So this girl has told me more than once that she finds me very attractive - all is well - but then said to me "I think of you as a big brother". Straight away this would suggest I've landed myself in the LJBF zone, but she's quite physical with me; she doesn't mind me touching her, and she's told me more than once that she finds me attractive even though I've not shown any attraction back or returned her compliments.

Normally I'd just write it off and move on but, the thing is, she's really insecure about how she looks and what people think of her, so maybe she just added the brother part to protect herself in case I'm not interested in her? It'd be a bit weird if she was sexually attracted to me but saw me as a brother.

She also said that I'm "different from other guys" - I don't know whether to take this as an IOI or just me being completely friendzoned here. I discussed it with my friend and he thinks that she does want me and she just wasn't thinking about what she was saying. I'm having a hard time trying to decide, what do you guys think? Friendzoned or not?

Thanks

"she just wasn't thinking about what she was saying."

Girls don't do that.

Could have been a shit test i.e. I'l say this and see if he starts bowing to my every whim.

I was going to say she's obviously not interested... but reading your post, I can see why you're confused. She's sending a lot of mixed messages.

Insecurity is probably the best explanation. But even knowing that, it makes her unpredictable. One day she wants your approval, and she wants you to make her feel sexy, so she gets really physical. The next day she senses you're just a nice guy, and so your approval is no longer good enough to make her feel special. She flips back and forth. She wants you to think she's attractive, so she pays you a complement in hopes that you'll say something. Then she might get a sense that you really like her, so she withdraws a bit, because she's now focused on making someone else like her.

Honestly bro, even if there's more potential there than the typical "I think of you like a brother", you have to be prepared for this situation to blow up in your face. Insecure girls have a way of being unpredictable, and you have to ask why you'd be interested in someone who doesn't really value herself.

In my experience with girls sending mixed signals, I send em right back. Like a cat. You dangle the string, and they come close. But you can't ever give them the string, or else they lose interest.

has she ever had a boyfriend before?

Thanks for the advice. I learnt a long time ago that giving off "nice guy" vibes is a bad idea, so I haven't done it with her; I usually tease/neg her, when she needs validation and has low self esteem I tell her that she has nothing to worry about but I don't compliment her on anything in particular. I think that perhaps even she doesn't know exactly how she feels about me. I don't really plan on taking this anywhere anyway because she's the type of girl who's looking for a relationship and "someone special" as she put it, and I'm really not at that point in my life.

I'm not too worried about the outcome to be honest, she's not at the top of my priorities and I wouldn't be very disheartened if she did just want to be friends with me. I'll try the whole push/pull mixed signals thing as you suggested, though I think I've already been doing that a little; one second I'm being nice to her and reassuring her, the next I'm teasing her for how she looks or acts, and one second I'll be texting her and the next I'll forget to even reply.

Yeah she has, the first one was planning on cheating on her but got caught out - that's actually how I first met her, because I was there when it happened. The second one that I know of was a month or two ago but it didn't last long and I think she's over it since she knew it wouldn't work out.

tell her its fine and that you think of her as a sister and the thought of sex with her would make you physically sick lol

I did that once on a girl I was really good friends with, tried to make the transition to something more, got that exact response. I said that....3 days later we were out on a date lol

Okay so, what is your expectation of this? It feels like you should have some sort of a goal in mind. Men are meant to lead right? So I feel like you should be in the mindset of having a direction and a goal of where to take this and follow through with that. And if she's not into it then so be it, like you say, not a huge loss. But have that clear direction of what you want for yourself, and lead towards that.

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-= J E S T E R =-

Girls love to keep nice guys around, make it known you wont be around to just be a friend, it will never work. She knows you wanna fuck her? make it known and i doubt she will still call you a brother, unless she is a pervert interested in pretend incest.

Ever considered maybe she has an incest fantasy?

:X

Some guys will tell you to just go out with it and be sexual. Sometimes this can work, like she's been waiting for something to happen, and she's just impressed by your boldness and caught up in the moment. But it's hard to roll it back if you misfire.

I still stand by my mixed signals comment, especially since you have a healthy detached attitude about this, and don't NEED something to happen with her. If your mixed signals include a healthy sexual attitude ("Wow, girls are so hot in the summer. I love tank top weather"), you're doing more than your share of the lifting. With a flakey girl, you need them to meet you halfway.

you can do all the talking or analysing you want, but in the end you will never know what she meant or what she is thinking, so stop trying so hard. Next time escalate and make a move, only then will you know if she's into, (of course if she rejects you it does not mean she is not interested)