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seasquare
PostPosted: Mon Jul 23, 2012 2:11 pm 
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I find the more people I interact with the the harder it becomes for me to stay interested in conversation, it just feels repetitive and unauthentic. I know I'm an introvert but to make matters worse I'm shy and socially awkward which is far from the social butterflies some girls like.

I play disinterested to make my life easier (less anxiety) and because it makes the girl work for my attention. I've gotten girls to rest their head on my shoulder and take pictures with/of me and more but at the end of the day I don't even know their name or get to asking their number. It works well with outgoing girls who are into my looks but I can't help but feel I'm wasting a lot of potential with other girls by not showing enough interest. On the hand though I couldn't really fake that interest that I need build a connection anyways.
I'm guessing there's a part of me that doesn't want to know these girls long-term out of fear they'll find my life is boring perhaps?

So now when chatting with people. I let them talk and I listen, but it's hard to stay interested, let alone say something back. Then the conversation dies. I can say random things in my life of course to relate but I'd rather keep silent that talk about stuff that's not mutually interesting. I used to be able to talk for hours on end and build connections with people before I started trying PUA but it feels like I can't seem to do that anymore. If I talk too much I just end up feeling I'm being needy, or wasting my effort because nobody gives a crap.

So I'm wondering now:
Is conversation and keeping interested in other people something that comes with experience? and what can you do if it feels repetitive to chat with people? and how can you find mutually interesting topics?
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PUA Borna
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PostPosted: Mon Jul 23, 2012 4:19 pm 
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There is really no one big tip on this subject. You just have to work to see what you like, what is funn for you and what works good for you.

Here are some tips:

dont force the interaction. Let it just dye. Its better if it doesent work out than if you try and try and try for it to continue. Initiate but dont force.

you- where are you going?
girl- to school
you- oh, cool, what do you studdy
girl- economics

the end.

Most guys would say: well i oppened her, now i have to try to get the number. No you dont. She didnt ask you where youre going, what youre studying. She is not interested. There is no need to force it. You will se than more times than not this will make your interactions better. After a short silence she will often say ask you something and this will make the interactions more mutual and relaxed, which is very good.

Next tip would be to keep it casual and funn. Dont ask too much questions, make statements. Its more funn that way.
you - what do you studdy?
girl - math

you- you look like you studdy law!
girl- law?? lol, why would you say that? :P
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Sluggler
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PostPosted: Mon Jul 23, 2012 7:06 pm 
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i actually just answered a question that relates to yours. Check it out.

Quote:
Good question.

What i usually do is find a question or make a statement that triggers a response I'm looking for such as the girls passion, ambitions, dreams(all emotionally connected topics) and then i got from there.

What you need to do is to learn how to be a good listener. Listen for keywords that she uses to connect and expand on them more. Its being a good conversationalist. I will have a blog post coming on being a conversationalist soon. I use to be the worst at holding conversation due to over thinking, fear among other things.

For example here is how a conversation went with a HB i met while shopping a few days ago:

Me: Yeah i really enjoy days like these when i can just come out and shop, look for things a family member might need. Its really relaxing.

Her: Yeah i love shopping by myself. When im with my friends i usually cant focus.(laugh)

Me: (Smile) Yeah i understand that. When i go out with my bros its really just to hang out and have a good time. But when you are with your girls im sure they probably in courage you to spend more.(Smile)

Her:haha yeah they do actually one of my friends is the worst at that.

Me: Yeah keep friends like that away while shopping! So would you rather be alone a lot or be with friends more?

Her: I love being around my friends but i love to have "me time" when i can kinda self reflect. ya know.

Me: So do you mentally self reflect or self-reflect in the mirror to check if your matching?(Laugh)

Her: Hahaha your funny. I usually self reflect mentally. I like to self-improve blah blah blah.


You get the point? I took one little statement and turned it into a conversation that built comfort(not to much) and different than most guys conversaton:

What do you do?
Where do you work?
etc, etc, etc..

So yeah just use that strategy and you'll notice how far you get.

Sluggler

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worldrunner
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PostPosted: Mon Jul 23, 2012 10:42 pm 
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The statements things work well I'm not going to deny that but that what you have is a common problem and I have spot 3 reasons of why that happens to me from time ti time.

Reason 1: the girl just does not want to talk to you but does not dare to say it so she replies in the most boring and possible way... Yes there are techniques to keep things going that might work but I agree that is too much work. You need 2 to dance tango, they should do their part and inspire you with something more than just their looks.

Reason 2: you are somehow ashamed of your intentions with the girl and you do not dare to say what you want, and to keep talking you are forcing the conversation in a way that has absolutely no interest for you.

Reason 3: you are so afraid of entering into the "Friend Zone" that instead of being just yourself you want to be super funny, flirty, intelligent and perfect in every little thing you say, and that is so overwhelming that you ended up completely quiet or saying incredibly intelligent of funny statements that nobody understands and that make you look like a weird guy, or incredible lame and stupid questions that put asleep anyone.

Solution go out there with the purpose of having fun, and forget about the results.
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seasquare
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 24, 2012 12:24 pm 
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So I take it as make statements, and make them on the fly without worrying about the results.
However I worry the statements might be too random? or would randomness be good if you can make it in fun?

As for those regular questions: what's your name, where are you from, etc... girls ask those but I can only seem to be able to give a one-liner. Is that okay or would I need to elaborate more?


I'm also thinking about when a girl makes statements and you have to reply for example:

girl: this is my mom
me: -nods- (Could do better here)
girl: this is my nephew he's xyz
me: wow can't believe a kid can be so xyz at such a young age
girl: yeah, well this is my nephew when x
and then I just nod when she makes a statement, until I lose interest and don't know what to say at all.

Should I have then just made some statement like
- "oh you just look so like her!"
Or something more elaborate (with care to avoid science, politics and other high end topics)
- "darn you two look alike! did you ever hear the saying girls grow up to look like their moms? what do you think about that?"
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worldrunner
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 24, 2012 5:38 pm 
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girl: this is my mom
guy: Nice to meet you I'm _____

girl: this is my nephew he's xyz
guy: do you remember being that old? who did you have a crush with when you were so that age?
or
guy: he seems amazing those traits are common in your family ? do you have also some special powers?
or
guy: I also have a nephew that age... and nobody burps louder than him, I so proud to be his teacher.
or
guy: I also have a nephew that age, once I took him to swim with the dolphins and the killer whales... you've no idea what an amazing experience it was.

I'm sure you've 1000s of things to say, do not try to impress, do not try to make her like you, forget about pick up, relax and enjoy it...

About the statements... pay attention to what happen in your day that you find interesting and make a mental note that you can say it. Or make a comment about anything that is in the environment that you find it interesting or annoying or funny,

girl: what's your name?
guy: I'm X and you ? Let me guess... you look like a.... (just do not over do these type of things most of the just be polite and reply with: I study X and you?)
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rakeal
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PostPosted: Tue Jul 24, 2012 8:19 pm 
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try picking up a girl without speaking or speaking very little.
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seasquare
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PostPosted: Wed Jul 25, 2012 8:22 am 
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Quote:
try picking up a girl without speaking or speaking very little.
I know that can work but it only worked if the girl was really into me (like she makes the first move).
The shy one's will probably get nervous she starts asking tons of questions which takes care of the conversation.
On the other hand less captivated girls might think you're weird, and if you're in a group the group will start wondering what's wrong with you.
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rakeal
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 03, 2012 3:22 pm 
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There are certain topics that will always trigger a woman's interest.

sex
relationships
shoes
fashion ( not if you're avoiding friend zone )
other peoples drama

Some topics are mood killers
work
weather
small talk
series of random questions

I don' use routines and openers but I can tell you why they work. Because they are interesting.

When I'm talking with a group of women I eventually bring the convo to "girl" talk. You want to be that guy who is in on the girl secrets but not a fag or an orbiter.
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J Felix
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 03, 2012 6:50 pm 
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You dont always have to respond perfectly , if i were you i wouldnt try and improve my reactions to THEIR topics because you would show some dominant qualities like having high value, mysteriousness at the same time making them wonder about you:) BUT at the same time YOU should be the one starting topics that everyone would find interesting.

Be the Alpha male and believe everything should Revolve Around You and include others, CREATE YOUR OWN FRAME/REALITY AND DRAW OTHERS IN TO IT, but dont get drawn in to theirs;D

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