I decided its time to make a proper journal. Sometimes I'm so confused by my failures with girls, and people in general, that I don't even know what the right questions that I should ask myself are.

Here's some background: I'm turning 20 soon, and I've never had a girlfriend or been laid. I've kissed one girl in my entire life, and we were drunk. I went to a single sex HS, and came from a very insular family, both of which contributed to my social awkwardness especially with respect to girls. My friends would frequently throw parties and not invite me, knowing how rough I am with girls. With a life like this, it was very easy to fall into depression.

I should be happy as I have a very bright future, the government is sponsoring me to study at an Ivy League university, so I'm moving to England in a couple of months. I will be starting over there. No friends, no family.

Some of my goals, which I would like pick-up to achieve are:
-I want to be an alpha male.
-I want to be able to make new friends easily, and keep these friends.
-I want to stop being so weird.
-I want to turn my weird personality into a crazy, fun one.
-I want to eliminate my approach anxiety.
-I want to kclose and fclose effortlessly.
-I want to get a girlfriend.

I hope to use the stickied journals to guide me along..I see these guys went through similar things in their lives.

With finals around the corner, I've not been able to do much but study.

Today I did go on campus to meet some old mates that were home for their break. Met up with 2 of my female friends and we were all hanging out. Planned to approach some girls because I was super confident.

Before I could do this, I see one of my friends approaching. (At one point we did have some sexual energy between us, but it died and we just fell into friendship, which was good enough for me.) However this girl hails out my friend and ignores me, and I joke about what she did, and she laughs and says hi but continues on her way. It really affected me, and my friends all noticed it and even they couldn't understand her behaviour. This is definitely due to weak inner game. So I just texted her, planning to ask her whats up with her lately..I know its AFC and needy but I figure not giving her any attention at all isn't helping me either.

Also noticed how easy it was to have fun with my good mates. Still trying to figure out how to speed up the befriending process, I am very tired with my new circle of friends.

Things I need to understand:
-Why would girls start avoiding men that are just friends, or who they were attracted to?
-How to stop being so boring while at the same time stop trying so hard to impress others.
-Is it possible that some people are incompatible and therefore it is useless to force a friendship there.

She texted me back making excuses and apologised. The humiliating part is she msged some of my friends the same message thinking they all felt hurt that they were blanked.

Whenever I feel the urge to be needy this situation will remind me that doing so will only make you look like a fool.

I may risk sounding like a broken record, but I'm starting to believe too much masturbation is killing my desire to approach. I have to control this habit.

Today I went to hang out with my mates. Ended up at this bar and spotted two HBs I know sitting by themselves at a table. I go up and say some words to the one who I knew better. I didn't have anything to lose, yet I had trouble speaking confidently and did not know what to say. In retrospect I should have sat at the table and began talking, not trying to awkwardly bend down to speak to her.

But I had my mates to hang with and we ended up doing crazy shit so the night wasn't wasted.

Cold approaches at uni is scary because people remember you.

I often see people cringe at the things they did when under the influence..this is my story.

Smoked some weed and reached home real high. I invite this girl from my class over to study..there's some hesitation but in the end I convince her. She has no idea I'm high. She comes over and we actually do some work, and I make a deal with her that she has to massage my back as payment.

So eventually we take a break and I suggest she give me massage now. She's a bit hesitant but eventually climbs on my back and starts rubbing away. Then I suggest it's her turn..she complies and I do the same to her. I slowly start massaging her and then I suggest she take her shirt off. to my surprise she complies. Rinse repeat-bras off.

At this point we're making out and I'm grinding her hardcore (hard to do when they're short). I tell her take her pants off and there's no LMR. I let her take off mine too.

She realises how nervous I am (even when I'm fucking high!) and tries to relax me. I decide to play the virgin status to my favour and give her the 'teacher' frame. She likes this and starts to blow me. Now she claims to have done it before but she's way to rough and after like 10 minutes I start fingering her, so that she stop. She's fucking wet and ready to go so I get on top her and try to penetrate, and I hear 'no' for the first time.

I'm thinking wtf. I once read that the solution to this is to eat pussy. So I did. I ate pussy. Apparently she had multiple orgasms and couldn't tell apart from some her shaking like she a maniac.

So I thought ok I'm in now. I poke her with it again and she's still no. So I stick my dick in her mouth and she's blowing for what seems to be and eternity, switching hands every 10 minutes, I even stop her and show her how I do it but nothing works. I just can't come.

Then I suggest butt fucking. To my surprise she wants to try it..but unfortunately I have no lube. I slowly stick a finger in there and she tells me stop..she doesn't like it. She has to use the washroom and I call it a night there.

I don't want her to contact me again, I would have never done this with her sober.

Haven't posted in a while, but since I've moved to the UK I've been approaching like mad!

Hit this girl up on facebook, we hung out already at the club two days ago. I suggest we go walk the city, she's up for it. Then it rains, great. I say let's watch a movie, she invites me to her room - it's on.

I buy some chocolates for her. We start watching "the ugly truth". I'm not evening paying attention to the movie..just chatting with her really. She brings up her bf. Now I'm confused - I'm here in this tiny bed pressed up on her watching a sexy show and she's talking about him.

I use some mild straw man and continue with the movie. I get her to take her glasses off and untie her hair. I think "I need to do this now".

I reach over to get some chocolates..I purposefully block her from the screen. She's like hey! I grin and I say what? She's like bla bla..I smile and move in to kiss her.

She stops me and says " no what are you doing I have a boyfriend". Totally mindfucked at this point. She does on to say "if i didn't i would definitely get with you" and "if i had drank I would have done it regardless". So i ease the awkwardness with some nice guy story, take some shots at her bf and leave.

She texts me after "hey we got along really well, hope we can hang out again." i just say sure ok.

After she texts:
"Apologies if any of what 'happened' today gets around...I really don't want it to be like that at all :/ I hope you know I'm not a 'kiss and tell' girl.."

She seems like trouble.

In this case I learned that alcohol is a big decider in casual sex

Sat next to a HB8 on the bus on my way to uni. Started a conversation with a simple, "which is better, coats or umbrellas?" Starting a convo about the weather never seems to fail in England. We start talking and I find out she has classes close. We share her umbrella and I # close her a little before her building.

Went to rowing this evening, the amount of fit, sexy tall blondes is too damn high. Need to get in shape to even think of gaming any of them..all of the guys in the rowing club are stacked as fuck.

Tonight the HB from my previous post msged me asking what I was doing tonight. I know the alpha thing is to not make yourself too available, but I figured since I crashed and burned the night before I should take this opportunity to get back on level ground.

She came over to my room and stayed for maybe 2 hours..during which time we just talked and I showed her pictures of my family and she showed me her home etc. She did bring up her bf again but there was times she showed sexual interest - such as playing with my hair while i lay on the bed. I decided against any attempts to physically escalate again..and she said I was 'nice and safe.' That really surprised me.



Stoked to be part of a team now, rowing will be a great opportunity to improve my physical presence and give me access to all those super fit babes on the female team.

Still need to stop reverting back to mr. niceguy when I run out of routines things to say.

Got this Belgian chick (HB10) to come to my room (she's living upstairs my dorm). Only talked to her a couple times but she still came over. So we chat for a bit..I show her some pictures of me back home because coming from two radically different cultures I wasn't sure how else to make her comfortable.

So on to the movie..watched a good comedy. Then I tied in the convo back to my entire day of training..asked her to massage my back (which honestly wasn't that smooth of a transition) but she did it. Tried to get her to sit on my back..she did for a few secs and then got off saying it was "odd" (not enough rapport/attraction?) but she continued to massage me.

We're supposed to go into the city tomorrow..I'm not sure if it's a lost cause or she is a quality girl. She is in fact very shy and reserved. How do I approach this thing, where can I improve.

Afraid of being to upfront as well, if I fail it would be the second girl I struck out on that floor, word spreads fast.

Went out with bulgarian chick today to the city. Walked around for a bit, then went to a restaurant and had lunch. Had a lot of back and forth banter and playfully probe whether she has a boyfriend or not - she's like yeah she has one and they've been together for 3 years.

Tried the three blind mice game and the cube on the bus ride back home. She figured out the deaf mouse wouldn't hear her, and she already had the cube done on her. Thanks a lot bulgarian guys. lol I noticed she had a slight moustache and I tried my best to be playful with it "omg its so cute u have the most adorable moustache" but she got realllly embarassed so I had to tell her some embarassing stories about myself to get even. actually helped dhv me because i had her laughing.

Now I'm just there thinking wtf, not again, why do they keep agreeing to go out, come to my room, give me massages etc. if they're not interested and already have a boyfriend.


In this case I wasn't looking to hit and quit because that would negatively affect my repuation in the entire dorm.

Went out with the Rowing Club, first to a party at a restaurant and then to a club in Manchester. Was supposed to bring a liter of low proof alcohol to the party, instead I brought vodka which I soon realised was a big mistake. Ended up drinking a bottle of vodka and then went out to party. Obviously my game was fucked, I would engage a hb on the dancefloor and her friends would immediately pull her away. For the entire night I didn't successfully open a single set in the club.

I've been working on my day game but I think I really need to improve. I like opening girls on the bus with an opinion opener, and when I'm walking to class, there's always girls walking behind me so i use the 'are you following me.' I've almost given up on # closes..just trying to improve my personality and ability to establish rapport for now. For example this girl I opened this morning showed no IoIs.

In addition, sometimes I give them my number to not make it seem like I'm picking them up, but there's a 0% record of these ones ever making contact.

One of the girls I opened during daygame has actually gotten very close to me. However I think she wants more, and I don't see her just being fuck buddies with me. So following the PUA code of ethics (leaving them better off) I'll tell her straight up that I can't do a relationship with her.

Rather than learning tons of lines and routines I think I need to focus alot more on inner game. Over the past month I've opened about 150 girls and only about 10% ever want to go out/remain in contact. This isn't pua..I'm playing a number game. Trying hard to build an attractive lifestyle, but I feel like my personality is not reflecting who I truly am.

Went over and had a chat with the girl I was mentioned in the previous post..apparently it's all good and she just wants to be friends as well. I actually felt disappointed.lol

Lost some points with the hall mates because it's a Friday night and I didn't want to go out CLUBBING. Was walking past the hall library and saw a girl all by herself in there, so I went in and opened her. We really hit it off, and I was able to isolate her outside the library and we sat chatting for a while. My friend, who seems clueless, came upon us and wouldn't leave. After I realized the interaction was hijacked I left, but I took her number before I did.

Went down to the supermarket to do some night shopping. Opened a Milf by asking her if a product was good, but she promptly moved on before I had a chance to follow up.

I was walking back to my place when I notice this stunning 10 walking in my direction. I try to open her with a big smile and "wait how can you wear shorts in this weather!" since it was very cold and windy, but she just kept walking, and so did I.

Lots of parties tonight, but I'm just not feeling it.

Haha mates ended up barging into my room last night and dragging me out to some nearby bars. Partied with my mates and the girls from my wing, but after hanging with them I learned the Golden Rule is to never fuck people from your flat. So this meant they were all out of the question.

Went outside for a smoke with a SPAM. Saw a hb that was drunk dancing on me earlier: I thought this is the best opportunity I have to work game.

I opened her with a smile and "are you having fun tonight?" she smiled back and responded "yes." So I chat with her abit about uni, where we're from etc all the time ensuring I have kino going on - hands on her waist, not leaning in, pulling her waist towards mine even. Then I spin her, play 3 blind mice with her back against me, and then turn around for a kclose: "I have something for you - close your eyes and put out your hands" She complies and I lean in to kiss her. She pulls away? Confused..so compliant with everything, escalated properly yet no kclose?

Tried to dance with many girls..tried different approaches- from the side, from in front etc. and nothing too suggestive either. but I never got any iois.

Opened a 4 set just sitting by a table and looking bored as fuck. "are you guys having fun? why aren't u dancing? " They're spanish students...tried to impress them with my spanish but they just seemed disinsterested. Buena suerte i told them and bailed.

Tried opening girls on the edge of the dancefloor but I got straight out ingored..

Gotten so used to just saying hi to open girls from freshers that I neglected to brush up on proper club openers. Must be why I am not finding success on nights out. Yet I am still happy that I continue to push myself. Upwards and onwards.

Had a formal dinner tonight for my hall of residence. Looked sexy as fuck, when I walked into the dining hall everyone was looking at me.

After dinner, I went and sat at a table full of girls, with the intention of making plans with one of them who I met the previous night. Suddenly, this other girl comes and sits on my lap, claiming I stole her seat. I didn't know how to react, so I was unreactive. She stayed there for a good 5 seconds until I nudged her and said "haha alright get off me now". I would like to game her in the future.

My target and I talked for abit and I did not make any plans with her successfully for tonight. I engaged the table for a bit and had some rapport going with a few of them. Then one of them joked about how I took her number and never texted her..my target chimes in about how I did the same to her! I actually had a good reason and I dhved myself, then left.

Read some articles on qualifying and emotional overreaching..which is essentially what has been preached time and time again. Still it's a hard concept, but I think if I master it my interactions in general would be so much better.

Went out clubbing tonight with the hall mates. Established a partner in crime from the beginning, me and her had shots etc quite regularly. Eventually we got to grinding (a big deal here in the UK) and everyone thought we were going to fuck. After a while she stopped and wouldn't dance anymore so I stopped trying.

Moved onto other sets and tried dancing with them, but I either got girlfriend arm blocked or laughed at by her friends. I spent most of my time with my group of friends so I doubt it was a social value problem..

This move came after my mate just went in from behind and slyly started dancing with this girl. Now he's brought her back home and going to fuck her. It's good for him but hard to accept after trying all night myself.

I did manage to dance and even grind on this 3 set as we were about to leave (about 3am) I remembered reading about DTFgirls. But they soon lost interest in me so I left them.

I left the club disappointed and then I went back in. I was going to try shock and awe. I went up the first girl to make eye contact and I said, "I CAN FUCK YOU SO HARD TONIGHT" I was waiting on a slap but instead she smiled and said, "I can't believe you just told me that! What's your name?" I was literally stunned and I didnt know how to follow it up. I answered her and said "so come to my place now" but she said no.. I felt like I had something going there but I didn't know how to work the situation.

Another night in the field, I'm not even sure what I learned tonight.

Feel free to criticise me.

Not much happened this week.

Opportunity: Sat next a hb8 chinese girl on the bus to school. Started up a conversation about how cold it's getting outside, then move onto where she's staying etc (we all in a massive student village). We talk for abit, then when I try to DHV she actually knows the guy from my story! So we talk and then I remembered to get the number a little before you part ways, so I pull out my phone and I say "you know what..you're cool and we should hang out sometime. What's your number." She immediately says "No, i'm not giving you my number." This is the first time I've been rejected with a #close so I'm lost for words. I pick myself up and say "You're assuming too much..I'm just being a nice guy." She just shrugged and things were awkward for a little bit. Then she got off at her stop. Probably didn't build enough comfort with her and there weren't much iois to be honest..

Opportunity: Just going into my kitchen in my hall for some lunch when I spy a 8 at the other end. She's in her shorts and coming from the laundry room. I just walk straight up to her and say, "Hi, I've seen you around. I"m bounty..how have you been?" We continue talking, I neg her a couple of times and it's there's lots of banter. I try to get physical when she looks for me on facebook on her phone..but its not enough. She's playing with her hair like crazy, and at one point she invited me up to her room because I had cut my hand just before opening a can. I regret not going up, opting to use to joke about how much of a man I was; :/

I see her a few times around but I never #close her because she's always with her darn friends. Tonight we had a social thing for about the 40 of us living in this wing, but I totally froze because she was hanging out with girls I had previously tried and failed with.

Opportunity: Saw the Bulgarian chick at dinner, went over to her and tried to be cocky funny but I think she took offense to some of the things I said. She left without saying anything and the other girls noticed and chimed in "She's a bit strange isn't she...dunno why she's so shy." Guess I'll have to next her for now.

I'm happy because I live in such a target rich environment it's really easy to practice. I've realised I need to be more spontaneous and freeflowing with groups. Once there's people I'm not 100% comfortable with, I freeze up.

It might be to feeling beta due to my skinny frame, but I've started a strict gym and new diet regime to help put size on.
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