This post is intended for anyone who may just be getting started or who has been in this for a while and might need a "reboot" because they simply aren't where they should be.

So I'm a bit unknown on this forum, I do have about 110 posts but probably 105 of those are within my own daily thread. I hope that doesn't disqualify me from being taken seriously with the following post as I am genuinely concerned about some of the things I am seeing from newbs on this forum. At best, many of the new guys here are wasting their time. At worst, they are taking steps backwards, making themselves unhappy, and filling their minds with harmful ideas.

Btw, if you have any questions about who I am or my background, you can read some of my posts (which are quite honest) or just ask. The one second summary is: I'm pretty good at this, I have a few regular girls and I generally get another 1-3 new girls per month. I'm sure there are plenty of guys that are more prolific than me and that's fine. I play what I've coinged DPO game (Dime Piece Only - i.e. I only approach very attractive girls) so that tends to lower the quantity.

But most importantly, I am considered normal, cool, and sociable (not creepy or awkward) by pretty much everyone I meet and, on-the-whole, I am very happy, fulfilled, and content with my life and the way in which my sexual and dating life pieces into that. I have a great life and I am happy to get out of bed each day.

And that is what I want to talk about here.

It is apparent there are many guys just starting out on this board. If this is you, before you read another blog post, forum thread, ebook, or anything else related to picking up chicks, ask yourself the following three questions:

1) Is the rest of my life taken care of?
2) Do I have basic social skills, common sense, and calibration?
3) Am I mentally and emotionally sound?

It is my firm belief that unless you can answer a definitive "YES" to all three of those questions, you need to reset your goals to handle those three before you ever think about hitting on girls or reading anything in the pickup community. And all three of them are related and will build on one another and will ultimately form a bunker-like foundation for you to build your game upon. In fact, if you do have these three completely handled, it is my belief that you'll find that getting good at game really comes down to nothing more than being bold in talking to a lot of girls and learning how to logistically and sexually escalate.

Let's elaborate briefly on all three.

1) Getting Your Life Taken Care Of
This should be obvious but for some reason it is lost on many guys that believe becoming an "mPUA" is going to solve all of their problems with women. If you are working a job you hate, living paycheck to paycheck, too fat, too skinny, friendless, wearing raggy or old or unfashionable clothes, living in a shithole, without the support of family and loved ones, unable to chase or even contemplate chasing a dreams, interests, hobbies, or passions, or are in any other way not living a life that is not attractive in some way, you need to devote 100% of your time to making those things happen first. Seriously, 100%. Pick one area of this broad thing I am terming "life" and knock it out. Then another. Then another. Only once you are on your way to being a stand up person and man, should you start working on girls.

Here's a quick mental exercise: If your life was a YouTube reality show, what would the comments be? If they would be hate, flames, and overall negativity, you've got some work to do.

2) Basic Social Skills, Common Sense, and Calibration
This one should be fairly obvious too, but again, the promises of being a guru PUA or what not can cloud the most basic of judgement. This one is related to the one above because it's likely that if your life sucks, your social life sucks too and you have therefore come up short in developing the every day basic social abilities that you will require to succeed in not only dating, but business, friendships, family relationships, and in pretty much any other context where face-to-face interaction is required. I read posts from guys who are doing stuff they've read about in the community and it makes me fucking CRINGE at how horribly off they must seem to those around them. PUAs love to preach about social freedom. To an extent, there is a lot of value in it and being able to live according to your own desires and will is a great thing. But let's remember that if you are freaking everyone else out and creeping girls out, its pretty worthless to be "free." You can be the king of a free kingdom but its gonna be pretty lonely if the rest of the people in the kingdom leave. Conversely, I've seen it a bunch of times too where guys who had good social skills and social circles and were very "normal" socially came into the community and were killing it within a few months because they knew how to handle themselves, they just needed to know the nuances of taking an interaction with a girl in a sexual direction. This is in direct contrast to the guys who are socially uncalibrated and awkward, the proverbial "nerds" if you will, who struggle for years and years in this community and don't get much in the way of pay back for their efforts.

Here's another mental exercise: If you went to a house party (prefacing that with the assumption that you even have the friends and network to get invited to such parties - if not, look at 1) above) would you be comfortable going up to a random guy and saying "Hey, what's up? I'm [XXX], how do you know [party organizer]?" Or would you be comfortable going up to a girl at the food table and saying "Hey, how's that dip, it looks really good but I haven't tried any yet?" Or would you be comfortable just standing alone for a few minutes because everyone else is engaged in conversation? If the answer to any of those is no, you've got some work to do. Start talking to strangers, saying hi to people, making small talk with your classmates and coworkers.

3) Emotionally and Mentally Sound
There's a few parts to this.

The first should come across loud and clear: IF YOU ARE MISERABLE WITH YOUR LIFE, EVEN IF YOU SUCCEED IN GETTING GOOD WITH WOMEN, YOU WILL STILL BE MISERABLE. You need to address the other things in life that are making you miserable or unhappy or vindictive or unsatisfied. My hunch is that getting 1) and 2) above sorted out will make your life much better. There are many guys out there who are knee deep in pussy and hate their fucking lives. It is not a cure to your woes.

The second part is a little more subtle and is unique to those the get drawn into the PUA underbelly too deeply. The thing that happens is that guys whose live's aren't taken care of and who don't have basic social skills find refuge in this community of ours and, as well-intentioned as it may be, get sucked into forums and blogs and it becomes their sole identity. And if they don't have your emotional world handled, they are going to absolutely get taken into some very harmful ways of thinking that are prevalent at every turn in the PU world and which make them act in strange ways and make 1) and 2) above even more elusive.

I think that's about all I wanted to say. I will close with this thought:

Reevaluate how you define success. For many guys reading this, success probably comes down to number closes and fuck closes and the difficulty of the approaches they do. I would like to propose that success be defined by how happy and fulfilled and complete you are. Would you rather fuck 30 chicks a year and be filled with self-loathing and have no real meaning in life and no real relationships of value, or would you rather fuck a few girls here and there, chase your dreams, build friendships that are as deep as the ocean, and be happy every time you lay yourself to rest?

In that light, your sex and dating life is only one small piece of an intricate puzzle and no matter how good it is, you will not be achieving success if you haven't taken care of the three issues mentioned here. Overall happiness should be the goal.

And as the thread title suggests, once you've done those three things, you can learn how to bang chicks pretty quickly.

This is a wonderfully accurate view on life and IMHO Daniel you are 100% correct.

Your journal is very good as well so thanks for giving something important to us all.

Copied and pasted into my notepad for continuous reference lest I forget.

Great advice for how to live a life and be an effective pua.

I'm probably not alone in this, but what about guys like me who have a stable life but are not content? I'm not crazy, but I'm a little weird. I'm not socially inept, but I'm not gregarious. I have a decent job and car, but I'm not wealthy. Yet I still want to be with women.

The OP is right on target because most of that is common sense if you think about it pragmatically. I realized that my shortcomings in pick up are a reflection of my shortcomings in life. So I've backed off sarging a little bit and focused on improving myself and giving myself more value. Whenever I fail at something I just look at is as being a result of me not having enough value. Value is a function of getting your head right, acheiving your financial and fitness goals, and having fullfilling relationships whether they be sexual or otherwise.

I guess the only problem I have with this is that it's an oversimplification and it's much easier said than done. Essentially you're just saying "Get your shit together and you'll be better at pick up." I can't help but want to respond to that with, "Duh."

_________________
“Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible'!” ~Audrey Hepburn

Everything can be summed up in one sentence: Always strive to improve yourself and people will become more drawn to you as a result. It's a win-win recipe.

Well, IMHO you probably have yourself in a place where you can hit on girls and understand the social nuances that are occurring and recognize how to adjust. And you can concurrently focus on continuing to build your life up and on getting stronger mentally and emotionally.

Apply yourself to a lofty goal or endeavor. Get involved in some passionate pursuits. Don't just be the guy with a job and a car who goes to the gym occasionally and hits the night life and happy hour scene. Why? Because among the young professional crowd, guys like that are literally a dime a dozen, at least in major American cities. The competition is high and you have to differentiate yourself. A mindset of absolutely never settling for being "just OK" in the three things I mentioned + good game (which in my view is little more than a willingness to approach and escalate frequently and then fucking chicks like you mean it) is how I pursue that.
Well the overwhelming obviousness of my post is, in fact, lost on most guys. Read few journals, field reports, and questions on this forum and it becomes abundantly clear that they've been sold the trees and have completely lost sight of the forest in the process. Their priorities are fucked seven ways from Sunday, to be blunt.

If you are a negative sack of shit, have horrible logistics, can't afford to buy a chick a drink, don't know whats weird from what isn't, have zero friends, don't know what you want in life, have no purpose, etc... the illest game in the world is not going to help you. I don't care how many DHV stories you drop. Your life should be a DHV. Your character should be a DHV. The way you relate to others should be a DHV. Its as clear as the daytime sky, just look at anyone you know who has a great, happy life and gets their share of chicks along with it.

And yes, it is way easier said than done. Getting your shit together is an incredibly long and arduous process. And believe me when I say it takes daily maintenance, sometimes hourly. Its a constant struggle, it requires discipline, a willingness to take risks, an ability to be aware of your own emotions, motivations, and shortcomings, and most of all, a drive to be in it for te long-term. There are no quick fixes. But the fact that it is a basically a reflection of a man's character in how far he can go developing those three areas of his life is not lost on other people, and it is certainly not lost on women.

Something being easier said than done doesn't nullify its significance. It simply means most people won't put forth the time and effort to reap the rewards. Some just need the wakeup call to give it a shot.