I've known her for 10 years, we both went to same university. We have a lot of mutual friends. She has dated 2 of my friends, I've been in a relationship with her close friend for 4 years. We hadn't been in touch for last 1-2 years, we did speak sometimes just as friends though.

We met for a party recently and she started flirting with me that night, I did the same. She seemed really interested, so we kept meeting and talking at all times. Its been 2 months now.

We both were drunk one night and we kissed. When we were cuddling, she asked me if I really loved her. I said I really loved her and would want to marry her one day (I know I sounded really needy), to which she said she's not really over her ex. Recently she told me, she's finally over him.

We meet 2-3 times a week, I haven't f-closed yet, but I kiss her sometimes, but she never takes any intiative. She doesn't have a job right now and have parents trouble her over getting her married. She seems pretty closed to me and I feel like the relationship is all about her.

When I asked her where is this thing going, she said that we are just friends who like each other and we should just enjoy the present.

I keep thinking about this girl all the time, but I don't act needy. I have my own life and I enjoy it very much. But I think I have oneitis for this girl.

I have a feeling that this might not go anywhere and I would be really heartbroken when I have to get over her.

I want to know if I can have this girl or not. I was planning on proposing her on my birthday next-to-next week and see if she's really interested. If she's not, I want to move on.

How should I handle this?

Would really appreciate your inputs.

We can't be just friends right?

We kiss each other, we meet several times a week, we chat almost everyday. I don't do this with my other female friends.

But I think you have a point there. She keeps stressing on the friends part. She also mentioned that I like her more than she likes me.

How do you suggest I take this forward?

Thanks a lot. Your inputs are definitely helpful.

I'm going to distance myself from her and see how she reacts.
As a matter of fact, I've already started doing it. Didn't message her the whole day, evening I get a message saying "I just got home".

I'll keep you posted how this goes. Thanks.

I gave her the gift of missing me

This is how it turned out

Hey, mind if I share my thoughts here? btw im no expert this is just my own view.
It sounds to me like you're putting her on a pedestal, rather than focusing on yourself you seem more focused on doing/saying anything to please her, so she is use to you giving her more attention than she gives you, which is why she felt bad when you didnt talk to her and didnt put much effort in finding out why you were ignoring her; she expected you too.

I don't have much experience here but there's a post from pumpington about conforming and being your own person which I feel has some points in relation to this.

I recommend giving it a read, here's the link 2-girls-signals-are-mixed-vt140759.html ... 40759.html[/url] just pull out the relevant info, it might help you break out of this.
Anyway i'll let you read it and see if it helps with your troubles, let me know

You are so right. I need to work on myself. Thanks for opening my eyes.

Right. Back to square 1.

I'm freezing her out again. At least for couple of days.
The only problem is - she's on my SPAM and she would send me messages, and if I don't reply, she'll understand I'm ignoring her. Also we are close friends on Facebook and she's on my Instant Messenger too. Its hard to ignore someone if you are connected to them in so many ways.

My question, should I just ignore her when she messages? When I decide to talk back to her what would I say? How many days should the freeze-out last?

Your inputs would be greatly appreciated.

Lets say she says "Hi" on SPAM?
I just ignore her?

She commented on my FB status saying Congratulations.
Ignore again?

I haven't spoke to her in 24 hrs now.

I read pumpington's post. Very insightful.

Thanks v00owen and TonyKing.

You are right man. I'm onto other girls. Already got a date with other chick. I'll keep you posted.

You don't have to ignore her, just start doing things because you WANT to not because she WANTS you to. The whole idea behind her desiring you is that she cant control you like all the other chumps and you do what YOU want to do.
So if she say's "Hi" by whatever way, its ultimately YOUR decision to answer and talk to her or to ignore it.

Also, if she's playing games with you, let her know that this is not acceptable behavior and your not willing to stand for it. BE the man and tell her straight. In the end it will make you come off more attractive that you don't put up with her shit.
Start to reward her good behavior and the attractive qualities you see in her by giving her attention and start to punish bad behavior with ignorance/indifference.

And if you don't mind me asking how are your views on the proposal now? I hope we haven't influenced you too badly haha

So this is what happened last night. We hadn't been talking for few days now.

her: I need to talk to you about something. but when we meet.
me: I know what that talk means
her: what?
me: You don't want see me anymore?
her: It doesn't click...I mean I am trying to feel the same for u...what u feel.....and I don't wanna complicate our friendship for that.
Its way too stressful
I don't wanna hurt u
Its better if we talk
Meet n talk
I suck at this
And please don't get me wrong
Please
Can we meet and talk?
Sylar
Hey

I was petrified, so I still haven't spoken to her.

She's coming to my birthday party this Saturday and we would be spending a lot of time together, I know this is going to be awkward.

Plan A: Tell her - Fair Enough. Lets meet and talk. Whatever she says, I am going to act like it doesn't really matter and we can go back to being friends. We would be hanging out few times a month, maybe try and build attraction again and give it another shot.

Plan B: Tell her that she is in a crisis right now (jobless) and we should keep things on hold. When she is alright, maybe we can start seeing each other again. But if she feels there's no way we can be together in future, then stop all communication. I'll assume she's gone for good.

Before we have this talk, I had planned a few things.
1. Catch a movie together (she loves dog movies)
2. Take her to her favorite cafe
3. Take her shopping
4. Go to dinner
5. Go on a long drive
6. Cut cake for my birthday.

Right when the clock hits 12, I'll talk to her about this.

I'm going to need your inputs guys. Please.

When you have this talk just be honest, tell her you have feelings for her and being just friends isn't going to work (unless you want that, but don't be thinking it will turn into something else), It might upset her but this is what the proposal was about right? finding out if she was really interested. Then its up to her to decide what she wants, if she regrets it then good for you, if not then your better off knowing where you stood. But running around playing this game is just gonna hurt you in the end. There are plenty other fish in the sea as they all say
Don't Supplicate! It seems like your trying to force her to change her mind by taking her shopping etc. It really wont change her mind it will just make it harder for her.

Go and meet her, show her that it really hasn't affected you as much as she seems. You really have to ask yourself if your happy staying as friends or do you want something more, then stop beating around the bush.

Best of luck!

Fuck her. I'm done playing games. I am not going to do any of the things to please her.

If she wants to talk, fine ill listen to her and act like I don't give a fuck. And as a matter of fact, it looks like I don't. I'll just NEXT her.

When we meet at the party, I'm so going to make her Jealous. There are going to be a lot of HB8 & HB9 around who I am good friends with.

There is going to be no proposing. Period.

Agreed. *turns to chill mode *

Update:

Her: I am going to the hospital
Her: You can talk to me
Her: I am alive

Me: Well hello to you too
Me: Hospital?

Her: Blood test, I'm officially screwed.
Her: And may I know why are you ignoring me?

Me: I am not. I'm just trying to give you some space. You said you needed it.
Me: Besides I have too much on my plate right now.

Her: Work or personal issues?

Me: Work. I have some big projects lined up and I need to take care of them. And its not an easy job

Her: Ok

Me: I have total control over my personal life

Her: Ok


Did I handle it well?