Hey everyone!

I am a new poster in these boards and would like to get some advice from the more experienced, as I am facing some big issues in my love life (which is non-existent SPAM).

I would call myself a typical AFC. My usual mistake is that I am either too direct with women if I happen to like one or am too nice with them and often end up in the FZ (I have lost many occasions this way btw). I have been struggling getting in a new relationship even since I broke up with my ex 3 years ago. Some friend of mine introduced me to PUA several months ago and I have read quite a lot since then. Now that I am conscious of my faults, I try to improve my game and I am getting better
bit by bit.

Since I am only a beginner, I don't aim to f*close right now. I just try to appear confident and am just having fun during social events without worrying about the impression I will make. Truth is that PUA advice has a positive effect, as I get more phone calls and invitations at parties.

There are still many things for me to improve, especially my game. I have a hard time showing my feelings to women from fear of looking ridiculous (used to be very shy before going to college) and suffer from low self-esteem at times (possibly due to the bullying I went through as a kid and the strictness of my parents). I also have trouble using kino as I am not comfortable touching people I have just met or that I do not know that well.

From this point on, I am trying to adapt the teachings of PUA to my own needs. First of all, I am not looking for a ONS but rather for a LTR. In my book, a girl that accepts to sleep with a guy on day 1 (or even the first week for that matter) is a slut and not even worth of my attention. So, I am usually after girls that are girlfriend material and avoid the wild ones like the plague. The girls I usually meet are acquaintances or friends of people I know. I have never truely bothered meeting people outside my social circle as I feel uncomfortable starting up a conversation with a total stranger (at a bar or a club for example). Not that I would have many things in common with them, in my opinion...

When I meet a new girl, I like to take things slow and really get to know the person. The drawback is that attraction has a lifespan and the girl usually loses interest while I am still trying to make my choice or trying to build up comfort (maybe I build too much comfort). My approach (or way of thinking, or however you want to call it) is basically contrary to the principles of PUA where you need to act fast.

Now, I am wondering if there is any solution for my situation? Should I find some middle ground? How can I game a girl on the span of several days/weeks in order to build a genuine/honest relationship?

Another problem I have is that I don't seem to attract women anymore or keep them interested. Maybe that's also a problem that is specific to my social circle as girls seem to high have expectations (not that they shouldn't have, when they hold 2 master degrees and sometimes even a Phd, and earn quite a high income). I am trying to improve my style, the way I dress, my overall fitness, try being funnier, etc but I know it will never be enough. Physically, I would say I am average. My pride is

basically my education, languages and mixed cultural background but that is commonplace in my social circle (I work for an international organisation), so I cannot even shine in this field either. Sometimes, I am thinking I simply don't have it and should just give up and focus on some other part of my life. A big mistake I made last year was to act too eager (or desperate if you want) and I agree it's a huge turn-off (I realized it works both ways btw). This year, I have been acting much
cooler and am just expanding my social circle. So far, I haven't had any special encounter or met a girl that showed the slightest glimpse of interest. Another mistake I make, which I cannot fix yet, is that I am usually quite a serious guy (ya know, the intellectual type that would rather stay at home to read and listen to music than go to a night club) and this might also be a turn-off in the sense that I do not look cool enough or look too nerdy.

Finally, some PUA advice (like kino) look excellent on paper but I have to point out that touching one person is less acceptable depending on the culture. I do remember that in 2 instances (a lithuanian and an austrian), the girls in question did not really like being kissed on their cheeks as a way of greeting, which is odd as it is perfectly acceptable socially where we live (in France).

Any piece of advice would be welcome. Do not hesitate to ask me questions if it would help you better assess what I am lacking.

Many thanks in advance.

Cheers.

Sounds like what you need is some positive reinforcement. You should stop saying all the things you can't do whenever you say to yourself " I'm not good enough or fun enough for this girl" throw out all those negative emotions and say to yourself that you are more fun than any other guys she knows tell yourself you are the best.

If you tell yourself that you are the best man in the world it has been proven that you will start to believe it

You Need to start with your inner game don't give up on the game. I used to have the same problem and only wanted relationships it was why I joined the game in the first place.

But let me ask you have you ever tried to be with multiple women? Once you attain one womens number do you get "locked in" to her world? The way you say you get needy and clingy is a huge problem, A lot of men deal with this sticking point were it's basically magnet syndrome you keep getting pulled in and investing.

You shouldn't have to write her a poem expressing your love because you went out for a week. Who ever invests more into the relationship is less likely to leave.

I use this analogy alot because i love it but Adam L. once said. "If you worked everyday for 10 years and you saved enough for a new car, and then the very next day you won the same car in the lottery which car would you sell" Obviously you would keep the one you worked for because it has more value to you.

So in short what I'm saying is next time you find yourself on the verge of saying that very questionable comment ask yourself "Am i Investing?" "Is there to much feeling provoked by what i am going to say." There is a time and a place for these feelings but i warn PUAinT that over investing is never good. Don't shower her with love, and keep your options open it keeps you from over investing.

But in the end this is your journey take the advice of the community as a whole don't just read, go out there and practice these things in every category of the "field". Every man should sculpt his own game

Thanks for the reply!

So, basically, I need to improve my inner game, right?

As to your question, yes, I used to do that with women but not anymore. I used to put all my eggs in the same basket when I met a woman and had the tendency to "overinvest" in her. Now I know better and try my luck with different people (in the flirting stage). However, once I enter a LTR, I am exclusive.

My main problem is that I can't seem to get any interest from women at all these days. Maybe this is also due to the fact that I do not meet a bunch of new people every week, which would normally increase my chances. I mean, out of 100 women I meet, I should probably be able to attract a least 1 of them. The problem is that I don't meet a 100 women, lol...

Another issue is that I may have to lower my standards. What I mean is that I should stop waiting to fall in love with a girl (or at least to really like her from the start) and just settle with any one that looks ok and seems interested. For example, there's this girl that contacted me out of the blues after a couple of years and who appears to want to hang together with me. The question is that I don't even know if I am attracted to her (she's not my type physically speaking, even though she seems like a very nice and calm person which should normally qualify her as girlfriend material). I hate the idea of dating someone just to avoid being alone. I have enough hobbies to keep me occupied, so I wouldn't go out of my way to date someone I am not infatuated with.

Sigh, I am still trying to figure what is the best thing for me...


EDIT: I gave some more thought about my situation and I have to say it's not totally true when I say I don't attract women at all. I do remember that, for instance, whevener I go to the office wearing my suit (which is rarer these days as I have less meetings than before), I get more looks and smiles from women in the street.

Another interesting fact I noticed is that humor, no matter how silly, works like a charm on women. I was observing an acquaintance of mine at a party, who can easily claim to be a "natural player". He was basically teasing and throwing jokes (some of the stuff he said was really really stupid and not funny) at every girl, and they would start laughing and blushing. It worked really well for him and I am starting to think that I should take his approach as an example (among others of course).

Kind of new here myself, no expert, but here's my opinion.

You seem like a clever guy. Maybe too clever. The women you're talking about, with masters degrees etc - they're all wired the same way as any other woman. Just because they're clever girls doesn't mean that they don't respond the same way to all the stuff that's on here. In fact, some might respond even moreso, as they're less likely to have a lot of social interactions as they won't go to clubs and stuff.

As far as kino goes - kino is -huge-. If you can't work up the courage to touch a girl on the shoulder when you're talking to her, then how can you ever do anything else? Once you've built up a conversation with a nice girl, you gotta do all this stuff or she'll lose interest, and things will get weird. Seen it a million times.

You do need to expand your social circle too, and just, I guess, try lots of dating as practice. Not even with the girls you think will be the 'one', just with as many as you can. Try internet dating, maybe...

You're on the right track if you're trying to improve yourself though, for sure.

Internet dating has never been something i liked first of all, it seems like you are dealing with damaged goods a lot of the times.

As far as the smart girl thing goes I wanted to touch on this but didn't have much time then. Smart girls are just like any other girl and clumping individuals into profiles should be avoided don't assume every harvard attendee doesn't know how to drop it, you'd be surprised.

Wear the suits out as far as I am concerned fuck it say "I just got back from my top secret mission with my bro james bond I'm sure you've heard of him. Well anyway we rapped shit up early so I'd figured I'd pop by here and get sloppy with some sexy young socialites"

As for you're buddy making girls laugh with stupid jokes. He has already reached the hook point with the girl at that poiint anything will be funny, and if she is attracted to you, just your presence will intoxicate her into fits of uncontrolable bimbonic laughter (yes I made the word bimbonic up big whoop wanna fight about it).

Also I say this to you as a fellow brother of the pick up community...DO NOT SETTLE! If she isn't your type don't subjugate yourself to her. If I told you right now you could have any girl in the world if you open up your mouth would you spend your time perusing the merchandise or would you bark at the first thing that came your way?

Now for the hard part. This girl you spoke about the one who is girlfriend material but not physically your type.You should take a chance, and try being fuck buddies I'm kind of cringing as I type this, because I'm not sure how unnatractive she may be to you. Nothing boost your inner game like having a girl lust for you.

I know when I get back into my daily life after really grinding the meatstick with some girl who is loving it and wants more my confidence skyrockets. Now I only fuck around with women I find attractive so it may be bad advice.

But what's the worse that could happen an itch here, a burning piss there, no biggie. just wear a helmet and you will be fine

All I'm saying is once you get over the inner game hump (figuratively speaking), start carrying yourself like a real man, and really telling yourself that you are the shit girls won't be a problem.

Brush up on a couple "training wheel lines" use them when you need them, and start developing your own shit that blows the woman away.

Internet dating is complete BS. Many fake profiles and the girls there are damaged goods. I even saw some transexuals over there. No way, man...

I will need to work on a few routines and try to not look too eager/pathetic/anxious. I admit this is less the case nowadays. It's just that I am too serious and uptight and don't get all touchy with other people. That's probably my main issue. I ease up with a few drinks though, lol

As for the girl I previously talked about, the truth is that I don't like messing with people's feelings (the same thing could happen to me anyday, and I would hate that). My belief is that you shoudn't do to others what you don't want others to do to you. She is nice enough and she might be worth getting to know a little better. I even might happen to like her later on, who knows. When I first met the girl that became my first gf, I wasn't really sure about my feelings but by getting to know her better, I fell for her charm.

There was an interesting development today. There's this chick at work (she works in a different department and different building though), whom I know from college and that seems to show some interest. I saw her at an alumni drink 3 weeks ago. One week later, she asks me if I want to join her at a friend's party and I accepted. It was a nice night: we chatted and laughed a lot, she told me she broke up with her bf and, on the way back, she even insisted to pay the cab when I took out my wallet, lol (I got out first as my place was closer). Today, basically 10 days after our last meeting, she writes an email where she asks me if I wanted to go to a concert with her. She mentioned something about having also invited a common friend of ours (which I seriously doubt as they were never really close - I just happen to know the guy better) but that he didn't reply to her yet, and that I can bring other people too if I want. I didn't reply to her yet as it was late in the evening when I got the email and I didn't want to look desperate. Know let's see how this works out... Hopefully, it will be just the 2 of us. I know the girl as we used to live in the same residence. She's a HB8 with quite some experience already. All the guys are falling for her but I never liked her "daddy's spoiled princess" attitude. Maybe she has changed though...

Btw, I am still trying to figure out the concept of "neggin". I have to admit that there's a very thin line between teasing and being insulting. How does one use neggin' while building attraction/comfort? For example, the girl I mentioned above went to a german school before going to college. I always assumed she attended a french school as she studied in France later on, and I plan to ask her questions on that. If one wanted to use neggin, how would he do it in that instance? Could one say something like "oh, that's where you got the coldness of germans?" and then rebound by saying "oh, but the french seem to have taught you a thing or two, right?" ?


Thanks again for all the advice. No matter how hard it is for me to face the truth, I have to wake up and change!