Please I need advice is very important to me.

My ex-gf left me 45 days ago because I was becoming AFC, she felt in love with me when I was self-confident, nice, healthy... but I became fat, needy, lazy...

After she left me my life had a great change, and when we texted back she acknowledged that, to the level she even managed to say she regretted leaving me as I became once again the man she felt in love with all my confidence.

Now, after 3 days of me being bossy, self-confident and her giving lots of IOI, my mother ruined it all. Yes, you read that well, my mother that bitch. I live with my parents, and my mother managed to shout at me two times while I was in SPAM and then at the phone with her. She was really disturbed, since this thing happened before she broke with me and she was very disturbed before by my mother's behaviour. She (my mother) treats me like a child, and I still haven't enough money to move on, in Italy rents are sky-high. So my ex-gf saw me insecure with my mother, and then I tried to recover with her but she saw me insecure, needy, because it was obvious to me that my mother ruined my chances to get her back.

Then my ex started telling that I don't have to be confident on her regretting to leave me, maybe it was the right choice in the end, she doesn't know, she has to think about it... blah blabh blah and this argument made me feel so sad I can't tell.

Prior to any reply: I KNOW she's not the only one in the world. I was dating other girls before she texted me back. I was happy. But I feel this thing as a big failure, like as if she's able to turn me AFC whenever she wants.

I'm sad not because I'm not getting back with her, but because I thought I would never behave as an AFC anymore, instead my mother yelling at me two times in an evening destroyed my confidence in front of this girl.

What can I do? Apart from moving on, which I can't right now.

How old are you? What are your dreams and what are you doing so to move on and not live with your parents?

My dear Italian friend!

You need to stay positive and confident all the time whoever is around you. If you feel "weak" around this girl then you need to make the decision to move on and clear it in your mind that there is no going back! If you know you will not get back together with her, then no matter how much your parents shout at you, no matter how imbarassing a situation is, you will not care and thats the way it should go!

Confidence is confidence and consistency is the key! Be who you want to be around everyone and anyone. Move on my friend, even if you say now that you cannot move on then it wouldn't be right to support that feeling. My hamble opinion is that you need to move on and just enjoy the moment when she sees you confident again! Then when you talk to each other just say yourself that you and her splitting up really helped you getting your confidence back and that the past is the past and the way things are is what is best for both of you. She will eat her heart out and don't take this the wrong way but I think she played a bit with you. She saw you all confident and bossy, she wanted you back for a moment and the BAM she sticks it in your face when you act a bit insecure saying it was best that you split up! Sorry but those words hurt and really mean that she is happy not to be with your lame ass!

NEXT the girl! Keep your confidence! Stick to your journey and you comeback will be magnificent! Consistency! Concentration! Self improvement! Then you will love the way things turned out!

Heads up my Italian friend!

@Simplynotawesome: I'm 32... I know it sounds really idiotic, I had small works which couldn't help me to move on. Then in order to get a better work I went to the university and I graduated a week ago. I felt like a superman. I'm looking for a work with my new qualification now.

@KingOtto: I said that I was fine with splitting up because that made me rejoin with my confidence. That was true. I also fear she played a bit. However I told her that, so my sorrow for coming back AFC because of my mother is doubled, because she belieft that I was just trying to convince both me and her, while I just feel I was weak just yesterday, not forever, and just because of my mother, not because I have becomen weak again.

Your mom carried your ass for nine months, she raised you, and you still stay in her house and you call your mom a bitch? You call your one and only mother a bitch? Your mom loves you more than this woman. If this woman can't accept your relationship with your mom...fuck her! Tell her if you can't accept it go to hell!.

+1
Totally agree.

Although if you are on the phone/SPAM or whatever don't yell or argue with your mother, if you really have to deal with it tell your HB to "hang on" and mute your phone/mic and then deal with your mother, just don't return in a sour mood.

+1
I am also Italian. I just happen to have ended up living in California instead of staying at home. But I keep in touch with my family on a daily basis. Shamelessly so. Never worried about whether my GF approved of it or not.

If you had an argument with your mother, and your GF dumped you because of it, you're much better off without her (the GF, I mean).

_________________
nice guys don't get laid
"It's disrespectful not to bang them when they sleepover." (Hellhound)

Congratulations on your degree!

From my perspective being 32 and living with parents is quite too much.. I moved out once I was 18 to study and really didn't think about heading back. I believe this is the major issue as it's a comfort zone where you will always think about "not ready yet", "I have too little savings" or so.

For me it worked best to think like that - I need money and I will work to earn them. In case of 100% failure, I can head back to my parents to a comfort zone for a while to rest.

When thinking about what to do, you should feel a huge resistance for moving out, however I say - fuck that resistance, just do so as from my perspective it's a major issue and really kicks confidence in the eyes.

How harsh it may sound, but I understand your girlfriend's point of view. Girls are attracted to guys who are independent and who are able to take care of their own. If you are living with your parents - for whatever reason, - it is likely going to be a turnoff for girls (i.e. he is not independent / he does not have any money / he is lazy). Dumping this girl and looking for another one might be an option, but chances are other girls will be bothered by the fact that you're still living with your parents as well.

I highly doubt the fact that you talk with your parents has anything to do with your girlfriend being upset. People who claim otherwise probably completely fail to see the big picture here. She is upset because she believes you are not independent, and when your mother bosses you around, it is something that reminds her of that.

Straight out your priorities - move out and become independent. It will improve your confidence. Girls will come afterwards.

I sadly agree with the last post. Whatever my mom did for me, it doesn't allow her to treat me like a child, I can be respectful to a limit, but when she is not respectful with me 1,2,3 , 100 times, I can't be respectful with her.

I have very very little savings, and currently I am unemployed, in order to obtain this degree I had to focus on it taking a pause from my little previous works. Now I'm looking for a job and I hope I will be able to move on as soon as I get this, but it is so difficult in my mind.

I'm highly sad to lose this girl because of being not confident and not independent, it seems to me that I'm losing a big one. I mean, I hadn't girls in dozens, but I had some and she was really one of a kind. I'm not on the one-itis problem, I honestly acknowledge that she's better than 90% of the girls I've been with or slept with. Both in appearence and in personality.

I honestly reckon that she's not the only one. I would be a fool to say that. But I really know she's better than most of the rest. But, as everybody will say me, it's hard to re-conquer a girl, it will miss all the mistery, charm, intrigue of the first time you date a new person. I really fear I lost someone important. This is the fact.