Hey guys, it has been a while since I last posted. I've been doing fairly well in the field, but can certainly do better. I just finished backpacking Europe for three months and had a great time. I noticed something strange when I was in the UK (which arguably has them most in common with American culture) that I hadn't noticed on the mainland of Europe, but certainly noticed back home in the state of NY. People whom I have never met think I'm gay. I've noticed this for years now. The same happened to a good friend of mine that I would hang out with. Well we asked people why they thought this which supports an admittedly extremely conceited theory.
We were told, and I've been told this back home as well, that I come off as gay mostly because I'm well-dressed and handsome. Now that sounds nice and all, but I'm worried my positives could be blocking me. To give you all an idea of my clothing, I like to wear nothing really flashy just formal/semi-formal wear. Since many guys here are probably good looking men, do any of you run into this strange stereotype "Very attractive men are gay, especially the nicely dressed ones" and how do you counter that. I realize once I talk to a woman that those notions usually vanish, but I've been fortunate to have attractive quality women approach me. I don't wish to accidentally throw 'em off the track because I'm exhibiting the wrong "scent." I hope I wasn't being to vague or confusing about this. I'd love to hear you input, thanks guys

There's a very simple and easy fix for this, grab a girl's ass and she'll know you're at least bi.

Ok I might be exaggerating for effect but my point is kind of the same. If you're hitting on girls, flirting with girls, dating girls, setting a sexual vibe with girls... then you're a well dressed desirable straight man.

If you're chatting with girls, being social with girls, being friends with girls... and never escalating to more, then you're gay. Or you know... thought to be gay.

Do you get what I'm getting at?

Thanks for such a rapid reply, and yes I agree with everything you're saying! I do all of that. In the past I have received some very aggressive approaches from women who I barley interacted with mostly because of my appearance. They didn't even have an opportunity to seem me in an environment where my heterosexuality could be so easily displayed with the good suggestions you gave. What I'm trying to do is work on intrinsically giving cues of heterosexuality by maybe altering my body language, or something of that nature to increase these "freebies" if you will (No work but still a reward). I also suspect that there really is a cultural aspect. When I go out, soooo many guys look the same, dress the same, act the same, even flaunt anti-intellectualism to some extent. And if you're different even in a positive way, people (men and women) are much more closed and off-putting. Finding a balance is what I need to do. I might started broaching on another topic, but its related. Thanks again for such a lightening fast response. Though I already use your advice, maybe if I amp it up a bit I'll hit equilibrium.

you have to find security from within yourself, this could be used as a strength rather then seen as a weakness

there is actually a pua that writes cool LRs and posts who has some pretty interesting ideas around sexual framing and a means of escalation, one of his concepts is wearing pink pants to get attention from girls for approach invites and being overtly sexual without directing his sexual intentions specifically at the girl while moving back between a social frame and sexual frame and increasing compliance until he is getting signs that she is becomming aroused

the way he put it was, they either blow him out quick for being overly sexual when they are not interested, or they conform to investing in a sexual frame with him because they have interest or think he is gay, and he said, once they realize I am not gay... TOO LATE BITCH

Same happens to me, or they'll say it's cause I ahve a baby face? Wtf.

I get the same thing but for me it has always been a non-issue. In fact if anything it has helped because it serves to disqualify you from being a suitor in the first instance, something which can easily be turned around once you've reached the hook point.

As for the root cause and why people may think that we may be gay. I myself think it is to do with our effectiveness in using "mirroring" body language, mirroring is instinctively known as a feminine trait (due to most men being terrible at it). The positive of this is that mirroring is VITAL when building comfort and so being proficient in this area means you can progress to escalation so much faster than someone who won't mirror as well.

Do you find people describe you as "easy to talk to" or "easily likeable"? If they do it is most certainly down to your mirroring. If you are reflecting another's physical gestures they will be seeing a little of themselves in you, therefore if they don't find you likeable then they are admitting that they themselves are not likeable either.

TWO WORDS OF WARNING:

1) Be conscious not to mirror negative gestures or body language ever

2) Do not use the limp wrist/injured wing gesture ever


Overall, good job bro. After all the stereotype of a gay is that they are socially adept and astute, to be put in this category means you are doing something right.

Some possible further reading if you are interested: Allan Pease - The Definitive Book of Body Language

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TruthLoveLaugh

Happens to a lot of guys, myself included. It's really easy to fix. You just have to throw out a hetero "ism" at random intervals so that people realize you couldn't possibly be gay. To simplify this in a word "Football".

No matter what the conversation is, relate it back to football.

"That's a nice flat screen. It'd be great for watching FOOTBALL."
"I don't gamble. All I do is play Fantasy FOOTBALL."
"I don't do much on the weekends other than watch FOOTBALL."

Just throw it out there. You don't have to even care about football or talk about it at length, as long as you make mention of it at least once. Also, you can replace "football" with "ex-girlfriend" and it works just as well.

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“Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible'!” ~Audrey Hepburn

This happens to me a bit as well, I think it's because I make it my point to dress well everywhere.
What I usually do when a girl says "your gay" (or anything like that) I tell her, "I would normally spank you on the ass for that but this is your first time so that's your warning" trust me this works very well
I've caught out most girls saying it on purpose just to spike my interest and get me to spank them. They do use it as a test so DO IT. Then it's obviously easy to set a sexual frame and escalate.

James

I really like James P's response, that's gold!

What these girls are really doing is giving you a free opener, trust me, here's one I've used loads in the past with great success, it's true too (for both of us I'm sure). Deliver with confidence, a smile and a little humility.

S: "Hey, I was wondering if I could ask you something... do you think I look gay"
HB: usually either says "Yes" with a challenging look on her face or says no, doesn't matter, stack forward...
S: "Because I've just come out tonight and [for the first time]... I got hit on by a gay guy!"
HB: Usually Laughs.
S: "Do you think it's something to do with the way I look? I mean I am rocking this shirt right now but please..?"
HB: "Blah Blah Blah"

Then I go into a funny story about how I didn't know how to handle it so I ended up actually giving the guy my number.

That opener has never had a negative response for me, always gets a laugh and invokes good conversation. What's more, they might actually help you pinpoint what makes you seem gay!

I agree with JaquesMaurice, I would be thrilled if an HB came up to me thinking I was gay!

Synergy.

I'm James.P but lost my log in info so I have this new account. Btw that ^^^ is still working perfectly haha

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thanks, James.