Any ideas im suppose to go out with friends this weekend and im scared shitless i have zero confidence i got a haircut and shave atillnothing. Is there a way to gain confidence?

This is the million dollar question with no simple answer.

Experience life, overcome it. Then you gain confidence. If you experience life and keep giving up, then naturally you'll have no confidence because you are a pussy.

Naturally to gain confidence with women you need to overcome your personal fears when dealing with them. To overcome these fears you need to simply keep trying.

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Bow chika wow wow

Confidence is easy to build. Confidence comes from how you think of yourself, consciously and subconsciously. It is a positive and empwered feeling that you have.

Confidence is one part attitude and the other part experience. Mind over matter, by thinking of positive things, by believing you can do things, by viewing youself as strong you will start to feel strong. By surrounding yourself with people that respect you you will gain confidence, as Freud wrote "how much bolder we are when we are sure of being loved.". By doing things you are good at this will give you confidence. By dressing up this will give you a good feeling and this will carry into the things you want to do. By doing things that you have never done before you will gain confidence that they are not tha bad.

Never under estimate the subconscious. Your experiences for your expectations for the world and this affects you on a subconsciously. So its very important to develop positive experience.

Attitude and Experience are whats most important for confidence.

Most people dont have mental discipline so they aren't confident.

Example:

Football player with hurt shoulder says "I feel wonderful" and this positive attitude encourages them emotionally.

the above advice is useless, please dont troll the forums

i think it is common sense to know that insecurities lessen your confidence

please post specific advice, their is no need to troll others

That's alot coming from someone who just joined today.

Please don't talk about things you know nothing about.

Confidence is, as Iwant says, part what you think and part what you've experienced. You can build great confidence by affirmations, and manipulating your brain alone.

On the other hand, there is a saying that goes as follows "First you do the things you are afraid of, then you get the courage". This goes VERY much for approaching confidence. First you do a couple of approaches, and you see that the worst that could happen is a rejecton - confidence!

How to build confidence due to this weekend? A game changer for me was "How to Become an Alpha Male" By John Alexander. You might want to read that.

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Alea iacta est - The die has been cast

Who are you talking to? And what are you even saying?

Confidence comes from success. And success comes from getting the results you want by attracting women with, among other things, confidence. It's kind of a chicken vs. egg argument, because how can you have one without the other being there first?

Some suggest faking it till you make it. Others say to work on yourself, your inner game, so that it eventually comes natural. I say it is specific to the person, and try whatever you think will work for you. Sometimes I'll act confident and get shot down the same as if I had acted scared. It didn't matter what I did. Sometimes I'll be kind of shy and the girl will still respond favorably and it will build my confidence up a little more. Sometimes I'll be overly confident and make an ass out of myself. Other times I'll be natural, confident, and it's total money. I guess what I'm saying is you need to practice, mix things up, and see what works through trial and error.

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“Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible'!” ~Audrey Hepburn

Confidence comes from incrementally pushing yourself outside you comfort zone every chance you get. Eventually as you push yourself your original insecurities will be dealt with by the competance becoming internalised, which is necessary as you ascend the confidence ladder.

Totally agree with Melodical. I used to be in the same boat with terrible AA. So i set a goal to talk to one girl, just a "good morning, how are you?' - and I made sure I did it. It felt good accomplishing it and i realised that it wasnt as bad as i had made it out to be in my head. It was those types of moments that helped build my confidence. Its all babysteps shyguy.. Rome wasnt build in a day, just keep working at it.

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Always a student.
Always learning.

Another thing, shyness is based on a fear of rejection. And usually there's a specific event in your past that reinforces this fear. Like the girl in the lunchroom in 10th grade who shot you down in front of the entire table. However, as you approach more and more women, rejection will still occur. But it won't feel as bad anymore because you are literally desensitized to it. You won't have this irrational fear about one specific event, because it will all kind of blend in together. Instead of regarding it as a rejection/failure/embarassment you'll simply write it off as a "no". There's a big difference there.

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“Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible'!” ~Audrey Hepburn

@shyguy - check out the recommended readings under the Newbie FAQ. Tony Robbins and David D are really good for inner game. Its eye opening stuff if you havent come across it before. You might have most of your other questions answered there too.

newbie-faq-introduction-to-pua-vt44144.html

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Always a student.
Always learning.

Shyness comes from inexperience or negative experience.

With inexperience you have this dread of people because you have built up this imaginary scenario that seems awful. Experience will get rid of this imaginary fear.

Negative experiece, like embarassment can cause shyness too. Lets say kids tease you and this embarasses you and this happens often so you expect to get embarassed around people and on a subconscious level you feel afraid and embarassed just from being around certain people. The cure for this is positive experience.

A positive attiude can mitigate fear whether it be imaginary or conditioned from negative experience. As I said surrounding yourself around people that believe in you, dressing nice, and doing things that you are good at will make you feel good and powerful and this feeling can be used to overcome your fears. Ultimately, you want to use those confidence tricks or a positive attitude to get to the point where you can get enough positive experience where you completely banish your anxiety or you find the confidence to deal with your anxiety no matter how bad it gets by continually exposing yourself to stressful situations. However you do not want to continually get rejected as this will cause you to expect rejection.

Thats everyone for the advice im blown away by the amount of responses. Im gonna go out this weekend my friend told me to write down 10 questions and memorize them to ask a woman. Im still a little defeated i lost to a coworker a mine of in trying to date my friends gfs friend and everytime i see him i feel like i should have won im betfer than him eventhough he has had experience. Im a sore loser who worries and thinks way to much i dont know hiw to fix this problem but im gonna try.