For 3 years, i've met loads of girls, on and off. I have never developed furthur feelings rather then sexual interest. This one time that i do open up to a girl i started liking more then a potential fuck partner, things turned out very anti-qlimax.

Situation:

Went to this party on friday, met this really hot blonde girl. I opened her up, things went perfect and she was the one escalating physically. Afterwards when i came back home I found her on FB and decided to add her.

Next day, i open up and the conversation rolled perfectly. Humour, perfectly timed negs, everything went great. Heck, 90% of the conversation she couldn't stop but acknowledge everything i say and even tried hard to impress me. Same night i left her a message with my number telling her that she's a lucky girl and that i usually dont give out my number like that.

Next morning i wake up with a message saying ''It has been such an honour receiving your number! xx''.

Texted her back, build up an immense amount of rapport & dhv and kept getting big-fat texts back. I decided to try out a game with her, each would ask 2 questions, she was very enthousiastic about it and played it along perfectly, asking me really personal questions such as ''How would you describe your personality'', I was honest, direct etc and got a responds saying Wow.. You really are a positive guy aren't you, i'm amazed! you really do stand out from the rest ^^.

Perfect.

The day after i decided to stop blabbering over phone and go towards the direction i planned on going. Told her i had an important question for her and that she'll get a text after i got back from work. Played it out, kept her waiting and she just went nuts, eventually i texted her asking her out and she was like, wow! that's the best question i've received so far, definatly worth the wait and yes, i'd looove to go out with you! ^^ x

Alright, so we set up a day 2 on saturday.

Afterwards we had another intimate talk on facebook, at one point i told her That she was cute (she's small) and that I'd hug her like a teddybear, and she was like ''Ooohhh, well i wouldn't mind at all''. I told her that she shouldn't challenge me as i might not let her go, and she said ''I wouldn't care if you were the one holding me all day long (a)''. - Despite it maybe looking AFC , it was perfect for that moment to build up tension (alot to do with her personality and looks)

Then yesterday afternoon, we were having another talk, really great aswell and at one point she asks me what i'm doing that night, told her i was gonna chill out and have a rest. She then asked me to join her to a party. At that point i got this crazy idea to just go out there, have an amazing night, close her up in person and have a night to remember (Had to work at 8:00) Told her i'd go ask around some mates and let her know.

I spent 4 hours searching and eventually got a group to go with, sent her a message and she was thrilled! Texted back saying, omg! awesome! You've really made my day now . And we went into another intimate conversation.

That's when shit started to get strange, and the WIERDEST part of all, is that i had a feeling that something was gonna happen. I didn't got to worried and went to the party.

Sent her a text and this is how the conversation went!

Me: Just arrived, time to have some fun! Where you wanna meet up?
Her: I'm eating a hamburger at the moment, making sure to get an extra layer for the upcoming winte! (She avoided my meeting)
Me: Hah! Prepared that one aswell, but in this case building up a layer to resist the alcohol , Wanna meet up?
Her: Ugh, not really! Food and drinks just dont combine that well! And no no, i'll be leaving this place in a sec. (The fuck?)
Me: What you on about?
Her: No no, just gonna get away from my hamburger ^^
Me: kk, anyway, i'm gonna go party, Still owe my friend a bet, he has crazy ideas sometimes , talk to you later! (At this point, i was seriously pissed off)
Her: What kind of bet? xx
Me: It's a secret! I cant give you this one.

An hour or 2 later.

Her: Are you still at (...) ? - (this wasn't to meet up, she left bout 30 minutes before this message)
Her: And yes you can talk about it! ^^

Me: Ofcourse i am, the party just started!

Pretty long story, i know. If you think the girl was playing a game, I can translate our conversations and you will realise that she wasn't. She always initiated texts, kept complimenting me, kept asking things etc etc...
Then she tells me shit about how happy she is that i join her, and when i do finally arrive, she goes cold? The fuck man. I gave this girl a shot, and she blew it.
I just wanna know, how did this scenario end up this fucked up? Nothing that i did or said broke any mood or what so ever. My game was pure, natural and rock-solid. And yes, i did develop feelings for her.

If she went cold when you arrived she wanted you to chase her. I would have given her mass amounts of attention for about 5 minutes, kinoed a bit and if she was still cold then go kino/game other girls in the room.

Also it looks like she is doing ALL of the chasing.

How can i Kino, if we never met up in the first place? She totally avoided my ''lets meet up'' questions, i asked them directly, she flat out ignored them. About chasing, she seemed interested yes, but i'm not playing hard to get or cocky with her, i was being honest and direct. About the being cold part, it was through the texts (i never saw her)

Haven't heard from her the entire day, guess there is something up after all.

thinking if i should just leave it be? Or atleast try and find a subtle way to get an answer.

hey mate,

look, i honestly dont know what happened, but what i do know is she didnt show up and acted like nothing has happened. I have met such a girl as well, actually almost the identical situation, and it happens to be that she was blond as well . Dear lord, i hope you are not my neighbour .

But in any case, its a shitty situation. You got emotionally involved (which is not bad btw), that is why it stings. But be lucky that it only has gotten as far as it did.

if you are asking yourself what to do now, its easy. Leave her alone. Screw it with all of her games and phony talk. She got you, dont get caught again. I can figure that you want answers, you want to know why. But be honest towards yourself here: she didnt show up, she didnt even give an excuse. How much of a NO do you need mate? Get yourself together again and move on. It will be like torture if you go out to look for an answer.

Cheers and best of luck in your future escapades.

_________________
"Stop being a fucking vagina and escalate" - CaptainJackHarkness

Like the naked leads the blind.
I know I'm selfish, I'm unkind.
Sucker love I always find,
Someone to bruise and leave behind.
placebo - every me, every you

A fucked up situation yes, mind-fucked to the max, just strange to experience such a sudden change of heart. Glad i can go out and have a good time tonight, moments like these do make me think to much to look for my own answers.

Decided to hit her up with a text, and according to her she did ask where i was. Guess i'll just leave it be.

Alright, change of plans. We had a conversation on facebook about last night, she told me that she did ask where i was to come see me. I double-checked my phone and she was right, I messed up big time. Fuck, noticed that the attraction between the 2 of us has been damaged, but the sparks are not completely gone yet.
Somehow glad, managed to detach my emotions and get back to my natural game, it's gonna be a tough ride but it's a challenge i'll gladly take.

Convo on facebook ended and she finished by saying ''If you feel like it, you can text me, if you dont, do it aswell! would be nice .

Dropped her a text asking if she wanted to still meet up tommorow and that i owed her a good time. She responded negative but i saw it coming. Blew it off by saying alright! in that case I'll do some homework for school and hit up mondial at night. What do you actually study? (When she said no to our day 2, she said she had to get stuff for school) she responded saying she might go raving that night aswell, so things are working as they should.

Conversation is rolling towards the good direction again and i'm curious to see if i can settle this straight.

Anyway, thanks for the feedback so far.

Way too much texting. Way too much facebook chatting. You're already incredibly over-invested in this girl. This kind of behavior is going to cause you problems in the long run.

Just my 2 cents.

-Wolf

_________________
Screening: drama-free-relationships-1-screening-vt124827.html
Bad Behavior: drama-free-relationships-3-the-soft-next-vt125554.html

Text game has always been my ground, i always manage to build really good rapport through texts, the only reason why i text is that the mentality here is different, guys have the shittiest game ever, so girls are always very closed up, so they seek for comfort first before meeting with another potential creeper. I lead the conversation and she really brainstorms into it. If it wasn't for the texting, there wouldn't have been a day 2 planned in the first place. It doesn't mean that my game outside the texting is bad, i'm often called to direct and intidimating while i'm actually not (Used to live in England and people really enjoyed my company)

think about this for a second, what do these actions project?

the action of contacting you to flirt and talk, what does that action project?

if sex was the objective(intention), what would be the action? call to talk for attention, or call to hang out in person so they could meet their objective?

what objective would calling to socialize meet?

now what does a flake tell you? if you were interested in having sex in a girl, would you flake her and avoid hanging out with her? what objective would this meet for you?

if you were to completely ignore what she says, and pay attention to what she is doing instead, what does these actions tell you? what is the frame here?
what shot did you give her? did you physically do anything to move things towards sex with her or just flirt with her a bit and talk while expecting her to escalate the situation when you had enough value? (aka were you hoping she would lead, or were you leading, if so, how did you lead?)

you probably didn't screen properly to begin with and created a social frame, and when she was compliant towards investing in a social frame with you, you assumed the meaning was sexual, while she had absolutely no sexual intentions towards you what so ever, and just valued your attention socially

positive attention makes the chick feel good, you validate her and make her feel wanted, so she wants more of that attention, but if she is not willing to put P into V at the end of the day getting some compliments in return and more calls for attention, is really a waste of time, ''text game'' it's self is a waste of time and you should kill the rapport over text, and screen girls for complience sooner, if she is a stranger then you have to build some rapport so she can trust you enough to meet, but if she isn't a stranger, ''text gaming'' can be pure suicide, it's just building rapport where it is not needed, if there is value for her in the idea of sleeping with you, she will react accordingly, you just have to pay attention to what she does and how she is responding, if she never contacts you and is calling you an asshole all the time and says you're a faggot, but still will meet up with you and bend over, this speaks volumes above a girl who texts you every day with ''hey sweetie pie, I miss you'', but never actually follows through with action

you are most likely investing yourself too much into specific girls without properly screening them first, on top of this a girl doesn't even have to like you to have sex with you, it ups your chances but is not a requirement, why even waste all this time building rapport with a girl that hasn't even shown that she is worth that amount of time and attention (good looks is not showing that she is worth it), pay attention to how girls invest, and test the compliance, it is almost the most important thing to pay attention to, how does she react when I do XYZ, is she ok with this?, is she not ok with this?, is it a waste of time or not... move forward with the physical act of sex, instead of trying to talk your way into her pants and convince her with ''good game'', stop trying so hard and just create the situation and just make it happen

you should get to buisness and be more on point, you say you've been in the game 3 years and met tons of girls... how is this not already very familiar to you especially if this is the type of game you run on the regular?

this type of shit happens ALL THE TIME, seriously, ALL THE TIME, girls get some good attention and start texting you, then flake because they have cold feet and don't want to get to buisness, they are time wasters, you simply kill the rapport and only give them the opportunity to meet you in person, make your attention valuable so that they want to invest in it, then create a scarcity of that attention so that they fear losing it, allowing them access to that attention over phone when they are flaky = bad idea, less rapport on the phone the better, and start calling instead of texting, if they really want the attention bad, use it as motivation for them to meet you, instead of giving them what they want when ever they want it

also, you said in your post ''this girl was the one escalating physically'' and later on suggested you were leading the conversation, do you know why you lead a conversation? because you have a goal in mind, you have an objective, an intention, what objective do you believe you projected to her?, what frame do you suppose talking instead of trying to get down to having sex when she is showing good signs sub-communicates to her?

you are leading to somewhere, if she is escalating, you aren't leading she is, you should have just fucked her when she was giving you the signs instead of being the gentleman and taking her number to be all talk when she was showing you she wanted some action

the conversation is about 20% of what gets you laid if that... maybe even 10%, and you seem to be treating it like it is 90%, all the convo does is puts a frame on the interaction and keeps her standing in front of you so that you can escalate on her

at some point, you have to stop being the social guy who is trying to show girls he is cool enough to fuck, and start being the cool guy who just fucks girls

you say you are very honest and direct, but what was the point of this interaction, were you truly honest with your intentions towards her, or were you just trying to gain her approval? from what you showed her, you actually reached your objective, she thinks you are cool and wants to socialize with you, and you led her to this, this was not her doing, that was the intention you projected, ''I want you to think I am cool, DHV, DHV, DHV, JOKE, JOKE, NEG, DHV'' she escalated on you and showed interest, you projected social intentions instead of sexual intentions, the end goal was ''lets talk'' instead of ''lets have sex''

and now that she has fallen into that frame, you are confused

the playful banter and jokes and negging and dhv etc. should take a side step once she is opened up and investing, just let her invest and move forward, don't stay in happy light hearted flirt zone, you can always come back if she seems like she is really bored, but it can't just be all flirting and jokes and stories, or you will be stuck as her happy light hearted flirty buddy, and end up in text buddy hell forever on the side, you have to show girls with your words and more importantly actions what you want, and they will communicate the same way with you, actions speak louder then words

show them, rather then tell them and when they don't fall in line and comply/invest in the frame, on to the next one, don't invest in girls that don't screen well, blow them off to save time and meet different ones that will invest

GOOD LUCK

Pumpington, Your advice is rock-solid and i'm grateful that you spend your time constructing the situation and helping me out with what was wrong etc..

When i first started with gaming girls, i was told not to text either, when i did, i failed horribly and blew alot of sexual interest up the skies that i would've build from a night out with her. Eventually I decided to try and improve my text-game while sitting home on a free day and got really good at it.

I think text-gaming is high risk / less reward then real life interactions, that's a big fact, however. I think if you play it out, perfectly, that you do improve her interest in you. The big issue right now in my surroundings is, girls are very very closed up and even scared when talking to boys, i can understand why, because guys here, are extremely bad at gaming. I studied psychology, communication and non-verbal communication, we have topics such as this (pua) in school and i've learnt alot ever since.. especially when i share class with 2 guys and 17 girls.

The way i handled my texts were not like, wow you're cute! we should hang out. I build up comfort by having equal level interactions, but i did not show any specific interest to soon. I build up from something like ''You seem like a good girl to try and invest time in, into you're actually different then i expected, lets meet up!''

The reason why she's texting me, complimenting me is because she wants to keep the contact between us, she thinks of me as the guy not to lose. She mentioned that a few times aswell (not in the same way). I never validated myself to her, nor do i think i did by texting her back, she was the one validating herself to me. I told her things about me that she just found very attractive. Every time i did find myself in the situation where she'd try and test me out and validate her, i blew it off perfectly and turned the tides. Doing it that way, really sparked her flame.

Day 1, we texted
Day 2, we had a date confirmed

Believe it or not, but this is rather unique from my surroundings, she validated me as an amazing guy and wanted to take the shot. It might sound cliche or something you'd consider wrong, but it's how people here are grown up.

3 years i gamed girls around me, i had a tough ride. Things didn't work out, girls were closed up, hardly responded. They'd look you strongly in the eyes, give you a smile and the minute you open up, they feel intimidated and dont return the favour.

I went to 1 party where 90% of the people were dutch (girls who like direct, honest and confident guys) and i met over 30 girls, 5 of them added me, and 2 gave me their number, a few told me we should hang out etc.. All in the frame of about 20 minutes, If i didn't have to leave early that night, i would've definatly had a couple of better closes coming.

I'm not texting just to build comfort either though, that's a big no-go for me aswell, i will be asking her out for tonight again, if not, i'll try once more, if not, then she wont be worth my time.

Text game is one of my stronger points! Yes I can do it in person but for building attraction and emotions I find it very valuable! With words you can paint a very positive image of yourself in the girls mind. This can lead to her becoming emotionally invested in meeting you to see if you live up to the subtle hype she has built up in her thoughts!

As long as you are truthful in your description of yourself and you remain congruent after the first date then your good to go! I've always used text game as a way to build comfort!

However this might be due to me using online dating sites (due to a heavy work load). In order to succeed on those sites you need to be able to form a very quick emotional hook with the girl! She needs to be looking forward to your texts more than the other guys! If you nail this then she will also meet you before the other guys!

Though I've noticed that text game only works on girls of a similar intelligence level.

Finding it hard to believe you, with all the exclamation points. Is your "." broken?

Which begs the question why the hell haven't you escalated things by getting her out and progressing from there? You're making excuses, and at the same time proving pumpington right.

Her validating you over text does not mean eff all at the end of the day if there's no action behind these words. This could very well be her intent in keeping you on-the-line to ensure she can rely on you're at arm's length as a continual source of validation with a few short texts.

Again, you're safeguarding yourself from rejection. With risk comes opportunity, and with opportunity comes risk. Get out of the comfort zone and be the guy who makes things happen.