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I disagree that Friends With Benefits always leads to problems. The best relationship I've ever been in was/is one of these (non-exclusive). There are some people for whom it will always lead to problems--perhaps even most people--but that's not everyone.
The trouble is, not everybody can handle it. Some aren't mature enough to handle sex without bullshit and "I love yous". Some people are just naturally possessive and jealous. Some people are just wired to be emotional when it comes to sex.
In my good experience, both of us were sexually mature, not emotional when dicks get hard and vaginas get wet, and not clingy. We were honest with each other and agreed about where the boundaries would be (pretty much the only rules were "don't fall in love with each other" and "don't be selfish in bed"). It helped that we were about as compatible sexually as two people can be (into all the same shit even down to fetishes, curious about the same things) We were honestly best friends, and spent lots of time together, fucking at least once almost every time we were together. That lasted for about 10 months, until I moved to another city. We still are friends text and SPAM, and in all probability we'll start fucking again from time to time if we're ever back in the same town. Both of us pursue other targets (bi chick chasing girls), and are even able to talk about our respective pursuits and exchange advice, (sometimes we'd have sarging advice as pillow talk). There is no jealousy, no possessiveness, no emotional attachment and no BS.
Most people probably wouldn't be able to do that, I realize. Most people probably wouldn't want it. The bullshit and white lies inherent in most sexual relationships is there for a reason--it helps the people involved be more comfortable and is kind to the ego. Also, most people--male or female--don't want the people they're fucking to fuck other people, even if they say they don't care. If you are a jealous person--think very seriously about whether you are or not--don't do this. If you'd have to lie to a girl or to yourself to have a FWB relationship with her, it will end in disaster. Date her, FB her, or drop her instead.
(I should add that I've also had one of these blow up. She fell in love with me, and I couldn't return it. She love martyr-ed hard. So I had to end it or watch her suffer and feel like I was taking advantage of her every time. I ended it.)
This was exactly what I was referring to, you are 1 for 2 and in all reality. After all of my experiences with these types of relationship the negative of FWB outweigh the positives. You said it yourself you have had one of these blow up, and if you end up with mature enough people it is possible but in my experiences the true reality is most people aren't mature enough to handle a relationship like this. So it's best to just avoid doing these relationships with friends. However, I am all about a fuck buddy relationship where we meet up late, fuck and I go home. This is my favorite type of relationship because emotions are basically avoided and most women (people really) can't hold them back. The more time you spend the more feelings arise, it is literally inevitable because that is how we work.
For all you know that girl claimed and showed not caring about you like that but did because of your guys "rules". I know a lot of people who would do this to maintain a relationship even when they want more. You knew her well so you are probably right but it can't be ruled out considering how well women lie sometimes.
Let me ask you this: What made you not attempt to date someone you were best friends with that was very sexually compatible with? Honestly how the hell can you bond with someone on that many levels and not develop emotional attachment? To me it is almost sociopathic to not gain feelings.
It is my belief(doesn't make it right) that: Friends with benefits end negatively more often than positively, more often than not you lose friends and hurt people. It is best to either have a fuck buddy or a friend, if not shit goes awry.
Just my thoughts....
Peace and Love,
Vic
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