life. The only way you can be memorable to someone is to get your own exciting animated .gif in their head.

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-Doru

That was my first assumption. Shame if that's the case cause I used to get extreme IOIs...to the point where she used to blush every time I came on to her. Well not every time.
Actually she never mentioned the guy to me so I guess that counts as something. It was my wingwoman who told me about this guy. She's good friends with Jane and I trust her word.
I would if she weren't so unreceptive. Besides she has to earn it.

You gotta give her a free sample to show her that last guy was nothing special. Software companies, grocery stores, and drug dealers all give you a free sample just to show you what you're missing.

You can't push unless you pull.

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-Doru

I see what you're getting at. Indeed I may have been lacking on the "pull" side of things.

This is one-itis. You've made an attempt now move on.

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"Once you learn to feel the fear and do it anyway, the outcomes will come."- 60yoc

My journal of adventures and escalation: time-to-go-for-the-kills-escalation-blo ... highlight=

It is unusual that she is still be meeting up with you if she isn't interested. But there is the issue that you haven't escalated and I can kinda see why because of her reactions. So like has been mentioned she might just see you as a friend. I can not make out why a girl would catch up with a guy that she knew was interested in her if she wasn't, unless she only liked him as a friend and felt she could keep it at that level and she at least enjoyed your company..