| Thursday
Nothing too significant to report for today. I talked to the girl at the bus stop this morning.
I've mentioned this girl before, she's the one that I've talked to in the morning a few times now that rides my bus. She's the one that had that school shirt on and is in my same program/major.
I was sitting waiting for the bus, and she came up and sat beside me and we talked for about 10 minutes until we got on the bus. The conversation was ok, and she seems really nice, but I don't know if it was because it was first thing in the morning and I was tired, but I felt just a bit off my game, and my usual confidence wasn't really there. It wasn't bad, but there were a few moments where I sort of felt a bit on the nervous side. She seems like she can be a bit shy too, so I think that can throw me off a bit. It's hard to tell if she's into me or not, as that was the second time I've talked to her for a brief conversation waiting for the bus. I'll be seeing her again.
missed opportunity
I briefly mentioned this girl in my report for last Thursday. She's the one that's in my class, and I said that I was going to talk to her today as we were leaving. Well, I pussed out for some reason. It was a combination of that, and I told myself that there's no rush to talk to her, as this is a small class, and I have it for the full year until April. But still, I had the perfect, but brief window to say something today and I didn't. She showed up late, and ended up coming in and taking the empty seat beside me. And as we were getting up to leave when class was over, I had that brief moment just to make a little comment to her, but I didn't, and she got up and walked towards the front to ask a question, so I just got up and left.
General thoughts I've been thinking about today
Today was another one of those days where I felt a little bit off, and just not on my game. I was having a bit of a hard time keeping negative thoughts and self doubt from creeping into my mind. I started to think "Am I here too much being seen hanging around the campus?" I've said before that I don't want to be 'that guy' that's seen running around hitting on all of the chicks. But I also don't want to be 'that guy' that's seen hanging around the benches and cruising around the hallways all the time either. Truth is that I do spend a fair bit of time between going up to the library and sitting on various benches around, but I really don't think I'm there that much. As I've mentioned before, it is a very large school, but even still, it's something I should think about.
I was thinking that maybe instead of hanging around so much, I should be seen hanging out a bit less, but make the time that I'm there count more. Perhaps I should spend more time up in the library actually doing some work and reading instead of looking around all the time for opportunities. I don't know.
Being more aggressive
I'll briefly mention 2 missed opportunities that I didn't even write about, because they would have required me to do things that I wouldn't normally even consider.
1) Yesterday I was sitting in this large open area on one of the benches. A group of two girls and a guy were beside me, and one of the girls was really nice looking and we made eye contact. I could tell by a few of the things she said (like she's single) and the fact that she was standing up and came directly into my view a few times, and commenting on her body that she's skinny etc. And all of this is taking place right in front of me. Now it could be coincidental, but I'd like to think that she was sort of parading herself in front of me, commenting that she's single to her two friends, and also talking to them about the fact that she's thin. In order to talk to her, I'd have to open a 'mixed set' with three people. Well anyways, they all stayed there for a few more minutes then left.
2) I was up in the library today and I got a look from this really nice looking girl with brown hair. She was across the library doing something on a computer, and walking back to a table with 4 or 5 people at it. We made brief eye contact a few times, and she eventually packed up her stuff and walked out. Well, she walked out alone, and as she passed my area we made eye contact again. Well, in order to talk to her, I'd have to pack up my stuff, and basically chase her out of the library and stop a moving target.
I haven't mentioned these two because they would have required me to do stuff that's above and beyond my 'level', or above and beyond what I've done before or even feel comfortable doing.
The point is, these are the types of opportunities that I sometimes see, and they are with really hot girls that I like, but to me, they're kind of impossible situations. But I'm thinking that maybe I have to really step up and try. But like I said, realistically, do I really see myself running out of the library and chasing a chick down? I don't really know.
But it's like I've written about before, I seldom see these types of girls sitting alone, so I'm always left with other girls that I see alone, and still look good to me. But the problem is that they are all pretty much 95% cold approaches, meaning that I've got no indications that they're into me before I open them. But these two that I just wrote about would definitely be considered 'warm' approaches because I had gotten eye contact a few times and a few signs of interest.
And that's the problem, the girls that I really want most of the time are in situations that I find difficult, if not impossible to approach in. So I'm not sure what to do. This has been a lot of rambling on my part, but I'm just in one of those moods today where I feel a bit discouraged.
Maybe I should spend less time sitting around on benches and hanging around, and maybe consider trying one of these more 'high risk' approaches next time I get opportunities like the ones that I described above? I don't know. I see so many attractive girls that I'd love to approach, but they're always on the move, or with several people, and that's what's kind of frustrating about 'gaming' at the school. There are many girls that I swear that I've never seen before, and they're always walking quickly with a purpose, or walking in a group of friends. It's rare that I see the kinds of girls that I like sitting alone on the benches or alone in the library in situations where I feel comfortable approaching. I'm not sure what the solution is.
But it's such a shame to have girls like I described above show interest, even if it's just a bit of eye contact, and not being able to do anything about it. I hate the fact that I'm left sitting there on the bench only to just watch them walk away never to be seen again. It's a huge school, and there are some people that I see around often, but then there are many others that I'll see once, by chance, and then never see again. Now that can work to my favor for making a bold approach, because if I crash and burn, well maybe (hopefully) those will be the girls that I'll never see again. I need to develop a strategy of some kind to use in situations like the couple I described above. I really don't like the fact that I'm 'forced' to just sit there and watch these opportunities just come and go and do nothing about it.
Dealing with rejection
This is another area that I have a hard time dealing with, and it's something that really does hold me back. Why is it that I find rejections so hard? Even after all the progress that I've made, do I still have a weak 'inner game'? Inside, I should know that I'm the man, and I should have unshakeable confidence, so if some chick blows me off, well fuck her, it's no big deal. But the problem is that for some reason I take shit like that so personally, and it's tough for me to wrap my head around that.
And it's that 'fear' that I have of rejection that prevents me from being a bit bolder at school and making some more 'risky' and direct approaches. I suppose that I still care too much about what other people think of me, and I let that get in my way too much. Is there a solution? Is it just a matter of practice and having it happen a few times and I'll get used to it? I don't know. There is no magic bullet I guess, and I suppose it's one of those things that just comes with the game, and if I want to get better, then I'll have to swallow a bit of pride, put my ego on the shelf, and just put myself out there a bit more. I just need to say 'fuck it', a bit more and do it, and quit 'worrying' about what people might think. I need to tell myself 'who really gives a fuck', and just go do it.
And yea, that all sounds great when I'm sitting here typing this shit up, but it's always a different story when I'm at school and trying to convince myself to go chase a chick out of the library and track her down!
I dunno, I guess it's like I said before, I just need to step shit up a bit. Maybe it's not realistic to think tomorrow I'll go do a 'Sasha daygame' and run and jump in front of a chick and stop her, but I should maybe start with baby steps, and start to do a few things each week that I wouldn't have done before. That's probably the most realistic and practical way to go about moving in that direction. Just one step at a time, baby steps, and make some more slow but gradual improvement.
Well, that's all the rambling I'll post for now. I need to snap out of this and get back to doing some approaches, get a number or two, and get things going.
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