Hey,
This is my first time using this forum, so I apologies if this is in the wrong sub-forum, or is just too damn boring (I certainly understand if that's the case!). I feel I should try and cover everything though.

I'm not worried about my game. I'm perfectly content with who and what I am. There's just this girl you see... Ha! I've known her for about three years, but only seeing her sporadically on a handfull of occasions each year, less and less as time's gone by. I met her through a friend of hers I'd been sleeping with through out most of this period.

I knew her boyfriend before her. He's a nice guy, but our relationship doesn't go beyond friendly chit-chat. We're not close in anyway. They've been together for 5-6 years.

Slowly, me and this girl have spoke more to each other and I can tell she likes me. Nothing 'major' happened, until last weekend when we were out (all through the night we were catching each others eye, a definite vibe there), we went back to a friends house, fell asleep on the floor next to each other, in the middle of the night she moved closer to me (likely just to get more comfortable), so I just put my arm around her, she allowed this to happen, and we held hands for the rest of the night (so cute). In the morning I was expecting her to feel embarrassed/awkward, but to my surprise she was great, not one bit of awkwardness! The whole catching each others eye/vibe thing was still going through breakfast.

I left it for 2-3 days and private messaged her on facebook (my only way of communicating with her). She didn't reply until the Friday, I messaged on Wednesday, and I know she had been on facebook, but she'd also been ill through the week. The message was just fluff (is that what you call it?) and a way of asking if she'd be out this Saturday. Her message back read well, she also asked if I'd be out (probably just being polite). Sadly though I didn't get much of a chance to speak to her, plus she was with her boyfriend.

I wouldn't be here if I didn't like her a lot! I don't fall for or get crushes on women easily, it's very rare I get to feel like this. That's the main reason I'm not bothered about her boyfriend. Normally I find it very easy to distance myself from someone with a boyfriend, it's never been a problem! This time though, I want to go down every possible avenue I have available to take her from her boyfriend.

If it's possible from the info I've given you, I'd just like some advice on how to go about it, or perhaps on some of the pitfalls I may face in trying to do this. Don't try too hard to talk me out of it though. Ha!

I apologise for blabbering on. I hope I'm not too off-topic, and please let me know if you need more info.

It's tough to say with any certainty what her intentions are. Certainly we know that yours is to pursue something more than exchanging glances, flirty body language etc. Women love indulging in 'secret affairs' such as this, its like catnip to them; the two of you are quietly engaging in a secret relationship even in the midst of company. Its very risque for her being in a long-term relationship, and likely somewhat exhilarating all at the same time. The thing is that's all it may be for her - she may be satiated/contented with where things are currently at without wanting to move any further with you. I understand the frustration of seeing her so infrequently, but despite long lapses of time between meets the chemistry still seems to be there.

If it were me I'd take the risk in attempting to get her out, especially since you encounter her so infrequently. However, I'd make it safe for her in the sense that I'd invite her out amongst a group of people, that way you're making things far less risky for her (e.g., you're going out with some friends to a show, or club and she should join you guys). What I'd do then is chat her up, isolate her but do so in a progressive way, not making any sudden moves which may kill the whole seduction. Ultimately she's going to have to decide if she wants to escalate things or simply stay in the comfort zone of being in a relationship and continue your 'secret romance'. Perhaps she'd been baiting you to be more aggressive in pursuing things with her (e.g., she has the comfort and security of a relationship and doesn't want to lose her standing so she wants to see how serious you are about things before making any sudden moves), OR she's simply enjoying the moment with you, having a little escape so-to-speak allowing her imagination to run wild with it and nothing more.

Thanks for that reply Heavy! I'm just going out for a couple of hours, so I'll be back then to discuss it further.

Does anyone else see it from the same angle as Heavy, or could there be something different going on?

Much appreciated Heavy.

Hey,
I think you got a good point about it being catnip to her. If this is the case, what's the best way to go about making more of it? My only means of communication with her is private messaging on facebook, to me it's the worse way possible to try and get something across. Should I make my intentions a little clearer? How do I go about that without making it awkward? It'll be hard to find an opportunity to invite her amongst friends. It's this damn facebook thing! If you're right, and it's just a little secret 'love affair' to her, It'll be so much easier for her to ignore a message and runaway/panic. I need to get through one or two barriers first. How do I get her to be a little more riskier, push the 'love affair' a little further along?

p.s. I know some of you'll be thinking 'Just leave it, it's too much hassle, it's too hard.' I know all this. Just pretend this is the only choice I have in the world.

No one with any suggestions?