Hi there. I'm not new with the subject of seduction however recently I have been on pause for maybe an year or so and seems like I've lost my skills or kind of got them dormant.

The thing is when i try to approach some cute girl I just hesitate too much, and most of the time the moment is gone. This basically happens when I'm alone. When I'm with someone else I have much higher confidence and most of the time I do some cool non verbal opener like some gentle poking, or some sort of tweaking and recently I do even some more audacious approaches like going and straight drinking from her water. (but this is another story).

I don't have social anxiety etc. however little anxiety of the approach always exists, but it feels cool when I do the courage.

Few years ago I did mainly night game and have no problem there. I got the point where I got few phone numbers every night i went to a night club/social venue, however i got saturated doing it and stopped. From the experience I got i figured out most women there rarely fit my image for long term girl.

So that's way I stopped and now I'm more focused on polishing my day game.

But sometimes I just get mad of me for not going and delaying too much.


From one point of view I like going alone because I rarely find cool guys to chill with them. Not to offend anyone but most time when I go out with some other guy he either doesn't do anything or the guys that I used to hand out have a serious relationship and say things like: "i'm loyal to my girl, i feel guilty if I pick other chicks" ( for which I understand them and admire their loyalty).

Anyway my point is when I'm accompanied with someone always happens some cool situation (even if the other guy doesn't do anything or is already engaged). I always take action, maybe because just to proove them that 'I can do it' or to show off a little bit. I used to take acting courses and the desire to show your talent seems like to be still in me, but when I'm alone and there is no one to show off I remain passive.

So anyone having that problem. Let the pros say their word from experience.

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"Tell the world what you intend to do, but first show it."

My opinion. I wrote fast, but I think it might have some light bulb material.

I have this problem. You are an extrovert. You get all of your energy from other people. Opposite of shy. Being this is hard to find people that match your energy. You and I would make great wings! Because I crave the excitement AND have high standards for the woman I choose to be in relationships with.
To open alone is hard because you need others just to get your energy up.

It's all about motivation. Just like in acting. Find your energy before you get out there and start opening. I play music (even as I write this) like the Yoshida Brothers. I work out to this and I have sex to this! haha.

Don't think of the outcome. Think about it this way. " If I don't approach, I loose her. If I do approach I MIGHT loose her. I have NOTHING to loose if I approach , but if I don't she is gone for ever anyway." I think this too "If I don't approach, she will never forgive me for not giving her a great experience. I could be that great experience! "
I always imagine Mystery or Style in the back of my head, pushing me out of my comfort zone. Use your imagination, it alone will fix so many problems.

In the long run you will want to open sets with guys and girls to meet the guys (or girls) who understand what you want and want it too.

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Bon Temps

nice comment. I'm actually not the typical extrovert although i like meeting new and interesting people (although its very hard to find such, since most are either too boring or too negative and rarely have a common topic to talk about).
Honesty back in the day I used to be shy, but with time i overcame it and now it doesn't bothers me at all.

i also don't try to think of the outcome most likely i try to enjoy the process (just as in theater) and also think like: if I dont approach her, she will never do it (although once she did it but it was pure luck and I don't want to depend on luck), so I think that actually she might want me to approach her and look around for signals that indicate this.

I have opened mixed groups with men and women and talking with the guys but most of the time after the initial chat i somehow judge them too quickly and find them not to be ''my type'' of folks and then I move on.

Its not that I'm unfriendly or too judgmental with people, but I kind of have that ideal of people to be with and if they don't cover it or lack the qualities I look for I just skip them.

It is easy when meeting people around social circle, most people who get into relationships meet each other that way, but i like challenges. Perhaps because i like to be different from the pack and have control of who to meet with.

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"Tell the world what you intend to do, but first show it."

set aside two weeks of your time, write down those two weeks somewhere so you don't change them, commit to those two weeks

for those two weeks, remove something you do daily that you don't need to do, something leisurely, dedicate that time for those two weeks to going out (not clubbing or bars, just go outside during the day), take it one day at a time for the two weeks and under no conditions do you take a day off, 14 days in a row, no excuses

go where ever you want, malls, downtown, univercities where ever you like, and just commit to going out, you don't even have to talk to people or try to pickup girls, but it will be pretty damn boring just walking around doing nothing, entertain yourself, at first it will seem really tough because it is something new and you won't feel comfortable doing it, just force your way into the unknown until it becomes known, eventually you will adapt and deal with those feelings of dis-comfort in a different manner

GOOD LUCK

Hey lowriderszz, I am new to this forum but I have actually been practicing pickup for a few months. I am currently just starting to read the Game, and I came across something that when tweaked a little can help you. It is called anchoring, and Ross uses anchoring to seduce a girl. It is basically what Pavlov used to train dogs to salivate at the sound of a bell. I learned a better application for this technique. Personally I don't really get approach anxiety, but when I do I just tell it to go sit in the corner and it goes away. But if you are still struggling when you are alone, use anchoring. Here's how.
One day, go out with a buddy to practice pickup. I assume you believe you are "stronger" with one there. When you finish your first successful set, and your anxiety breaks for the evening, and you get that "i am invincible I can pick up anyone" feeling, tap your wrist with your hand. Remember to consciously think that you are associating tapping your wrist with the feeling of invincibility. And every time you do a really good successful set, tap your wrist in the same place. I only had to tap my wrist once before I could anchor it, but just to be safe you should do it more than once. The point is, when you out alone to practice, and feel vulnerable, tap your wrist in the same spot and you will get that same invincible feeling. then of course you won't ave your anxiety. I hope this helps.
Just remember anchoring's original purpose was seduction. You can use it to make a women feel seduced with a gesture that you repeat. So you can use it on them too!

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Sincerely,
Deep Lavender (Twitter: DeepLavender18)

Yea I like the NLP stuff. I never used it, but I'm sure its worth a try. The brain is malleable and can shape with the power of will.

The best way to get results is experiment.

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Bon Temps

What if I am just a shy guy, with no frinds and not a good social life ?

How can I aproach women by myself, alone in the field, having almost no experince in picking up girls ?
Do I have a chance ?
Where to start from, what to say and how to react and not beeing rejected so manny times, thus becoming a lonely guy ?

Some advices would be very helpful for me.


P.S. : I am new on this forum, I am a disaster with girls and I am lost in the.....fog

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NIHIL SINE DEO et...... SEX ( I hope so! )

time for change buddy, and that happens one habit at a time, expecting different results by doing the same thing over and over again is insane

a really important step to making friends, is meeting people

a really important step to finding a girl to sleep with, is meeting girls

how can you approach?, walk outside your house, go to a place full women, and approach

no experience? guess how you get experience, I'll give you a hint (it isn't by not doing what you want to get experience doing)

do you have a chance? LOL seriously?, there are billions and billions of women outside of your house, and there are more women on this planet then men, not only do you have a chance, statistically if you start dedicating most of your time to this, it would be nearly impossible for you to fail

some advice?
the-newbie-mission-vt41556.html
check this out, complete this mission

then do what my first post suggested, changing yourself doesn't happen in the future, you have to alter your daily routine, do something new today, not tomorrow, not next week, change a small habit, rinse and repeat the next day, again and again one day at a time until you do that thing every day, make your newest habit, talking to people, at first you will suck, eventually you will improve

Thank you for your reply and for your advises, pumpington !

I will try to change myself, I hope.......

But I have a BIG lack of confidence, I don't know how to say it........ (I am shy, intimidated, scared, a freek nerd, and I don't feel good or confortable around people and crowded places, especially around girls)
Yes, I get out of my house when I go to work or to buy food, but I am not that kind of guy who interacts too much, I am almost like a shadow, like a robot ......

I suck !

Annyway, thx for your advise !

P.S. : sorry about my english

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NIHIL SINE DEO et...... SEX ( I hope so! )

nice post. I haven't read yet much about NLP, but this makes me think considering it. Also other people tell me that I have good suggestion manners like gesticulation & persuasion. I'll give it a try.

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"Tell the world what you intend to do, but first show it."

At Arhanghelul


Maybe this advice will work for you. As a nerd you may have the ability to learn and understand things quickly, now you must become a PUA nerd!!! Instead of using your supper nerd brain power on the same interest, become a master of new knowledge to set yourself in a new belief system. Watch lots of documentaries and read up on social dynamics, emotions, the brain, human sexuality, ape sexuality if you have too lmao. After you learn that we are behavior based and programmed to act in certain ways, you can use this knowledge to step outside of yourself and act as the person you wish to be, until you become that person. THIS HAPPEN TO ME!

Also, kill your ANTS ( automatic negative thoughts) Anytime you start to tell yourself one of your self-esteem demotivating comments, KILL THEM! KILL THE ANTS! You did not create those life inhibitors. DNA gave you them so you could learn to rise above them. This is your Jedi task!

Also girls LOVE nerd talk! Even the hottest girls can get into talks about how our minds work.

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Bon Temps

Good question. When i first began i had trouble with this too!

I got a PM a few hours ago from a member here check it out, the information will help you:




From Me:

"What up bro!

That's actually a good question and i am about to create a blog post on my blog about this. How to actually start diving into day game. I still have a few more things to do to my blog, moving over some content, and structuring it. Once i finish that i will make a nice post about it. Also check out my field report from yesterday [link] I extracted a HB10 from her group. i didn't really use "game" i just used natural genuine approach. Its still pretty damn good if i must say myself. Cool

So to answer your question. What you need to do is get a list of openers you want to use until you can create your own or craft them on the spot. This is what i did initially. I actually had a huge list on my cell phone on an Ever note app.

You can try to memorize them, but its difficult because you may freeze up when or if you get approach anxiety and screw up.

So while you are out just take a look at an opener and start looking for a HB to use it on. When you go out you want to go out by yourself initially! DON'T find a wing to hook up with just yet. Going out by yourself builds true core confidence. When you are with a wing it creates a comfort and confidence that you WILL NOT have once you are away from you wing.

So while i had my list, i would pick an opener and start going around malls, stores, restaurants, waitresses, metro, etc and find HB7-9 atleast to use them on. Sometimes i would just get an opinion and just get out.

I use to take some friday evenings and just go to mall and spend the ENTIRE evening there just approaching females, talking and flirting with hot sales associates, really building that core confidence. I got into the game around November of last year so ive been in it for about 8 months or so. When i first got into it up until about 2 weeks ago i would always go out by myself. i NEVER had a wing, and it really shows in my game compared to theirs. They struggle when they get in sets to create attraction because of that confidence issue.

When i first read "The Game" by Niel Strauss i started to start the self-improvement process. Seeing what was wrong with my and changing it, working on my appearance, and over all mindset. I can honestly say i haven't been more happier with myself, my life with women, and my over all confidence.

So yeah just do those things i mentioned above and i promise you will get RESULTS!! I got them instantly when i first got in the game. Some times i wouldn't even be trying to get a number, i would just be genuinely interested in meeting the person, and it would just flow from there. Low pressure, and relaxed conversation with both parties feeling comfortable.

Like i said i will have a blog post on this soon! Enjoy! If you want spread the word about my blog, and subscribe! I really just want to help and give back to the community.

Sluggler "

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http://theattractiveu.com

Gemini11235

Thank you for your advise.

I have a first big obstacle when I try to talk to a girl: even if a girl, no matter how she looks (especially those 10 beauty scale girls), asks me something very banality like "hey, can you tell me what bus to take to reach to X" or "hello, can you tell me how to reach to this X adrees, street, etc" I just start to froze on spot, like an egyptian mummy, my heart goes bum-bum, my face turn red-blood, I barelly manage to link few words in my mouth and tell her the aswer to her question. When this happens, ususlly the girl see my shyness and put like a Devil smile on her face ("oh, this guy must by a nerd, an idiot", or something like that ) Then, she leaves and I remain there with my red-face and incresed heart pulse, also horny

So, I have no control over my body gesture. I really look ridiculous !
Damm !

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NIHIL SINE DEO et...... SEX ( I hope so! )

Arhanghelul

All I can say is be willing to push beyond your comfort zone. The fear will always be there, but you can always push past it.

And read Slugger's blog

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Bon Temps

Thanks. I am by no means an expert, but this is what i stumbled upon. Then again it may be biased because i had already gotten over approach anxiety when i discovered this.

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Sincerely,
Deep Lavender (Twitter: DeepLavender18)