Hey guys,

I'm looking for some advice in a situation that's developing for me.

Very quick background: Had a GF who I've dumped recently (was a LTR). Finding myself very "rusty" after doing a lot of inner game work a few years ago. I would be considered rather physically attractive (or so I'm told) but with sub-par game, it's of little help (maybe grants me one or two extra forgiven mistakes).

I'm also currently in process of looking to buy a house and wouldn't you know it, my realtor is young and hot. Sadly, I've developed a mild case of oneitis for her (more on that later). Although our first evening of her driving me around looking at places went quite well (plenty of IOI, her asking me if I had a girlfriend, being sure to let me know she didn't have a boyfriend, etc.), I could pull no triggers. Second time out, same thing. Not to say it was a total loss either - teasing, little bit of kino, good energy. Was really funny on the phone last week - her sister was having a baby and had to reschedule our next meeting and I teased her "now I know where I stand with you" and she totally responded well.

But now I'm looking at what to do next. I feel like I need to say something to break this frame of realtor-customer, and I have a couple of ideas, but they generally involve "confessing how I feel" which somehow feels like a weak move - but is it really? I mean, she can't read my mind and I would expect her to be stand-offish unless the frame is changed. I thought of saying, "Why are you driving me home - you should be driving us to (nearby bar) so you can continue entertaining me." Even then, though, at some point I've got to say something that indicates interest, it seems. (Not to mention trying to get physical - which is an area I've had little practice in lately.) Feeling like I don't want to make the situation too "weird" since we do have this professional relationship, and I can imagine she might be skittish because of it, too.

Good news is I've got 2 other HB possibilities on the go, and so I have reason to be confident. I can easily tell myself that what I really want is some CLARITY from the realtor situation.

Maybe I just need a good bitch-slap from you guys...

Thanks

Initiating BITCH SLAP!!! Okay, please dear god don't confess your feelings like this is a Saturday Night Lifetime Movie of the Week. I would go with one of your other ideas, having her entertain you. Sounds like you are definately defined by her as relator/customer. You are going to have to turn up the attraction and kino to move it away from that! Then you need to #close and invite her to do something outside of her work. Be mentally ready to pull the trigger or get rejected. The choice is yours to make!

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Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

Seriously, thanks.. I need to hear this kind of stuff..

I think I'm thinking wayyy to hard about this whole thing. If I stopped caring about OUTCOMES so much, I think we'll just have another good time when out next, and I've got good teasing material that she does respond to. If I rely on my confidence that I've read her correctly, she SHOULD want to go out with me, right? I don't think it's a fear of rejection at this point - truthfully, that would make my path a hell of a lot clearer.

I also know that if I don't ACT in some way, I'm going to lose any amount of attractiveness she felt about me on previous meetings. She clearly has other options out there.

I know logically (due to "training") that confessing feelings will be bad.. I've decided to shelve anything that looks like that. I'll set my goal at suggesting we do something outside of work. If she says "yes", woo-hoo - I can practice next steps, if she says "no", that's cool, I can project to her that I'm a big boy and have no ill will (perhaps that in itself might buy a chance later).

Obviously by suggesting we do something outside of work is in itself an expression of interest.. I don't see any way around this. At the same time, being bold about it could be "attractive" in her eyes. Or I could take a teasing approach ("I think you owe me a beer for all the trouble you've been causing me" (a couple of funny experiences we've had like her setting off a house alarm, getting us lost, etc.)). Opinions on that?

In the larger picture, I've only recently started to reaquaint with the PUA material out there, and I have a lot of work to do. I've defined my goal as finding "Miss Right" at this point in my life, but that means thinking of this as a tough interview that she's going to have to PASS (without making it seem like an uncomfortable thing at all). My last GF was a total f-up in the end.. I will not repeat that.

I personally like the "you owe me a beer for all the trouble you've been causing me" line. Remember you still have to build attraction and get the kino in before that, but go for it.

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Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

Yup, yup..

Even tho we've done attraction, qualification, comfort before, I plan to run through the entire process again, next time we meet. Will look for IOI and gauge it... I was kind of doing that on meeting #2 and didn't see as much as on meeting #1... I could interpret this as her already cooling off - or I could take the positive mindset that I just wasn't being as "alpha" as I was on meeting #1, and I've just go to focus a little better on #3. Saw a quote somewhere: "You can't change her mind, so change her mood."

This is kind of an interesting situation: she's forced to deal with me for 2-3 hours at a time. I kind of feel like I'm shooting fish in a barrel

the only way to save yourself from screwing up is to not care about screwing up

"the only way to save yourself from screwing up is to not care about screwing up"

I know.. I know..

That's part of my inner work.. when I "got" my last GF, I had my shit together it seemed, but gahhh, she sucked the life out of me in so many ways.. perhaps Realtor Girl is just manifesting my desire to feel "secure" in a relationship. But reality is: security is an illusion anyhow. We need to be strong and stand independently before all else. That leads into your point, I think.

I'll be thinking long and hard about things this week.. have 3 HB to "manage" and at worst, practice with.

I don't know... something just doesn't sit right with me here, in that my inner voice tells me there's got to be a way to be forceful / bold about this without coming across as needy / weepy / emotional but still convey that "Hey! We're supposed to be doing the nasty, my dear!" I don't know exactly what it means, but I almost feel like trying to back-door a date from RB (Realtor Babe) is not the best way to go... to compensate for my paralysis before, I may need to be a bit more dramatic (but not in a chumpy way). Eh... whatever, I'll figure something out. Incidentally, I had emailed her earlier this week about meeting on Friday PM (had a link to some trip photos too) - no response... either she's being a really crappy realtor (she said she'd be in the office today), or is playing standard female games. Part of me says it's not worth it (focus on HB8 and HB9), but I'm also intrigued by the challenge of *her*, of course.