Hi Guys,

First post in a few years, the reason... just got out of a 3 year relationship. Anyway the point is I'm a little ring rusty and would appreciate your advice.

OK so on to my question.

I am trying to figure out my next move with a girl I slept with at the weekend. She wasn't a 1 night stand, we share friends and flirted pretty hard on our first/previous meeting.

The reason I need advice is because there are 2 ways (that I see it) that I can make my next move. If I choose wrong I won't be sleeping with her again.

This girl gave me the usual anti-slut defense stuff but then through me a curve ball by saying she 'didn't want to take advantage of ' me. Asked how she was taking advantage of me but didn't really get an answer, she has no boyfriend but may be about to (this could have been me putting words in her mouth). So looks like she wants an open relationship, right...

We'll I also know that before we hooked up that night that she was really keen on me. How? Well when I was gaming 2 girls at the party before she arrived her friend walked by and just said straight up that she was coming to the party later. Obviously she told her friend that she was coming to the party to get with me.

So can a girl who is that in to you really just be looking for a 1 time thing or a casual relationship or was this doesn't 'want to take advantage' of me just more anri-slut defense?

You see my dilemma... either I'll come in too strong if I suggest going on a date (if she's after something casual ) or if I don't set up a date I'll come across as weak or that I'm messing her around (if she wants a more committed relationship ).

Your advice is greatly appreciated while I'm sharpening up.

It's no dilemma,

Don't set up a 2nd "DATE"!

Have her JOIN you on some random FUN adventure, end at your place. escalate from there.

Don't pay attention to what they say! Pay attention to what they DO!

She already slept with you she will again, the comfort is already there.

She is not looking for a clinger! Don't be one! She could turn into a great FB!

Keep things light, contact short funny and to the point

_________________
They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

You should call her on the first chance you get, suggest something fun, then some drinks, then just take her to your place, she'll sleep with you again, if you do your right moves, that will be a really fun adventure, it will be fun when she calls you at 3a.m. and she tells you she wants to fuck right now hahaha

The problem here isn't whether or not she likes you enough to date or open relationship. The problem here is your mentality right now.

You are trying to adjust your behavior to what she wants or needs. This can't be done. You are trying to guess what she's after. You will never know.

What you must know, however, is that if you lead and take control of the situation there is a higher chance of her coming to you. What exactly do I mean?

You do what the fuck you want to do. If you want to set up a date, fine do it. If you want her to join you on something fun, do that. It doesn't matter as long as it's done with 100% congruence and confidence. Understand?

She either joins you or she won't. If she doesn't then it's her loss.

Like Heywood said, you already slept with her. You know she likes you, both personally and sexually. Fuck what she says. If she plays games, then screw that, move on, because a girl who slept with you and gives you shit means no good to you.

So do what YOU want, not what she wants. Regain the frame here man. You are trying to do something here to impress her. That's weak. You are asking this question asking "Which option will make her like me more?" See how weak that sounds? Rather you should be saying "I will do THIS, if she likes it, great. If she doesn't, no problem. I have other options."

BINGO Tr@veler!

My point about "asking" for a "date" at this point in itself is needy, assume she has no reason not to join you, as Tr@veler says LEAD the situation.

You offering HER an opportunity not the other way around!

Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option!

_________________
They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

Boys, boys, boys... you hit the nail on the head.

I knew that I was missing something here but it wasn't how to play this girl it was that I was totally putting myself in her frame. I can see how weak my whole approach was getting. Thankfully I haven't contacted her yet and have time to adjust my focus.

I know what I want and I'm just going to go for that. If that doesn't suit here, I won't spend any more time on it. I'm going to find something fun, invite her and if she comes good if not I'm not going to chase her. I've kept myself the prize up till now and I'm going to keep it that way.

Thanks for the advice guys, you caught me just in time. That kind of needy behaviour is not something I want to get into the habit of.