What's good everyone, first post here but I've been lurking for awhile. I need some help with what is my first approach in a year, need some advice on where I fucked up. For extra info, I'm white and my target is a sorta fob Japanese girl (she understood what I said. I think lol)


Target works at convenience kiosk in my class building (in college rn). Went up and said hi. Asked her to choose between two gums packages I picked, bought the one she chose (mistake imo, should have black knighted and bought the other), was planning to open on this but the I beta'd out.

Came back 30 min later, opened with a forward approach “Honestly, I dont have anything to buy, I just came to bother you again 'cause you are cute”. I don't think I said this loud enough cuz she took a bit to process it, responded with “Oh!! Please bother me! It is so boring here!”.

Convo ensued. She was smiling the whole time. Notably, she asked my name, I ask hers (I took this as a big IOI). She asks when my class is, I tell her the hours, reciprocate the question, we end at the same time (I feel as though I shoulda acted on this opportunity and asked out right away). She says “please, bother me anytime!”, I say I'll come by during my break. Ask her number. I add her into my contacts and got her to enter her number. This might have been a flaw, as I spelled her name correctly even though it is unconventional and Japanese. May have revealed to much about my tastes lol. I text her later so she knows my number as well.

Next day I see her during my break, but customers break up the convo. I end up saying that her and I should go out sometime (Christ man, I need to work on not betaing and setting up times). She says "Yeah! Sure!" and I ask when she's free, and she responses with "IDK, I have a lot of interviews for jobs this weekend".

Day after that, I text her “Drinks on Tuesday night when you're off?”. Haven't gotten a response since then. I assume I have fucked up, I'm just wondering if anyone can provide me some insight on something I've missed.


Additional notes: She's a Japanese native, and I'm white, which could be a reason she didn't respond, but I still don't understand why she would bother saying yes instead of just “I'm busy” if she wasn't interested. Her asking of my name first may just be out of friendliness, considering how she has been in Canada for 3 months so probably has been meeting a lot of people

very much so over analyzation, OMG HE PICKED THE GUM I CHOSE, FUCK THIS GUY!! lol what?
good stuff, she probably heard you
yeah, probably heard you, thing is here you are not leading, you are not taking this in any direction, you probably know where you want to lead this to, but you are not taking the responsibility (most likely to avoid the possibility of being vulnerable and feeling uncomfortable)

she is leading the conversation, and there is no point you are getting to, what was your focus in this interaction, and what was the point?

no purpose = no outcome

you have her number now, she knows you think she is cute, but now what?, there is no direction for her to put a context on this
keep the focus, ''oh that's cool, that's not what I asked'', also you can give her more of a reason, more of a ''why'', what is the reason you want to ''go out sometime''? clarify and put a context on this for her, let her know why you want to see her again
would you respond this way if a girl asked you out?, no answer?, not even a no thanks? is that something you would do to someone you at least had some respect for? is this the sort of behavior you want in a girl?
why is this specific girl of so much importance to you?

girls say ''yes'' instead of ''no'' because they tend to be naturally passive and submissive, it is more comfortable to just go with the flow and avoid a chance of face to face confrontation, or avoid losing someone's approval, then to just be honest and upfront at the risk of someone not likeing you because of that, it's easier to ''save someone hurt'' in the short term, then to leave them better off in the long run by just being honest

sometimes also, girls are a little skittish because they have no idea why you are doing what you are doing, and they are unsure of if they can trust you or not because they don't know you well enough or how genuine your intentions are

having the intentions of having sex with them is also not nessicarily ''breaking trust'' as long as they value that intention comming from you, it is a good thing

how ever lets say for example you want sex and only sex, if she is looking for someone that values her more then just as a walking meat pocket to ejaculate into, and in return wants to find somone that she values as more then just a bag of meat with a hardon, then you will both need to meet each others needs or move on, that being said, there is nothing wrong with playing the part of a meat bag with a hardon, some girls are specifically looking for that type of thing and will cut you out if you demonstrate a desire for a relationship that is anything more, so you must remain congruent in what you specifically want, so you can find others that match your standards towards a relationship

if a girl is not fitting your qualifications for a relationship, there is no point in putting forth the effort in the first place to allow her into your life, it is simply a waste of time when you could be out finding girls that actually meet your standards in a girl, it takes way less effort to find a girl that is right for you, then to change a girl into being right for you, or to change who you are so that you are right for her, if you are doing that how long can you maintain that act, and will that truly make you happy?

Thanks for the responses and analysis guys, very helpful :D
I agree STRONGLY with this analysis. This was one of my main problems that I noticed, and plan to change it next attempt for sure. My intentions were to schedule it then like you said, but I ended up pussying out. This was more of a inner game problem, which I need to work on; I had the right idea but bad execution. Next time!
As for the racial thing, I don't think it is that either, but I figured I should mention as much detail as I could without going overboard, and I thought the difference in cultures could be relevant.
Haha, I actually did try and set up another time, my friend advised me to try again so I did, I just neglected to mention it in my post. And once again, no response. So, on to the next one.
Oh god yeah, I totally agree this is an over analysis, but I found it a mistake not really because its not a viable option, but I said it really beta and wasnt confident at all in myself. If I was acting normally, I would have black knighted, but instead out of awkwardness I did something that doesn't accurately reflect me. Of course, this whole thing is minor, but I figured I should throw in detail as much as possible.
This is true, I agree with the no purpose = no outcome, but in reality I didn't really have a purpose. I just approached because she was cute and I wanted to have a conversation, hopefully leading to a date next time. How should I have my mindset? I don't really know how I'd move the conversation, maybe I should research this.
Solid advice, similar to what TonyKing said.
Solid advice, didn't think too highly of her anyway after she never responded. No loss at all.
Oh, she's not of specific importance at all, I just thought her behaviour was bizarre and wanted to understand it in case it happened again in the future.
Yeah, I figured it was something along these lines, just wanted confirmation here. Seems like a really lame way to handle the situation, guess it's a reality of dealing with girls though.
How would I get my intentions across? I had just figured that that would happen in a date following rather than in the first encounter. Also, really solid advice throughout this whole quote.

just have a game plan, if the game plan is, I saw a girl, she was sexually attractive, I want to have sex with her, then the purpose and intent should reflect moving things forward towards that end

if you are looking for a long term relationship, and you see a girl, and want to know if she is suitable, then 1st you have to know what you want from a girl in an LTR, figuring out if she is your type of girl, then your intent should reflect, moving things forward towards that end

there should be a purpose and a point to what you are doing, you should ''know'' what you are doing and be sure of it and congruent with the intent behind your words and actions
there are an endless amount of ways to get your point accross, the point is through the frame she understands ''why'' you want to take her out,

you can work it how ever you want to work it depending on what your ''game'' is, indirect from a social frame and stay congruent with this and ask her out socially, showing interest in her as a person socially, with the frame revolving around low pressure social meets

or direct from a sexual frame and stay congruent with this and ask her out leading with your sexual intentions, with the frame revolving more around a sexual encounter

either way, how ever you run your game at some point things have to escalate, and you will have to lead and make that happen