LLA Exerpt [Conversationalism- Pacing]



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The Doctor
PostPosted: Wed Dec 26, 2007 7:58 am 
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The Following is an exerpt from my up coming book, The Little Lexicon of Attraction. This comes from one of the chapters on conversationalism, the topic is a concept called pacing.


"Pacing is a method used to build wide rappore quickly and also to gain compliance and leadership over the conversation. This technique is not based on the words either of you are speaking... but rather subconcious connection and a 'merging' of energy fields.

There are two primary aspects to pacing, body language and verbal pacing. Body language can be broken down into two equally important parts... positioning and energy. Verbal pacing can be broken down similiarly, into tonality and tempo.

Yeah, yeah thats great Doc, you may be saying to yourself... "but how does all this technical mumbo-jumbo help me?". Easily! We use pacing in two stages (see a pattern here?) Mirroring, and leading.

Mirroring is the first pacing stage, this builds rappore, trust and connection. The concept of mirroring is simple you match the other person... like looking in a mirror. You do this first by matching thier physical energy.

If the person is laid back and low key, then you need to match that with an equally laid back attitude... If they are enthusiastic and energetic then you need to match that. Next you must mirror thier positioning, sync your movements with them, your posture, your body language. If they cross thier legs cross your legs, if they lean back then lean back. Do this non-challantly... be subtle about this until it becomes natural for you... wait a second or two from the time they do it before you do as well. As your match your body language pace to theirs you will build a strong subconcious feeling with them of being "on the same wave length".

Next you must mirror them vocally, match thier tempo first, and then thier volume and inflection (tonality). This part will build the "same wave length connection" on a concious level.

After mirroring for a few minutes of the conversation, you may then take the lead.

To lead you move through body language first, verbal second... however the parts to each aspect will be switched. Start by leading the posture... try crossing your leg or tapping a foot... and watch them follow your lead... when they follow your lead you know you can then position thier body language into a state condusive to your desired outcome. If they do not follow, go back to mirroring and build a stronger connection, then test your lead again. Next you can begin manipulating the energy.. begin to build up excitement, and passion... do this like a snowball rolling down hill... slowly at first, then build momentum until your build them and yourself up to your desired state.

Next you need to adjust your tempo and tonality to reflect your energy level. Speak more passionately and loudly at a slightly more rapid tempo. Perhaps then slow slightly and speak softer as you lean in and they follow to increase intimicy at the more... intimate parts of the conversation.

Using this technique you can build that 'we just have such a connection' type of rappore quickly while speaking about virtually any topic. As well as gain control and compliance in virtually all aspects of the interaction... both conciously and subconciously."


Feel free to question or comment on any of the information in this post, and I will answer your questions and/or concerns... hell if there is enough interest I may post another exerpt or 2 from some of the books other sections/topics.
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JSmooth
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 26, 2007 2:53 pm 
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Excellent Post Doc! I'm reminded of studying body language in car sales to build rapport. In a job where you are the most hated and feared more than dentists it's difficult to build rapport. The mirroring technique you described is identical to what we learned to build rapport and common ground with our customers. If you can come out of that stigma of being a scumbag low-life car salesman to a friend that gives you referrals you can damn sure get women with it!

GUYS LISTEN UP TO THE DOC, HE'S GOT IT FIGURED OUT!!!

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The Doctor
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 26, 2007 10:49 pm 
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Quote:
Excellent Post Doc! I'm reminded of studying body language in car sales to build rapport. In a job where you are the most hated and feared more than dentists it's difficult to build rapport. The mirroring technique you described is identical to what we learned to build rapport and common ground with our customers. If you can come out of that stigma of being a scumbag low-life car salesman to a friend that gives you referrals you can damn sure get women with it!

GUYS LISTEN UP TO THE DOC, HE'S GOT IT FIGURED OUT!!!
Agreed, Pacing is a concept for building rappore that springs from NLP. Aspects of it are very often used in sales... In fact thats where I was introduced to the the general aspects of the concept, which I have refined in more detail for use in romantic or potentially romantic settings. I go into more depth in the upcoming book, however this overview of the basics of pacing if applied should help your rapore building immensly.
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