Ok, so I met this girl at the club Wednesday. We got along, danced a bit and I think I may have escalated a bit quickly (without sufficient comfort).

We made out on the dance floor, she was with all her girlfriends, and we even danced quite suggestively (also rubbed her pussy a bit over the clothes).

She said I was soooo sexual, and her friends eventually dragged her away I think.

I had gotten her number and texted her the next day, something about how I was so surprised she made me lose control like that. No response.

Texted her tonight, saying "No response? I thought you wanted to go to the zoo! Girls are so weird."

She responds with "You were sorta creepy, no offense, and I'm not weird, I'm awesome"

This I interpreted as her feeling I had gone too sexual too fast last Wednesday.

I sent a text about how I wasn't creepy, just drunk, and how I am mostly a gentleman.

No response, followed it up by a joke about how polar bears are at least twice as awesome as she is this time of year.

She responded by telling me I'm weird.

I responded by agreeing, but saying I am also playful, fun and cool, and will make sure she has fun.

She says she is not meeting guys right now.

I LJBF her and tell her if a woman feels I am too sexual I'd prefer to remain friends, but I really liked her personality.

She responds with "stranger danger"

I respond by saying I trust her, don't think she's dangerous, and don't think she'll hurt me - and also I took a self defense class in elementary school, so I should be ok.

She responds with "I'm not dangerous"

And that's the last I got from her. I think she went to sleep (I was driving and it's 2 am now)

Did I fail at this encounter? She seemed into me at the club, just felt I came off too sexual and she needs a bit more comfort building, which may be why she keeps responding by text. Or am I deluding myself?[/youtube]

You were being creepy. Nothing she said in texts suggested she was into you. You pursued it for too long and after leaving a "confident" text, you follow it up with neediness by sending further texts without a response. She only kept texting to continue to insult you and eventually began ignoring you. . . Or she went to sleep, which is just the same.

I could be wrong but I'd say you blew this one. "...you made me lose control like that" was not a good thing to say, I don't think. After her not responding, you follow it up with neediness. "No response?" which says to a girl "I'm sitting around waiting for a response."

Girls dance provocatively with guys and make out with guys at clubs because they are likely drunk and out partying and trying to have fun. She got dragged away because she gave her friends the "save me" eyes after you got a little too close for comfort too quickly.

The idea is to get them to the point where they can't keep their hands off of you and are anticipating when you'll finally cross the boundary. Whatever that boundary is.. whether it's kissing, or feeling up, or sex. You have to make them work for it and want it and bring them to the point where they ALMOST think you're not going to do it, but then come through and surprise them. This yanks the carpet out from under most women. Anticipation = excitement = attraction.

If you just shove your hand down a girls pants without her having any comfort or attraction to you she just thinks you're a horny guy. You supported this by needy texting.

If I were to guess she probably felt molested and wanted to tell you off and did so the only way she knew how.. By calling you creepy and weird, etc.

you should go check out some info related to frame control, you're reacting to her

the ironic thing is this really means nothing, you are just concerned with what she thinks too much (reacting to her), you're just sort of needy for this when you could have just used this opportunity for some fun, if you think what you did is not creepys then it's not creepy, you both have your own objective realities and one will be stronger then the other, and judging by this exchange you both have fairly weak realities, just do what you do and stay congruent with it, act like what you do is normal until you believe it is normal, just have faith and believe in yoruself before you go believing in other people and being lead, pretty much that simple, but when she frames you showing sexual intent as creepy, and you hop into that frame, it now is creepy cause you are lacking congruence

your texts also show she easily reacts also, but you have no sense of self and are lacking the ability to lead here, you are looking to her for leadership, while she is doing the same, both have fairly weak frames and your neediness probably has something to do with it, cause you actually care about getting her and actually care about what she thinks

you frame her as weird, she reacts and has to save her ego,

you get called creepy, and you react and have to save your ego,

both of you give too much of a shit about what the other one thinks, both of you are suseptible to being led by each other
this could have easily been something as simple as , ''you're hard not to creep on, but you're still being weird''

but anyways, in the end, the threads that you should be going along with, and the frames you should be buying into, should be the ones where the two of you like each other, or are sexually involved, rather then frames of her dis-respecting you and you just being cool with that and turning it into a joke, that is like swallowing your self respect in the hopes of a vaginal return on that investment, not worth it, how ever sometimes blowing what she says out of context to make it a positive thing rather then a negative thing works fine, it's just when a girl is being serious and trying to be mean, don't buy into those frames or even allow them into the framework at all

then she says you totally bought into that frame too and interpreted that as meaning something,

something as simple as

''awweeee, you're saving your self for me? : D sooo cute''

illustrates a re-frame that is more conducive to your ends, rather then hers, and the flirting can continue, as long as you are getting a reaction from her, it can continue and you guys can keep talking shit back and forth, and eventually if it's fun, she will buy into your frames and taadaa, interest back and forth, but you have to actually not give a shit about her or if it ''works'', soon as you do you start doing needy reaction seeking/approval seeking shit and it stops being about fun, and starts being about getting something

start having fun with this man, can't take this shit so seriously, if you do a whole lot of this won't be entertaining for yourself and you'll start getting stressed out or clinging to specific girls who show a little interest, start holding congruence to what you want, not what she wants, you lead not her, you descide what the meaning is between the two of you not her, she either eventually falls in with that, or she breaks communication or won't be around you, there is no real inbetween, anything else is just a false barrier, as long as a girl is willing to put herself in a good logistical position for you, you can make it happen, just have to stop caring about what she wants, pay attention to how you are making her feel, but stop paying attention to the diarrhea that comes out of her mouth when it doesn't suite your end (obviously within reason, don't be a rapist)

she's obviously just having fun in this convo, and you are fairly serious, and she's also giving you great opportunities reward her when she is qualifying herself for you, but you are not taking them

did you fail this encounter? not really, as long as you can still communicate with her, there is always a chance to make it work, where there is a will there is a way, but if that is within the relm of your abilities at this point in your life is another question

just keep at it and keep practising and meeting more and more girls

GOOD LUCK

Hrm, just got another text at 3:30 am.

And good points. I wasn't even noticing where I was accepting her reality.

I've felt so much stronger in my game over the past year but I can certainly see where I still have work.

Hrm I agree with you guys about some of the weak frame stuff but when trying to take it stronger, it went over quite poorly.

Made a joke about her being unable to be able to control herself and being plastered, and how I hoped that wasn't the "real" her.

She seemed to get pissed, said "now you're just trying to undermine me. Good night."

So um, was that not playful enough? Did it attack her too harshly?

Yes.

just stop trying to get reactions, start having fun and sticking to your standards, if you have no standards, develop some, when girls don't line up, just dismiss them and get other girls, just stick to enjoyment, rather then trying hard for something that is not fun for you (even if you believe reaching an outcome would be fun, the current process that you ''think'' will get you there, is not enjoyable, it is XYZ tactic, to reach goal A), just let go of fucking the girl, focus on your fun, not the sex, when you want the sex, lead there and stay congruent, but you have to detach from the outcome, just do, instead of trying to do

you're doubting yourself, because you are searching for that reaction and when you are not getting it, you question how to get the reaction, so you have ''done something wrong'' instead of believing in yourself and being independant from the though of ''getting something'', there is no need to get anything from this girl, or get the girl herself, or some form of reaction

rather then, ''trying to get her'' or ''trying to do the right thing to get her'', just give her the chance the meet you (you already did this) and you see if she is the right thing or not (actually do this, instead of doing it to get some form of reaction), express your intent and who you are free from reaction, most likely on that night you two hung out, you were present and not needy, you were simply following through with your intentions and she was a part of that and you were feeling less self concious, there was no need for anything besides self expression, and now that you have caught a wiff of her being intrigued, you are no longer living through yourself, you are trying to live to get her, this sort of neediness is killing your game, it weakens your frame and makes you lack congruence and seek reactions and approval

you are not screening, and the screening is more about you being yourself and maintaining your reality, and seeing if she can deal with that, while simultaniously not allowing things you won't put up with into the frame (setting boundries), rather then doing XYZ for a positive reaction in order to get her at all costs, it is not about the reactions, it's not about the girl or being desperate to get her, it's about your coarse of action independant from the girl, it's about your own enjoyment, you have to be willing to just let the girls go and not care

you can't expect to be in a form of desperation and have a girl appreciate that, just start being you and doing, less focus on the girls and what they want, you don't need them at all, you can be happy and enjoy yourself without them, more focus on your own enjoyment and improvement from moment to moment and overall in life, what you want, what will benefit your life and bring more enjoyment to the moment for you, rather then how to get this girl to fuck you in the future, that won't benefit your life in the current moment, but she might fit in with your life and you can just fuck her by merely fucking her and leading it there, there is no need to do anything other then express your intentions and be in a state of being, making situations and win for everyone involved and doing things for the moment rather then for the future

might sound weird, but when you want a girl, you just go for it, don't question how, don't question yourself at all, you already know how you would enjoy doing it, just do it, don't use a tactic, let it be and let it happen as it happens, it will be ok, if she does not fall in with your reality, then you just remove her from it, there is no need to get her or force her into your reality, it will be of benefit to neither of you when you can just search for enjoyment and entertainment where ever it may be, you don't need her permission, you don't need her to take responsibility, just think of kissing and escalating as the same thing as shaking hands, some people just don't want to shake hands with you when you extend you hand, oh well, who cares, you can try to shake their hand later but it's not a big deal, just lead and take the responsibility with trying to ''get'' that handshake, just offer the handshake and see if it is accepted

this girl is totally not important and has done nothing to set herself apart as a girl worth being with, but you are putting more focus on her and trying to act in reaction to her, rather then trying to be without reaction to her, why? because she did not reject your reality the night you were out?, why is this any different then any other night?, what makes her special?,

the strong frame is not about, ''calling her out'' or sticking to the I want to fuck you guns at all times, or dis-agreeing just to dis-agree, it is about truly expressing yourself and what you want, as well as how you feel, and maintaining congruence, it's about showing her who you truly are free from insecurity or reaction to her, then allowing her to be a part of that, rather then trying get her to allow you to be a part of her life, or needing her to be a part of your life because she is what is missing

the only reason why I gave examples of things to say, was to represent what was most likely congruent to how you actually felt if you were not worried about what she thought, if you had no need or reaction towards her, rather then how you reacted

it was not really a guideline for what to do to ''get her'', simply thinking like this will push girls away and you will subcommunicate desperation with what ever you do, simply by the way you talk/act because it comes from a needy framework

is defending yourself to her how you actually feel and what you want? or is it what you feel she wants you to do so you can ''get sex''?, why is she so important in that respect that she can get you to go after her and do what you think she wants? rather then you just being you, doing you, without worrying about getting her or focusing on her and being honest about how you feel, your standards and expactions/boundries and your intentions from moment to moment, theres nothing to say either to get laid, you just create the logistics and make it happen, just kiss the girl as if you are shaking hands, give her the kiss instead of trying to get one from her, when you feel she can be a part of your life, just take her to a spot for sex, and turn her on and make it happen, give her the opportunity for sex, no need to convince her to take responsibility, and if she is non compliant, no need to force her to do anything when there are other girls to meet and figure out

lol, well she didn't respond to my last text. Not certain if I should try again - I think I can recover - she seems pretty easy to work with.

In the interim, I've made dates with three girls this week (one of them pretty hot, and who I was really into going out with), and at least one of them is almost certain to put out (tonight, haha).

Man, a kiss in a club means nothing at all! Unless you take her home that night, don't expect her to respond back to you. Besides, you didn't build enough comfort. I doubt you can get her naked so just next her..

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In this world, you don't get what you deserve but what you fight for!

you should meet even more girls then this, you are putting too much emphasis on girls that haven't slept with you, care less, do more

at any point you realize one girl is actually getting important to you and you actually care if she comes or goes, meets you or doesn't, then you have lost your indifference and are becoming emotionally invested in her, this is neediness creeping up on you

if this is hard to break, then increase the amount of girls that you talk to (even if you are already talking to multiple girls), so it is ''just another girl'', if you find one girl is really really important then you are probably coming down with oneitis, try to give as little as possible in terms of investing yourself until a girl has already slept with you, you will avoid harming your self esteem/ego this way and find it easier to escalate, find yourself less reactive and you will have more options

this has train wreck stamped on it

why are you punishing yourself?

Ask yourself this...

If you DID start dating this girl, would you be happy with the knowledge that she is open to dating guys who rub her pussy in a club before even knowing her name?

I mean, sure.. for a one night stand that's one thing.. But..

[quote="Etherimp"]Ask yourself this...

If you DID start dating this girl, would you be happy with the knowledge that she is open to dating guys who rub her pussy in a club before even knowing her name?

I mean, sure.. for a one night stand that's one thing.. But..[/quote]
HAHA great point my friend.

QUALITY over QUANTITY

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"Imagine Being Chased By The Woman You Want" - Read The 6-Hour Seduction, Free For A Limited Time www.newdatingsystem.com

Lol, I knew her name, we talked about 20 minutes before dancing, and then we took a few breaks at times. And yea, I have no problem with a girl that does that. Never have.

But there are other seemingly better candidates and I'm not sure how to recover this one easily.

Also you guys seem to think I am exceedingly invested in this girl - I'm not, more shoring up my text game.