Right i don't know if this is the right place for this, but i feel i need to let this out somewhere and figure this forum might be best as it can help improve my game maybe...

Anyway this has largely come from a date last night. I met this 21 year old female (i'm 20 male) on a date last night after we met online and texted for a while. She was about 6.5 (dunno how people rate on here but 6.5 is average to hot for me. Wouldn't go any lower than 6 and above 8 for me is what i'm talking stunners. Anyway to cut a long story short basically it ended with her and her friend (we went for a meal then night out student night) basically trying to get away from me. This was after half an hour of basically being ignored with them dancing on the floor together. Very awkward for me, then they just walked off, obviously not wanting me there. This made it really awkward for me as i couldn't get home without paying excessive amounts on a taxi myself. I took this as a awful rejection and with my self esteem in the balance as it was, completely has fucked that now. I have had barely any luck with girls in the past. Done 2 years of uni, only slept with one girl and made out with 2 others, despite going out loads. Albeit i'm a bit of a pussy and don't really approach much (trying to improve) it's a hard knock to the self esteem when you realise only one girl has ever liked you. I've tried to improve my image and dress smart, going on current fashion trends, and style my hair.

I just don't know what to do now, my self esteem is as low as it gets again and i don't know what to do about it. Was really sad after last night and don't even want to tell my mates about it as it's humiliating as it gets and i've always done worse than them with girls anyway Any advice? I mean it's not like i acted too badly on the date. I was smart, tried to be confident about it, greeted her with kiss on cheek etc. But nothing ever goes right for me. People who say looks mean little sorry i don't quite understand what you're saying. I'm 6 foot 2, quite thin, but figure my facial features are unattractive like having real big eyes and what i'm told are rose bud lips. girls dig height so obviously if i'm dressing smart something must be wrong somewhere That's my tragic story, needed to get it off my chest, and ask for advice on how to change but i've been reading this for a while and seen things like 60 days challenge and don't know what else to do about it...

Seems like a serious lack in confidence! Whenever you start thinking like this just think "Fuck it, only live once" and get on with your day. You had a learning experience with these girls.

Ask yourself what you did wrong or better yet sling the girl a text saying:

"Hey, last night was nice but didn't end well. Was just wondering if you could give me any pointers or tips for the future"

Its embarrassing to ask them but if the girl responds with advice it can be seriously useful.

Also good looks only help because guys with amazing features don't have to "game" as much as their value is higher due to their amazing abs/muscles or whatever. A guy with low good looks can get HBs by being fun, interesting and gaming.

A guy at my work who has a serious acne problem, buck teeth and looks like an anorexic turtle pulls HB 7/8 because he is fun and doesn't let his looks get him down. Shows a fair bit of value when you have amazing confidence and no reason for it.

Hey mate,

I am going to be blunt here: the thing that is wrong is you. It is the way you look at yourself and at other, it is the way you let the thoughs and actions of others affect the way you look at yourself. You need to get your confidence and your self esteem up. Easy enough to say, but how do you do that?

Well, in my opinion, you dont learn confidence, you dont tell yourself: be confident now. You are or you arent. Confidence comes from experience and experiences, good ones and bad ones. it is a mixture of you having the balls to conquer certain troubles/fears, plunge into uncertainty with as only weapon a bit of faith/hope that everything will turn out ok. That is where confidence, real confidence comes from. That is where your self esteem comes from, true self esteem.

You look back at things you did, fears you conquered and you can honestly say: hell, i am the guy who did that stuff!

So you dont approach a lot... how can you then become confident while approaching? And then when it magically happens and you have arranged a get together, you feel like this is you one shot, your one opportunity, its now or never. That is no situation to get confident in, you need confidence to to get through the situation!

When i was 14, i started playing volleyball. I was quite tall, taller then most others, so smashing should be easy for me. It wasnt. Now, hitting a ball and missing it doenst have the same effect as talking to a girl and finding out she tries to get away from you. But i didnt quit. I practiced, again and again, smashing it in the net, out of the field or plain public even. When there was a competition match, i wasnt confident that i could score a point. My opponents on the other side of the net could smell it, they could smell my fear and they made use of it! Trashtalking, making fun when i missed and lots of other unpleasant stuff.

At that time, i could have had an aversion of smashing, only doing it when i really had to and only focus on things that i am already good at, like serving or something. I could have done that and people would have been ok with that! I would have been a mediocre player. But i didnt. I practiced smashing, over and over again, game after game, match after match. I become good after 2 years. When i hit that first ball who banged the hotzone in the other field with such force, that is when my confidence started growing. Eventually, it became my second nature to hit like freight train.

Approaching, dating, seducing, its all the same thing. Although the emotional blow you get when you fail is not so high in volleyball, the principles stay the same. Set aside your ego, let people make fun of you. Who cares what they think? In the end, you had the balls to approach that girl you were looking, that girl you think is hot. you went for what you wanted! All the rest stood there, drewled and laughed because you crashed, but they never had to balls to just go up there, sober(!) and open.

You will fail horribly! Yes it will sting, but set aside that ego. Let it sting, the harder it stings the more you will learn. You will approach ladies and they will all blow you off. Then you will approach a smoking hot girl. You have been blown out so many times, buuuuut you approach with confidence like a boss, because you already know what the worst thing is that can happen: you can get blown off again. So what? But you confidence will radiate and she will say: hell, yeah, lets go, lets get to know each other! Kablamo, there you go. Your condifence will get up again! Then, when approaching is done with confidence (do remember that the thrill of approaching, the anxiety, will always be there, but that is just the fun of approaching ), you will need to learn to maintain a date. And get confident that when she gets to know you, she will like you. and vice versa.

it is the long way; I dont like the hypnosis confidence, it is not real IMO. You just need to get out there, grow some balls, put aside your fragile ego (let it be broken! who cares? Not us, so why should you?) and approach! Approach, talk to to people, talk to whoever you encounter, be it man or woman, young or old. Be interested in their stories when you start talking. You will grow confident.

cheers and good luck!!

_________________
"Stop being a fucking vagina and escalate" - CaptainJackHarkness

Like the naked leads the blind.
I know I'm selfish, I'm unkind.
Sucker love I always find,
Someone to bruise and leave behind.
placebo - every me, every you

I think some of this advice is misplaced. Forcing yourself to go out and expose yourself is dangerous if you are having close to depressed thoughts already.

Step back.

Look at yourself and figure out where you want to be versus where you are. Then find the appropriate avenue to bridge that gap. It could take weeks, months or years, but it will require 100% commitment from you and you ARE going to discover pain before you find confidence.,

You have low self esteem, pure and simple. Even if you managed to string a number of dates together with a hot chick you would soon wonder why she liked you and sabotage it. Because you don't feel you are worth it. Check out all of Nathaniel Branden's stuff and shift your thinking patterns to one's that put your energy first into YOU.

Going out and "gaming" could potentially be the worst thing you could do right now, but with the right work on yourself (and the right support network, professional and otherwise), you could not only be out there having fun with girls, but doing that as yourself and proud of it! NOT trying to cobble together false confidence and a few tricks to put a sticky plaster on the problem rather than deep and methodical surgery.

Good luck mate, hopefully you will be on here bragging in no time.

i dont agree with some of the above advice.

I would even go as far as saying that it is dangerous to lock yourself up when having these 'close to depressed feelings'. I wouldnt go as far as calling them 'depressed feelings'. he got shot down this once, he will get over it.

I agree with the fact that perhaps stepping back and some self reflection is a good idea. However, what i meant is not about forcing yourself. Considering what i read and the forum of choice (a pua forum), i would say this person desires to be good with women, he wants to change this thing in his life, but so far, things arent looking up for him.

If you truly want something, then you shouldnt have to force yourself to change.

Also, reading a book, listening to some CD's etc etc, is not going to give you self esteem nor confidence. It might however change your view upon life, but it will not change how you act, it will not change your behavior, unless you make the effort to do so. And you will only become any good if you do it a lot.

Its like wishing to become an olympic athlete and you are sad because you lost your first competition match. Are you going to sit back in your sofa and read a book about running? If you truly wanted olympic metal, truly truly wanted it, are you going to sit back in your sofa or would you wish you were out there, practicing whatever to get a step further?

Suppose you want olympic gold in karate, then you need to do more karate. You will need to get out there and expose your face, risking to get smacked down.

It would be dangerous to get out there, be smacked down and NOT learn something from it. But not going out because you dont want to expose yourself to the dangers of whatever it is you want, will get you nowhere.

Furthermore, you cant start running before you know how to walk. i never said he should go out gaming. He should start from the start and build up his confidence step by step. Approaching is not gaming. It is a start to. and it is where he should start, approaching mercilessly. he should do it not because i tell him to do so, he should do it because that is what he really wants.

Cheers

_________________
"Stop being a fucking vagina and escalate" - CaptainJackHarkness

Like the naked leads the blind.
I know I'm selfish, I'm unkind.
Sucker love I always find,
Someone to bruise and leave behind.
placebo - every me, every you