As much as I appreciate all the replies and advice here, I still haven't gotten a concrete answer to my question: What do I DO when she flirts with other guys? I was direct in my message above telling her how it bothers me, but observe the events of last night...

Before I get started, I'd like to add that she was at my place all Saturday pretty much, and at one point we took a trip with W to see her friend J, and she didn't flirt with W in front of me. The whole time since our text convo I haven't been asking her questions, or complaining about anything, just taking it easy and playing it cool. The result? Rampant amounts of sex.

So she was over here, by herself most of yesterday, and around 10pm we took things to the bedroom for a solid "Good time". About 11, my friend A (yes, the one in my story) texts me "I'm downstairs (at the bar) if you wanna chill" and I say "prolly in a bit" (still cleaning up after the bedroom shuffle) and her and I go down around 12:30. Almost instantly she's all over him and kind of "brags" to me about it "he wants to hang out tomorrow and give me a backrub (aka sex)"... tries to invite him upstairs to hang out the three of us, and gets upset when he insist on bringing the girl he went to the bar with. I offer to walk her home (and leave her there) "you're not walking me anywhere" then a few minutes later she asks him to walk her home, but he refuses. I insist at this point (1:30) I'm tired and going back to my place, and she tags along to get her stuff. We run into one of her friends on the walk back up (who starts flirting with me actually) then she leaves for a party while I stay at my place. Then, her roommate calls me asking to come over saying she's on main street right outside my apartment, she wants to make out but I refuse as she's pretty drunk and I'm not in the mood. Then, S comes back to grab some things and walks back with her roommate. She asks me for a key to my place so she can come over for breakfast if I'm asleep but I refuse.

Enter today - text convo:

Her (1241) Hi. Up yet?
Me (1254) Yeah
Her (1255) Sup
Me (1256) Bout to go farmers market you?
Her (1257) Showering. Breakfast after I'm out? Eggs?
Me (108) Sure, but it's your turn to do dishes
Her (111) K
Her (116) Can I invite A down for breakfast? I'm going up there after, anyway.
Her (124) ?
Me (128) Actually got a call, so another time maybe. Sorry (plausible lie, I'm a volunteer EMT)
Her (133) Kk

So if you read all that, these things should be pretty obvious:

1. She knows her behavior bothers me, and doesn't care.
2. She NEEDS this attention from other guys, especially when they focus on other women.
3. My friend A isn't a very good friend. But I won't get into that here.
4. She is NOT quality, and NOT girlfriend material at all. Gotta control my emotions, and not fall for her.

Our only obligation to each other is to inform if and who else we fuck due to STDs/pregnancy.

When I run into / talk to her next, I would guess not to bother confronting her again? As I mentioned in an above message, I directly expressed that her flirty behavior bothers me. All I can think to do is just pull away. Let her go fuck and hang out with other guys, because I know it will just make me look better - I KNOW I am higher value than any of them. If she starts talking about A, should I just ignore it / change the topic? She's no doubt going to talk about how A is fawning over her, should I just make a joke like "Well, if you wanna join the B team go right ahead" with a big grin on my face?

I also don't suppose there's much use in befriending the orbiters or telling them about it? It's pretty obvious to them what's going on, but you know horny guys. Not gonna be able to stop them from fucking her if she wants it to happen.

Now I think at the bar I did the right thing, and just left the situation. Same thing with the text conversation. But what do I do when this behavior happens at my place? It's one thing finding a reason to leave a situation, but another finding one to kick people out of my house.

You don't really do anything. Just let her know that you aren't one of her girlfriends and you don't need to hear this shit. Or you can talk about how silly she sounds and how hard she is trying to impress you with all the guy attention she gets.


Honestly, I really do not see the point in staying with this girl. She reminds me of my ex and I cut that girl loose. Ever since then, my life has been laid back. An "alpha" would leave this broad and not put up with the behavior she is exhibiting. You don't need this girl, and if you are doing just for the sex, then do it for the sex and stop whining about her habits. Cut her lose or get your shit together. Your choice.

I agree sir. She isn't my girlfriend, so inaction is definitely my best choice. Cut her loose or get your shit together is my dilemma. Trying the "get my shit together" route first, obviously. If I cut her loose so to speak, it will be avoiding hanging out with her as more than a casual acquaintance, as the college life dictactes I can't (and don't want to) avoid her altogether. She has a number of friends male and female that I get along with, and we have mutual friends. I think if I can control and refine my feelings towards her, this can be a healthy thing that results in me never going too long without good sex. I'm sure that one day I will look back on this whole thing as a great learning experience and will be more "alpha" for it.

On another note, this drama goes deep. Summarizing, I maintain contact with my ex Suzy since I started hanging with this girl again. The girl has off/on relationship with EXLDR (he lives 900 miles away now) and she maintains getting back together with him at some point, which also helps reduce my feelings of attachment. Suzy told me a few weeks ago that when her and I were dating she cheated on me with the EXLDR in question, at the time that the girl and he were engaged.

Today, Diane calls me while in A's room saying that EXLDR was forwarded a message where I told Suzy I was fucking her. I admit it, and tell her "you wouldn't believe the things Suzy has told me" and went up to A's room and showed her the text conversation including all subjective "evidence". The girl was pissed at me for talking to Suzy, but much more upset with EXLDR as she called him on the spot and he denied/avoided it. I left her in A's room alone as she was continuing to hash it out with EXLDR over text.

At least now I don't have this burden. The girl still has things at my apartment, but we'll see what happens. No matter what, I can affirm two things:

1..If the girl and I continue to "work it out" (likely) then I will not speak to Suzy about what goes on with us anymore. I will respect the girl's wishes on this matter.

2. I will no longer react to anything she does, and if she tries to "impress me" any more then I will take Mr. Assertive's advice and brush it off laughingly. When she's flirty with other guys, I will laugh and pretend it doesn't bother me, and eventually it either won't or I will get fed up and cut her loose for good.

3. I'll give "the girl" more space. She still has belongings at my place, but I will let her come to me.

I already knew that next to EXLDR I am her "number2", and it's been shown by her before when I pull away that she continues to come back. Back when we first started become FWB, we had a fight and she ran to A and slept with him. He told me the next day what happened, and she denied it up and down. A couple days later her and I had a very long talk, which ended with me saying "if you can't be honest with me, this is the last time we will hang out. period." which got her to confess what happened while she cried. I can tell she goes to great lengths to keep me in her life to whatever capacity, through various other events since then. She knows that if her thing with EXLDR doesn't work out, I'm her best option, but I can't guarantee I'll even take her back because of all the rest of the drama and trust issues. Regardless, I'm still going to care whether I want to or not and see how this plays out. Wish me luck.