Ok guys this is a bit long-winded but I’m new to pua so some advice would be greatly appreciated also tips on where I went wrong, what I could have done better, criticism or even praise.

I recently dated this girl I met through online dating, HB8 maybe 9 but more importantly she had an amazing personality as opposed to being as dull and vapid as most other women I spoke to online. She is 2 years older than me, 23 and lives 2 hours away. We spoke a lot and built a lot of attraction before meeting. I was never really looking for a relationship and she was aware of this but I quickly became infatuated. She was the first person I actually met online and I f-closed on the first date, however being very new to pua I had gone without any action for almost a year so the sex was pretty bad on my behalf.

Despite that we agreed to meet again. Was very much in the Comfort stage, used terms of endearment, conversation flowed really well, had great rapport etc. Anyway she bailed on our second date, due to a bipolar episode which she had never previously mentioned. This actually led both of us to open up to having feelings for each other (bad move?). We then agreed to meet again (her suggestion) although the time we agreed upon wasn’t ideal as she had other plans which she had ‘apparently’ forgotten about. She told me to keep thinking of ideas for our next date but after twice being messed around I tried no contact which lasted almost a week until she got angry at me for not messaging her. I told her I was seeing how long I could go without messaging her and I was busy, she then had a complete turn around and told me we’re not suited and it was immature to play games with her so she didn’t want to see me. Initially I agreed so as not to be needy or AFCish.

A few days later I vented and accused her of using me for an ego boost and validation as well as being hypersexual which upset her and she explained how she thinks I am ‘awesome’ but she still felt upset about a break up months ago with a guy who lives overseas, (she cheated on him) and she can’t handle the distance thing again. So despite me still wanting her we kind of ended things on good terms and she said maybe if we’re both single in a few months we could try again.

So I decided not to contact her again but a few weeks later she messaged me on the dating site telling me she missed me along with some flirting back and forth. A day later she told me she doesn’t want anything and she shouldn’t have messaged me because she’s too busy and can’t deal with hurting me and again she said maybe we could try again in the future under different circumstances (distance, depending on if we’re single etc.) but she said she couldn’t guarantee anything as she was considering moving overseas in the future, she also encouraged me to continue seeing other people and not to wait for her.

So I tried not contacting her again except a week later I questioned her intentions and asked her why she told me she missed me. I didn’t get a clear answer so I again pretty much accused her of using me for emotional validation since the whole time I continually saw her online on the dating site. I told her if she doesn’t want me now I’m not going to be a back-up option for her in the future. She then accused me of being immature for mentioning that I’ve been with other people since yet still can’t forget her and she admitted to having seen or dated other guys the whole time she was making excuses about being too busy etc. She actually seemed jealous.

I never got an answer but I knew sex was really important to her (she is much more experienced than myself which is probably the reason she ended things) so it appears as though the whole time she was too afraid to say this and continued to string me along and use me to boost her ego while she slept with other guys. I called her out on this and was a little nasty but basically said goodbye and wished her well. She then said she doesn't owe me an explanation but she also admitted to caring what I think about her. I'm not sure whether that means she still likes me?

Now the messed up part, I still like her and I really want to see her again. I’m willing to go without contact and continue seeing other people, the fact that I managed to f-close a hot 23 year old in my first real attempt at online dating and she was genuinely interested in me at one point has given me some confidence yet I kind of get jealous at the thought of other guys seeing her, despite her faults she is amazing. I deleted my dating profile mostly because I didn’t want her to have the satisfaction of seeing me appear as desperate as her in using it so much. Given the fact our lives are so separate and we have no mutual friends or will ever likely run into each other I am now pretty much non-existent to her. Would it be best to tell her right now how much I want to see her/miss her or should I wait a couple more weeks (it’s been almost 2 weeks since I broke contact) and risk her having met someone else or should I avoid telling her altogether? I could basically just say ‘hello’ “such and such reminded me of you”…'insert neg' ‘how are you going?” and start gaming her all over again which almost seems like a waste. I don’t understand how she could go from being so keen to ending things and completely switching off her feelings since. I realise telling her I liked her was a big mistake but initially it only seemed to increase her interest.

Some advice would be great please!

let me make a whole bunch of generalized assumptions here... just a stab in the dark

she wants to fuck someone that isn't needy and in love with her,

you've done alot of needy shit, and completely been all over the place, lost site of your mission,

you have no sense of self or what you want, and you bend and flow to her whim because you care too much about her, telling the truth and dis-agreeing about how you want to see her is not needy, unless you care if she says no

basically, your actions are not needy, if you are not needy, but when you are needy, your actions and descisions are needy

being complacent with her choices that you don't agree with and standing by passively while she dictates the flow of the interaction, is a very bad idea, she's a girl, she has not a fucking clue where to take it, and all she probably is thinking about while leading is not ''looking slutty'', and I hope this guy can read my mind

basically, from my point of view, she isn't leading you on at all, she just doesn't want to look easy, and she is worried you are too fucking attached and emotional, maybe you'll go all lovey stalker mode, or crazy angry man mode cause she wants it casual rather then marriage forever together, the first date sucked ass, so she probably reconsidered and got some buyers remorse, maybe even checked the market for better options but she still wants to get laid, and you're still an option she has invested in, so it's easier to trust you with the pussy then some other random loser off a dating site, but now she has this big weight hanging over her head cause you are not chill or understanding about it, and you don't take the lead, and you care too much, so she is stuck in between re-contacting you praying you change, or fucking some new loser she doesn't like off this dating site, and the more she sees your neediness and emotional state of being towards her, the more she gets turned off from the idea of seeing you again, but then she checks the dating pool, and once again, shitty options

she must be sexually frustrated

Thanks for the response you probably summed up her mindset really well, helped me to understand things! Just touching on some of the points you made I did become infatuated with her but didn’t let her know this until after she had made it known she liked me. After coming across PUA and especially seeing it work so successfully I was reluctant to enter a LTR (she was aware of this) I figure you only get to spend your 20's once, why not make up for my inexperience, but she 'seemed' really awesome. She admitted herself that I am someone she would be lucky to spend more time with. She thought that by spending time with me she could be 'good through association.' She also said I was great at being able to make her laugh and I was really sweet (needy?). In hindsight it was actually her who was chasing me; she asked for my number and suggested our first date (which other than the sex, did actually go really well. The conversation was great there were no awkward silences and we both had fun.) She was also keen for the second date and felt really bad about flaking so she planned on coming to visit me next time instead. We pretty much messaged or spoke everyday and the no-contact after I thought she had gone cold is what seemed to really ruin things. I think that is what made her reconsider and as you said ‘check the market’. Personality tests on her dating profile showed sex is more important to her than her principles and after I raised that with her she told me she ‘probably subconsciously let’s guys use her because she feels that’s what they want and they don’t care about her personality.’ I think the reason she reinitiated was because she actually got buyer’s remorse from seeing other guys.

Given it was a very short term thing and our lives are so separate, I feel that she could easily forget me. Or maybe being unaware of me she'll find me more intriguing? If she doesn't re-engage when would be an appropriate time for me to try and recover things? Is it even possible to recover from bad sex? I feel that's what the problem was in the end even though she was aware she was a lot more experienced than me. Is there a way of recovering without becoming too AFC? Bear in mind the last time we spoke was after we agreed to end communication and she was still angry/bitter about me calling her out on her behaviour yet she told me ‘she doesn’t care what most people think of her but for some “silly reason” she cares what I think (I don’t understand why she’d care unless she liked me?). I wished her well for probably like the fifth time but didn’t get a goodbye in return.

If I haven’t already blown my chances, based on what you’ve said I get the impression I should wait a couple more weeks before contacting her if I choose to and then let her know I want to see her. I don’t want to keep pursuing or she'll likely grow more tired of me and at that point I'll have no chance of hooking up with her again. If I do re-engage would it be better to tell her I miss her or start over again and run game as I normally would, with a focus on changing her mood?

Any further advice? The current situation is messed up and I'm in two minds about contacting her. How should I approach it if I do?

It appears to me that because you didn't get laid for so long and she gave it up and is hot in your opinion you've turned into a complete pussy and she no longer respects you. I think it's best for you to not speak to her again and start afresh with someone else. There are so many women that you can meet easily that it's not worth obsessing over one, especially at your age. If you get back in contact with her you'll only tell her stuff she's already heard from you loads of times already and you'll end up back in the same situation. As soon as you meet someone else it's unlikely you'll care about this girl any more. Your problem is that you didn't get laid in ages, don't have other options and don't know when you're going to meet another. Learn PUA, get out there and meet new women and you'll never have this problem again. When you have abundance and a girl tries this you can just cut her off without the concern of where, when or how you can meet someone else.

Thanks man, I didn’t turn into a ‘complete pussy’ because she is ‘hot’ if anything it was because she had a great personality to match. I let her chase me but kind of ruined things for myself with the way I acted after I first tried NC after I wrongly thought she had gone cold. Don’t get me wrong, I have been seeing other people since but she is truly unique in the sense that she makes otherwise decent chicks appear vapid in comparison. I actually told her this to which she responded kind of jealously. I guess it’s a bad case of oneitis. I know she probably still likes me after how she reacted but after how I acted it has me questioning how I should approach the situation if we do ever get in contact again or if I should contact her again before those feelings fade.

By "hot" I meant attractive. Used a bad word. As in the package. Just meant she's what you currently believe is a great fit and you get on well. Haven't met anyone else of a high enough level to get over her. It will happen eventually and then you'll have these feelings for the new complete package type girl. It's how these things work, especially when you go a long time between lays.

I've found this site a two weeks ago. Today i've joined the community just to post here. Viking12345, i must say I FEEL YOU. It happened to me, but worst. 2 month ago, i've break up with a girl who i was very much in love with, after a 1 year and a half relationship. Actually, she dumped me for another and i didn't call her back since than. she started to call me, not to try to get back with me, but i guess she felt guilty. And i rejected her, and treated her with full indifference. I guess that she felt quite strange, because, in the relationship i acted kind of needy in some situations.
Related to your situation, I must say you should pay attention to what Gibbe84 says. He seems to be a dude who know what he is talking about. Even I, who wanted this girl so bad and i loved her in my way, had the power to say "fuck off", you should be more powerful than me, in your case. Man, if that chick really wanted you, she would be calling for you and asking you out. You don't really want a girlfriend who is out of control. There are tons out there. And i'm sure if you're searching, you'll find better. I think Gibbe84 is 100% right and you should take his advice. Don't call her, don't contact her. Don't show more of your needy side. Maybe she is not for you and you will never be together. Accept that. But maybe there is somebody else out there more and more better for you. Keep diggin!
But you know, i'm not a real player, i just started to read this stuff more and that's my humble oppinion on this. It's your life and you do what you think is best for you. Pleasurable hunting!

Thanks for the advice Gambino, really appreciate it! I guess it helps to learn from the mistakes of someone who has been through a similar situation. It’s a weird set of circumstances I guess, despite all her faults and the way she treated me in the end I still found her amazing. I’m glad that you’ve been able to warn me off and I can sort of learn from your mistakes before I waste any more time on her. The matter of urgency I had about contacting her was because I was afraid she’d meet someone else and completely forget about me. (Good luck to whoever that is lol) Although I learnt from someone else this week she has been ‘liking’ pages on facebook (I don’t use this myself, hence why I think she’ll forget about me, we have no links) such as different things I have introduced her to, new bands, music etc. Maybe I’m over-analysing but does that mean anything? I’m still on her mind or something? Would a last ditch attempt at telling her I miss her be as silly as I think? Hearing what you guys have said I think it’s best to just leave things. I think I’ll try properly going without contact for a month or two and then reassess the situation if by then I haven’t forgotten her (which I honestly hope I can) I could always just try doing what I was doing so successfully originally to make her the one chasing me. Just for future reference if need be, I think I read somewhere advice on trying to get someone back that you should make them remember positive things, memories etc. I tried that in a subtle not too over the top way to no avail before we got too nasty. Would it be worth trying again if in all unlikelihood we did get in contact? Also I’m glad that you have been able to move on. I only learnt of this girl’s issues after I had become infatuated with her which kinda sucked because against all my better judgement I couldn’t and still can’t switch off my feelings for her. The advice from here has been great though and I realise letting those feelings continue will not make me a better person and won’t help me at all. I guess if I have any questions (it may be worth starting a new thread) is it difficult to translate online dating game into real world sarging?

Okay guys, it's been a month since we last spoke. I've made changes, dated other people etc but I still miss this girl. How should I reinitiate contact? I have an online dating profile again which many people have commented positively on. It is written in a kind of humerous/bitter kind of way. I see her online a lot, except lately she's been logging on less. I figured I'd send her a message on this. How should I approach it? Keep that frame; humour/bitterness? Let her know I miss her? Cocky funny? (which worked a lot with her) Apologise? Neg? (She showed up in the 'users who will respond' section, I'm thinking this may be a good neg.) Try and make her remember something positive about us and/or me? All of the above?...I'm a bit lost, I know I want to contact her I'm just not sure how. Any advice guys? Bear in mind, with the way things ended the onus is probably on me to contact her as I think she'd be too proud to contact me. I don't want anything serious right now, I have other options as well, would it be a bad idea to let her know this?
Suggestions?
Thanks in advance!

you shouldn't it didn't work out the first time and you are still not indifferent to her, you've already slept together, if she was interested she would still be in contact with you, go find some hobbies in the real world or things that force you to get out of the house, and when you are out of the house, when you see women you are interested in, approach them face to face, you will garner better results then over dating sites but it will take getting used to, it has to become a habit to go talk to a girls you don't know when you are interested
I know it's tough to move on when you really have a thing for someone, but you have to be aware of when you are wasting your time and energy on something that is not worth the time and energy, all that will happen is the same results and you will get more and more attached making the outcome more painful to you, that will simply make it that much harder to move on, quitting a girl you are attached to is like quitting a drug, you have to stay consistent in being off the drug or the addiction will return
keep meeting new girls, put more effort into finding a new one, eventually you'll find a girl who you find even more attractive then this one, you should also delete any means of contact or any thing that gets you thinking about this girl, get rid of her from your life so you can move on emotionally