| After another night of subpar sexual activity (I broke down and got some viagra finally, as well) I decided to run my problems past the PUA forums once again.
In short, I've been problems getting or staying hard during sex. Usually foreplay involved hands/oral seems to be okay, but when it comes to vaginal (or especially anal) sex I'm either a) likely to do it for 15-45 minutes like a champ and orgasm no problem or b) more likely to not get hard, lose interest during sex, etc. Well I know from doing my homework this is a pretty complex problem, and I'm pretty sure it's mental. If anyone out there has had problems like this in bed, what did you do about it? Natural stress / anxiety relief? Drugs? Meditation? I'm getting really tired of feeling "gimped" in the sack.
But let me give you the full story. I'm 28 years old, I don't drink or do drugs (4 months now), I jerk off 3-7 times a week and have been doing so my whole life. Until two years ago, I never had this problem. My girlfriend at the time, Tiffany, was the last woman I had zero problems with. About 6 months into our relationship, I cheated on her (a couple times) with my first ex-girlfriend. She happened to be still quite hot, and unhappily married. I was very attracted to married ex (moreso than my girlfriend in my ways) but found extreme difficulty getting fully hard. I mused "my dick must have a conscience" but I did honestly feel pretty guilty about cheating. I stayed with Tiff for another year after this, and while I was overseas cheated on her again with a woman in my unit (Tiff was doing the same back home now), and experienced similar problems. Although, not nearly as remarkable as married ex. When I got back from overseas, Tiff and I broke up but continued to have unhindered sex for another few months. After Tiff and I finally parted ways for good, I had been with a few women and all of them told me that sometimes I had problems getting/staying hard.
Ironically, one of the ones that was the worst with I ended up making my girlfriend - Tracy. Tracy was/is a ton of fun sexually, but more importantly when I was with her, Tracy's ex boyfriend was with Tiff. It's fucked up, believe me. I realized then that my problems were often due to easily being "turned off" in bed. Something would remind me of Tiff, or I would feel under too much pressure to "outperform" Tracy or the sex she had with her ex. A combination of stress and anxiety most likely, two things I definitely have going for me. Regardless, I'm going to try and catch up. Tracy and I broke up about 4 months ago. About a month ago, her and I started hanging out / fucking again, and the problem seems worse than ever. She's talking to her ex again, if that matters, but he's long distance so her and I are like "friends with secret benefits" at this point. I could chalk a lot of this up to mental state, probably, but it's happened with every woman except Tiff. With Tracy, we'll be going at it and I stay decently hard in foreplay, but it's like when vaginal/anal sex is the horizon I lose it too easily. She's told me that when she came back to campus that "she wasn't going to fuck" me, and heavily resists vaginal sex. Yesterday, I finally got her turned on to the point where she said "go get a condom before I change my mind" and to my surprise, I was able to stay hard for about 10 minutes with it and came no problem. We went at it again later that night, and I was fucking her without a condom with the intention of finishing in her ass, but after a few minutes I went soft. We got sexual again today, but with even less success than last night. She was very willing to fuck, but I couldn't manage to get it up hardly at all when the "pressure was on".
Take for example, shortly after I started fucking Tracy again, I had a weekend rendezvous with a HB8 18y/o. The f-close was great, about an hour or so of foreplay then we started fucking without a condom. About 5 minutes into that, she asked me to get one and I did, and we proceeded to fuck for maybe another 10 minutes and she said something that took my mind out of it (talking about Tracy fucking another guy) and after a few minutes I lost it again - I mainly attribute this to the particular condom, because I suck with condoms and this one was thick and I didn't feel shit. We started up again later, and after about 20 minutes or so of sex w/o a condom I managed to pull out and cum on her. We did this again the next night... but it was forgettable. I know the next morning we had lousy sex where neither of us came, and I lost my hard on about 15 minutes in.
I'm sick of this shit. With Tiffany, I could have sex for at least an hour at a time, no problem, and then go at it again with minimal recharge time. And Tiffany wasn't even that attractive! It's like this problem keeps getting worse and worse. Now, especially after giving SGM a read, my mind is totally out of the game. I've tried abstaining from porn, if you were wondering, and it has minimal effect. I mentioned this to my mental health counselor and she attributed it to not being in a serious relationship. Personally I think it's an Immersion problem (aka SGM) where I can't really relax, or clear my mind and enjoy it. Tracy told me two days ago how dominant I was in bed... and I've always been pretty good at emotional sex and variety. If I go to my doctor (who just retired, actually) he'd like tell me its just stress, and I'm too young to get Viagra or something. Right now, I'm getting it just to see what happens. This shit is affecting my confidence, and every girl after the next seems like more and more performance anxiety. See, I KNOW I'm good in bed, I've been able to give multiple orgasms to the vast majority of women I've been with... I'm just beyond frustrated at this point. Even when I'm watching porn, I seem to lose my erection more easily than normal.
So my real question is... how do I get past this? I haven't fucked Tiff in almost 8 months, and rarely can I give anyone since her "my best". Do you think I have a decent case for a script, or is it purely psychological? If it's psychological, what can I do?
|
CHAT
